Saving Our Hearts

by Velvet Reed

  I can’t help the smile and small laugh that his words provoke because I know it’s true.

  “I’m here with you every step of the way, Gracie. I plan on being a very hands-on dad, if you hadn’t already noticed. And before you know it, you’ll be finished with your therapy sessions and be back to your old self. Just have faith in yourself, baby. Everyone else does.”

  I nod in acknowledgement, my nervous doubts falling away because Cole’s words sink in. There is so much love and support surrounding both Cooper and me that all I’ll need to do is say jump and everyone will be asking how high. There’s nothing our family wouldn’t do for us.

  We finish getting ready and have breakfast. While Cole quickly checks his email before we leave, I head to Cooper’s room to find a new outfit for him. Gazing around the nursery that was so lovingly prepared for him, I know in my heart and soul that no matter what else I do in my life, being the best mom I possibly can, will be my greatest achievement.

  When we got to the NICU yesterday, the first thing Cooper’s doctor told us was that he was ready to go home. Cole and I were elated. We ended up leaving for a few hours in the afternoon to make sure everything was set up and ready for his homecoming, which included making sure that his car seat was fitted correctly. I checked about twenty times, and I knew I was getting on Cole’s nerves about it. Even though my anxiety over traveling in a car had dissipated since I left the hospital, I was nervous about Cooper being in a car for the first time.

  Now we’re here and dressing him in his going home outfit; a little blue and white pants and shirt set with a fluffy teddy bear on the front. I wanted him to wear one of the special onesie’s Cole had made for him with the stethoscope and baby Tierney M.D on it, but Cole bought this especially for him. It was perfect, and the tiny matching socks with little teddy bears are the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

  As I finished dressing Cooper with Julia taking photos, Cole is having one last talk with Cooper’s doctor and getting the discharge papers. “This is the best and also the saddest part for me,” Julia says lowering the camera and coming over the take Cooper’s tiny hand with hers. “Some babies and parents you just form a special bond with, and believe me when I say that while I’m so happy that this gorgeous little boy is going home today, I’m going to miss you guys like crazy.”

  I chance a look at her and see her eyes have misted over. “Julia, I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for Cooper. You’ll always have a special place in our hearts. I truly hope this won’t be the last we see of you. You’re a friend now; I’d hope we’ll keep in contact,” I say sincerely.

  She beams a smile at me. “I’d love to and I’ve come to consider you guys as friends too.”

  It suddenly occurs to me that when Cooper is old enough, he should know the people who cared for him. “Here, let’s swap. You take Cooper and I’ll take the camera. He needs a photo with his favorite nurse.” Placing the camera on the bench, she comes over and picks up my baby boy. She’s smiling down at him and speaking softly so I pick up the camera and click away. “Say NICU,” I suggest, and she looks up with a bright smile. It’s the perfect picture.

  We get a photo with a few other nurses and Doctor Bailey. Then Cole hands out the small gifts that we bought for each of them, just to show our appreciation for all they’ve done.

  Cole puts Cooper in his baby car seat, and with a few last hugs, we’re walking out of the NICU for the last time. We make our way to the elevators, me with my crutches and Cole holding the car seat in one hand, the diaper bag slung over his other shoulder. The smile on his face is so full of love and pride. This is it... we’re going home as a family.

  The ride down is quiet, with both of us looking at Cooper, then each other happily. When we arrive at the ground floor with a ding, Cole leans over chastely kissing my lips. “Here we go,” is all he says as we exit and make our way to the hospital entrance where Cooper will experience day light for the very first time.

  I watch as the sunlight shines down on his little face, and although he’s sleeping, his tiny eyes scrunch ever so slightly with the brightness. There are so many things that go unnoticed and are taken for granted, but for some reason, that tiny, insignificant first of experiencing sunlight has an impact on me. This is real; he's finally all mine.

  With his car seat in place, Cole placates me as I get him to check it again. He helps me into the back seat beside Cooper, because for his first ride, I can’t leave him alone. Am I overreacting? Maybe, but I just need the reassurance. Cole seems to understand and drives as cautiously home as he did the first time I left the hospital. God, I love him.

