Dirty Deeds

by Lauren Landish

  I'm a liar. A big fucking liar.

  The priest clears his throat again as the silence stretches on. I look back at Oliver, and something inside me breaks. No more of this, no more lies. “Oliver . . . I’m sorry.”

  I throw off my veil as I hike my dress and jump off the altar, stumbling on the thick carpet for a moment. There’s an audible gasp in the audience as I book it for the back doors, and I hear a sharp wail of dismay from someone—I think it’s Roxy.

  Suddenly, Mom grabs my arm, trying to pull me to her. She pulls me around, and I see confusion and pain in her eyes now, too. Everywhere I look, there’s pain. “Mindy, stop! What are you doing?”

  I jerk my arms free, stumbling backward. I can feel the tears start to flow, but I don’t care. Let them all see. Let everyone see the fraud that I am, not the fairytale princess that they came here to see. “Leave me alone! Why can’t you just leave me alone!”

  “Honey, please,” she says, still not understanding. “You’re just scared and overreacting—”

  “It’s all fake!” I yell at the top of my lungs. Mom stops, and everything freezes. I’m not even sure if they’re breathing or if they know what I mean. “Don’t you understand? Everything! Oliver, my engagement, all of it! Everything is fucking fake!”

  Sobbing uncontrollably, I hike up my dress and run from the chapel, leaving everyone too shocked to even try and stop me.

  Oliver

  I pause in the hallway, my hand on the knob. It’s early afternoon now, hours after the service was supposed to happen, and I can’t think of another time in my life that’s been more difficult. The image of her stricken face still dominates my mind, the way she looked at me as she apologized and then ran from the chapel.

  Yeah, it was fake. Yeah, we were going to get the damn thing annulled by Friday next week. But it still stings because of how I really feel about her.

  I don’t know how, I don’t know when, but standing at that altar today, I let myself start to wonder. I wondered if we could lie our way to reality. If there were a way to keep digging deeper and deeper and end up on the other side free and clean.

  Her running away felt like she abandoned me. Just when I was beginning to work past the doubt and pain of her words last night, she just abandoned me at the altar. She left me out there, all alone, to face all those people by myself.

  It was hard dealing with that. For a few minutes there, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get out of the chapel alive, surrounded by accusatory glares and shouted questions from her family. But I didn’t say anything. I didn’t betray her.

  But I can’t let this stand without doing something. I have to tell her I’ll help make it right . . . I have to tell her that I want . . . something. Something I didn’t even have a chance to fully figure out before the whole day exploded into chaos like a party favor from hell.

  I open the door to see her lying across the bed, her shoulders shaking from giant sobs. She jerks upright almost immediately when she hears me step in the room, and I see that she’s stripped out of her gown at least, wearing just a long nightshirt that makes my chest ache with conflicting emotions. I want to hug her, I want to kiss her, and I want to choke her. In the end, I stand right where I am.

  “What are you doing here?” she says, her voice a soft croak. “Come to yell at me?”

  “I came to see how you were doing,” I say softly, taking a step into the bedroom. “You left before anyone could even react.”

  She sniffs, wiping at her nose with her forearm. Not sexy, but totally understandable. “I’m obviously not fine. But I’ll live.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say quietly, sticking my hands in the pockets of my tux. “I should have done more.”

  “Why? All of this is my fault. I deserve all of it. You only did what you were asked to do.”

  “You don’t have to face it alone.” I step closer, but she scoots back, and I freeze, knowing that if I get closer, I’m going to spook her even more. “Your family is waiting to hear an explanation. Listen, I was thinking as I walked back here that I’ll tell them I made you do it. That I’m the one who had a marker on you, and that I’m the bad guy.”

  I walk closer and sit on the far edge of the bed, reaching out slowly until I take her hand, that soft, warm hand that I didn’t get a chance to put a ring on today. The hand I regret leaving empty. “Come on. Get up, get changed, and let’s go out there and—”

  Mindy pulls her hand back and snorts, shaking her head. “I’m done with everything but the truth. I deluded myself thinking this would just be some casual little white lie.”

