Savage Spring

by Constance O'Banyon

  Joanna watched Tag and Alexandria, knowing there was something very wrong between them. They certainly didn’t act like two people who had only been married a short time. She caught Windhawk’s eye and knew he realized it also. Happiness was such a fleeting thing, and Joanna knew how precious it was, since she had come close to losing it herself at one time. She didn’t want the same thing to happen to Tag and Alexandria.

  After lunch, the men rode away from the village once more. Alexandria and Joanna cleared the dishes away and then played with Joanna’s children. Alexandria wished that Sun Woman would bring Danielle back so she could get to know her better, but she didn’t suggest it to Joanna.

  That afternoon she laid down to rest for a while, claiming that the heat and the long journey had sapped her strength, which wasn’t far from the truth. She could have told Joanna that she was feeling sick to her stomach, but she didn’t. She would hide her secret about the baby as long as she could. Perhaps she could return to Meadowlake right away, and Tag would never have to know about the baby.

  That evening Tag surprised Alexandria by suggesting they go for a walk. As they walked beside the river, Tag reached for her hand. A bright moon shone down upon them, casting a silvery light over the river.

  “I can see why you love it so much here, Tag. It’s so peaceful and serene. I suppose I never gave much thought to how the Indians live. I am surprised to find they have a very fine life.”

  “Alexandria, most people would be surprised to find the Indian lives no differently than the white man did hundreds of years ago. The difference is that the white man has forgotten what’s important in life, while the Indian has never lost sight of what’s important. The white man is driven by the need to acquire more land and more money, while the Indian is satisfied to take what God placed on earth for his needs. Greed is almost unknown to the Indian. He is always willing to share what he has with his neighbors in their time of want.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that.”

  “You have a wonderful opportunity, Alexandria. Look around and observe while you are here. You will find a whole new world at your fingertips.”

  “I…was wondering if you were going to return here to live after you take me back home?” She was finally able to voice her thoughts.

  Tag turned to her and studied her uplifted face. “No, there is nothing for me here now. There was a time when I thought of this as my home, but I realize that is no longer true.”

  “I’m sorry, Tag,” was all she could think of to say.

  “Are you?” he asked in a deep voice.

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  “I wish I knew what you thought about many things, Alexandria. I have known you for what seems like a lifetime, and yet, I find I don’t really know you at all.”

  “I am not complicated, Tag. You are the one who keeps his thoughts to himself.”

  “I suppose that is true. Tell me what would you like to know, and I’ll try to explain it to you.”

  “I’m…not sure. How do you feel about your daughter?”

  “That is the easiest of all to answer. I want to take her back to Philadelphia with me and raise her to the best of my ability. I want her to grow up being proud of who her mother was.”

  “Yes, I can see that Danielle will have much to be proud of when she grows to be a young lady.”

  “What’s your next question, Alexandria?” he asked, moving closer to her.

  Alexandria could feel the warmth of his body, and she wished her thoughts weren’t so jumbled. Even now, his thoughts were of his dead wife. Alexandria found she didn’t want to compete with a ghost. “I wonder if you would mind very much if I were to ask you to send me back home to Meadowlake as soon as possible?” Say you would mind, her heart silently cried. Tell me that you need me to be with you, she thought to herself.

  He reached out and brushed a lock of hair from her face. “What if I said I needed you with me, Alexandria?” he asked, hardly above a whisper.

  “I would ask you in what capacity.”

  “Danielle needs a mother,” he said, watching her face closely.

  “You can easily find someone to take care of your daughter, Tag. You don’t need me for that.”

  “What would you say if I told you I need you as Xandria?” he asked, still watching her closely.

  “Then I would say to you there are dozens of Xandrias in Philadelphia. Xandria was no better than Molly, the girl at the tavern who threw herself at you. After all, did I not come to your bedroom many nights, Tag? Someone with your experience with women will have not trouble finding many Xandrias.”

  Suddenly his hands went out to grip her by the shoulders. He pulled her tightly against him and muffled her cry as his mouth ground against hers. It was pain, and it was bliss, as his hands ran over her back, pulling her even tighter against his hard body. When he released her, she stepped back a pace, touching her bruised lips.

  “I can find another Xandria, but what will you do?” he asked insultingly. “Will you seek out another man and sneak into his bedroom at night to give him what you gave so freely to me in the past?”

  Alexandria gasped at his cruel words. “I have never given you any reason to say these things to me! You should know you are the only man whom I have ever…who has ever…”

  “Forgive me,” he said, turning his back and staring across the wide Milk River. His thoughts were in a turmoil. Why had he insulted her when all he wanted was to tell her that he loved her? How would he be able to go on without her? She had become so much a part of him, he couldn’t imagine what his life would be like without her. When he was near her, his body ached to possess her. At night, he often awoke after dreaming about her, and then he had trouble going back to sleep. He had purposely stayed away from her, hoping she would be content to remain his wife if he didn’t place any demands on her.

  “If it is your desire to return to Meadowlake, I will take you in another week,” he said at last. “I would consider it a favor if you would help me with Danielle until we reach Philadelphia. I know nothing about tending to a child.”

