I was still off work for the next couple of weeks to make sure everything was okay with my wound and I’d been invited out for a drink with Harley and Alfie. They were planning their stag weekend. They were going to celebrate it together – and why not? It made perfect sense with them both being guys. And they were meeting their other mates at Studs and Steel nightclub to arrange the whole thing.
I was sat at the bar with a lemon and lime – I still wasn’t allowed to drink because I was on yet another course of antibiotics. Harley was sitting on a barstool with his arms looped around Alfie’s waist, who was leaning back against him, looking totally relaxed and happy. I felt a stab of jealousy that was so powerful I could have puked.
“Everything okay, Denny?” Harley looked at me in concern.
I nodded and sighed, “I will be.” I said, “One day.” When I’m old and grey and no longer in love with Blaine... Although I wasn’t sure if I would ever not be in love with Blaine – love was love – you couldn’t control it and you couldn’t switch it off either, which was a real fucking pain...
Harley frowned at Alfie, who shrugged his shoulders and they both turned and looked at me, “Wanna talk it about it, sweetheart?” Alfie asked me.
I sighed and shrugged, “I’m not sure.”
Harley frowned, “Is it something to do with Blaine?” he asked.
I snapped my eyes to his, “Why?” I asked.
He looked steadily back at me, “Because he’s reacting to your name in exactly the way you’ve just reacted to his. What’s going on?”
I sighed and shook my head, “Absolutely nothing.” I muttered, “more’s the pity.”
Harley looked at Alfie who nodded back at him and then they both turned back to me with matching expressions – a cross between sympathy and mischief... “I invited him to come tonight, too.” Harley said.
I stared at him with my mouth open, “Seriously?” Fuck. I really didn’t know what to do about that.
He nodded, smiling encouragingly, “Just talk to him – tell him how you feel.”
I nodded. It made perfect sense.
Alfie looked over my shoulder, “Oh, look,” he said with glee, “Here he is, we’ll give you some space.”
Harley and Alfie drifted off to Alfie’s dressing room. No doubt they’d be getting up close and personal with each other any second now. I looked at Blaine.
He stared at me from where he was stood by the door for a moment before smiling nervously and making his way over.
Almost immediately that my heart leapt with hope, I was surrounded by the rest of the guys in the club – all of them were very friendly and concerned about me being shot by Lenny Roblinski, the guy who was believed to be to blame for all of the terror threats to Peyton’s businesses. I kept looking over at Blaine but he was stood apart from me and I couldn’t very well ignore River and Jodie and Simon and Buzz and all the others. Alfie and Harley had been great trying to get us some time together – but they’d clearly not tipped off the rest of them...
Chapter 23 – Explanations
Blaine
Denny was sat at the bar with a tall drink. I was relieved to see that he wasn’t drinking alcohol, not that I thought he would but I’d been the worst sort of a friend these last couple of weeks – I hadn’t even managed to pluck up the courage to go and see him again after the first time I’d been round. His dad had made so me nervous, knowing that he’d never really liked me but Denny was important to me and I’d been dying to see him.
I’d gone round two days later, following Catherine’s advice to tell him how I felt as soon as possible.
After I’d finally gotten past his dad, I made my way up the stairs and headed for Denny’s room. The house was very familiar to me, as I’d been here hundreds of times when we were kids.
I slipped into his room and whispered his name, “Denny?”
He opened his eyes and blinked a few times before he looked across and really focused on me.
I smiled, “Hi,” I said, crossing the room and reaching for his hand. I gave it a squeeze, “You scared me back there,” I said, “I thought I’d lost you.”
He chuckled and squeezed my hand back, “You don’t get rid of me that easily.” He said quietly.
I smiled.
He smiled back and looked up at me, his eyes full of some emotion I didn’t dare acknowledge. But I’d come here to explain stuff and I wasn’t going to let it lie. It was time I told him exactly how I felt about him, “I love you, Denny – you do know that, right?”
He blinked, “Uh, sure,” he said, the smile fading on his face and his eyes dimming, “And I love you too.”
I looked at him, “You didn't hear me right – I meant that I love you, love you.”
His jaw dropped slightly, “As in...?” He trailed off uncomfortably.
I sighed as my heart started to sink at the unmistakable flash of panic in his eyes at my words, “Yes, Denny,” I said as patiently as I could muster, “exactly like that,” I licked my lips nervously.
He shook his head, “But you left with Catherine.”
I sighed, “It wasn’t what it looked like.”
Denny laughed, “Sure.” He said sarcastically. He didn’t believe me.
It was time to tell it how it really was. To really lay my cards on the table and admit what he meant to me... “I want to suck your dick and get it on with you so badly sometimes that I think I’m gonna burst with all the feelings spinning around inside of me.”
He stared at me as if I really had lost the plot this time, “but...”
