Hard to Fight

by Bella Jewel

  I drive my elbow up and hit him in the ribs, then I reach back and find his hair. He gets his fingers around my throat and starts squeezing, so I tug his hair, I pull it so hard, a clump of it comes out. He screams and slaps me hard.

  Suddenly his weight is off me and he’s rolling across the ground. Raide is still tackling the other man, but he no longer has a gun. It, too, is on the floor. Raide must have kicked him off me while they were wrestling. I don’t waste time. I slide toward the gun and when my fingers curl around it, I want to cry with relief. I turn back to the man I was fighting and see he’s charging toward me again. I aim the gun and shoot, hitting his kneecap. He drops to the floor with a bellow and I quickly tackle him down.

  He’s too busy screaming in pain to try to fight anymore, so I get off him and turn to Raide. He’s managed to get his guy down, even with a sore arm. He’s got the man’s arms pulled tightly behind his back, his face pressed to the floor. “Grace, get me those cuffs from his belt.” I rush over and take the cuffs. I snap them on the goon’s wrists and Raide lets him go.

  “Let’s get out of here.”

  We both rush toward the door. There’s another man lying just near it. He’s got blood trickling from his head and he’s out cold. He must have been hit by the bookshelf. We don’t stay to study him, we just run out of the room. We’re in an old, run-down house. Raide pushes me behind him as we move, making sure no one else is present.

  When we get outside, there are two cars lined up. We run toward them and just our luck, they left their keys in one. Why not—it’s secluded out here. We must be a fair way out of town because all I can see is thick trees, a long dirt road, and the crappy old house. Raide swings the passenger door open and I quickly get in. He jumps into the driver’s side and we skid out of there before I’ve even pulled my belt on.

  “You hurt?” Raide asks as we bump down the dirt road.

  “No,” I say, running my hands over my body. “You?”

  “No.”

  His voice is tight, so I glance at him. He’s got blood running down his arm, where he was shot. “Raide, you’re bleeding.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Can’t stop and worry about it now.”

  I can’t argue with that. “What are we going to do?”

  He looks over at me for a second, and what I see in his eyes scares me. “We’re going to end this.”

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  By “end this,” I figure he means kill Dean.

  He has that look on his face. He’s angry, he’s hurting, and he looks like he’s more than ready to make his sister’s killer pay. I know I can’t talk him out of this, it wouldn’t matter what I say, he’s made up his mind. He made it up long before I came along. He doesn’t say anything else to me, and because my body is exhausted, I find myself drifting off to sleep.

  I swear before I’m in complete darkness, I hear Raide say, “I’m sorry, baby.”

  I must sleep a good long while; either that or we were closer to our part of town than I thought, because Raide is waking me with a soft hand to my cheek. I let my eyelids flutter open and I see him looking over at me. We’re still in the car, and he’s got a pained look in his eye. God, did I sleep through it all? Has he already gotten to Dean? I sit up quickly and I immediately see we’re not near Dean’s hangout. Not even close. We’re at … my work.

  “Raide,” I whisper, “why are we here?”

  I can see Don, Vance, Julio, and York standing on the sidewalk. It hits me like a sledgehammer to the heart: Raide is turning himself in. He brought me back here. He risked everything, gave up his revenge, and brought us both back here. He sacrificed … for me.

  No.

  “Raide,” I croak. “No.”

  He reaches over, cupping my jaw. “You said I was selfish, because now I have you in my life, I should be fighting for it. You were right. I can’t go away for killing him, Grace, because that means losing you. This is me not being selfish. This is me doing the right thing.”

  “But—,” I say, and tears burst from my eyes and trickle down my cheeks. “But we don’t have Dean, if we don’t find him—”

  “Then I’ll go away for a long time,” he says gently. “But, baby, it’s still the right thing.”

  Reality hits me and I lunge at him. “No, we can find him. We can find him, Raide. We have a chance to fix this. You don’t have to do this. I was wrong, we can fix this. You don’t have to do this.”

