Lily at Lissadell

by Judi Curtin

  One day I went into the kitchen and Cook was singing as she worked.

  ‘You’re happy, Cook,’ I said. ‘I haven’t heard you singing for more than a week.’

  She smiled at me. ‘I’m very happy. You know the family and all the guests are invited to a ball in a Big House near Sligo this evening?’

  ‘Of course I know,’ I said. ‘Who do you think had to carry all the extra towels and soap up to the dressing rooms earlier on?’

  ‘You?’

  I nodded. ‘And who do you think had to spend hours mending dresses and sewing on buttons and turning up hems?’

  ‘You again, I suppose, and I’m sorry for all your extra work, pet, but it’s good news for me. No fancy dinner for me to cook tonight. I only have to feed the servants, and there’s lots of leftovers to be getting on with.’

  ‘And after that there’s the servants’ party,’ said Maggie, who’d just come into the kitchen with a bundle of sheets in her arms.

  ‘Party?’ I said. ‘No one told me anything about a party.’

  ‘I presume everyone has been too busy to mention it,’ said Cook. ‘We’ve all been run off our feet these last weeks. Or maybe they thought you knew about it already.’

  ‘But it’s the best night of the whole year,’ said Maggie.

  And she was right!

  It didn’t matter that we were eating leftovers – the food that Cook served that night was the finest I’d ever eaten. She saw me sneaking two pastries for Winnie and Anne into the pocket of my apron. I could feel my face going red, but she came over and whispered in my ear.

  ‘You eat up,’ she said. ‘And enjoy it. I have some treats put away for you to bring to your family.’

  Everything tasted so nice, I didn’t stop eating until I was fit to burst. With no bells ringing from upstairs, everyone was more relaxed than I’d ever seen them, and there was lots of laughing and chat.

  When the meal was over, the table was pushed to one side. One of the footmen played the fiddle, and another accompanied him on the spoons.

  ‘Now who’ll sing a song for us?’ said Mrs Bailey. A stable boy stood up, but then Mrs Bailey continued, ‘but there will be no rude songs in this kitchen as long as I’m alive.’ The poor boy sat down again with a big red face, and I felt sorry for him.

  And then Nellie stood up. ‘I’ll sing,’ she said. Everyone looked surprised, including Nellie herself, almost as if she couldn’t believe she’d actually said the words. She whispered to the fiddle player, and then she sang a sad song about a poor old woman who had to travel the roads begging. Next she sang a slow love song, and after that she sang a happy song that had everyone tapping their feet and clapping their hands. Even though everyone begged for more, she stopped singing and came and sat beside me.

  ‘You have such a beautiful voice,’ I said. ‘Why don’t you sing every single day?’

  ‘Why don’t you ask me to?’ she said with a grin, and all of a sudden I wanted to hug her. How had this gorgeous girl been hiding inside the cross person I had first known?

  After that there was dancing, and I got so excited I jumped up on the table and danced a whole jig and a reel, and my new boots shone in the firelight, and everyone cheered me on, even Mrs Bailey.

  The party continued until we heard the first motor car pull up outside the house.

  Mr Kilgallon and the footmen straightened their clothes and went upstairs, while the rest of us scurried towards our beds.

  ‘Those songs you sang were so lovely,’ I said to Nellie, as we put out the light. ‘How did you learn them?’

  ‘There wasn’t much singing in the workhouse, but I learned a few songs when I came here. I had to pick up the words by listening, of course, but when I can read, I’m going to learn every single song in Miss Maeve’s books.’

  ‘Sounds like a good idea,’ I said, sleepy after the long day and night.

  ‘When I can read, I’m going to learn all kinds of things,’ she said. ‘My life is going to be so much better and it’s all thanks to you.’

  And that, I realised, was probably the best Christmas present I was ever going to get.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  In January I had two special days off, to make up for all the extra work at Christmas. Cook remembered her promise and gave me a big basket full of treats for the family.

  I couldn’t resist kissing her floury cheek. ‘No one in my family has ever met you,’ I said. ‘But they all love you to bits.’