  “But I can still help . . .” I start, but Mindy holds up her hand, getting off the bed and stopping me cold.

  “And we’re done too.”

  I shake my head, trying to negate what she’s saying. No, it can’t be over. “Mindy, think about it. You’re just upset right now. Please, think about what you’re saying.”

  She cocks her head, giving me a sad little half-smile. “No. For the first time all week, Oliver, I am thinking about what I’m saying. Your debt is paid.”

  I try to speak, but she spins on a heel, going to the big doors to the balcony and hugging herself, her voice hardening.

  “It’s fine with me. I totally understand. And I’m not mad. I can't imagine any man not doing the same in your position. The problem I have is more with myself. I’m angry for putting myself in this position. I don’t blame you for any of it. Hell, you wanna know what really pushed me over the tipping point to telling the truth? I suppose I should thank you, because you did. Seeing that pain in your eyes, I realized that I was going to ruin it for you too. It was just one too many people I’ve hurt. And while you never loved me . . . I did fall in love with you. And I can’t keep going on hurting the people I love. So, I just want to free you. Let me face my problem on my own.”

  I stand up and walk over to the window on shaky legs. She really loves me? She said it before, but I wasn’t sure if she really meant it. “Mindy, don’t be so hard on yourself. I know you didn’t mean to do this with malicious intent. I see the good in you. You’re so special, so funny, and you’ve made me think. You’ve made me laugh. If you’re guilty of anything, it’s caring too damn much. You are a good person. I’ve seen your heart. You only wanted to please your mother.”

  She’s quiet for a long time, and I’m beginning to think that she’s listening, that I’ll be able to bring her to me, that we can handle this together. But when she speaks next, her words hurt even more. “Please leave, Oliver. I don’t need you to try to save my feelings. I’m so very sorry, but I want to be alone right now. I’ll tell the truth, that it was my idea and I didn’t intend for it to go this far. And I’ll tell Gavin you did your part.”

  Gavin and the money? I can’t believe that she still thinks this is about money. “Listen to me—”

  “Just go!” she shouts, turning to me, furious and in pain. “Just forget this all happened.”

  Her words tear at my heart. She’s being unreasonable, but I can see that she’s so emotional right now that I can’t get through to her. “Mindy, come on. Our plane leaves in the morning, I have one more night to stay in this town, you know.”

  “I think you should go now.”

  “Excuse me?” I ask, surprised. “Mindy, what are you saying?”

  She shakes her head, pointing at the door. “I think it would be best if you don’t stay here tonight. I just can’t see you right now, and it’s going to make things even harder.”

  I stiffen. As much as I hate it, I have to leave her alone or this could get worse. “If that’s what you want.”

  “It is. Please leave, Oliver.”

  I don’t want to. I want to defy her. But I know it’s pointless. She’s too overwhelmed with emotion.

  “Very well,” I say quietly. I walk to the door and stop, turning to look back at her standing at the balcony door, staring out into the backyard again. “I know you don’t believe me. Maybe I deserve that, but I don�
�t think so. I enjoyed the time we spent together. Despite what you may think, it wasn’t about the money. I hope you work things out with your family.”

  She doesn’t say anything as I walk out. I close the door and realize that I’ve got two suitcases worth of things in there. “Fuck it,” I mutter. Besides my tablet, there’s nothing that was all that personal. Instead, I start down the hallway. Maybe Sam can give me a ride to the airport or I’ll just call a cab.

  I’m at the head of the stairs when I see Roxy coming up, heartbreak etched into her young and previously innocent face. “Oliver? What’re you doing?”

  “Leaving,” I say softly. I can’t be angry at Roxy, no matter if she was part of the pressure that Mindy was feeling. I like the girl too much, and I know she would have made a great sister-in-law. “Mindy’s asked me to go.”

  Her face goes white with shock. “What? Why? Oliver, if you think the rest of the family . . .”