  He pushes me back and stares into my eyes, but I’m crying so hard, I can hardly see him.

  “No, baby, this is me fixing this. I’m trusting them. I’m trusting you. I’m trusting Kelly.”

  The door opens and Don leans in. “Time to go.”

  “No!” I cry, reaching over and taking hold of Raide’s arm. “No, please. We just need more time.”

  “You’ve had your time, Grace,” Don says softly. “We have to take him in.”

  “No!” I scream. “He didn’t do this, Don. He didn’t.”

  Don gives me a truly pained look. “I have to do my job now, and you have to let me.”

  Raide turns to me. “Hey, look at me.”

  I turn my broken eyes to his. I thought I wanted this. I thought it was for the best. I thought it would fix everything. He wasn’t supposed to go down for this. I was supposed to help him and I failed. If we don’t find Dean, I might not see Raide for a long, long time. Why did I ever think bringing him in here was the best idea? What have I done? I’m going to lose him. I can’t lose him.

  “Baby, look at me.”

  I blink and his amber eyes come into view.

  “We’re going to figure this out, but even if we don’t, you need to know—”

  “Raide, no,” I rasp.

  He leans in closer. “You need to know I love you. You need to know you changed me. You need to know that this … this is me showing you that I’d give it all up. For you. For me. For Kelly. We’ll come out the other side, you’ll see.”

  Before I can answer, or even kiss him, Don takes Raide’s arm and pulls him from the car. He cuffs him, and Raide cries out in pain and I lose it. I shove my door open but I don’t even manage to get my footing before Vance wraps his arms around me. “You need to let Don do his job, Grace.”

  “Raide!” I cry out as Don leads him to a car, “I love you!”

  He looks over his shoulder at me and he smiles.

  My legs give out and I cry.

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  “Do you trust me, Grace?”

  I lift my head and stare over at York, who is kneeling in front of me. I’m still at the office. It’s been two hours since Raide was arrested. My head is a jumble of emotions, but my body feels numb. My dad is here now, but even he can’t get through to me right now. I feel strange inside. I know this is for the best, but Dean has proved to be smart and that means there’s a chance we won’t get what we need, and the very thought of that makes my stomach twist.

  I love him.

  Dammit, I love Raide Knox.

  “Grace, honey?”

  I blink and realize York is still talking. I force a smile. “Pardon?”

  “Do you trust me?”

  I nod slowly. “Of course I do, but—”

  “Hey,” he says, reaching forward and cupping my face in his hands. “You have to let me do this my way now.”

  “He took the wire, he made it look like he had no part in any of it, he’s going to get away with this and—”

  “That brings me back to my beginning question,” York interrupts. “Do you trust me?”

  I sigh. I know I have to let York take over now, but letting go also means understanding there’s a solid chance I’ll never be with Raide again, and that scares me. “Yes,” I finally whisper.

  “Then let me deal. You need to go, get some rest, and get checked out.”

  “I’m fine,” I say softly.

  “Then go home.”

  My father chooses now to
interrupt the conversation. “Come home with me, Gracie. Stay with your family for a few nights.”

  I huff. “I don’t think Mom will want me there.”

  My dad’s eyes soften. “Of course she will. Come on.”

  I nod weakly. “Fine, yeah, of course.”

  The very idea of being alone right now scares me enough for me to want to be with someone. My dad is the best person I can think of. Vance has barely said a word to me and Kady is working, so that leaves my family. I push to my feet and York gives my arm a gentle squeeze before turning to Dad. “I’ll keep you updated.”

  Dad nods, wrapping his arm around me and turning me toward the door.

  Don stops us before we step out. He reaches out and places a hand on my shoulder. “I know you’re hurting, but this is the best place for him to be.”

  I nod. I don’t have the energy to give him any more.

  “Things will be better soon.”

