All Access (The Fangirl Series Book 1)

by Liberty Kontranowski

  “Good gravy, Kallie, listen to me. You need to talk to him about this. You are totally not being fair. He needs to know what you’re thinking so he can explain himself. Maybe it’s not what you think.”

  I close my eyes, more conflicted now than ever.

  “Sweetie, I know you’re confused, but here’s what I want you to do. Do not leave New York City today. Stay there. Take a long shower, get some coffee, clear your head. When you’re ready, invite him somewhere neutral. Don’t go to his place, don’t make him come to you. Meet somewhere out. Wherever you can go where you won’t get spotted. Then talk to him. Tell him what you know, how you found out, and what your concerns are. Let him tell his side of the story. You owe that to him, and if he really did what you think, he owes you an explanation, too.”

  I sigh. She’s totally right.

  “Honestly, Kallie? I can’t take my eyes off this picture. You look like you’re in your own little world. It seems so weird seeing my best friend in a photo with a celebrity and frankly, I am totally, totally jealous. But there is something there between you two, it’s so super-duper obvious.” I lick my lips and feel a smile spread across my face. “Give him a chance, Kal. If he doesn’t tell you what you need and want to hear, you can pull the plug then. But don’t give him the boot until you figure this thing out. Okay? Do you promise?”

  “Yeah. I promise.”

  “Keep your guard up. He’s still not off the hook. But you gotta let him speak. You have to get the whole truth and then decide how big of an issue it really is.”

  I’m about to tell her I hear her loud and clear, but my call waiting beeps and I see that it’s him.

  Oh my God, it’s him!

  “Holy shit, Sara, it’s Niles! He’s buzzing in. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna talk to him. Thanks for everything, honey. I love you soooo much! Later!”

  Before she responds I click over, which automatically turns my tongue into a jumble-up, tangly heap. Big surprise.

  “Hi,” I squeak.

  “Hi. How are you doing this morning?”

  I want to say what I would normally say: better now that I’m talking to you. But I keep it cool instead. “I’m okay. How are you?”

  “I think you know.”

  I answer with silence.

  “I know you said you need some space, and I’ll respect that if it’s still true. But I really want to see you. Can I see you this morning? Please?” His voice teeters on begging, and against my better judgment, my heart melts all over the place.

  “Give me ‘til ten? I look a wreck.”

  “Really? Ten? Okay, yeah, you got it.” His voice is suddenly smiling. “See you then.”

  “Hey, Niles?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Have you seen Page Six this morning?”

  “No. I don’t read that crap.”

  “Well . . . you might want to today.”

  ***

  “I brought coffee,” Niles says, his outstretched hand clenching a Starbucks cup with my name scrawled across the side.

  I close my text messages—from a fuming Brad (“Nice to see you partying it up with your boy toy while I take good care of your daughters”), Katherine (“OMG, you two are hotter than hot! I need the scoop!”), my cousin (“Does your mom know you’re dating a rock star?!”) and a handful of others. I had no idea so many people were clued in to celeb sightings. I can’t believe I qualify as a celeb sighting.

  “I had a feeling you would.” I make sure my fingers don’t brush his as I take my cup. Avoiding our white-hot electricity is probably a good idea right now.

  Despite Sara’s urging to meet him somewhere neutral, it looks like we’ll be powwowing at my hotel. But having him in the room with me is not nearly as awkward as I thought it would be. What’s awkward is the inner battle I’m having with myself to keep from plunging into his arms like I really want to. My heart is telling me to go for it, my head is telling me no way. Not yet.

  “So, Page Six, huh?” he says. “That was a surprise, right?”

  “Uh, yeah. A little.”

  “Did you like the picture, Kallie? Did you get a good look at it?” He sets his coffee down and slowly walks toward me.

  “Yeah. I did.”

  “I think it speaks volumes, don’t you?” His voice is low as he inches even closer, takes my coffee, and sets it on the table next to his. He takes my hands and wraps them around his waist, pulling me closer to him with a careful and deliberate touch. In a breath, I’m leaning into him, which pisses off my head, but is exactly where my heart wants me to be. My entire body catches on fire while my eyes close tight.