  Alexandria felt her temper rising. If all he wanted was a nurse for his daughter, then that’s exactly what he would get! “I will help you with your daughter. I feel I owe you that much,” she agreed angrily.

  He spun around to face her. “You owe me nothing! If anyone is owing, it’s I who owe you.”

  “Let us say, then,” Alexandria told him, “that neither of us is owing the other. When we return home, we will each go our separate ways.”

  “I will ask you one question, and I expect you to answer it truthfully. Do you resent my daughter because she is half Indian?”

  “NO! How can you ask me such a thing? I think your daughter is lovely. How can I hold her parentage against her? I am not the bigot you seem to think I am.”

  “Why did you agree to come with me, Alexandria?” he asked.

  “I don’t know. I wish I hadn’t,” she declared through trembling lips. “I wish I had never met you, Taggart James!”

  “I cannot find it within my heart to wish I had never met you, Alexandria. I can only remember the intimate times we have shared. You gave me pleasure, but I know I also fulfilled a need in you.”

  “I was being ungrateful just now, and I spoke without thinking. I will always be indebted to you for helping me get free of Barbara and Rodney, Tag. Beyond that, don’t ask anything else of me!”

  “Let us just say anything you feel you owe me is canceled by what I owe you, and let it go at that. I would ask you to do me one other favor, however, if you don’t find it too tiresome.”

  Her eyes gleamed, and she cast him a scolding glance. “You may ask…” she said, throwing back her head and causing her hair to swirl out about her.

  Tag caught his breath as he looked into her beautiful face and felt his heart race. The many things he had wanted to say to her tonight would now never be voiced. He had hoped that Alexandria might love him, but he saw no evidence of love in t
he depths of her amber-colored eyes.

  “My sister and Windhawk won’t understand if we don’t act as a married couple. Sun Woman would be very distressed if she thought there was trouble between us. You see, she and I had a long talk today, and she wants Danielle to be brought up in a happy environment.”

  Alexandria began to see what he was trying to say to her. “If it is your wish, I will play your devoted wife until such time as we leave this village. It shouldn’t be too much of a hardship on me,” she replied in a heated voice, still too angry to feel hurt. “In return, all I ask is that you see I get back to Meadowlake.”

  “Agreed,” he said, taking her arm and leading her back toward the village.

  Alexandria felt tears in her eyes and fought to keep them from falling. What she really wanted to do was throw herself into Tag’s arms and beg him to love her. She had too much pride for her own good, and she knew she would never allow Tag to see how much she loved him—she prayed he would never find out about the child she carried. Knowing the kind of man he was, she realized he would insist on taking care of her should he learn of the baby.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Alexandria lay on the soft blanket in Joanna and Windhawk’s lodge. She felt tense and restless, unable to relax because Tag lay beside her. How strange it was to be considered his wife by everyone else when she didn’t really feel like his wife at all. Even though Joanna had hung a blanket to offer her and Tag more privacy, she still felt embarrassed to be lying beside Tag.

  Alexandria became more and more aware of Tag’s presence. She closed her eyes tightly, wishing she could fall asleep, but knowing she couldn’t.

  “Alexandria, you need not feel ashamed to lie beside me. I am your husband, you know. I can assure you no one thinks anything about our sleeping together,” Tag whispered near her ear. As his breath fanned her hair, Alexandria squeezed her eyes even more, willing her body to stop trembling, but it didn’t help.

  “Are you cold?” Tag asked, reaching out in the darkness to feel her hand.

  “No…I…yes, perhaps a little.”

  He laughed softly. “What’s a husband for if he can’t keep his woman warm.” Before she could object, he pulled her into his arms.

  Although Alexandria wore a high-necked white nightgown, she could feel the heat of Tag’s body and knew he wore only a breechcloth. She feared what she would do if he continued to hold her, so she tried to move away.

  “Lie still, I’m not going to bite you,” he whispered, amusement in his voice. Suddenly, Tag became aware of the soft curves that seemed to fit so perfectly against his body. Her hair smelled of some sweet herb and filled his senses. Without his realizing it, his hands moved from her arm up to tangle in her hair. He heard her gasp when his lips moved over her face, seeking, and then finding her mouth.

  Alexandria wanted to push him away, fearing the others would hear, but instead her lips opened beneath his probing tongue. It seemed as if an explosion erupted inside her body as he pulled her tightly against him. She could feel his swollen manhood pressed against her thigh, and she melted against him.

  “Xandria, Xandria,” he muttered hotly in her ear, as his hands worked her nightgown up to her waist. “I have missed this,” he told her in a deep, husky voice.

  “No, Tag, don’t do this. The others will hear!” she protested weakly.

  “They won’t hear if you don’t fight me,” he whispered, moving his hand down her thigh, finding the core of her womanhood and massaging it with a soft, caressing motion.

  By now Alexandria was past protesting when his lips dipped down to nudge her gown apart before they moved over her swollen breasts.

  “Tag, please,” she whispered faintly. “I don’t want this. I’m not Xandria!”