I put my hand up to stop him from saying anything else but he wasn’t having any of it. He really didn’t believe me. Struggling to a sitting position, he glared at me, “You left the hospital with Catherine.” He all but yelled at me, “You don’t have to try to make me feel better about everything you know, Blaine – I knew what I was getting myself into – and it’s really okay.” There were tears in his eyes and his voice cracked, “It was a bit of a fling and we’re back to reality now. I get it.” He closed his eyes, “You know the way out, don’t you?”
I didn’t know what else I could say – I’d told him how I felt and he hadn’t believed me...
I’d left his house in a bit of a daze. What the hell was I supposed to do now? I didn’t know what else I could do. When Harley asked me to go to Studs to have drinks and discuss his and Alfie’s stag weekend I’d jumped at the chance. I had to see Denny again. I had to put things right between us.
And so now I had another chance. Don’t fuck it up again, Blaine.
Cupid must have been having a lie in or something though, because nothing went my way. Almost the minute I got there, so did River and Jodie, Simon and Buzz, Buzz’s boyfriend Franz and what seemed like a million other guys – all of whom had met Denny before and had heard all about the shooting. They surrounded him in seconds. There was no way we were going to get any time alone to talk now...
Finally I managed a few minutes with him, but the music was pumping and he was beat, “I’m going home,” he said, “I’m done here.”
I nodded, “Want me to come with you?”
He shook his head, “Please stop being nice to me – you made your choice, Blaine – stick with it. I’m trying to move on – let me, please.”
Chapter 24 – Rejections
Denny
It was so hard to ask him to back off but I was hurt and I honestly couldn’t see what the point would be for him to try to be gay just for me. This wasn’t some romantic novel – this was my life and reality wasn’t like that. I took a deep breath, “I know you don't feel the same as I do,” How could you have sex with me and put in so much to pull the rug and go straight back to her...? “and that's really okay,” no it’s not. It’s not okay at all... “It’s not like I ever really expected you to say you'd always loved me too.” But actually a small part of me did, and God, I wished it with everything I am...
He opened his mouth to reply but I pressed on, "please don't l
et it be weird between us – I’ve tried staying away from you but the truth is that I need you in my life – any way at all.” I was quite aware I sounded desperate but I really didn’t care. I was tired and emotional and I probably wasn’t making much sense but I wasn’t actually as ready to throw the towel in on our friendship as I’d thought I was.
He nodded, "Okay," he said softly, "I'm sorry that you don’t think I feel the same way as you do... but for the record, I love you more than anyone or anything else in this world....”
Well, it wasn’t exactly ‘I’m in love with you too, we’ll always be together,” but it was something at least...
Blaine
What the fuck was wrong with me? I could have shown him – and everyone else in the club, right there and then – that I was in love with him. I’d only had to gather him into my arms and kiss his face off. Why was I so scared to admit my feelings?
I had to talk to Dad. Denny had just left the club and there was really no reason for me to hang around. Instead of heading home, I went to my parents’ place.
Dad looked up when I walked in. The smile on his face to see me made my heart ache. I was about to break him...
“Here he is.” He said, standing up and throwing his arms around me in a bear hug. “Our very own hero of the hour.”
I laughed, “Not sure about that.” I said, “Denny’s the one that took the bullet in his back, not me.”
Dad hugged me a little tighter, “Well, I shall be calling him to convey my sincere thanks to him for pushing you sideways and saving your life.” He said, “How is he?”
Disentangling myself from his embrace I flopped down onto the sofa, “He’s fine, now. Thank God. He got an infection that set him back for a few days.”
Dad nodded, sitting down next to me, “He still means a lot to you.” he said matter-of-factly.
I nodded, “He does.” I said, “I love him, Dad.”
Dad smiled, “I know you do, son.” He said, “You always have.”
I sighed and nodded. Dad probably didn’t mean it the way I did, but I had to come out sometime, “I reckon I have.” I muttered. “I tried dating girls for years – but, honestly Dad, nothing... no one compares to Denny.”
Dad frowned, “Why did you do that?” he asked, “I thought he was your boyfriend back when you were kids...” he trailed off.
I looked at him in shock, “No.” I stuttered, “I w-wanted him to be b-but then you f-found us...” I could feel my face heating up, “And it k-kind of made me realise that it was wrong – and you said it was wrong...”
Dad’s jaw dropped, “No I didn’t.” he spluttered.
I blinked, “You did. You absolutely did.”
Dad’s face fell, “Oh, my God...” he dragged his hands down his face as he looked at me and realisation dawned on him, “Oh, son,” he shook his head, “I didn’t mean it was wrong to fall in love with Denny – just that I didn’t really want you doing that sort of thing on my sofa where anyone could walk in on you. He was licking your stomach as I recall – and you were both as naked as the day you were born.” He was very red and looking incredibly uncomfortable, “But that was all I meant – well, that and I also didn’t want you to have a careless attitude towards sex and a multitude of partners.”
Oh fuck. Why the hell hadn’t we discussed this before? “I just assumed...”
Dad raised an eyebrow, “What?” he asked indignantly, “You assumed I was as much of a homophobic twat as Denny’s father? You assumed that I thought my son couldn’t possibly be a real man just because he loved another man?”