  “I’m still really, super pissed that you wouldn’t open up to me,” he says. “But I’m also sorry for whatever I did. Something obviously happened last night and if I hurt you, I never meant to.” He kisses me on the forehead, then tilts my chin up and looks into my eyes. “You don’t really believe this is too much, too fast, do you?”

  “No.”

  “I didn’t think so.” His shoulders visibly relax, as though someone just removed a piano from them. “So then tell me what really happened so we know how to fix this. Don’t close up. I’ve always told you not to hide with me.”

  I know what I need to say, but the words won’t come out. How do you tell someone they were busted red-handed? I mean, if I hated him, it would be easy. But I am out-of-control in love with him. Still. No matter what.

  “What are you going to do about the Page Six picture? I bet your publicist is flipping out.”

  He steps back to look at me again and laughs. “Seriously? You’re going to try to change the subject?” He shakes his head and glares at me with a mock annoyed look. “Kelsey is thrilled. She’d love to see a million of those pictures out there. A gorgeous mystery girl who captured the heart of a very in-the-shadows front man. She just about orgasmed when she saw it. But that’s beside the point, isn’t it?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask, secretly giddy that his publicist approves.

  “I mean, this picture will be a one-off if we don’t get whatever’s bugging you fixed. So, let’s do that. Let’s talk.”

  He backs away to grab his coffee, and I look at him long and hard. He looks tired. So tired. He usually always has some faint dark circles under his eyes, but today they seem extra pronounced. And it looks like he’s taken a shower and haphazardly thrown some gel in his hair. It’s crazier than normal, but I love it just as much.

  It’s probably a good seventy-five degrees outside already this morning, but he’s wearing a cream-colored, baggy long-sleeved tee over top of another, presumably (hopefully!) short-sleeved, navy blue tee. The blue brings out the little bit of blue in his eyes even more. He’s wearing jeans and his ever-present Sperry’s with no socks. He is captivating.

  “I’m guessing that whatever happened had to do with Robbyn. I’m not sure how or when because in the cab, everything seemed fine. More than fine.” He takes a sip of his drink and turns back to look at me. “I’ve tried to explain myself so many times when it comes to her, but clearly I’ve done a shitty job. So the only way I’ll know how to fix this is hearing it straight from you. So let’s go. Gimme whatcha got.”

  Just as I’m about to start talking, his phone rings and, surprisingly, he picks up. I honestly can’t remember a time he’s ever done this around me, so this must be something big. Maybe it’s Kelsey or someone else from his team wanting to talk about the photo.

  “Hey, you’re early,” he answers. “No worries, though, she’s right here.” He looks at me with a childish smile, then squinches his eyes closed as he holds out his phone. “It’s for you.”

  I try to look at his screen to see who it could be, but it’s already gone dark. I shake my head in hopes he’ll take the phone back, but all he does is shove it closer. Defeated, I take it and hold it to my ear. “Hello?” I squeak.

  “Kallie? Hi. Aw, it’s great to meet you. You’re the one who stole my son’s heart, huh?”

  If my eyeballs weren
’t attached, they would most definitely be falling out of my skull right now. Did he seriously just put me on the phone with his mother?

  “Listen, honey,” she says, “I’m going to get right to the point. I raised the kid, so I know he can be a dummy sometimes, but you gotta give him another chance, okay? Whatever he did wrong, I’m sure he’s truly sorry. He’s completely smitten with you, and I know he’ll make it right. Just tell him how he blew it and make him prove to you he’ll never do it again. You won’t be sorry. He’s a good kid, and he really truly lov . . . well, he really seems to like you. A whole bunch.”

  I have no idea how to respond, but I obviously need to say something, so I issue her a, “Thank you, it was great hearing from you,” and cast Niles a bug-eyed glance. He smiles in response.

  “Kallie, I’m going to tell you something,” she continues. “He’ll kill me if he knows I’m saying this, so just smile and nod and giggle as I talk so we don’t let on, okay?” I mumble my okay.