  I look at her face, seeing the tears in her eyes. My heart twists for Mindy at what she has to do and how her family is going to react. “I’ve enjoyed getting to know you over this past week, Roxy. And don’t ever give up on your singing. You’ve got a gift.”

  “Oliver, please stop,” Roxy says as I start down the stairs. I don’t, and when I’m about halfway down, she calls out to me, wailing. “Dammit, please tell me what’s going on!”

  I stop and look up at Roxy, promising myself that when I think about this week, it’s not going to be this Roxy I remember, but the Roxy who was a vision behind the microphone, the Roxy who made me laugh. “That’s not my place to say, Roxy. Give my regards to everyone . . . and take care of Mindy for me, okay?”

  I turn and walk out, leaving the mansion for good. I can call for a cab while walking down the road.

  Mindy

  “It was all fake.”

  The words hang in the air. They’re the first thing I say to my immediate family after what has to be several long minutes of silence. It’s just Grandma, Mom, Roxy, and me. John wanted to join us, but Mom asked that he stay at the wedding hall to take care of things there.

  After throwing Oliver out of my room, I ignored Roxy’s pleas for me to come out for hours, sobbing into my pillow. I couldn’t imagine facing anyone, and I felt like doing nothing more than hiding under my bed. Eventually, though, I calmed down, and I found myself putting on a t-shirt and pants. I felt like it was my duty to talk to them, to face them. So I dragged myself out here.

  “All of it?” Roxy asks, and I can see the tears in her eyes. She genuinely liked Oliver and me together. I’ve always known that Roxy was a lot deeper than the image she puts out. There’s no way someone who wasn’t could sing the way she does.

  “The whole thing.”

  I lower my eyes, tears threatening to spill over my lashes and down my face. I don't want to see their faces. I don’t want to see the many questions in their eyes.

  It hurts down deep inside, where you’re supposed to carry your guts and instead, I just carried my fear. I can't believe I thought I could joke my way through something like this. That I thought being silly could solve something so serious. How wrong I was, and now what started as a silly little white lie over a year ago has come to this.

  “Why?” Roxy says softly. “I sang for you guys, Mindy.”

  I swallow the lump in my throat and let the burning pain in my chest try and fuel me. I can’t lie to them any longer, so I might as well be totally honest. “I just wanted to avoid any relationship questions. You can be a little hard to deal with sometimes, Mom. But that’s no excuse. It was stupid. And after a point, I didn’t want everyone to think I was a liar, and I just dug myself deeper. So . . . enter Oliver. I didn’t even know him before this.”

  “Oh, honey,” Mom says, and I look up for a second to see tears in her eyes. “I know it must feel like I put pressure on you with my expectations, but I wouldn’t have loved you any less had you shown up without a fiancé.”

  “You do put pressure on us, Mom,” Roxy says quietly. “All of us. With me, you don’t like my singing.”

  Mom stops, wiping at her cheeks. “I just . . . I want what’s best for my girls.”

  “How is being miserable and jumped on best for us?” I ask her. “Mom, you bugged me even in college about whether I was going to find a guy. You made it seem like I was going to school for a wedding ring and not a degree!”

  “I just . . . being young, it’s the time for love,” Mom says, defending herself. “I wasn’t trying to say you had to marry some guy right out of school.”

  “You made it feel that way sometimes.” I look over at Roxy, who looks miserable as she twists her hair around her finger. “I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through!”

  “Me?” Roxy asks, getting up. “Really, Mindy? You ask about me? I really liked Oliver and was invested in you both! I thought your love was real. It sure did seem like it. But anyway, I'm your sister. We used to share everything!”

  “Yeah, well, I’m sorry!” I yell before taking a deep breath. I look at them. “I’m really ashamed about all of it. You know me—carefree. I didn’t think it was a big deal when I started. I just didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I wanted to make you proud.”

  Roxy comes over and puts her hands on my shoulders. “Please, you know you’re the favorite. Everyone’s proud of how you did things on your own. I love you, and you know I’m going to be on your side no matter what.”

  I swallow back tears and look around to everyone. “I’m sorry to all three of you. I took it too far.”

