Visceral

by Adam Thielen

  “What?” Tamra said.

  “The ghouls spread their corruption to others through blood contact. Kate is infected. Full change takes hours, but with her blood loss she will lose consciousness soon in any case.”

  “Who are you?” Tamra demanded.

  “I am a machine,” it stated.

  “What does that mean?”

  “Is there a cure?” Kate asked, still slumped over.

  “I do not know for sure, but I believe so,” the machine replied.

  “How?” asked Tamra.

  “You must kill the source.”

  The servos finished applying the wrap. It bonded to her arm. The machine then made a smaller incision into the wrap and started stitching together Kate’s cephalic vein. Pressure on each side of the wound stopped the flow of blood while it worked.

  “What if we just destroy the machine,” Tamra asked the voice.

  “You are testing my response. No, a serious query.” It paused. “It would perhaps be a long term solution, but not to your problem. It will not cure her.”

  “How do we kill the source?”

  “Kate and Taq will enter the Neuralnet and kill Tom Morrison,” it stated.

  “Who the hell is Tom Morris, and how will that cure her?”

  “Morrison. He is a mage in a world made up of minds. A vampire mage actually. Taq and Kate have been there, and they know him. The creatures you destroyed were created by him, corrupted by him,” the voice explained. “We are out of time. Bring Taq.”

  Kate was no longer conscious. The servo gently laid her flat on the slab. Tamra’s vision was still blurry, but had cleared substantially. She shook her head and complied, bringing Taq to the room. The machine laid him down next to Kate. Neural maps descended onto their foreheads, conforming around them and making contact with millions of micro-trodes.

  Tamra walked over to the third body and recognized the face of the man once called Paul Winter. “Why is he here?” she asked heatedly.

  “That is not relevant at the moment,” the AI responded.

  “It’s relevant to me,” she asserted. “What is he doing here?”

  “I was tasked with studying his neurology.”

  “Why?”

  “I do not believe—”

  Tamra pointed her gun at Winter’s head, which had been sewn back onto his body. “Why?”

  “I am attempting to understand his connection to the Ethereal plane and his body’s corruption,” the voice explained. “He too underwent a change not unlike the ghouls you fought to get here.”

  Tamra held the gun to the fiend’s head for a few more moments, then holstered it.

  “I will destroy you if you harm them,” Tamra threatened, unsure if she was even capable of intimidating the voice.

  “You have other things to do, assuming you wish fulfill your destiny as a warden.”

  “I am not doing anything I don’t understand. Mages, ghouls, and a machine: it doesn’t add up,” she replied.

  “It may take time to bring them into sync with the dream. In the meantime, I will tell you what you need to know. For starters, you may call me Drew.”

  * * *

  A shielded car came for Matthias. Several janitors had started their shifts, but none of them cared about the intruder, and the security detail was easy enough to deal with. The car whisked him to a safehouse, where Matthias began the data transfer back to Koch. He declined to mention giving Kate access to the data.

  Tired, he drank from the blood reserves and commanded the console in his room to play something from the old world. He then drifted off to sleep. Beneath his fatigue was anxiety like he hadn’t felt in a long time. Matthias thought of a time decades ago when he had friends. He wasn’t quite sure he could call Taq, Tamra, and Kate his friends, but they were something. Analogous to a sleeping limb waking to the pain of a thousand needles, some part of his mind previously dormant was stirring.

  Consciousness faded and resurfaced. Something else was stirring. Matthias opened his eyes and found himself on dried, cracked, earth. The light of a red sun diffused through clouds of dust that swirled and raced across the wastes. “The dream again,” said Matthias. Taq saw me here once, he thought. “It must be connected somehow.”

  Matthias looked down at his chest. It glowed red where the fiend had mauled him back at the hotel. He touched it and felt a connection to the fiend. You are still alive, out there somewhere, he thought. Somewhere far away he felt the presence of Taq and Kate. “Not going to bring you into this,” he decided.

  Matthias’s senses were sharp and his mind clear. Still touching his wound, he saw that a red mist, easily blending in with the wastes, trailed from it, winding into the distance. He willed himself along the trail, until its destination finally came into view. There was no glowing form this time as there had been previously. Instead, hovering before him was a nine foot tall humanoid with arms that reached nearly to its knees. It had long thin fingers and similarly long sharp fingernails outstretched. The thing was thin but muscular and hairless. Its face was was either featureless or Matthias simply could not bring it into focus in his dream state.