  “All I have heard out of him the past few weeks is Kallie this, Kallie that. It’s a little weird because Kallie is his sister’s name, too, haha. So, it’s taken a little getting used to.” I giggle, hoping it doesn’t sound too fake. “The crazy thing is, he was with that Robbyn for a year, and she was nice enough, don’t get me wrong, but I only spoke to her twice. Just twice. And he only spoke of her when things were going wrong. But with you . . . you’re all he talks about. I’d never even know he was out on tour if I didn’t ask about it. Every time we talk, it’s always about you. You should probably laugh now.” As instructed, I laugh.

  “I saw your picture in the tabs. You are a beautiful girl. Your author photo is gorgeous, too. But what really gets me is the look on my son’s face in that Page Six picture. I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever seen him that happy. But, as of last night, he’s a wreck all over again. I don’t know why. He didn’t say. But I hope you two can work it out. A mama likes to see her baby happy, no matter how old or how famous he gets. Do you feel me here?”

  “I do,” I breathe. I let my eyes wander over to Niles and every last bit of me melts into a heap. “Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Niles is really lucky to have you.”

  “Sounds like he’d be lucky to have you, too. I hope we get to talk again soon. And next time, I hope it’s for happier reasons.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Good. Tell that kid of mine I’ll check in with him tomorrow. You two do whatever it is you need to do. Have a good day, sweetie.” And with that, she’s gone.

  And with that, my heart is wide open.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Pictures and Places

  “Your mom? Really?” I try to look like I find it pathetic, but the smile that lets loose across my face tattles otherwise.

  “Did it work?”

  “It didn’t hurt.”

  “Ha! Good. Now,” he says, turning serious, “are you ready to talk to me?”

  “Yes.” And I am. I am ready to get this all out in the open and hopefully sorted through, and I’m ready to move on. I mean, I just talked to his mother. His mother. Who would do that unless they’re one hundred percent serious about setting things straight?

  He sighs a relieved sigh, then glances at the clock on the nightstand. “Hey, uh, wanna go for a walk? It’s really nice out.”

  “Um, sure?” Again with the unexpectedness, but I guess that’d be a good chance to go somewhere neutral, before I unleash “the issue.” “But, did you bring a hat and glasses? One tabloid pic for the weekend is probably enough.”

  “Left in a hurry this morning.” He shrugs. “Besides, I don’t care who sees us.” He hands me my coffee and kisses me on the cheek. “You look great, as always. If the cameras find us, then lucky them.”

  So Mr. Private doesn’t care about the cameras anymore, huh? Well, I do. I check myself in the mirror because a girl’s gotta look good . . . just in case.

  “I’m happy to see you’re still wearing the earrings. I half expected you to throw them at me last night or something.”

  I reach up and touch them guiltily. If last night was the last time I was ever going to see him, I probably should have given them back. How shitty would that be, receiving some serious bling just hours before, then walking away for good?

  “Do you want them back?”

  “What? No! I’m thrilled you’re still wearing them. That gives me . . . hope.” He bunches up my hair and moves it behind my shoulders so my ears are in plain view. “You ready? Let’s get some air.”

  We walk for two blocks, sipping our coffees, talking only about the places and people we see as we pass by. I’d be lying if I said we weren’t getting stares. But I haven’t seen any cameras. Not yet.

  We round a corner and it’s pretty clear that Niles knows exactly where he wants us to go. He tosses his empty coffee cup into the trash and reaches for my hand. The more we walk, the more populated the area becomes. We’re walking through throngs of Sunday-morning meanderers, hand in hand. This is so weird.

  “Niles? Oh my gosh! Is that you?”

  From out of nowhere, a tall, beautiful girl, about seventeen, bursts through the crowd and rushes over to us. “Holy crap, wow!” she gushes. “It is you. Do you mind if I get a quick picture? Please?” She casts me an apologetic smile. “I’m so sorry . . . for interrupting.”

  “You’re totally fine.”

  The girl hands me her phone, then smashes herself against Niles in preparation for her snap. “Do you mind? If not, I can ask my mom or someone.” She waves toward a group of people who are all facing us with their phones held out, snapping pictures of their own.

