Rosewood, Natalie - Submission of Innocence (Siren Publishing Allure)

by Natalie Rosewood

  “Don’t stop now, Alexis. It’s just getting interesting.”

  “Right.” She sighed. “When I was in college, I met three girls that became the sisters I never had.”

  She talked, and he listened. He didn’t interrupt. Even when she told him that she had left Allen because he, Jackson, was all she could think about, he gave her no indication to what he was feeling. He occasionally took a drink from his now-empty glass, but always, his eyes remained intense, almost clinical in their focus that never left her face.

  She stopped for a moment to catch her breath, hoping he would say something. When he didn’t, she continued. “Jackson, I was tricked into going to Lily’s, and I should have never allowed her to do what she did or let you do what you did…but,” she sobbed, “something happened to me that night, and not just physically. It changed me. “I don’t care anymore whether you hate me or not, I just don’t care,” she lied trying to salvage what little self-respect she had left.

  She started to get up, only to have his hand come down hard, trapping her fingers beneath his own to keep her from leaving. She kept her face turned away from him.

  She was tired of the lies and tired of wanting something or someone she couldn’t have. Realization hit her. She not only wanted him, she loved him. Dear God in heaven, help me. I’m in love with him. That explains why I can’t seem to get enough of him, even when I know I should run the other way. She groaned.

  “What do you want from me, Alexis?” The question was point-blank, no emotion, just a question he wanted answered.

  “I want my dignity back,” she said, her voice hoarse with emotion, turning toward him as he released her hand. “I want you to know that I never took money to sleep with you, never.”

  He turned away from her, looking out toward the lake. When he turned back to look into her eyes, he said, “Then why did you continue to sleep with me? Maybe sleep is the wrong word.” His laugh sounded empty. “So, exactly why did you continue to fuck me when you were engaged to another man who you were fucking, too?” His blue eyes now hard, locked with hers.

  “I know it sounds cliché, but the truth is I never felt the way I felt with you with any man, especially Allen, and he was the only man I really had to compare you to. You see, regardless of what I’ve led you to believe, I was never one to sleep around.” She looked deep into his eyes, hoping to see compassion, understanding, anything.

  “This whole thing is crazy.”

  “I should never have come to you the second time, but I really believed that I was going to tell you good-bye on my terms. However…” She hesitated, looking down at her hands to smooth her dress. “I couldn’t.

  “Why?”

  “Because when you touched me, the way you made me feel, it was like I couldn’t deny you anything, and I couldn’t deny myself the feel of your lips, your hands, and your body inside of mine.” She continued to sob.

  “And yet, you went right back to your fiancé, didn’t you?” The harsh flippancy in his voice gave her a start. “Didn’t you?”

  His eyes flashed with an anger that paralyzed and possessed her. Her body responded to his anger, not in fear, but with a desperate need to be taken by him right there. She would gladly spread her legs for him, humiliate and embarrass herself if he would just use her body for his own pleasure one more time. She could learn to be whatever he wanted. Shaking herself mentally, she struggled to find her voice, to answer him as he had ordered.

  “I never slept with him again. I went back to my apartment, and I told him that I couldn’t marry him.” Alexis continued, breathless, her words dripping with the fear of losing him forever. “I told him that although I cared for him, I was not in love with him. I asked him to forgive me.”

  “And did he forgive you?” Jackson’s voice dropped an octave, so low she had to strain to hear him.

  “Yes,” she said softly, “I think he did. In fact, he may have been relieved because although he didn’t tell me he didn’t love me, he didn’t demand an explanation. It was a very amicable parting.”

  She sat up a little straighter, not knowing what else to say. She had told him the truth. What more could she do? She tried to read those beautiful eyes that right now were looking at her with something she couldn’t quite fathom. It wasn’t the disgust she had thought she might see there. It was something else.

  “Of course, you do know that one phone call to Lily can confirm your truth or lies. However, you made Lily part of the cover-up, so if she denies what you say, you’ll say the reason is obvious.” He laughed a hollow laugh. “You are, if nothing else, a very smart woman. You’ve even somehow got my own mother and sister convinced you’re an angel.”

  “Is it that you really don’t believe me or that you just don’t want to believe me?” Alexis cried out softly, feeling so alone and desolate. The feeling of emptiness that engulfed her took her breath away.

  Jackson turned from her and started to get up, when her hand came down on his thigh to stop him. “I can’t hold you here.” She gulped, trying to keep the tears out of her voice. “My only defense now is that I’ve told you the truth about almost everything. I was hoping maybe that would be enough. The only part of the truth I haven’t told you is that… I love you.”

  “What is it you want from me?” His voice had a raw, aching quality that, for the first time since she had known him, made him appear vulnerable.