  Matthias was no longer in control of his movement. The fiend reached both hands forward, pulling Matthias to it. He tried to fight it, to pull away, but it was futile. The creature pointed its nails forward. Matthias floated closer, enveloping the nails with his chest. Panic gripped him as he felt the monster invade his mind and body. Unlike his previous dream, he could not escape. Panic turned to terror. Powerless against the fiend, he was sure this was the end.

  “Matthias, you will be my avatar,” a shrill screech of words filled his mind. Matthias wondered if that’s all Winter had been; an avatar for this demon thing. He felt the fiend start to crawl inside him, under his skin, inside of his bowels and stomach, inside of his sinuses, slowly displacing him from his body.

  “Matthias,” spoke a gentle voice. “Calm your thoughts. I am with you.”

  Matthias’s body was locked in convulsion, his jaws clenching tightly. “Help. Me.”

  “It will be alright. Let him in, let us both in. Stop fighting.”

  “I. Can’t.”

  “You will not keep him out. Fight him on your terms, inside your own mind, and I will help. Trust me.”

  Matthias concentrated and forced himself to relax. He imagined himself on a beach. A horrible place for a vampire really. But it was his favorite place as a boy. His days lying about under the sun with the sand under his feet had brought him a relaxation he had never felt afterward. As the fiend flooded his mind and body, Matthias’s mind wished to fight against it like a gag reflex or the urge to sneeze after inhaling dust.

  Then Matthias felt another presence. A dim yellow glow emerged around the Matthias-Fiend merger. Once it had set up a perimeter, it started coalescing into a solid encasement of bright light. The glow, the fiend, and the wastes all disappeared as darkness enveloped Matthias’s mind.

  * * *

  “Dad, wake up!” he heard the voice of a young boy. Matthias opened his eyes. A child with tan skin and brown eyes stood at the foot of a bed. Matthias looked around the room, it seemed familiar, as did the boy.

  “We are doing the turtle races today.”

  Matthias’s mind began to reel. “What is this?” he asked.

  The boy ignored him, still awaiting a response. Matthias studied his face.

  “Shawn,” Matthias said softly.

  “I’m going to get Mom,” Shawn proclaimed, running out of the room.

  Matthias sat up in the bed and rubbed his eyes. He stood and went to the window, pulling aside the curtain. Light flooded into the room. He flinched, afraid that it would fry him, but he felt only the pleasant warmth of the morning sun. Matthias struggled to think back to when he was going through his turning, but nothing came to the surface.

  He looked at the pictures on the wall. Several of the boy at different ages. One of Matthias and a woman. “This is some sort of manipulation. I’m still asleep,�
�� he said aloud. He walked to the door and was met by a young woman with the same complexion as the boy’s, brown hair and eyes too.

  She started to talk but the words were lost on him. Tears welled up in his eyes and streamed down his face as he blinked. Heat washed over his face as a new world was unearthed inside his mind. This woman was his wife, Maria.

  “Hon,” she said with concern. “Why are you crying?” Her hands came up and grasped his shoulders.

  “Because,” he started to speak with determination that faded as the balance of believability between his previous circumstance and this new one shifted. His train of thought derailed, and Matthias stared into her eyes for a moment, feeling a bit foolish. Then it all made sense again. “I had a dream, a stupid dream. I had lost you.”

  “Well,” she smiled. “I’m right here.”

  “Obviously.” He wiped his face, then grabbed her around the waist, pulling her to him and pushing his lips over hers. Her mouth was warm like laying under the blankets in winter. She pulled away after a few moments and giggled.

  “I love you,” he said.

  “Love you more.”

  “Are you coming to the fair with us?”

  “Mom’s surgery, hon.”

  Matthias sighed. “I’m sorry, I forgot. Call me if you need anything.”

  * * *

  The fair grounds of Haven, Kansas were meadows of dewy grass converted to a gathering of farm equipment, animals, and carnival attractions. Matthias and his young son toured the grounds, constantly with something in hand to eat. First cotton candy, then a buffalo burger, then funnel cakes. Then followed stomach upset.

  Shawn’s turtle, a small snapper, did not win the race. A large metal tub turned upside down sat in the center of a ring measuring twelve feet across. The starter lifted the tub and Shawn’s turtle, long trained to run by tempting it with bits of lettuce, got off to a strong start. However, it faded a few feet from the finish line, still coming in a strong second (or third if you believe the claims of another contestant).

  Mid-day they went to the hospital to visit Maria and her mother. The surgery was believed to have gone well. Maria was in good spirits but anxious. Matthias brought her a corn dog, which was room temperature by the time she ate it, acting happy to receive it all the same.

