The Pastor's Son

by Rebecca Joanne

  “Why are You doing this to me!?”

  I let out a soft sob as I bowed my head.

  “Why don’t You ever talk back to me?”

  My words were but a whisper in the chill wind beating against my back. My toes had grown numb ten minutes ago, and I could no longer feel my nose. The sky had been dark and gray for what seemed like months. Years, even.

  Then, those breathless words fell from my lips again.

  “Why have you abandoned me?”

  I was too cold to be angry. Too cold to be upset. I tried to stand up, but all I did was stumble on my numb ankles. My hands reached out to catch me. I took a hill full of snow to the face before I rose. And as I drew in a deep breath, my eyelids closed.

  I felt my body shutting down on me.

  Everything felt so cold. Then, a flash of warmth overtook me. The ice rushing through the marrow of my bones tried to overtake it, making me shiver violently. I couldn't sit still. I couldn't get up. I’d never experienced a cold like that before, and it had me worried.

  You’re dying out here, Adam.

  “Then, let me die,” I choked out.

  I felt tears brewing, but they refused to fall. Even they were scared of the cold surrounding my body. I didn’t know which way was up. I didn’t even know if I was walking the right way down the mountain. I hung my head as my nose graced the top of the snow, the powder tickling my skin. Only, it wasn’t funny. I didn’t laugh. I felt my body grow warm as I lost touch with reality. Hearing voices and seeing faces that didn’t exist.

  I love you, sweet boy.

  “Mom?” I whispered.

  You’re smarter than this. Why are you doing this to yourself?

  I sniffled. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m sorry for being such a disappointment.”

  My shoulders shook with my tearless sobs. I accepted my fate. I accepted my death. I accepted the disappointment that had become my life. I had no reason to live, anyway. No family. No friends. No children. No girlfriend to give any sort of a darn about me. I had nothing in that God-forsaken town except a church that needed a pastor and a house that smelled too much like the memories that hurt.

  Like the memories that drove me up here.

  Like the memories that were about to kill me.

  “I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong enough,” I said through my sniffles.

  Sing for me, sweet boy.

  The icy breath I took burned my throat. “When peace like a river attendeth my way.”

  I drew in another breath as my lungs cried out for mercy.

  “When sorrow like sea billows roll.”

  I tried to get off my knees, but it felt like something was forcing me down. Weighing me down. As if life itself wanted me to die out here in the cold. And for some reason, it made me sing my mother’s favorite hymn even louder.

  “Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say: it is well, it is well with my soul.”

  Light burst behind my eyelids, and everything disappeared. The cold. The snow. The fire, ever-blossoming in my gut. My fear melted away, and my tears dried up. The sorrow I kept a tight hold on in my heart swiftly dissipated, as if the blinding light itself could melt steel. It hurt, it was so bright. I felt weightless as if I were floating in the deep end of the pool underwater. Not quite above it, but not sunken to the bottom.

  I relished the feeling.

  “Adam.”

  I saw the outline of a shadow blocking the light as it called out my name.

  “I can’t help you if you don’t let me, Adam. Stay still.”

  Kendall?

  “Adam. Can you hear me?”

  I heard myself groan. Almost like an out-of-body experience.

  “Adam. Stop fighting me. Just let me--stay still.”

  All at once, it was like I snapped back into my body. My toes hurt, and my ribs felt like they had been broken. Every muscle I possessed screamed with rage, though I didn’t know why they were. My head fell forward, then flopped back. I felt something stiff against my body. Something wrapped around me, holding me against the stiffness. And when my eyes finally fell back open, I found myself gazing up at the most beautiful sight.

  Dell, with her gorgeous blonde hair blanketing us off from the cold, harsh world around us.

  “Thank God. Adam, can you hear me?”

  I tried to move my lips, but they wouldn’t say anything.

  “It’s okay. Here. Can you squeeze my hand if you can hear me?”

  I felt my fingers flex a smidge. But it definitely wasn’t a squeeze.