  “Thanks, Don,” I squeak.

  I let my eyes flick to Vance as I exit the building. He’s watching me with an expression on his face that shows his pain and his confusion. He doesn’t smile, so I don’t either. I just put my head down and let Dad lead me out to his car. We slide in silently and begin the drive home. Everyone has said their piece, except Vance that is. I don’t want to hear any more about how it’s going to be okay.

  This is what I wanted.

  I wanted Raide to turn himself in. I wanted him not to kill Dean.

  I got what I wanted.

  So why the hell does it hurt so bad?

  * * *

  “Oh, honey,” Mom says as soon as I step through the front door. “I was beside myself.”

  She wraps her arms around me, but her hug feels cold. I know she’s worried, I know she loves me, but she’s not the comfort I need right now. I’m holding it all together, but I’m only just hanging on. One more word about Raide and this situation, and I might not be able to hold on any longer. I let her hug me for a long moment before pulling back and forcing a smile. “I’m just going to go and lie down. I’m exhausted.”

  “Of course. I’ve made up your old room.”

  I nod, giving Dad one more look before disappearing down the hall. I go into my old room and see she’s really done it up for comfort. I’m grateful for that. My old double bed is covered in my favorite purple comforter. There are soft, fluffy pillows stacked neatly on top. The window is open and a soft breeze blows through. I kick off my shoes, then I strip down to my bra and panties and crawl into the bed.

  I close my eyes and fight against my hurt.

  It’s the only way to get through this.

  I have to be strong for Raide.

  Chapter Thirty

  I don’t wake until early evening. My entire body aches like I’ve just finished running a marathon. I force myself to sit up and I crawl out of bed. My legs feel like lead balloons as I walk to my bathroom. I freshen up, change into a pair of cotton shorts and a tank, and then head out toward the sounds of chattering voices. I step into the living room to see my family all eating in front of the television.

  My chest clenches.

  I feel so outcast, so different, so horribly alone.

  “Hey, baby,” Dad says, putting his food aside and standing. “We weren’t sure if you were going to be up in time for dinner. There’s some in the fridge for you to heat up if you’re hungry.”

  I shake my head. “I’m not.”

  He reaches out and cups my cheek. “You okay?”

  I shrug.

  “Come and sit down, watch television with us.”

  Riveting.

  I walk over and drop down into the empty space beside him.

  Gretchen is next to me, and instead of making her usual smart-ass remark, she hands me a can of soda. “Your favorite. I can’t drink it all.”

  I stare at it, then up at her, and I can see she’s making an effort. She never makes an effort, so I take it and whisper, “Thanks.”

  “I love the color of your hair!” Stacy says, making conversation.

  “Ah, thanks.”

  “Did you dye it recently?” Mom pipes up.

  I know what they’re doing and I appreciate it, I really do, but it’s not necessary. “You don’t have to do this,” I say to them. “I’m okay. It’s fine.”

  “It’s nice to have you here,” Mom says gently.

  I smile. “It’s nice to be here.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want some food? It’s your favorite.”

  I glance at Gretchen’s plate and see it is, in fact, my favorite. Chicken and mushroom carbonara. My mom might be a beauty queen at heart, but she can cook. My stomach twists and I figure I should eat something. I push off the couch and force a happy smile. “I think I’ll go heat mine up.”

  Mom beams and that alone makes the effort worth it. I pad into the kitchen and open the fridge. I pull out the carbonara and use a fork to put some into a bowl. Then I put it into the microwave and lean my hip against the counter while it’s cooking. When it’s done, I rejoin the family on the couch. They’re watching some mindless fashion show, so I zone out and just eat.

  When a break comes on, I hear a news report and my entire body stiffens. “The search for suspected murderer Raide Knox has come to a close today, with the police making a final arrest. It was speculated that Raide was with a woman when he was arrested. They’ve been looking for him for quite some time now, after he skipped bail. It is said he is the suspect in the case surrounding the death of his sister, Kelly Knox. We’ll have more information later in the evening.”

