by Susan Gnucci
And then he saw her. She was out on the front deck of the ferry, the wind whipping in lusty gusts through her luxurious hair. And she was laughing. He watched her throw back her head in a delightfully unselfconscious manner. She was obviously very comfortable with whoever was making her laugh. He experienced a fleeting twinge of jealousy for which he chided himself. And then she was gone…
Opening his eyes slowly, reluctant to let go of the image still lingering in his mind, he faced a dilemma. He desperately wanted to see her in the flesh, but to do so, he would have to leave the sanctuary of his car. He was not worried about anyone being able to ID him, for he disguised himself as a matter of course any time he was out in public; it was more the fact he would have to mingle with the other passengers. He hated crowds, detested them in fact – the press of sweaty bodies, the dreadful yowling of red-faced babies, the incessant drone of idle chatter. But what choice did he have?
He knew he had to be very careful. Despite his disguise, he had no idea if she was capable of sensing him. That would not do. If the ship was boarded for a search, there was no way off. Yes, he would have to be very careful indeed.
After much deliberation, he finally decided to risk it. After all, he was confident in his ability to sense danger, and thus far, his senses had not been alerted in any way. But what was he to do? He could follow her down to her car on the lower decks, but then what? Even if he could get her license plate number, what good would it do him anyway? He had no way of tracking it. As he tried to brainstorm, his frustration mounted to a level that was almost painful. To be so close to her after all this time, and yet to lose her when the ferry docked was almost more than he could bear. All these months of fruitless effort searching for her, and now she had landed right in his lap! And to think she would slip away again. He had to think of something, and he had to do it quickly – the ferry would dock in under an hour.
He formulated the only plan he could think of under the circumstances. He would follow her to her car and note the make and colour. If his car unloaded first, he would drive slowly in order to allow her to catch up. If she unloaded first, he would simply try to catch up with her. There really wasn’t anything else he could do under the circumstances. She was not alone. He was certain of that, so there was no hope of taking her. Such an attempt would be too difficult anyway with the hundreds of people on board.
Reluctantly leaving the sanctuary of his car, he cautiously made his way up to the first passenger deck, pulling his hat lower in order to shade his face. He broke out in a cold sweat at the noise and smells that hit him squarely in the face as he came up the stairwell. Steeling himself, he continued. As the ferry had been under way for over thirty minutes, most passengers had already grabbed a bite to eat in the cafeteria and made their way to the front seating lounge in the bow of the ship. A quick scan of the cafeteria confirmed this fact, so he continued on his way, searching restlessly for her face among the crowd.
Over the next half hour, he toured the entire deck, both inside and out with no luck, necessitating a climb to the second level of the ship. Whereas the first deck was designed for business travelers and for those who just wanted to work or read quietly after a meal, the second deck of the ferry was designed for families. In addition to a large seating lounge with tables where passengers could play cards or games, this deck was equipped with a bright, colourful playroom and a video arcade, both of which immediately set him even more ill at ease than he already was.
Rounding a corner in search of a washroom where he could escape for a minute, he was jostled by several young children who brushed excitedly past him in their game of tag. His nerves frayed, he took refuge in the forward lounge, finding a seat near the back where he would be less conspicuous. As he caught his breath and fought to quell his anxiety, he attempted to focus on scanning the room. His seat not only enabled him to peruse the lounge, it also afforded him a panoramic view of the front deck of the ferry. He found it impossible to concentrate, however, as the noise was simply intolerable, prompting him to sit with his fingers in his ears.
Despite a lack of success in spotting his witness, he had no doubt she was on board. Oh, she was here alright, and his inability to locate her left him aggravated and perplexed. Had she somehow sensed him and was even now hiding from him? Had she alerted the crew? But how could that be? Surely, he would have known. He had to find somewhere quiet where he could think.