  “All right. I’ll take it. But you’re going to have to help me a little bit. You have to stop struggling, okay? You have to stop fighting.”

  Fighting is all I know how to do.

  Except, I couldn't get my lips to move to say anything.

  “I’m going to get you out of here. I’m going to get you down this mountain. And then, we’re going to find you a hospital. Your pulse is very slow right now, and I’m worried.”

  The wind kicked up, and it snapped my eyes shut. I heard Dell swearing beneath her breath as something crumpled in the distance, like tin foil mixed with a blanket. A comfort fell against me before I felt pressure on both sides of my body. Warmth rushed my veins, filling me to my core. The pain that rushed through my body was great. And as I grunted out, I heard snow crunching all around me.

  “Just hang on,” Dell said as my body started moving, “I’m going to do my best to get you down this mountain.”

  Chapter Sixteen: Kendall

  “Come on, girl. You’ve got this.”

  The engine of my snowmobile sputtered and groaned. As if protesting my every move.

  “I know you’re not happy with me.”

  Something clanked in the engine, and I patted the side of the vehicle.

  “Yes, I know it’s been a while since I’ve serviced you. But, you’re doing a good job anyway.”

  I rolled to a stop and peeked behind me. I heard Adam murmuring to himself, and what he was saying? I had no idea. At first, I thought he might have been praying. But I heard my name a couple of times and wondered if he was trying to talk with me.

  The cold had surely made him delirious.

  “Just hang on,” I whispered.

  Then, my snowmobile lurched to life.

  “Fine! Fine! All right, already. We’re going. Let’s go.”

  I gave the rusted machinery a bit of gas and pulled away from the snow-covered corner. How Adam managed to get that far down the mountain by himself, I’d never know. I was simply glad I managed to find him, though. I knew the amount of gas in the snowmobile wouldn’t get us to the emergency center in town. But I knew it would be enough to at least get us down to the base of the mountain.

  Where it was easily fifteen degrees warmer than where we started.

  “Come on, Adam. Hang on for me. I need you to do that for me, okay?”

  Every time I peeked back at him, he looked worse. When I initially found him, he was shivering. Which is a good sign, mostly. It means his body was attempting to keep him warm in order to ward off things like hypothermia. But, he wasn’t shivering.

  Which would’ve been wonderful, had his lips not turned blue six minutes ago.

  “All right, let’s see if you can go a bit faster for us, yeah?”

  I gave the snowmobile a little more oomph, and I heard gears and metal grinding against one another. I knew it would be the old girl’s last trip anywhere, so I needed to make sure it lasted as long as possible. I eased on and off, feeling the lurching of the vehicle beneath me. Every once in a while, Adam groaned out, so loudly that his voice soared over the roaring of the engine.

  Come on. Can’t we go any faster than this?

  His groans turned to whimpers, and his clattering teeth could’ve been heard for miles. And I swear, every time I glanced over my shoulder, his lips were a deeper shade of blue. His skin looked thin as a wafer. And getting whiter every second.

  The last thing I needed was his organs shutting down due to
the cold.

  Why did you have to leave, you idiot?

  Why were men always like that? Hot, then cold? Good, then bad? It seemed like they had no in-between. No middle ground to level themselves on. My brother, Phil, was the same way. Either angry as piss, or giggling like a freaking school girl.

  Why couldn’t men ever screw their heads on straight?

  “Adam! Look!”

  I heard him cough and sputter as he tried to speak. But, I didn’t push it. My eyes widened with happiness as the road leveled out, and the sign for Rankin came into view. I never thought I’d be so happy to see an ‘Entering Rankin, Speed Limit 25 MPH’ sign in all my life.

  But, with one last hiss, the snowmobile finally died on me.

  “No, no, no, no. Come on.”

  I cranked the key, but the ignition only sputtered.

  “We still have seven miles to go. Come on!”

  I cranked the key one more time, but it didn’t even sputter. It simply clicked, then died. I focused on the gas meter, and I saw the little red line fall right past the green ‘E.’ I shook my head as I swung my leg over, planting shin-deep into the snow. It was better than over my knees. But it still wasn’t great.