  “I knew I should have said something earlier,” Grandma says, and everyone turns to look at her. Reading the question in my eyes, she waves it off. “Oh, I don’t mean about Oliver. That’s one fine hunk of a man. He had me pretty well fooled. I mean about you, Mary Jo.”

  “Me?” Mom asks, and Grandma nods.

  “Honey, after Jacob’s death, you got a little off kilter. The girls are right, you kept nosing in where you don’t belong. But I hoped that with John, and this past week . . . well, I kept seeing y’all grow closer again, that you were fixin’ what needed to be fixed. So I figured it would all work itself out. Guess I was wrong.”

  “I’m sorry,” Mom says, looking at Roxy and me. “I don’t mean to put pressure on you girls. I really don’t. Neither of you ever has to worry about disappointing me. I could never feel that way about either of you. You’re two beautiful, strong women, and I couldn’t be more proud of you.”

  Her heartfelt words help, and I come over, kneeling in front of Mom and hugging her. I’m shocked a moment later when Roxy grabs the two of us and hugs Mom too, the tears flowing hard and fast. “I love you both,” Roxy cries before sitting back and wiping at her eyes. “But Mindy . . . if you ever, and I mean ever, pull some shit like that again . . .”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t,” I promise her before suddenly laughing and squeezing her tight. “You too, okay?”

  “I won’t,” Roxy promises me. “Still . . . I had my hopes pinned on you guys. You looked so good together.”

  “You weren’t the only one, Roxy,” Grandma says. “I swear, Mindy, either there was real feeling between you two or you need to look into acting.”

  Grandma’s and Roxy’s words shake me, and I’m on the verge of tears again. The hard part is, I think they’re right, and my chest aches. Roxy puts an arm around me, stroking my hair as I start crying. “Roxy . . . I feel lost.”

  “I know, honey,” Roxy says as Mom hugs me too. “I know.”

  “I was a fool,” I blubber. “I should have never done it.”

  Grandma laughs. “If I had a nickel for every damn fool thing I’d done when I was younger, I’d be rich,” Grandma says. “The big thing is, Mindy, what are you going to do about it now that you’ve made your mistake?”

  I cry more until I feel the tears start to dry up. “I’m going to make it up to you guys. I’m so sorry.”

  “You do what you can when you feel your heart broken,” Grandma says, s
tanding up painfully and coming over, stroking my hair. “You move on as best you can.”

  “Move on?” I whisper, fresh tears coursing down my cheeks. Move on means moving on from Oliver. “What if I don’t want to move on? What if . . . what if I really love him? And what if I told him I hate him?”

  “Then have faith that he loves you too, and trust in fate,” Grandma says. “Love finds a way.”

  I nod miserably. Love finds a way.

  What do you do when you can’t see the way?

  Oliver

  I feel like hell, and Anthony gives me a double-take as he gets out of my Audi. At least he listened when I sent him the text last night telling him to skip getting the driver.

  “Damn, was it really that fucking bad?” he asks, looking at the cheap discount jeans and t-shirt that I bought after walking to the hotel last night. “I mean, what the hell are you wearing?”

  I don’t say a damn thing, and Anthony presses the issue. “Oli, come on, man. Your face looks like you’re sniffing shit.”

  Fresh off my flight, I’m not in the mood to hear anything right now. I’m still smarting over Mindy pushing me away. I feel like so much is unresolved. I’ve been kicking myself for hours, cursing myself for being a coward for not dealing with Mindy’s pain and instead walking out on her.

  “Hey. You gonna talk? What happened while you were there?”

  “Just shut up and drive.”

  I look over and see the look on his face. I didn’t mean to snap at him, but I haven’t slept since walking out of the mansion, and I’m going on fifty-five hours awake with only an hour and a half of sleep a day and a half ago.

  I just haven’t been able to get her out of my head ever since I left. I kept hoping that she would show up on the flight, that she’d sit down next to me in the first-class seat and we’d have a chance to talk. That maybe I’d get her to listen to what I told her, make her believe me when I said that I do care about her. That I love her.