Destructive Silence (The Destructive Series)

by L. U. Ann

  “Okay, honey, but if you get any cramps overnight, I want you to wake me up. I don’t care what time it is.”

  “Thanks mom.” I’m relieved that I won’t need to do any explaining to the doctors.

  Once we get home, I call Walter Reed. The nurse explains how the stress of what I’m going through probably caused the cramping. She is really nice, and instructs me to lie down and put my feet up, with the promise that if the cramps continue or worsen, I will get to the hospital as soon as possible. Relieved, I hang up and I go straight to my room - my old room that mom and dad haven’t changed one bit – preparing to do exactly what the nurse told me to.

  Lane comes in to talk while I get ready for bed. Unsure of what my back looks like from Caine, I close the bathroom door to change into my pajamas, hoping she doesn’t question this behavior. “Lacey, I’m so sorry for tonight. I didn’t mean to intrude, but mom and I were worried and felt one of us needed to do something.” I can understand where Lane is coming from. I’m not mad; I would do the same for her in a heartbeat.

  “I know you’re married to Caine, and it’s none of my business. It’s hard to watch you go through this. I’m sorry if I’ve made things worse for you.” She wears a sad smile, searching my face and waiting for me to say something. Her blue eyes sparkle from the tears pooling in them, and my heart breaks a little more. With me only turning to Lane when I get upset about Caine, I can understand her need to step in and try to fix this corpse of a marriage. She knows me too well to accept my lies about nothing being wrong. Oh God! She knows Caine isn’t home when I magically appear at our parents’ house because I’m tired of being alone in the apartment. She sees right through me. Ugh! I refuse to acknowledge her revelation, and continue to play my tale of a life. I silently scream at myself for allowing Caine to get away with his destructive behavior and at myself for my silence.

  “I’m sorry I keep getting you involved, Lane. I try not to make him mad, but it seems like he’s always mad about the silliest things.”

  “I know. You need to get some sleep and we can figure this out tomorrow, okay?” She begins to walk out.

  “Lane?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for everything.” She nods. “Seriously, Lane, I don’t know what I’d do without you. Thank you,” I say before lying down.

  I wish I was stronger like Lane and could do something to make things better for the baby and me. I just don’t know what to do. This baby needs a father. I defend Caine each time my parents go on a tirade about his partying. They think it’s wrong for me to be okay with him going out five times a week with his friends, leaving me home. I’m not twenty-one years old and I can’t get into the places he goes. My fake ID has expired, so it’s not as if I can use that. Plus, I’m pregnant. I would certainly be a sight all dolled up; knee high black boots, dress showing my usual cleavage, oh and a baby bump too. Yeah, not going to happen! Nor am I going to take my baby to a place filled with smoke. That would be careless of me. Caine and I are both young. I’m pregnant; he’s not. Why should he have to sit around while something is cooking inside of me? I will stop letting my parents know so much. Maybe I should stop looking for them to rescue me. This could work if I keep both lives separated.

  I need to be patient and try to make things work out so that my baby will have a father in its life. I wish Caine wouldn’t take advantage of me, but I’ll pray tomorrow is a better day. Most of all, I am thankful for no more cramping and fighting tonight. I’m tired and tumble asleep soon after my head hits the pillow.

  This morning I woke up late. I had just enough time to take a quick shower and grab a slice of bread before heading to work. It was weird sleeping in my old bed last night, but at least for once, I slept without any interruptions. I’m sure I look like a zombie but will somehow manage to get through the entire day. My phone vibrates on the counter; it’s Becca. “Hey girl, whatcha doing?” I ask.

  “Lacey, what the hell?”

  “What?” I ask, knowing what Lane meant last night when she said that we’d figure it out tomorrow. She sic’d Becca on me.

  “You know what. Lane just told Trish about what happened last night, and you didn’t call me? Dammit Lacey, you were cramping. What did that fucker do?”

  “Nothing Becca. He was just saying some mean stuff. He’s been drinking and you know how they get when they’re drunk. It was my fault for being too demanding when he was in that state.” I try to dismiss the severity of the situation. I probably said too much.

  “You are fucked up in the head if you are blaming yourself for any of this. He has messed with your head and weakened your mind, love.” She sighs. “You know it’s Saturday and I don’t have anything special going on, so I’m coming over.”

  “Becca, please. You don’t have to come over.”

  “I want to.”

  “I know, but I need to talk to Caine about everything going on and there’s no reason for you to get caught up in his crap.” Oops, a customer happened to walk by just when I cussed. Dammit, sometimes these customers are nuisances.