  ‘Ah, get away with you,’ she said, but I knew she was pleased.

  I was excited as I ran to the drawing room to say goodbye to Nellie. She was singing to herself as she dusted the side tables.

  ‘I can help you with that if you like,’ I said.

  ‘Absolutely not,’ she said, pushing me away with a smile. ‘It’s your time off and I want you to enjoy every single minute with your family.’

  We were great friends by now, and even though I was looking forward to seeing Mam and the little ones, I knew I’d miss Nellie while I was away.

  ‘Lily?’ she said, when I was nearly at the door.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’ve been wanting to say. I mean … you see … there’s something … it’s been bothering me … so …’

  Her face was all red, and I was beginning to think that my two days off would be over before she finished her sentence.

  ‘You can tell me anything,’ I said, trying to hurry her along.

  ‘You’ve always been nice to me,’ she said.

  ‘That’s what friends do.’

  ‘But when you first came here – I was mean to you.’

  I couldn’t really argue with her – she had been horrible in the beginning.

  ‘That’s all right,’ I said.

  ‘No, it’s not all right. On your first day, and lots of days after that, I was very cruel and now I’m so sorry. You see, I was afraid … I was afraid that …’

  Even from all the way across the huge room, I could see the tears in her eyes. I came close to her and held her hand.

  ‘What were you afraid of, Nellie?’

  ‘I had two friends when I was in the … in the workhouse. Christina and Nora … and they were so kind to me, they were the ones who made my life bearable. But one day Nora’s aunt came to claim her … and I was happy for Nora because she was getting away from that terrible place … but my heart was breaking in two. I never saw Nora again.’

  I could feel tears coming to my own eyes, as I tried to imagine what Nellie’s pain must have been like.

  ‘And Christina?’ I asked, half afraid to hear the answer.

  ‘It was a very hard winter … and Christina got sick and she coughed all day and all night long … there was no medicine … I couldn’t do anything to help her … and she died … and I was so sad I thought I would die myself. And after that … I was afraid …’

  At last I understood. ‘Losing Christina and Nora was so awful, you were afraid to have any more friends after that?’

  Nellie nodded. ‘I didn’t want to take the chance – I didn’t want to feel that pain again – but all the time when I was here – I looked at the other servants chatting and laughing together – and I was so lonely – and then you came along – and you were so nice to me – but I was afraid … if I became close to you …’

  ‘I understand,’ I said. ‘Sometimes it can be hard, but we all need friends – and now you’ve got me – whether you like it or not.’

  Nellie smiled, and I used the corner of my shawl to wipe away first her tears and then my own.

  ‘I really can stay and help you for a little bit,’ I said. ‘Mam won’t mind if I’m a bit late, since I’ll be with her for two whole days.’

  ‘I won’t hear of it,’ she said, standing up tall. ‘You go and have a nice time with your family, and I will see you tomorrow, and you can tell me all about it.’

  * * *

  As I was coming out of the drawing room, I met Lady Mary.

  ‘Ah, Lily, t
he very girl,’ she said. ‘I’ve been looking for you.’

  ‘Is there something you want me to mend?’ I asked, hoping she’d say ‘no’. She’d never had a job in her life – how could she understand how important days off were to people like me?

  ‘Please come along to my study, won’t you?’

  Suddenly I felt guilty about the basket of food under my arm. Cook had said it was leftovers, and I hoped Lady Mary would see it the same way. What if she thought I was stealing it? As I followed her, the basket felt like a sack of rocks, and I wished I could hide it away under one of the many tables and dressers that lined the corridor.

  In her study, Lady Mary sat at her writing desk. I put the basket down on the rug and stood in front of her with my hands behind my back, the way Mrs Bailey had taught me. I looked down at my shiny new boots and waited for Lady Mary to speak.

  ‘I’ve been very pleased with your work, Lily,’ she said. ‘I want you to know that I believe your sewing is particularly good.’

  ‘Thank you, Lady Mary.’

  ‘I was just in the nursery, and I thought of you.’