Just as he rose from his seat – he spotted her. She was still there as she had been in his vision standing on the deck in front of the main bank of windows, out of the wind now that the ship had turned. She was dressed casually in a windbreaker and jeans with a tote bag slung across one shoulder, talking animatedly to someone on her left who was out of his line of sight. Again, he experienced a stab of annoyance.
He had to admit she enthralled him. Even without her ability, he was still attracted to her. For one thing, her hair was the deepest sheen of black he had ever seen, reminding him of a sleek raven’s wing. And she was petite, just as he preferred.
His ruminations were interrupted by a movement in his peripheral vision as a second woman came into view. He was immediately struck by her beauty. Not only was she statuesque and blonde – she was a stunner. She looped her arm companionably through that of his witness, and together, they turned to make their way back along the side of the deck. He frowned upon seeing this other woman, for he experienced the oddest sensation he had seen her somewhere before. But of course he couldn’t have, for surely he would have remembered someone so striking. He had no time to dwell on it, however, as an announcement came over the loud speaker – passengers were advised to return to their vehicles in preparation for docking.
A surge of passengers headed for the stairwells, and for a moment, he feared he would lose sight of the two women. His height, however, gave him an advantage, allowing him to keep their blonde and raven heads in view as they bobbed in and out of the congested crowd. The press of so many bodies squeezed into the narrow stairwells was making him sick to his stomach, and he began to sweat profusely. He hung back at what he hoped was a safe distance, apprehensive and hyper-alert.
When he saw the two women turn off on the lowest car deck, it dawned on him his car was a deck above. He watched anxiously as they picked their way over to an old, white Volvo station wagon. At least that was distinctive – it would be easy to track. He realized with dismay, however, it was parked in an inner lane, and as such, it would be one of the first to unload. Satisfied only when they were seated inside, he raced up to his own car.
Unloading seemed to take forever, and as a result, his agitation soared to new heights. He realized he had a virtual death grip on his steering wheel, so he had to force himself to sit back, release his hold, and flex his whitened knuckles. At least he could breathe easier now that he was back in the familiar confines of his car and not wedged in that repulsive glut of humanity, but he was stuck in an outer row of cars and could only watch helplessly as the inner rows were unloaded first. Once his turn came, his car almost leapt forth from the bowels of the ship, so anxious was he to get out onto the highway.
His witness had a head start, but it was a good half hour into town, so he was hopeful he could catch up with her. He sped along in the fast lane trying to keep reasonably close to the speed limit, all the while keeping his eyes peeled for her white Volvo. Despite the adrenaline coursing through him, he knew the last thing he needed was to be pulled over for speeding.
“Turn off the highway,” Tess ordered as she closed her eyes and leaned forward to lower her head to her knees, grabbing onto the car’s dashboard for support.
“What’s wrong? Are you alright?” Leah gave her a concerned look and reached over to place a hand on Tess’ back, worried her friend was suffering from a sudden bout of motion sickness triggered by the ferry ride.
“Get off the highway now, Leah!” Tess barked. The urgency in her voice bordered on panic.
“OK. OK. The airport exit is coming up. I�
�ll take that.” Fearing her passenger was about to be sick in the car, Leah cracked her window as she sped up.
“Oh, my God! Oh, my God!” moaned Tess as she rocked herself back and forth.
“It’s OK, Tess. It’s gonna be OK. Just hang in there. We’re almost there.” Leah was thankful she sounded a lot calmer than she felt. In her haste, she took the airport exit faster than was prudent, and as a result, had to ride the brakes forcefully in order to handle the turn. It had been raining heavily earlier in the day, so taking the exit at that rate of speed wasn’t the smartest thing to do. For a split second, Leah feared she would lose control. Something in her friend’s voice unnerved her. Tess was not one for dramatics. Once off the highway and onto the airport feeder road, Leah signaled her intention to pull over onto the shoulder, but Tess shook her head vehemently.
“No! No! Don’t stop. Keep going! Keep going!” she croaked.