I hung my head, shamed that I’d thought my dad was as bad as Denny’s. “I don’t know...”
He squeezed my shoulder, “I’m not like Ellis Denison Senior, son. I know a real man when I see one – and you and Denny are both great guys and real men. I’m awful proud of both of you.”
I let out a long sigh and tried my best to keep my emotions in check. I failed miserably... “He thinks I don’t feel that way about him. I’ve ruined everything, Dad.” My voice cracked and I wiped away my tears hurriedly.
He chuckled, “Rubbish.” He scoffed, “Just go back and tell him the truth – and son – don’t let him talk himself out of anything. Make him listen.”
I nodded. Of course – it was so obviously the right thing to do... What the hell was I worrying about?
Chapter 25 – Moving on...
Denny
Well that was it then. It was painful, hell it was crushing but it was necessary. I was going to have to move on. This situation we were in was intolerable for both of us. I wanted something he couldn’t give me – and he wanted me to be something that I was no longer capable of. I couldn’t go back to being just friends after what we’d had together. I’d had a taste of what I was missing and I couldn’t look at him every day, knowing that he was capable of being the finest lover for me – but that he didn’t actually want me that way. I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t live with that anymore.
I’d have to look for a different job too. I’d never really wanted to join the force. If I was honest with myself, I’d only done it to be with Blaine. Everything I ever did was for Blaine. It was going to be kind of hard to step away from everything that was familiar and right. Being without him felt weird and wrong. I wasn’t happy without him – I was simply existing...
I’d concentrate on getting better and then I’d look for a new job. There was no point in doing anything else though. The idea of finding someone else to try to love, build a relationship with... well, that was just futile. It was never gonna happen. There was really only one person in my life that I loved, had ever loved and was ever going to love. I was so screwed...
Chapter 26 – All good things come to an end...
Hendrix
One month later.
Hendrix knew it was too good to last. Police protection? Yeah right. Like they were capable of protecting him against Lenny and the rest of the gang. It was always going to just be a matter of time. Not that it was really their fault. It was just that Hendrix had never really been any good at following orders, even when it meant his life was endangered...
“Oh, great.” Hendrix saw them coming long before they saw him. I really should have stayed in the safe house, he scolded himself. But it was too late now. He couldn’t get back there before they’d get to him.
Hendrix stood up and waited. There was no point in putting up a fight – it would just make his beating even worse. Two of Lenny’s minions walked up to him, “Get in the car.”
He nodded and climbed into the car. Lenny smiled at him evilly, “Good to have you back, kid.”
He sighed, “Good to be back, Lenny.” He said sarcastically, “I’ve missed you.” He was pushing his luck and he knew it. He also knew that Mason was going to be completely pissed off with him for fucking everything up again.
Lenny’s smile turned to a scowl, just as he knew it would sooner or later. “You’re a fucking little grass. You have nothing – you are nothing.”
Hendrix closed his eyes. He hated Lenny but he also knew that he was right. He was nothing. He was worthless. Mason would be so much better off without him in his life. He might as well be dead. What was the point in trying to be a better human being? He was never going to be able to escape them. Never.
Although, there was always hope – Daryl wasn’t going to be a problem anymore. He’d heard that Lenny had beaten him unconscious in a fit of rage and he’d died later in the hospital. Well, that was no great loss. He was a murdering bastard anyway. If only Lenny would do the decent thing and die too – the rest of the gang would just disperse...
“I’ve got a nice little job for you.” He was saying, “A nice little job.”
Great. More drug smuggling? Risking his life having sex with some guy who refused to wear a condom? So what else was new? “What do I have to do?” he asked.
“You’ll see.” Lenny said with a grin.
Chapter 27 – Unwelcome news...
&
nbsp; Blaine
“Chief?” I poked my head around the chief’s office door, “You wanted to see me?”
He smiled and nodded, “Ah, Blaine – come in, come in.”
I went in and sat down.
“As you know, we had to break up the dream team when young Denny got injured.”
I nodded, my heart picking up at the idea that we might be reunited sooner rather than later. I missed him so much it was painful.
Chief grinned, “Well, you and Marney have been great since you’ve been teamed up and with Denny requesting that he be partnered with Adams, I just wanted to make sure you were cool with the situation – is there anything I should be worried about?”
My jaw went slack and heart about dropped through my arse, “Denny asked to be partnered with Adams?” Not me?
He nodded, looking uncomfortable at my reaction, “Well, he’s also looking into the voluntary redundancy packages we have on offer – you know with the downsizing of the operations here... I thought it was strange.”
Strange? I was fucking fuming. It wasn’t strange it was fucking madness. He hadn’t discussed any of this with me. “Have you made any decisions?”
He shook his head, a little smile on his face, “Not yet.”
“Hang fire for a day or two, will you? I’ll talk to him.” I promised, “Denny and I belong together.”
Chief grinned, “That you do.” He agreed.
Chapter 28 – Stag party...
Denny
Stake Out... (Studs & Steel Book 5) Page 11