  “Of course I don’t mind.” I wiggle my hand out of Niles’s and hold up the phone, feeling both jealous and exhilarated seeing Niles on the screen with another pretty girl. “Say cheese!” I chirp.

  Oh my God, what a nerd.

  The girl is smiling so big I think I could count every one of her teeth, but Niles pastes on the same smirk I’ve seen in a million other pictures. I’m once again fascinated by the distinct differences in his real versus rock star personas. It’s like he’s two different people.

  “All set.”

  “Eek! Yay!” She bounces like she just won the showcase on The Price is Right. “Thanks so much.”

  “Sure! No problem!”

  It occurs to me right then that if Niles and I are really happening, I’m going to have to learn really fast how to be congenial to all his fans. This one seems normal—albeit pretty excitable—but it should be interesting to see how I react to the super crazy, overzealous ones. I wonder how Robbyn handled it. I’m guessing she loved the attention as much as she hated the girls themselves.

  “You guys are so amazing,” the girl says, touching Niles’s arm. “We all can’t wait for the new album.” She pauses, clearly not ready to walk away, then turns back to me. “Um, do you think I could get a pic with all of us?”

  Without waiting for my answer, she motions for one of her family members to come over. “Here!” She passes her phone to another girl then reaches out her arms to gather Niles and me on either side of her.

  “Smile big!” she squeals. “This is so going on Instagram!”

  ***

  “Now do you see why I have a million hats?” Niles asks. We continue our trek through the crowds, with onlookers’ eyes narrowing as we pass. Some people pay no attention to us at all. They must be natives, I decide. It’s the people with maps and a thousand plastic gift shop bags looped around their forearms that seem to have their eyes on high alert for celebrities.

  “It’s gotta be a little exciting, though, right? Being recognized? It’s a pretty big validation that what you’re doing is resonating with people.”

  “Let’s see how you feel when your movie comes out and you get all famous.” He laughs. “Come on, this way.” He pulls me gently so we scurry though a throng of people crossing the street. His pace has picked up big time. He’s definitely on a mission.

  Finally
, he slows down just a bit as we break free from the sandwichy restraints of sweaty tourists. The sun is shining and our hands are still clasped. This feels good. So good.

  But we still haven’t had our talk.

  “Can we sit somewhere?” I ask. Frankly, I’m surprised he hasn’t re-initiated The Conversation. He was chomping at the bit back at the hotel, and now it’s like the issue’s totally off the table. He’s not getting off that easily. We need to talk this through.

  “Just a sec.” His pace turns to a saunter, so I work hard to match it. I see a park just ahead. It looks lovely and peaceful and there’s a bench with our names written all over it. I sigh a sigh that I hope is not bitchy, yet conveys that it’s time to end our stroll. He completely ignores me and walks over to a random building.

  “Isn’t this a cool structure?” He touches the façade, then backs up a little, gazing up at it admiringly.

  “Yeah, it’s very NYC.” Now, let’s get to that park.

  “It’s a great little neighborhood. We’re not too far from my place, actually.” To be honest, I have no idea where we are. I have lost all sense of direction and could totally be standing in the middle of Central Park for all I know.

  “Cute park right over there, too.” He waves toward it. “Look at all the kids playing, while the parents sit and chat. Hey, some of the parents are even on their laptops. Wonder if any of them are writers?” A smile tugs at his lips. “Looks like a nice way to spend a Sunday, right?”

  At face value, his words seem innocent enough. But the look he gives me as he turns his gaze my way tells me he has a really big reveal just waiting to explode from his lips.

  I narrow my eyes and scrunch up my mouth—my invitation for him to spill whatever it is he’s so desperately dying to spill.

  “There’s a two-bedroom for rent in there, Kallie,” he blurts. “I saw pics online. It looks amazing. It would be a perfect second—or maybe someday primary—home for you and your girls.”

  Huh?

  “It’s a little pricey because the neighborhood is so awesome, but I would totally help pay for it. It’s close to everything. Really great school just a block away. The park. Close to me . . .” He finally pulls his eyes away from the nothingness he’d been staring at throughout his sales pitch and lets them fall back on me. “Close to me.”