Mercy F*uck

by K. S. Adkins

“The Regal?” he bellows on my behalf. “The motherfucker blew your shit up?”

  “Yahtzee.”

  “What else?”

  “He got a hold of him again last night, despite my warning. I have him on video assaulting me but that won’t take me far, legally. He’s a cop, Gadget. A dirty cop who abuses his kid.”

  “I need a name,” he demands and I gave it to him. “Time frame?” I gave him that too.

  “Whatever the fee, I’ll pay it. Money is not an issue for me.”

  “Least of my worries. Camo and I will look into this together.”

  That was one hell of a pledge because his wife, Camo, was a firecracker. Gadget used to be quite the man whore, one I never slept with, never wanted to either, thank fuck. He always reminded me of Axle (minus being a man whore). But his heart, no, his soul, had always belonged to her. And nowadays when she feels like throwing down, they come in and tear the place apart, together. They called it date night and it was seriously fucking cute. Looking over my shoulder to the man out back, I wondered if I was his heart and soul. One thing at a time, Drew…

  “Tell her I said hi and remember I need Intel first, Gadget. Tussling with a cop is a big leap, even for me.”

  “Not for us. She’d love to work this asshole over and I’d like to watch.”

  “Yes well, I’m a rookie next to you two.”

  “You’ve helped us out over the years, Drew. More than you know. I also know you’re keeping this prick alive for his boy, but if shit gets serious…”

  “Then we forego the shit.”

  “I’ll be in touch,” and then he was gone.

  Axle was behind me. Lightly gripping the back of my neck, he tilts my head back and asked, “Who’s Gadget?”

  “Please don’t get jealous about Gadget. He’s a friend and he’s very married.”

  “I’m not jealous, Drew. I’m territorial. Jealous is wanting something that isn’t yours. Territorial is protecting what’s already yours. In case you missed it, you’re mine and this is the shit you include your man in so he doesn’t kill people.”

  “I’m yours?” I all but whispered because the words felt good. “Wait, you’re my man?”

  “You’re my woman. That makes me your man, does it not?”

  “Yes, but you kind of ordered it,” I point out. “I thought this was something we talked about.”

  “We’re not kids anymore. We don’t talk about it; we just do it. Been waiting to do it for nine God damn years, Drew. So no, I’m not asking, because there’s nothing to ask. It just is.” Thinking on that, I couldn’t help but chuckle.

  “What’s so funny?” he asks slapping my ass.

  “I have a boyfriend.”

  “And that’s funny why?”

  “I’ve never had a boyfriend,” I admit. “At twenty-eight it sounds funny saying boyfriend. Maybe I should say manfriend or steadycock?”

  “You’re serious,” he says lifting me up and setting me on the bar top. “You haven’t, have you?”

  “No. I haven’t.”

  “I’m your first,” he smiled wide and I melted. “Again.”

  “Jesus,” I fake groan. “Who knew it was possible your chest could get bigger Goldicock?”

  “Your man,” he says biting my nipple through my t-shirt. “Call me your man. Say it, Drew.”

  My man.

  Two words I never thought I would say but had to admit liked the way they sounded.

  “Women who behave rarely make history, Axle.”

  “Did you just come up with that?”

  “Fuck no,” she giggled. “Now can we go cause trouble?”

  I could not bartend.

  I could not even pretend that I had the skill.

  Luckily, Drew found this funny and Shane, who did have the skill, covered my ass.

  While I may not be bartender material, I was having the time of my life with her.

  She made it look easy and I was in awe of her. I was in awe with everything about her.

  Customers came from all over to see her, talk to her, and drink in her place. This place had no labels, no social bullshit. Here, everyone that showed was on neutral ground. She did something no one else has ever done, at least not like this. She brought people together. Execs, bikers, gang bangers, other bar owners and even the fucking hipsters. Black, white, Hispanic, Asian, did not matter to her. Drew treated each the same, with respect. She was a people person and most did not know this like I did. She hid it behind her bad ass don’t fuck with me attitude but I knew her, I knew the real her. Which was why it didn’t surprise me she had an assassin on speed dial.