  “Yes, you are. You are the same woman who drove me out of my mind with her wildly enticing body. Don’t turn away from me, Alexandria! Give yourself to me now, heart and soul. I want all of you.”

  His voice was soft and pleading, but there was also an urgency in the way he spoke. She had never seen him like this before, and she couldn’t find it within her to deny him anything. If she gave him her body now, what would she have to lose?

  “The others will hear,” she said, in her last hope of saving herself.

  “Not if you keep quiet,” he smiled against her cheek. His hands knew just where to touch her to make her mindless while his lips played with her breasts, raising the tips into swollen peaks as he circled them with his tongue.

  “Xandria, my love. No one has ever made me feel the way you do,” he breathed against her lips.

  She could feel a groan rising in her throat and clamped her lips tightly together. Could he have meant to call her his love, or had he just been overcome in a moment of passion? Suddenly Alexandria knew that he wanted more from her than she was willing to give. She didn’t know what it was that he was demanding, but she felt frightened. “Tag, I cannot allow you to do this,” she said softly against his ear. “Please don’t!”

  He was quiet for a long moment and he drew away from her. “I will take you to a place I know where we can talk. I think the time has come for you and me to speak our minds,” he said, pulling her gown down and lifting her into his arms.

  “Tag, what are you doing?” she asked as quietly as she could, so she wouldn’t disturb the others.

  He didn’t reply, but merely wrapped the blanket about her and carried her around the curtained-off area that had served as their bedroom. Alexandria knew if Tag could see her face, it would be stained with color, since Windhawk and Joanna were most probably not asleep and would know what Tag had on his mind. She couldn’t voice her objections, however, since it would only make the situation worse. She was grateful that at least his father was staying in Farley’s tipi, sparing her that humiliation.

  When they were outside, Tag found one of Windhawk’s horses grazing nearby, and he placed Alexandria on the animal’s bare back. He then climbed on behind her, and guided the animal forward.

  Once they were away from the village, she turned her head to voice her objection, but he caught her lips with his and smothered her protest. Tag pulled her tightly against him, and his hands moved up and down her leg. Alexandria was no more capable of objecting than she was of speech at that moment. Her body seemed to be in torment to feel the oneness they had once shared. She didn’t know where they were going nor did she care. She was vaguely aware that they were riding in the woods, but it didn’t matter…nothing mattered but the feel of Tag’s lips, and the way his hands moved sensuously across her body.

  Alexandria realized that they had stopped when Tag lifted her to the ground. When she would have moved away from him, Tag pulled her to him, holding her tightly.

  “What will the others think?” was the weak protest she made.

  “They won’t think anything, Alexandria,” he whispered raggedly. “The Indian doesn’t look at love the same way a white man does. To him, it is merely a part of life, which he accepts without shame and embarrassment. You are my wife now, Alexandria. You shouldn’t feel shame because I want you.”

  “I don’t feel like your wife, Tag,” she admitted.

  He laced his hands through her hair and tilted her face up to him. “By the law you are my wife. No one is more married than you and I. If it would make you feel more married, we could have another ceremony. Fort Union is no more than a three-day ride from here. I’m sure we could find someone there who would join us together for a second time.”

  “No, I don’t want that. It’s hard to explain how I feel.”

  “Try, Alexandria. You will find me very willing to listen to you.”

  “Sometimes, like now, I feel the same shame I did when I came to you as Xandria,” she told him, burying her face against his shoulder.

  “Alexandria, you must put that out of your mind. You should never feel shame because you want to be with me. You came to me at a time in my life when I needed you. What you gave me lent me the strength and courage to do what
I had to do. I needed you when you were Xandria. I drew strength from you when you were Alex…but most of all, my little love, I need you as Alexandria…for in her, I found the perfect combination of all three.”

  Her head snapped up, and she studied his face in the bright moonlight. Was he admitting that he loved her? “You need me?” she asked in an uneven voice.

  He laughed softly, watching the shadows from the trees play across her face. “Yes, my foolish, foolish love. I need you and only you!”

  “You are not saying that just so you will have someone to look after your daughter?” she asked, still too afraid to reach out and take what he was offering her.

  Tag hugged her tightly, while his body shook with laughter. “As you so aptly pointed out to me, I could easily find someone to take care of Danielle. I believe you also pointed out that I could find someone who could take the place of Xandria, but what you don’t understand is that when you came to me as Xandria you got into my bloodstream by way of my heart. I cannot replace you, my love. Whatever your name is and whoever you are called, I need all of you, Alexandria.”

  Alexandria thought her heart would burst because it was so full of happiness, but still she was afraid to hope. Perhaps even now she had misunderstood Tag’s meaning. “Are you saying you love me?” she asked in a painful whisper.

  Tag lifted her up and sat down on a fallen log with her on his lap. There was no laughter in the blue eyes that looked deeply into her amber ones now. “Oh, yes, Alexandria! I am laying myself open—in case you don’t feel the same about me. I am admitting that I love you…if you don’t love me, what shall I do?”