Leah threw her a puzzled look but shut off her signal indicator and sped back up.
“Are you going to throw up?”
“No, no. Give me a minute. We’ve got to get off this road. It’s too obvious. Take the next side street.”
“OK, now you’re scaring me, Tess.”
“Just do it!!”
Leah took the next left and silently wound her way up a hill into a newer subdivision of exclusive homes. She drove aimlessly for several minutes, winding ever farther up the hill and then down the other side before she slowed and finally stopped. She waited a moment for any protest before she shut off the engine and leaned back in her seat, letting out a long sigh.
“OK, are you going to tell me what all this is about?” She turned her attention to her passenger, who by this time was also leaning back in her seat, one arm draped over her eyes.
“I think we lost him,” Tess turned slowly to face her friend, the strain and fear of the last few minutes etched deeply on her face.
“Lost who?”
“Him.”
It took a minute for that to register with Leah. “You mean…him?” she asked incredulously.
Tess simply nodded.
“How…how do you know? Are you sure?”
Tess nodded again. “He was right behind us, Leah! In fact, I think he was on the ferry.” Tess shuddered and shook her head vigorously in a vain attempt to somehow dislodge such a notion entirely from her mind, as if by dislodging it, it couldn’t possibly be true.
“You mean to tell me we’ve been on the same ship with him for the last hour and a half?” At this, Leah’s composure broke. “You’ve got to be fucking joking.”
“You know what that means, Leah? It means he lives here. He’s not some transient. He was coming home tonight, just like we were.” Tess began to shake uncontrollably.
“Alright. Alright.” Leah reached over to hug her friend.
“It’s not alright, Leah!” Tess angrily pulled away. “The only way I’ve gotten through all these months is by trying to convince myself he was some psycho drifter, that he was probably halfway across the country by now. But he’s been here all along. What if we’d actually run into him on the ferry? Or on the street? Or wherever he works?”
“OK, you’re probably right,” Leah admitted. “He probably does live here. But you just said he was trying to catch up with us right now. Why would he risk chasing us if he already knew where we lived?”
“I’m scared, Leah. He must know my car. How many white Volvo wagons do you think are in a city this size? And what if I hadn’t channeled him and he’d followed us home…” her voice trailed off.
Leah shifted in her seat so she was able to take her friend firmly by the shoulders. “You’ve got to calm down, Tess. This isn’t helping. Can you tell where he is now?”
That stopped Tess dead in her tracks. She knitted her brows in concentration for a few seconds then sighed heavily and shook her head. “I don’t think he’s nearby, but I can’t be sure.”
“You need to phone McLean,” Leah advised resolutely.
It had been weeks since Tess last spoke with McLean. She’d tried to put him out of her mind only to be disturbed by the odd phone call he made to check in with her. It was hard to hear his voice during those calls, and she feared he could somehow detect the longing in hers. Now they would be thrown together again.
Tess bit her lip and began to rummage through her tote bag.
Leah watched her for several seconds before asking, “What are you doing, Tess?”
“I can’t find my damn phone!” Tess began to panic.
“Here, give me that.” Leah reached over and gently pried the tote bag from her friend’s grasp. She quickly located the phone stuffed in a side pocket and handed it over with a gentle smile.
Tess fought back tears as she scrolled through her contacts. “He said to call any time, day or night…”
The year of Emmy’s passing had been bittersweet, for it was in Emmy’s gentle care, Tess had come to life again, and now when the tables were turned, she wished she could do the same in return. It seemed a cruel twist of fate for a person as sweet and as loving as Emmy to be dealt such a cruel blow. In her private moments, Tess railed against such an unfair turn of events.
Being only nineteen that year, Tess was legally an adult in the eyes of the law, but she was still thoroughly unprepared to face the impending death of a loved one. Of course, she was old enough to know there were no guarantees in life – of anyone, she knew that. She knew she should be thankful for the nine wonderful years she’d been given with Emmy and not chafe at the years to come, but Emmy had filled the gaping hole left by her parents’ death, and now Tess feared another loss. She sighed heavily at what the future would hold and prayed for strength in the coming months. She knew she would need it.