  “Are you for real Lacey? You must have been abducted by fucking aliens. I absofuckinglutely want to be there if you are going to talk to him. Look what happened last night. You were upset and began cramping. You don’t need to be alone.”

  “Becca,” I start.

  “You have no choice, I’m coming over. So pick my ass up on your way home, because Trish took the car to see her boy toy. Okay?”

  “Fine, but it’s going to be late because I don’t get off until nine-thirty tonight.”

  “I’ll see you at ten, okay bestie?”

  “Alright, love, you win.”

  “You know I always do. Love you bestie. Mmm-ba-bye.”

  I smile and reply, “Mmm-ba-bye.” It’s from our little Saturday Night Live skit that we like to repeat on occasion.

  I make it through the rest of the workday without hearing from Caine. It is nice to have my mind occupied by my own thoughts and not his poison. I have no idea what the hell I’m doing staying with him. He does whatever the hell he wants to and manipulates me to stop hanging out with my family, and soon it’s going to include Becca, I’m sure. It’s almost as if he is pulling me away from myself and molding me into the person he wants me to be.

  I pull into the driveway at the house Becca is renting with Trish, and some other girls in college. Becca runs out to hug me. I internally flinch from the pain I still feel where Caine’s foot slammed in my back. The bruises will heal, but the emotional pain is so much harder to heal from. Becca pulls back from our hug to look me in the eye. “Girl, I’m going to personally kick your ass if you ever, ever not contact me when something like last night happens again. We are best friends and we are supposed to be there for each other.”

  I roll my eyes at her. “I promise I’ll at least text you and say, ‘something.’” I internally giggle at my joke.

  “You sarcastic little twit. You will tell me what’s going on love, okay?”

  “Okay. Are you ready because I’m tired as all get out,” I tell her as a yawn grows where I can’t suppress it any longer.

  “Let me grab my bag,” she says as I follow her inside. Her house is unusually quiet.

  “Where is everyone?”

  “There is a huge party at one of the frat houses and everyone’s over there.”

  “Oh, why didn’t you go?”

  “Because I have better plans with my bestie.”

  “Becca, you should go. I can’t hold you back from having a good time. Where’s Lucas? Please reconsider and go. I’m just going back to the house to sleep.”

  “I don’t know what Lucas is doing. We aren’t serious enough to know where the other one is all the time. And who said you were holding me back? That’s a bunch of dog doo-doo,” she says while I start cracking up. “What?”

  “Oh, some of the things that come out of your mouth are funny. Let’s go.” For someone with such a vile mouth, when Becca says ‘dog doo-doo’, it
cracks me up.

  Answering all of Becca’s questions about last night consumes the drive home. She needs to know every detail, but it sounds like Lane did a pretty decent job of telling Trish, who relayed it to Becca. She knows everything already, but I guess she wanted to hear it from me.

  Caine’s car isn’t in its normal parking space; in fact, I don’t see it at all. He must have gone out again. I was hoping to talk to him tonight, but maybe it’s best to wait until tomorrow.

  Becca and I settle in for the night. “I’m so exhausted, I could pass out anywhere.”

  She pulls out the sofa bed. “Do you want to watch a movie?” she asks, fixing her sheets and blankets.

  I think Becca is hoping to talk more. “No, I need to go to bed. Goodnight, love.” I tell her walking upstairs.

  I am climbing into bed when the phone rings. “Caine?” I ask, picking my head off my pillow to look at my alarm clock that reads eleven-thirty.

  “Yeah, I was wondering if you were home.”

  “Um... yes, I answered the phone.” Dumbass.

  “Well, I’m over at a friend’s house that is having a party.” There’s a lot of noise in the background. Why is he calling to tell me this? Perhaps, he wanted to see if I was home, maybe... please God NO!!!!!

  “Okay. Do you know what time you’re going to be home? Because... we need to talk.” I hope he can hear me over the noise.

  “I don’t know.” He sighs. “We’ll talk when I get in. I have to go now.” The phone clicks. Nice!

  Sleeping in the bed I’ve grown fond of in just a few short months gives me a restful night sleep, even with Caine staying out all night. My back doesn’t feel as sore this morning. I’m afraid to look in the mirror for fear of seeing marks or bruises.

  I yawn going downstairs to see if Becca’s awake.

  “Good morning Sunshine,” she greets.

  “Damn, I keep forgetting how chipper you are in the mornings.” I smile.

  “Dang girl, you aren’t wearing your coffee face. How did you manage that?” she inquires.

  “Simple. I stopped drinking coffee cold turkey. It was hell for a week or two and then I was over it.” I shrug.

  Walking into the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice, I ask, “Are you hungry? I’m going to fix some juice. Want some?”