  My heart sank. Was there lots of sewing waiting upstairs for me? I could mend nearly anything by now, but not on my precious days off.

  ‘Yes, Lady Mary?’

  She leaned behind her and picked something up from the floor. For a second I didn’t understand what I was seeing – it was just like Miss Bridget’s doll, the one I wanted so badly – except this one had golden red curls that reminded me a little bit of Nellie.

  What was going on?

  Was Lady Mary teasing me?

  ‘I was sorry when you changed your mind about your Christmas present,’ she said. ‘I loved to play with dolls when I was your age, but I understand that you had to be practical.’

  ‘The boots are very nice, thank you,’ I said. ‘They are the most comfortable boots I have ever owned.’ (And also the first pair that hadn’t been stretched by the feet of many others before me.)

  ‘Bridget received far too many presents at Christmas,’ she said. ‘Her Aunt Mabel gave her this doll, which seems such a waste, as she has several exactly like it already.’

  Did I dare to hope?

  ‘I would not like Bridget to grow up spoiled. I would like her to be a decent girl like you.’

  Was she saying …?

  ‘Which is why I would like you to have this doll.’

  I could hardly breathe. ‘But Miss Bridget, the poor little girl, I wouldn’t want her to …’

  Lady Mary smiled. ‘Trust me. She is but a baby, and she has so many dolls, she won’t even miss this one.’

  ‘I could mind it for her until she’s older,’ I said, trying to make myself feel better for taking the doll from the little child.

  Lady Mary held the doll towards me. ‘It’s yours,’ she said. ‘To keep forever, and there’s an end to the matter.’

  ‘Thank you so very much, Lady Mary,’ I said. ‘I will call her Julianne and I will treasure her always.’

  Then I picked up my basket, sat the doll on top of it and left.

  * * *

  It was a cold day, and I was glad of my warm boots for the long walk – and glad they actually fitted me too. I hummed to myself as I walked along. I hadn’t been home for weeks, and I was so excited I thought I’d burst.

  I wondered if Winnie was well, and if Anne was still learning her letters.

  Were the boys fighting and driving Mam mad?

  Was a few weeks long enough for them to forget all about me?

  But I needn’t have worried. Winnie and Anne were waiting at the door, and when they saw me coming along the lane they raced to meet me. Clever Anne spotted Julianne immediately.

  ‘A dolly,’ she said, jumping up and down. ‘You got a dolly. Can I see? Can I hold her?’

  ‘Me, me,’ said Winnie. ‘Me hold dolly.’

  ‘You can both hold her,’ I said. ‘You can take turns, but you have to be very careful. We don’t want her to break, do we?

  I put the basket down in the lane and handed the doll to each of my sisters in turn. Neither said anything as they held her as carefully as if she were a real baby. Their eyes were shining and they were smiling so much I thought their little faces might crack. I wished I was rich enough to buy them all the dolls in the whole world.

  * * *

  When I got inside, Mam hugged me for a long time.

  ‘My girl,’ she kept saying as she stroked my hair. ‘My darling girl is back.’

  Denis and Jimmy weren’t interested in the doll, but they dived into the basket as if it were full of gold and silver and jewels. They both pounced on a piece of sweet cake.

  ‘It’s mine,’ said Denis. ‘I touched it first.’

  ‘But I saw it first so that means it’s mine, doesn’t it Mam?’

  Mam let me go with a big sigh. ‘None of ye will get a crumb if ye don’t stop fighting right this minute.’

  The boys dropped the cake and stood there sulking. I laughed – it was good to know that some things would never change.

  * * *

  The day went very quickly. The little ones showed me the things Mam had made them for Christmas. Winnie sang a song that Jimmy had taught her, and Anne read out all the letters from her copybook.

  In the evening time we went to Carty’s house for a singsong. I handed a piece of cheese from Lissadell to Molly, the woman of the house, and she looked about ready to faint.

  ‘Mercy me,’ she said patting her chest as if she were checking to see that her heart was still in there under all her layers of shawls and blouses. ‘Such a treat, and from the Big House – I don’t know if we’ll dare to eat it at all at all.’