  Drew Zelinski knew everyone and people were drawn to her. Especially the nut jobs.

  “I suck at this,” I say tossing the bar rag. This was the fifth bottle I’ve busted in an hour.

  “I need to start paying you,” she grins taking a sip of her beer.

  “Why?”

  “So I can take the profit you’re costing me out of your check.”

  The smirk on her face told me, she was enjoying this. “Smart ass,” I mumble. “When does this place slow down?”

  Letting out a roar of laughter I have not seen in too long, she sobers and says, “We haven’t hit the rush yet, honey.”

  Honey…She’s never called me that before. “Hands down,” I say tugging her t-shirt so I could see her tits. “Sexiest thing living and breathing and she’s my woman.”

  “She’s also your boss,” she snaps haughtily but I saw her face soften for me. “And when we hit max capacity I’m going to fire you and then hire you to bounce.”

  “You trust me not to go too far?” I ask tugging her top again. “Don’t want to piss off Tiny or Fudge.”

  “Tiny would be grateful and Fudge, despite his welcoming demeanor, will appreciate the help.”

  “What’s that guy’s story?” I ask glancing over at him.

  “You mean the chip permanently attached? It’s earned, believe me. Did time for a crime he didn’t commit, came home to literally nothing and realized he had two choices. Work or go back to prison for a crime he did, in fact commit. The previous owner hired him, same man that hired me. We’re like a shelter for pissed off humans, we take them all in.”

  “I get Fudge, Shane, and Luis, but explain Tiny to me because I don’t get it.”

  “I felt sorry for him,” she said looking his way. “I thought I could toughen him up but I can’t, he’s truly a gentle giant and come on, he’s pretty adorable.”

  “He’s a bouncer who can’t bounce, Drew.”

  “I know,” she groaned watching Tiny take in the crowd from the corner where he was hidden. “But he needed a job. He’s actually transferring over to a restaurant I own. Turns out he can cook and I mean cook so I approached him about it and he accepted.”

  “You take care of everyone,” I say pulling her to me not caring who saw. “Good thing I showed up to take care of you when I did.”

  “I’m really glad you showed, Axle.”

  Before I could say or do more like bend her over the bar, Shane came up and told her a guy was there to see her. Not pleased about this, I followed much to her dismay. Shaking his hand, she introduces us, “Marty, this is – ”

  “Axle,” I interrupt. “Her man.”

  “Wow,” she said giving me the look. “Axle, this is Marty, one of my partners. A married partner, though I shouldn’t have to disclose that.”

  “I’m gay, too,” Marty says forgoing the shake and heading straight for the hug. “So gay that I’m enjoying your discomfort.”

  I felt her anger but she was too busy wrapping up loose ends with Marty to rail at me for my behavior. Once he left, I caught her elbow and whispered in her ear, “Fuck, sorry.”

  “I do have male friends,” she informed me. “Just because a man has a dick, doesn’t mean I’ve sucked it.”

  “I said I was sorry, Drew.”

  “Fair enough,” she says heading back to the bar and I stood there a minute longer feeling li
ke an asshole.

  Hour by hour the place started to fill. By eleven, I’d already busted up four fights and Drew kicked in to break up the girl on girl action. Every male in the room enjoyed the hell out of that. Three chicks brawling, fucking hot. Although, neither bitch held a candle to her and she made it clear hair pulling did not happen in her place. She drove that lesson home with a well-honed pimp slap for each offender.

  Now it was pushing midnight and it was shoulder to shoulder.

  Drew and Shane were a well-oiled machine, tight music was playing and the crowd was live.

  Fudge played it cool letting me know when she hit the bar tonight it would pop off.

  I could not wait.

  At exactly 12:01 am, it happened.

  He was trying to focus on the Impala, swear to God he was.

  But it was impossible when I was shaking my ass while using a socket wrench as a microphone.

  Chanting ‘And now you do what they told ya’

  Axle forgot all about the car and stared at me.