  We still had seven miles to go to get to the hospital.

  Which meant I didn’t have a choice.

  “All right, Adam. It’s just you and me. I need you to be strong for me, okay?”

  I walked around to where I had him strapped down and watched his eyes roll back. His eyelids fluttered closed as I placed my fingers against the artery in his neck. And his pulse was barely there. He was fading and quickly. But he hadn’t been out in the cold that long.

  I mean, it took me nearly half an hour to find him.

  Even so, it should’ve taken hypothermia longer to set in than that.

  “I need you to be strong for me, okay?” I asked.

  He didn’t respond, though. He simply laid there, wiggling his fingers against his chest.

  “I know you’re hurting, Adam. And I know you feel lost. But, you’re not going to die on me. I’m not going to carry that weight. All right? So, buck it up, suck it up, and open those eyes, dang it!”

  His eyelids fluttered, but they didn't open. Good. At least he was trying. I unraveled the rope holding the orange sled to the back of the snowmobile. It was the only thing I could think of at the moment to put him on if I found him incapacitated. I pulled the sled holding his body off the back of the snowmobile, then tossed the rope over my shoulder.

  As I turned around, I began to walk.

  “I need help!” I exclaimed.

  I picked up the pace, dredging through the snow as I slid a strapped-down Adam behind me on a sled.

  “Somebody! Anybody! I need help, please!”

  I jogged my way through the snow, weaving my way up and down the roads. I pulled Adam behind me, hoping and praying someone heard my cries. The town was still off in the distance. The first building I saw was the lonely gas station, and there were still no houses around.

  Which meant no one would hear me.

  “I need heeeeeelp!”

  Every silent prayer I could conjure was sent up as I continued pulling him through town. Block after block passed me by, abandoned and closed down due to the storm. It was much too cold to be exerting that kind of energy. My body shuddered with the cold as the wind kicked up. I felt it pushing me back. Preventing me from jogging as I slowed to a quick walk.

  As if the wind didn’t want me to make it to my final destination.

  “Somebody, please!” I roared.

  “Hello!?”

  I heard the echoing of someone’s voice and stopped.

  “Hello!? Can anyone hear me?”

  “Who is that? Who’s out there?”

  I looked around but saw no one. “It’s Kendall! Kendall Wright! I need help getting to the hospital!”

  Then, I saw a familiar figure come around the corner. “Kendall? What in the world?”

  I blinked. “Ralph?”

  His gaze fell to the sled behind me as he came jogging up. I never thought I’d be so happy to see the town electrician in all my life. I mean, Ralph was just as much of a gossip as the women of that town. Always poking his nose where it didn’t belong so he could have something to bring to the table for Sunday lunch. I pulled Adam toward him until we stopped in the middle of the street. With the wind swirling snow in tornado-like fashion.

  Attempting to swallow us whole.

  “What are you doing out here? Who is that?” Ralph asked.

  I shook my head. “I can’t talk. It’s such a long story and--.”

  “Is that Pastor Jacob’s boy? Has he been with you this whole time?”

  “Ralph, please.”

  He focused on me. “Right. Yes. How bad is he?”

  “His pulse is weak. He stopped shivering at least ten minutes ago.”

  He furrowed his brow. “It’s that cold on the mountain right now?”

  I groaned. “Ralph.”

  “Right, right, right. Yes. You wait right here. I’m going to go get my truck.”

  My teeth began clattering. “Hurry. Please.”

  As Ralph turned to walk off, I dropped the rope. I rushed back around to Adam and removed the glove from my hand. I pressed my fingertips against the artery on his neck again, and he was cold to the touch. It would’ve brought tears to my eyes if the wind didn’t sting so much.

  “You’re really gonna make me cuss, you know that?” I asked breathlessly.