As winter gave way to spring that year, Emmy outlived her doctor’s predictions; however, her condition steadily declined. Her coughing fits came on with more frequency often overwhelming her frail frame, leaving her weak and exhausted.
When Tess finished her university classes, she decided to take the summer term off – no work, no school – in order to spend whatever precious time she had left with her guardian. Although Emmy was too frail to go down to the beach anymore, Tess often pushed her in a wheelchair along the footpaths that laced the bluffs overlooking the water. It was unseasonably warm, so they were able to spend long, lazy days together much like they had when Tess first arrived all those years ago. Their time was spent reading or chit-chatting or simply people-watching. Bailey, who always accompanied them, seemed more attached than ever to his mistress, preferring to sit at her feet rather than romp and play. Granted, he was old and arthritic, but that dog always came alive whenever he was by the water. He never tired of investigating everyone and everything. These days, however, he was quite content to stay by Emmy’s side. Every once in a while he would rouse from sleep and raise his head to look up as if checking on her. She would look down at him then over the top of her book and satisfy him with an – “I’m fine, you old fool. Go back to sleep.”
It was on one such outing when Emmy made a prophetic announcement, “I’m afraid I shan’t be here for your birthday at the end of the month, Tess. I’m sorry I will miss it.” She looked over her shoulder with a nostalgic smile.
Tess patted her guardian’s shoulder lovingly and marvelled at the fact she was capable of feeling such fierce devotion to this woman who, although a blood relative, was once almost a stranger to her. She did not doubt Emmy’s ability to sense her own imminent demise, but the simple bluntness of her guardian’s statement threw her. As she moved around to the front of the wheelchair, she cupped Emmy’s face in her hands.
“Are you sure?” she asked gently.
Emmy simply nodded.
Tess bent to kiss her tenderly on the cheek, marveling at the soft warmth she encountered there. “Then I shall miss you more than I can say.”
The end came as Emmy knew it would only weeks later when she took a sudden turn for the worst. Confined to her bed, she was c
omforted by both Tess and Leah who took turns sitting with her day and night so she was never alone. Her pain was well controlled with a pain pump, and a Hospice nurse visited daily. Bailey lay on the floor at the foot of the bed subdued along with everyone else, able to sense the seriousness of the situation as many animals somehow do, refusing to leave his mistress except when Tess coaxed him outside now and then for a few minutes of much needed exercise.
On the day of Emmy’s passing, Tess woke early having spent another fitful night of sleep in the chaise lounge she had moved alongside Emmy’s bed. The subtle awareness of movement had woken her, and she squinted in the early morning darkness at Emmy’s frail figure in the bed. Bailey rose stiffly and padded softly over to the chaise lounge, resting his head there, his doleful eyes expressing his concern. Tess stroked him distractedly, transfixed as she was by what she saw before her.
Emmy lay in her bed with one arm outstretched in mid-air, a look of pure joy on her face. Tess rose quickly to the side of the bed, thinking that in a more lucid moment, Emmy wanted to hold her. She quickly realized, however, Emmy wasn’t even aware of her presence. Instead, her guardian’s gaze seemed focused on something or someone only she could see. Laughing softly, she spoke only one word – “Charles”. And then her arm slowly lowered to the bed covers, and sighing softly, she closed her eyes.
Tess waited in vain for another breath, holding her own for several seconds before she could actually accept the fact that Emmy was gone. Bailey began to whine softly and nudge his nose against Tess’ arm, prompting her to kneel down and embrace him. She buried her face in the soft fur of his neck and released the tears that welled up with sudden fierceness from deep within her. It wasn’t yet daybreak, so she lay down beside Emmy for a last time and tenderly stroked her face, thanking her guardian for breathing life back into a child who had all but died.