  Kicking my feet out and screaming, ‘Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me!’

  He couldn’t stop himself from joining in.

  We raged against the machine like professionals.

  Tonight I was doing something a little different.

  No Kid Rock as my intro and my cowboy hat would stay on its hook.

  Handing Shane my phone and telling him which track, he does what he always does, what he’s told.

  Tiny easily lifts me up setting me on the bar top and the customers knowing what’s coming, move their drinks out of the way. With my eyes on Axle, who, as it turns out, was the world’s best bouncer, the track hit, the crowd cheered and my man… well, he fucking smirked at me.

  He knew.

  He remembered.

  Working my body for him, I don’t sing and I don’t take my eyes off him either.

  Like we were the only people in the room, I danced for him.

  Dropping to my knees I accept the bottle of champagne Shane hands to me. Swerving slowly back up, I cock my finger at Axle and lick my lips.

  With the crowd singing on my behalf, I mouth the words,

  So com’on, take a bottle, shake it up

  break the bubble, break it up

  and when then crowd chants the chorus, I pop the cork and cover myself in bubbly while singing directly to Axle.

  Locked on me, he maneuvers the crowd to get to where I am. A guy sucker punches Axle by accident and after laying the guy out with one shot, he carts him over to Fudge. The same Fudge who was actually smiling for once.

  Staying on the bar and finishing my show, I felt his eyes on me which revved me up. Axle allowed me to do what I did without complaint so I allowed him to do what he did. And right now he was protecting my bar. He was protecting me.

  I stayed up top until it ended, then I hopped down to refill my customers’ glasses and grab more beer from the cooler. Song after song the crowd sang, danced, fought and enjoyed themselves.

  After one particularly large fight was shut down, I searched the crowd but it was Shane who pointed him out to me. He was standing a few feet from the door eye level with a tall blonde woman, and he was not smiling. In fact, he was coiled ready to strike.

  “Cover me,” I tell Shane leaving my spot.

  Joining him, I stood by his side silently giving him a chance to explain this to me. Because Axle was familiar with her and she him. She looked terrified, she looked ready to pass out and he was losing his patience. This, I realized was his ex, Carrie.

  “Why are you here?” I ask cutting to the chase.

  “Drew,” he said in warning, but fuck him. I’ve endured his cave man bullshit, he could suffer through mine.

  “This isn’t your kind of place,” I say sticking out a hip. “If you plan to stay, you’re watching your own ass. He is not your personal bodyguard, we clear?”

  “I just wanted to say hello,” she said moving closer to him.

  “Have you done that yet?”

  “Well yes,” she hedged.

  “Cool,” I offer a false smile. “Now you can go.”

  “I came to speak to my husband,” she blurts, proud of her own bravado.

  “Ex-husband,” I remind her, then looking at him I ask, “Did you ask her to come here?”

  “Fuck no,” he says looking uncomfortable. “She just showed up and was about to get her face smashed into a wall before I stepped in.”

  “It could only be an improvement,” I mumble because she was not who I could ever see him with. She was mousy, plain and dull as dinner with my grandparents and they were dead.

  “Carrie,” he sighed. “This is – ”

  “I know who she is,” she says softly. “I know exactly who she is and it’s because of her you couldn’t love me.”

  When he didn’t correct her, I rolled my eyes at the whole thing. I had a bar to run and I was not getting into it with this twit, ever. “You’re right,” I say rounding on Axle. “I don’t like her.”

  “Drew,” he groaned. “Fuck, you’re not helping me right now.”

  “Don’t even,” I warn him and then her. “You don’t belong here and you didn’t belong with him either. He married you to get over me and that is on him. But you married a man you knew didn’t love you and that, is on you.”

  “I never stood a chance against you,” she said staring at me yet I sensed no aggression or jealousy.

  “No,” I agree returning the stare. “You didn’t.”