  Before I know it, Cole is pulling into the driveway and jumping out of the car. He helps me out first and then goes around the other side of the car to collect Cooper. As much as our family wanted to be here when we arrived home, Cole explained to them it was something we wanted to do together, and that they could all come over tomorrow once we were settled in. I think this upset Olivia a little, but she seemed to understand what a big moment this was for Cole and me.

  With the camera in hand, I made Cole stop at the front door, holding him close to his chest. I take a photo of the two loves of my life. Cole in turn takes one of Cooper and me and when we finally cross the threshold, a feeling of utter contentment and peace settles over me.

  Home sweet home.

  Chapter 24

  Cole...

  Cooper has been home for just over a week now, and while I had the first few days off, I never imagine the huge adjustment having a baby in the house would take. I’m exhausted. Gracie’s exhausted and Cooper seems to have become a pooping and feeding machine. As first-time parents, we had an idea of what it would be like, but when your baby has been in the NICU for the first eight weeks of his life, and you haven’t had to deal with the middle-of-the-night feeds and crying, the reality of it hits you like a sledge hammer.

  Working ten-hour shifts at the hospital and then being woken up by a crying baby isn’t fun, but having my family under one roof is well worth it. Gracie still has my mom coming over during the day to help out with Cooper and drive her to her therapy sessions. I usually find a few minutes to sneak out of the ER to see them, because damn, I miss them like crazy when I’m at work.

  I couldn’t take any further time off though; the hospital has been more than accommodating with the leave I’ve taken. But I know Gracie is going to be upset with what I have to tell her tonight. When I was told today that I had to attend a four-day conference in Seattle, I started to refuse only to be told it wasn’t an option. How the hell was I going to leave my girlfriend and baby for four days? Especially when Gracie still needs help doing a lot of things.

  I walk in the front door and can’t help the smile that appears. There’s nothing more I love than coming home to my family. Hearing voices from the living room, I head in that direction and find Gracie, my mom and dad chatting away while April feeds Cooper his bottle.

  “Hey,” Gracie greets me and I head straight for her, giving her a kiss that produces a startled gasp and makes my inner caveman puff his chest in satisfaction.

  “Keep your eyes closed, Coop, Mommy and Daddy are being disgusting,” April chuckles.

  I straighten and head for my mom, kissing her cheek and then hugging Dad who stood to greet me. “I take it you’re glad to be home then, Son,” he smirks, and I know he can see how happy I am.

  Next, I head for April and kiss her cheek. “I’m guessing my cuddle with my favorite nephew is over,” she pouts.

  “He’s your only nephew, and yes, it is. Daddy’s home and it’s man time,” I tell her.

  April rolls her eyes and moves Cooper’s bottle. “He’s ready to be burped anyway; I don’t want to be puked on.”

  I take Cooper in my arms and kiss his forehead. “Hey, little man, did you miss me? Daddy missed you. Yes, he did.” I coo, ignoring the amused snickers around me. “I was showing your photos around again today, and everyone agrees that you
’re just as handsome as your daddy.”

  “Oh, please,” April grumbles. “I’m escaping before I vomit. Does anyone need anything from the kitchen?” Everyone laughs and April leaves the room.

  I take a seat in the armchair and place Cooper over my shoulder to burp him. My mom asks me about my day, and then we talk about the baby shower-slash-welcome home party that’s in less than two weeks’ time. The conference is the week after that, and I want to make sure that Gracie has extra help while I’m away.

  “So I have some news,” I interrupt while still rubbing Cooper’s back since he hasn’t burped yet.

  “What’s that?” Gracie asks, her face showing a hint of anticipation as if the news I have will be exciting.

  “I was told today that I have to attend a four-day conference."

  “Oh, that’s exciting,” Mom interjects.

  "Actually, it’s not. It’s just after the party, and it’s in Seattle.”

  “What!” Mom screeches. “You have a new baby and they want you to go away. Tell them you can’t.”