  My heart lurches, and suddenly the food in my stomach feels like it’s going to rise up my throat and pour out. I put my bowl down and stand quickly, struggling for air as pain radiates through my heart. “Sweetheart,” Dad says, but his voice is no more than a blur in my mind.

  “It’s fine,” I croak, turning and rushing down the hall and back to my room.

  When I get in, I collapse onto my bed and take a few calming breaths. They know nothing, and yet his name is all over the news. I swallow down the bile that’s threatening to rise in my throat as I struggle to calm my emotions. I’m still curled into a tight ball when a soft knock comes at my door. I don’t answer. I don’t want to move.

  “Grace, honey, you have a visitor.”

  I don’t want a visitor. My door creaks open but I don’t look up.

  “Grace?” Vance.

  I clench my eyes shut and will it all to just go the hell away. “Shit.”

  The door closes but Vance is still in the room, I can hear his footsteps closing the distance between us. Then I feel the bed dip as he sits on it. I don’t open my eyes.

  “Honey open your eyes.”

  I don’t.

  “Gracie…”

  I open my eyes and the minute I see him, my bottom lip quivers. “If you’re here to brag,” I croak, “don’t bother.”

  He narrows his eyes. “What kind of man do you think I am?”

  That was a shitty thing to say, I know.

  My lip keeps trembling and he sighs, kicking off his shoes and lying down beside me. He pulls me into his arms and I can’t hold back any longer. I lose it. Tears stream over and run down my cheeks and my entire body begins to tremble as racking sobs rip from my throat. Vance holds me, saying not a word. He doesn’t need to.

  I cry for so hard and for so long, my body literally flops in exhaustion. Vance hasn’t moved during my outburst, he’s just held on to me and kept me close to his body. When my sobs subside, he shifts and looks down at me. “You doin’ okay?”

  “I think so,” I rasp.

  “I’m so sorry, Grace.”

  I shake my head, but he continues.

  “I was an asshole. I shouldn’t have treated you that way because of my own jealousy. I was a bad friend when you needed me to be a good one.”

  “You’re here now,” I whisper into his chest. “That’s all that matters.”

  “And I’ll be here for as long as yo
u need me.”

  I nod.

  “Sleep, honey. You’re exhausted.”

  “You won’t leave?” I croak.

  “No,” he says softly. “I won’t leave.”

  Thank God.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  York

  “Boss?”

  I look up from my laptop to see Mathew standing at my door. He’s another detective in this department, and I’ve had him on Raide’s case now for the past three days. “Tell me you’ve got good news?” I mutter.

  “Better than good. We’ve got Dean.”

  I sigh with relief. “Thank God for that. Is he in holding?”

  “Yeah, you can see him when you’re ready. Boss, before you do, there’s something else.”

  I stare at him with an expression that tells him to hurry the hell up.

  “A girl came in after the story on the news last night, she said she had information she believed would help us.”

  They’ve been running Raide’s face on the news for a few days now, but last night they did a big feature that included naming Dean as a new suspect.

  “What does she want?”

  “She says she was in a relationship with Dean a few years before he was with Kelly. She says … Boss, she says he beat and raped her.”

  I flinch. “You’re serious?”

  “Deadly. She’s in the waiting room.”

  “Name?”

  “Janet Liason.”

  I stand. “Take her into a private room. I’ll talk with her now.”

  He nods and disappears. My chest fills with hope. Something like this could be exactly what we need to clear Raide’s name. I finish my cup of coffee and pull out a notepad and recorder, then I head into the room she’s been placed in. I open the door and she looks up. She’s terrified, I can tell. Her face is pale and her eyes are wide. She’s a fairly average girl, with mousy brown hair and big green eyes.

  “You must be Janet,” I say, shutting the door softly behind me. “My name is Detective Peterson, but you can just call me York.”