  “I want…”

  She took a moment before continuing, knowing the next words out of her mouth could be the catalyst for the rest of their lives and that his response could end all hope. She wanted to submit her body and soul to him and then pleasure him in every way possible. She wanted his seed to grow inside her, to give him children. But more than anything, she wanted him to love her.

  Instead, she simply said, “I want you to tell me what you want.” She ended in a whisper.

  Chapter 24

  He couldn’t take his eyes off her tearstained face and the sadness in those green eyes. She didn’t blink or look away from him. He had tried to convince himself that she was nothing more than one of Lily’s whores who he could take or leave without giving a second thought. But she was never far from his thoughts. Those eyes that had given him glimpses of the real woman had also given him pause to question himself and her. The first time he had taken her, all he’d wanted was to consume her with his own lust, and then the second time, he’d wanted to prove she meant nothing to him, but in both cases, she had made him want her more. It had never been just sex. He knew it then, and knew it now. And today, his lack of control when he was with her was even more obvious. He would die rather than hurt her.

  “I want—” He looked into her eyes. “—what I’ve wanted from the beginning.”

  She slowly looked away from him, her eyes downcast. He knew that he alone had put the sadness there with his own selfish pride. Now he desperately wanted to take it away.

  “Alexis, please look at me.”

  Her eyes were brimming with tears, but she did as he asked.

  “That first night at Lily’s, I wanted you as a man wants a woman he knows is his without question. I had sensed that you were different, but I didn’t allow myself to imagine you as anything more than one of Lily’s girls. I thought you were playing the role of the innocent, but I know now that the woman I held in my arms that night was real. The truth is I had never experienced that kind of an attraction before. I didn’t know how to handle it.”

  Alexis nodded. “Neither did I. But I was engaged to be married. My attraction to you doesn’t excuse the way I behaved that night.”

  His eyes acknowledged the truth of her statement. “That might be. However, what interests me more, Alexis, is why you came back the second time. Did you really want to leave me on your terms? Is that the only reason you came back to me that night?”

  “I tried to convince myself that I needed to see you again because it was the only way to take my life back. I thought I wanted to tell you that I never wanted to see you
again. But, that was lie.”

  “You came back for the same reason I did. Isn’t that right, Alexis?”

  “Yes,” she breathed, for the first time feeling hope that maybe he did understand. “I needed you.”

  “And I needed you. I know that now. I guess I always knew. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself.”

  “And now, Jackson,” Alexis spoke softly, “now that you know who I am, do you still want me?”

  “I’ll always want you, Alexis. I love you.”

  The tears that she had been holding back spilled down her cheeks but this time they were tears of happiness. She started to speak, but he quickly put his finger to her lips. “Wait, let me finish, please, before you say anything. I need to say this now.” She nodded.

  He took a breath. “You see, I began falling for you the first time I saw you standing in front of Lily. You totally mesmerized me with your innocent beauty. And when you came to me and made me forget time and place until I was totally in your power, I panicked. I lost control because I was lost in you. I didn’t want to be, not only because I thought you were one of Lily’s girls, but because in my entire life, I had never lost control the way I did with you that night.

  “The second time we were together only solidified my feelings. I wanted to hate you for making me fall in love with you, a woman who saw me as nothing more than a client who was paying for sex. I had thought seeing you a second time would be like it was with most women, and it would be easy to walk away from you. But it wasn’t. A woman like you had no place in my life, but in my heart, I wanted you in every possible way a man could want a woman.”

  He took a breath and continued, “You made me weak. I would have taken you as the whore Lily had made me think you were as long as you promised to only be with me. I love you that much, Alexis. I just never wanted to admit it because I’m a prideful man, and I didn’t think you could love me back.”

  “Oh, Jackson,” Alexis’s voice shook, “I thought you hated me, but it all happened so quickly and everything seemed so right, I lost myself in you, too, and…” She brought her hand to his cheek, caressing it. “I fell in love with you.” Alexis had never felt such happiness. “My girlfriends told me I deserved more.”

  “And more is what you will always have.” He crushed her to him.

  * * * *

  She gasped with the force of his lips that held every emotion she knew he had tried so hard to suppress. She reveled in the fact that he loved her. She would be his wife, the mother of his children, his confidant, and she would submit to him in all the ways he wanted and more. She had a feeling that life with Jackson would never be boring. Finally, she had found her soul mate, and she was sure that, this time, her girlfriends would more than approve.

  THE END

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Natalie Rosewood resides in the suburbs of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania with her husband and their two children. She has a great job as an administrator that offers her the flexibility she needs to care for her family and write. Attending a Phillies baseball game or watching it on television is a fun activity that she and her family share. Her days are busy, however, at night and sometimes into the early hours of the morning when the house is quiet; her fantasies unfold into the stories that bring her as much pleasure as the characters she breathes life into.

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  www.SirenPublishing.com