  I look to my dad because I know he’ll understand, and I’m honestly too scared to see Gracie’s reaction because she hasn’t said a word and that alone speaks volumes to me. As if sensing my despair, Dad takes over. “These things happen, Livie. It's part of the job and ongoing training. You of all people should know that. Plus the hospital has been extremely flexible with our family of late. As much as Cole doesn’t want to go, he really can’t refuse. It wouldn’t look good on his record.”

  Thank you, Dad!

  “I still think it’s unfair,” Mom belligerently replies.

  Cooper wiggles against my shoulder and cries a little. Damn wind must be stuck. I rub his back a little firmer and finally turn to Gracie to get her reaction. “What are you thinking, Gracie?” I ask, but before she can say anything, Cooper lets out a loud cry followed by a man-like burp, and I instantly feel warm liquid soak through my shirt. “Did he just vomit on me?” I know I shouldn’t be stunned, but I haven’t had him puke on me yet.

  “I’ll get the nursing cloth,” Mom offers.

  She hasn’t even moved when I feel Cooper’s belly rumble against the hand holding his back. I never knew a baby’s backside could make the sounds erupting from my son at that moment. I look down in horror as brown liquid oozes from the sides of Cooper’s diaper onto my hand that cradles his bottom, and I can feel it seeping through the cotton of my shirt.

  “Jesus, someone stop it. What the hell’s happening?” I look up frantically and find my parents laughing their asses off. There are literally tears in my father’s eyes. April comes running into the room skidding to a stop, and when she looks my way and takes in the situation, she doubles over in laughter herself.

  “Someone help me, for God’s sake. Stop laughing, I’m covered in shit and vomit.”

  The laughter continues, but no one makes a move to help me and then another explosion from Cooper’s tiny butt has my now disowned family practically rolling around in hysterics. Liquid poo now drenches my shirt and squishes between my fingers, and I swear on my life, I just heard Cooper, my son, my little man actually sigh his relief in my ear.

  I look to Gracie, my eyes pleading for some assistance, and she smiles at me. “You asked me what I’m thinking Cole?” she says, and I’m momentarily confused until I remember I asked her that before the poop and vomit attack. “I’m thinking Cooper just took the words right out of my mouth. You going away for four days is going to be shit.” And with that, she’s up out of her seat, crutches in place and walking out of the room.

  “How can someone so little make such a huge mess?” April laughs. “Oh, God, the others are going to love this.” When I look up, she has her phone out taking photos of me. Seriously!

  “Mommm,” I whine like a little kid. “Help me, Mom, please.” This is ridiculous! I can’t believe my family is just sitting here laughing at this situation.

  “Here, Mom,” Gracie says, handing a towel over. “You can wrap Cooper in that, so we can bath him.”

  My mom walks over and takes Cooper, wrapping him in the towel. “I bet your tummy feels better now, doesn’t it, baby. Come on. Grandma will get you all cleaned up.”

  I stare after my traitorous mother as she walks away, cooing at Cooper but not helping her own son. Gracie makes her way over and tosses another towel in my lap. When I look up at her, I can tell she’s trying her best to hold her own laughter in but her lips curve up at the corners betraying her. “It’s gonna suck, but if you have to go, you have to go. We’ll miss you like crazy, but you know that Cooper and I will be fine, babe. We’ve got everyone around us to help out.”

  “So you’re not angry?” I ask, bewildered by her words because I thought she would be upset about me leaving.

  Now, she does start laughing. “I believe Cooper got the shits enough for both of us, don’t you think?” She nods down at my lap.

  I look at my shirt, my pants and my hand all covered in my son’s poop and let a small chuckle escape. “I guess he loves me the most since that’s his reaction to me going away.”

  Gracie rolls her eyes and turns for the hallway to follow Mom and Cooper. “Well, if that’s the case, I don’t have to worry about giving you my own special going-away present now, do I?” She wiggles her eyebrows up and down suggestively and has me spluttering a reply.

  “I’d love your present more, Gracie. Gracie?” But she just ignores me, and I’m left with my snickering father and sister. Just great!