  I’d never seen such blue on someone’s lips. His eyelids weren’t even fluttering any longer. My forehead wrinkled as a knot formed in my throat. Even if I could get him to the hospital, I knew we weren’t prepared for emergencies like that one. Rankin was a small town of maybe two hundred people. Nestled in a mountain valley with nothing more than two doctors who served the entire community and a town hall-turned-emergency quarter for those that needed a little more treatment.

  Anything else was directed to the nearest actual hospital.

  Over twenty miles away.

  “Adam?” I asked.

  I tapped his cheek softly, and he managed to groan.

  “Adam, I need you to listen to me. Ralph found us. He’s gone to get his truck, then we’re going to drive the rest of the way. Don’t give up on me, all right?”

  He didn’t make a sound, though. And it had me worried.

  “Adam?”

  I tapped his cheek again, but he didn’t make a sound. So, I pressed my fingers to his neck to lock onto his heartbeat.

  “Adam, don’t do this to me. Don’t give up. I know you hurt. I know you’re scared. I know you feel so alone in this world. But--.”

  I hung my head in shame as the words fell effortlessly from my lips.

  “But you’re so much stronger than me, dealing with this head-on. All I did was run up a mountain to get away from it all. To get away from the responsibility and the burden of burying people I love. But, you? You tackled it head-on, you know? Searching for peace and reassurance anywhere you could while doing what you needed to do. I was a coward, and you were so brave.”

  I lifted my head and gazed at his pale face.

  “You’re still brave. Braver than I ever could have been. You’ve brought a light into my life that has been missing for so long. I don’t laugh with you like I laugh with others, and I don’t interact with you the way I interact with others. You bring out this side of me that is so good and so joyous and so amazing.”

  I cupped his cheek and whimpered at how ice-cold his skin had grown.

  “And I’m begging you, with everything I’ve got, to keep fighting. You have to keep fighting, Adam. Because you inspire people. You inspire me. And I know you can do that from a pulpit if that’s what you want. I mean, who gives a flying whoop-dee-doo if you can’t speak publicly? That doesn’t mean you can’t inspire people, Adam.”

  I climbed on top of him, trying to shield him from the harshness of the cold. I wrapped myself around him and p
laced my neck against his face, trying desperately to keep him warm. I squeezed my eyes shut. I swallowed the knot in my throat. And as the sound of a roaring truck engine hit my ears, relief flooded my veins.

  “Keep fighting for me, Adam, and I’ll keep fighting for you,” I whispered.

  Just as Ralph pulled his truck up to the two of us.

  Chapter Seventeen: Adam

  My ears started ringing as I felt a hand on my shoulder.

  “Dell?”

  “Sir, you need to hold still.”

  That isn’t Dell’s voice. “Dell, where are you?”

  “Sir, take some deep breaths. Can you hear me?”

  I shrugged the shoulder touch off. “Dell. I need Dell. Where--?”

  “Mr. Riley, can you hear me?”

  My eyes eased open, and a blinding light unfolded, searing my irises. I hissed with the pain as stabbing sensations tickled my toes. My legs jumped. I raised my hand to the bright white light as I tried to swallow.

  Why does my mouth feel like cotton?

  “His legs are moving.”

  “Color’s good in his toes.”

  “Can you check his I.V.? Make sure he hasn’t yanked it loose?”

  I.V.? “I need to see Dell.”

  “He’s asking for her.”

  “Who?”

  “The woman that came in with him.”

  “Adam Riley, can you open your eyes for me?”

  The foreign voices overwhelmed me. None of them were the voice I wanted to hear. I cleared my throat, trying my best to root myself into reality.

  But, I couldn't do that without knowing where Kendall was.

  “Sir, you need to look at me.”

  My hand fell away. “I need to see Dell. Where is she?”

  “Is he awake?”

  “Can we come on in?”

  More voices. More voices I didn’t recognize as I tried to prop myself up. I had a hard time focusing my stare. I still couldn't swallow. The beeping of something in the distance grew louder in my ear as the ringing sound gave way to more chatter.

  More voices.

  More sounds I didn’t want to hear.