  ‘Well, if you’re not going to eat it, then give it back,’ said Anne reaching out her hand, and everyone laughed except for Mam who looked as if she wanted to die from embarrassment.

  * * *

  It was late when we got home. Mam was sparing the candles so we got changed in the dark.

  ‘I’ve been sleeping in your place on the outside of the bed, Lily,’ said Denis. ‘But you can have it back – just for tonight.’

  ‘Thank you, Denis,’ I said. I was glad he couldn’t see me smiling in the darkness. My little brother used to fight me for everything – when had he become so grown-up?

  Soon we were all settled in our usual places, with Winnie snuggled up next to me, twisting my hair around her fingers the way she always used to. Mam came to tuck us in, leaning across the bed to kiss everyone on the cheek.

  ‘Sleep well, my little one,’ she said to each of us in turn.

  ‘Thank you, Mam,’ I whispered. ‘You sleep well too.’

  It was strange to be back in my own bed, the one I’d slept in since I was tiny. I listened to the familiar sounds – Mam getting ready for bed and Winnie’s snuffly breathing. Even though I was safe in my own little house, with my family all around me, I couldn’t help feeling lonely. I wished for a life where I’d be sleeping with my brothers and sisters night after night. I wanted to go back to the days when Mam did all the worrying for me. I wanted my biggest problem to be who I’d sit beside in school next day. I wanted to be a little girl again.

  But then Denis started to kick me, and Anne cried for a drink of water, and Winnie climbed on top of me and I could hardly breathe, and I remembered that nothing was perfect.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  ‘You should run along to Hanora’s house and say hello,’ said Mam after breakfast next morning. ‘Who knows when you’ll see her again?’

  ‘I’ll see her next Saturday, won’t I?’

  ‘Oh my poor little pet,’ she said. ‘I forgot you didn’t know. The money for her ticket arrived last week. She leaves for America on Friday. Her poor mam and dad – they’ll have neither chick nor child when she’s gone. Maybe all they’ll ever have from now on will be letters and money and photographs of fat American babies in pretty lace dresses.’

  ‘When’s the wake?’ I asked.

  ‘
It’s on Thursday night, so I’m afraid you’ll be missing it – I’m sorry for that.’

  I’m not sure that I was sorry. American wakes were usually fun, but how could I bear to be at a party, when my friend was leaving? How could I dance and sing and eat sweet cake knowing that within a few hours Hanora would be on a ship, sailing far away from me?

  ‘I’ll go and see her now,’ I said. ‘And I’ll be back in time for dinner.’

  * * *

  Hanora and I went for a walk along the lane. We’d been friends all our lives, but now I couldn’t think of anything to say. As we strolled along in silence, I became sadder and sadder. Soon Rose would be leaving for Sligo and everything would be changed forever. New girls would be sitting in the big desks at school, and helping the Master with the little children. Miss O’Brien would be giving her special smile to someone else. In time, no one would remember that Hanora and Rose and I had ever been there, and when they saw my name scratched on the corner desk they would have no idea who I was.

  The lane is where Hanora and Rose and I gathered wild strawberries in summer, and searched for blackberries and crab apples when the chilly autumn winds were blowing. This was where we hid when we were trying to get away from our mams who needed us to do jobs.

  ‘Remember the day William’s goat escaped?’ said Hanora.

  ‘I’ll never forget it,’ I said. ‘We chased him across five fields before we caught him. Rose’s dress got torn, and I lost my best hair ribbon.’

  ‘And you thought William would give us a reward for bringing him back.’

  Now I could hardly talk I was laughing so much. ‘And instead of giving us a reward, he chased us away with a stick, and blamed us for letting the goat out in the first place – which was so unfair.’

  ‘Lily, there’s one thing I never told you about that day.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Well actually I might have opened the gate a little bit.’

  ‘You what?’ Hanora rarely did anything wrong, and I could hardly believe what I was hearing.

  ‘I thought it would be fun, but that goat was a faster runner than I expected, and by the time he got to the third field, I didn’t want to tell you what really happened.’