  “I’m sorry I came,” she says eyeing the door and right then I made a decision. If Axle was ever going to accept my past, I’d also have to accept his. Taking that first step was not easy but I did it. I actually snaked my arm around her waist and said, “Come on, Carrie, I’ll buy you a drink.”

  “W-what?”

  “A drink,” I repeat looking over at Axle ready to ask if she was able to keep up. But the look of terror on his face made me laugh instead. “You like tequila?”

  “Uh no,” she says hesitantly.

  Bringing her behind the bar with me so she didn’t die, I grab the bottle, pour her a shot, hand it to her and let her know, “You will.”

  Bless her heart, she kept it down and when she coughed and said, “Another please,” I knew I may never like her but I respected a woman who could hold her liquor. Making small talk and leaving the bar to Shane and the crowd to Axle, who was tweaking out, I got to know her.

  Sadly, thirty minutes later it was clear there wasn’t much to know.

  She was about as exciting as a pap-smear.

  But something she kept doing inspired me to give the woman a break. Because she couldn’t help herself and she couldn’t take her eyes off Tiny. I was a sucker for shit like this. Calling Tiny over, I give a quick intro and told him to give her a tour. This was funny because the bar was small and there was nowhere to take her but it was as subtle as I could get without being obvious.

  Axle was watching me, I was watching Carrie and when she was shoved hard, I was finally witnessing Tiny whoop someone’s ass. All in all, it was a good night.

  I was a simple guy.

  I liked what I liked and didn’t put too much thought into why that was.

  Like the first time I saw her.

  I didn’t over analyze that shit, I just did what it took to get her attention and busted ass to keep it.

  This meant I didn’t like other people liking what I liked.

  But when it came to Drew, the female was not even aware that male eyes were always on her.

  Preying.

  Waiting.

  Hoping I’ll fuck up so they can move in.

  Thank Christ she wasn’t the kind of female that got off on that kind of shit.

  She never worked it to her advantage or rubbed my face in it.

  Not Drew.

  She was simple, like me.

  When Carrie finally left, I brought Drew back to her office, which was basically a storage closet, and got right in her shit.
>
  I didn’t like Carrie being here, I didn’t like Carrie being near Drew and I didn’t like Drew feeling jealous over a marriage that was never more than a farce. Except I didn’t think she was jealous anymore and that bothered me too. Being the only one in a constant state of jealousy sucked. I told her all these things and she gave me a shrug which pissed me off too. I went on to tell her she wasn’t a fucking matchmaker and if she ended up friends with my ex, I was leaving. At this, she burst out with laughter and she wouldn’t fucking stop.

  “You’re an asshole, Drew.”

  “Why are you so worked up right now?” she asks catching her breath.

  “I didn’t like her here,” I repeat. “At all.”

  “Okay…”

  “Then you ship her off with Tiny? What in the actual fuck were you thinking?”

  “I thought they were cute,” she grins. “Did you see his uppercut? I knew he had it in him.”

  “You thought…” I could not handle this right now. “Again, I don’t want her here. Ever.”

  “Relax,” she says holding back her smirk. “He starts at Bennett’s in two days.”

  “You own Bennett’s,” I remind her.

  “I’m trying to keep up, Axle, but damn, help me out.”

  “I don’t want her here, Drew or at Bennett’s or any other fucking place you own or may be at!”

  Running my hands over my face in irritation, I started to pace but stopped when I hit a utility shelf. Fighting in a closet was a new low for me, hell, fighting with her at all was. “I don’t want you to like her,” I finally admit. “Alright? I don’t.”

  “Hey,” she says sliding her hands up my chest. “I don’t like her. I can promise you I won’t ever like her. But I liked the way she looked at Tiny, I liked that a lot. Especially because for her to look at him meant she wasn’t looking at you.”

  “So you were jealous,” I push, hoping she says yes.

  “Yes, I was. I am. I’m territorial too, Axle.” Then moving back a bit, she leans against the wall and eyes me. “She was wrong for you.”

  “I know.”

  “But if I had to pick my replacement, I would choose her. Because she was nothing like me which meant she was exactly that, a replacement.”