  “Sure. I guess I forgot about you cutting out coffee and cigarettes. I don’t know how you did it. I would have probably committed assault or something. What do you have going on in the goods department?” She motions over to the refrigerator.

  “Bacon, eggs, and grits?” I ask.

  “Holy shit. I’ll take eggs and bacon, but for fucks sake, hold that disgusting shit you call grits. I don’t know why you eat that crap.”

  “Whatever, and it’s not crap. I happen to love it.” I smile smugly.

  “Um yeah, it’s crap, love.” I roll my eyes at her.

  I begin frying the bacon, with Becca chatting about her classes. I wish I had the opportunity to be at college right now. But mom needs me and besides, I’m only taking a year off. Mom’s surgery is scheduled for next week. I hope this will take away most of the pain she has every day.

  “Love, are you playing bacon Tetris?” she asks bringing me back to the here and now.

  “Well, they have to be placed a certain way to fit as many as possible in the pan. It’s called being efficient.” I smile.

  “You sure that’s efficiency and not you’re OCD?” she asks.

  “Shut up,” I tell her, throwing a small piece of burnt bacon at her.

  “Hmm... nom, nom, nom. That’s good bacon you’re missing out on.” She teases, imitating the noise of eating and enjoying every crumb.

  I hand her a plate of eggs, and set the pile of bacon between us. I heat up my grits and sit next to her. “So what do you want to do today?” I ask. “Do you have any plans?

  “Nope, I’m a free bird today, love.”

  “Do you want to go shopping and maybe look at baby stuff?” I ask.

  “Hell yes! My niece or nephew deserves the best, and that means Auntie Becca needs to pick stuff out for him or her.” She smiles.

  “You are crazy; you know that, right?” I giggle. We shower and get out of the apartment in record time. I don’t know if Becca realizes how much of a hurry I am in to get out of there, but I don’t want to face Caine. I am in a good mood and don’t want him to spoil it.

  We start driving the short distance to the baby superstore when Becca yells, “My God Lacey! Go around her.” She points to the car in front of us. “Freaking driving while gray is going to kill us lady.” The poor old woman in front of us is going about ten or more miles under the speed limit. With cars zooming past me, I don’t have the opportunity to pull around. We arrive at the store without any bodily harm, making Becca a little bit easier to handle. “What a fucking spot tease,” she says.

  I look over at her. “What do you mean a-what-spot?”

  Becca laughs. “It’s a parking space that looks open to only find a small car has occupied the space. I can’t believe you didn’t know that.” She shakes her head in disgust at my lack of ‘Urban Knowledge’.

  “Becca, there are times when no one knows what the hell you are saying, so I don’t think it’s just me.”

  “Whatever, let’s get in there. I’m dying to pick out the cutest bedding and outfits.”

  “Becca, are you having the baby?” I ask her amused.

  “Actually, yeah I am. That’s my baby you are carrying.”

  I roll my eyes. She is getting a little too attached to my little baby bump. I smile happily, knowing how much this baby is going to be loved, with or without a father in its life.

  “Are you happy you are waiting until the birth to find out if you’re having a girl or boy?”

  “Yeah, I’m kind of excited to wait.” I say thinking it’s something I’m holding onto that Caine can’t control.

  I pull up to the apartment after dropping Becca off. We were in heaven going through the aisles making a list of the items we think I’ll need to get. I even splurged and bought my baby bump its first outfit. It’s the cutest thing ever. A simple little green sleeper with ‘I love Mommy’ embroidered on the upper left chest. Yes, my baby will love me and I love him or her. I will protect my baby from any future physical altercations with Caine. I’m done playing nice. I needed this time apparently to get back to my fiery self who wouldn’t tolerate shit like Caine.

  His car is parked next to mine. Caine’s home but I’m not worried. I grab the bag that holds baby bump’s first purchase and walk into the apartment.

  “Hi,” I say when I walk in finding him watching television.

  He looks up from the TV to nod at me. I fix a glass of water and begin to leave the kitchen when Caine is standing right in my path. Uh oh! All smiles are gone.

  “So, where have you been? Looks like you spent money. I’d like to know where you got the money, Lacey?” he snaps.

  “I used my lunch money for a couple of days.”

  “Is it smart to deprive my child of food so that you can buy needless things?” he says nastily.

  “Caine, stop! I’m tired of the crap you are putting me through.” This was my moment. “You know what’s interesting, Caine? You forgot to give me lunch money last week. I was almost out the door when I realized it. You had already begun to take your shower and I didn’t want to bother you. I pulled five dollars out of your wallet and a piece of paper fell out. I picked it up and two girls’ names and phone numbers were on it, in your handwriting.”