  There are moments in your life that will stick with you forever. I’ve had quite a few of them over the last few months, and honestly, while the outcome has been fine, the moments have been filled with fear and stress. I’ve been planning today’s moment for weeks now, and with the help of my family, friends and even the hospital board, I’m hoping like crazy that it goes off without a hitch and turns out to be one of the greatest moments of mine and Gracie’s lives.

  Everyone’s involved and considering the party’s tomorrow, I’m so thankful they’ve all been able to work this into their schedules, but then again, I know there’s nothing either of our families wouldn’t do to help us and see us happy. Ashley and April were in shock when I told them my plan, and they’ve been over-the-top excited and helping to prepare every little detail ever since. I got the idea off something I saw on the Internet, and when I told Ashley, I wanted to do it this way because it would kind of be like Gracie’s mom was part of it, she started crying, pulled me into a hug and told me I was the most romantic and thoughtful guy ever. I don’t know about that. I just want to make the woman of my dreams happy.

  Gracie thinks I’m working today. I told her I had to pick up an extra shift which pissed her off a little since she wanted me to help out at Mom and Dad’s with the party preparations. She’d be even more pissed if she knew just how many little white lies she’s been told by everyone.

  “Everything’s set,” Ashley announces, walking back through the hospital entrance.

  “My mom knows to bring her this way and not to the ER entry?” I ask again.

  “She knows, Cole. Everyone knows what they have to do. Just relax and do your part, and it will be perfect,” she reassures me.

  “You know she’s going to freak out at first, right?” Sam says joining us, cell phone in his hand ready to make the call.

  “Yeah, I know, but I’m hoping she forgives that part,” I mumble. Damn it, I don’t want to scare her, but I have to make this look like an emergency.

  I run my hands through my hair again. I can’t help being nervous; this is huge, but then I think about it being just like when I got up on stage at Pitch and Tone’s and sang for her there. I can do this!

  “You ready?” Sam asks.

  I take a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I’m ready.”

  Chapter 25

  Grace...

  “That was one wet diaper, baby boy,” I tell Cooper and then place little kisses all over his tummy. “Oh, Mommy loves you so much.
”

  “I don’t know about you, honey, but every time I change his diaper, I can’t help but remember him pooping all over Cole, and I end up giggling to myself,” Olivia confesses as she puts Cooper’s clean clothes in his drawers.

  The images flash through my mind and I start laughing. “He was so horrified. He complained all night that he could still smell poop. You wouldn’t think he was a doctor the way he kept going on about it.”

  Olivia shakes her head. “Men! They can be such babies sometimes.” And we start giggling again but are interrupted by the phone ringing.

  “I’ll get it,” Olivia says and leaves the room as I finish buttoning up Cooper’s clothes.

  “You are the cutest baby in the whole wide world, Cooper Samuel Tierney.” I lean over and smile as I breathe in his gorgeous baby scent. That smell will never get old.

  “Gracie, honey. We have to go to the hospital,” Olivia says as she comes back into the nursery.

  I snap my head around in a panic. “Why? What’s happened? Is Cole okay?”

  Olivia goes and picks up Cooper’s diaper bag then walks over and takes Cooper off the change table. She doesn’t seem the least bit stressed. “Cole’s fine honey. Charlie’s had a bit of an accident at the garage, and your dad needs us to go pick up Ruby from the hospital.”

  “Oh, my God! What kind of accident? Is it serious?”

  “It’s nothing serious, Gracie. Come on. I’ve already grabbed a bottle for Cooper. Let’s go,” Olivia says and walks out of the room with Cooper.

  Grabbing my crutches, I make my way to the front door hoping Charlie’s okay and wondering why we have to pick up Rubes from the hospital when she should be at preschool. I lock the door behind me, and when I get to the car, Olivia already has Cooper in his car seat ready to go.

  I try to get more information out of Olivia on the drive to the hospital, but she doesn’t seem to have any other details apart from the fact that Sam called to tell us to come down. Why would Sam call and not my dad? Something’s not right and has me worrying even more.