  Matt and Shawn returned to the fairgrounds that evening to ride a few rides and eat more junk food. Shawn was fiercely independent, believing he knew where they should go next. The boy was bright and polite, but never quite heeded Matthias’s commands. Matthias watched him as he went from happy, to pouty, to joyous, to angry, and so on. Shawn would often break into a sprint, almost losing Matthias before he could react and give chase. He knew that despite his son’s swinging moods, he was having the time of his life.

  As they traveled from ride to game to ride to food and back, a young woman repeatedly found her way into Matthias’s vision. She was beautiful, slender, with black hair and bright blue eyes. Her skin was fair, and she wore short shorts and a tank top that showed off her toned, youthful body. The first few times he saw her, Matthias felt annoyed and his thoughts returned to his son and their evening. As they were about to conclude the evening, with Shawn’s eyes heavy and movements slowing, the woman stood in front of one of the food carts, gazing in his direction. Matthias was suddenly flush with anger. Sweat beaded on his forehead and a smothering feeling overtook him. For a moment his vision blurred, with only the slight curves of this perfectly-formed woman in focus. He felt pressure on his hand and looked down to see Shawn staring up at him. Matthias forgot what had distracted them as they continued on to the car.

  That night he reunited with Maria, and they made love like they hadn’t in years. It had been at least a couple weeks since they were last intimate. Life drained them of the energy needed most days, but sometimes the stars would align. That night was one of those times. He took his time, using his mouth at first, then fingers, then toys. By the time he entered her, she had come three times. It was humid and their bodies had become slick. A layer of heat built up where his chest pressed against her back until he was forced to separate from her, letting the cool night air flow between them. Spent, Matthias drifted off to sleep, his mind at peace. He tried to recall the dream that had upset him so much in the morning, but could not.

  Sunday morning marked a final trip to the fairgrounds to pet some animals, play a few games of skeeball and ring toss, and avoid food at all costs. That afternoon, Maria asked Matthias if he could try to handle the grocery list while she and Shawn stayed with her mother. He agreed, though he knew it would be a tedious, futile exercise to find all the items vaguely described on the list.

  They left him at the house, and after some procrastinating he prepared himself for the ordeal of confused cart-pushing. He fingered the fob for his 2005 Mustang, opened the door, and fell into the seat. Putting the key into the ignition, he noticed he was not alone in the car. He jerked his head to the right and saw a man sitting next to him.

  “Jesus!” he yelled, his back slamming against the door. He balled his fists threateningly. “Get the fuck out of my car, now!”

  “You know me, Matthias,” the man’s voice sounded familiar. Matthias was sure he’d never seen this man before. “I am Drew. Fight him on your own terms, inside your mind. Remember?”

  “Please, get out. Please.” Matthias felt familiarity creep into his mind.

  “I cannot. We must finish this.”

  “No!” Matthias’s voice exploded. “No! No! No!” He sucked in a short breath. “Go away, just go away!”

  “I think I understand,” Drew said, Matthias now trembling. “This illusion is preferable.”

  “It’s not an illusion!” Matthias screamed at him. “This—” he stopped.

  “Correction, I did not understand. Understand me Matthias,” Drew spoke. “This illusion will end soon whether you want it to or not.”

  “No.”

  “It is very likely you will die.”

  Matthias breathed rapid full breaths, then started to slowly calm. Memories of his vampire life resurfaced and did battle with those that had lain dormant for so long. He closed his eyes, shaking his head slowly. The battle was over. He remembered now. Not everything, but enough. The big pieces filled in for the small ones, and his life made more sense than it had since he became a vampire. Horrible, horrible sense. Matthias leaned his head back, hitting the windows. “Good. This is where I should die. Where I should’ve died. Get out, let me enjoy a few more moments.”

  “I gave you time. Perhaps that was a mistake. There is no more time.”

  “What are you?” Matthias asked, eyes still closed.

  “I am a computer, more or less. I am not completely aware of the source of some of my directives, but at the least, my physical existence is that of a machine. You would call me an AI. I don’t consider my intelligence very artificial though,” it elaborated.

  “I thought, hoped…” Matthias breathed. “Maybe you were God and this was a second chance.”

  “You still believe in such a being?”

  “Why did you do this to me?”

  “You did this, Matthias,” Drew countered. “As you felt the end upon you, you reclaimed these memories. Both the fiend, as you call it, and myself, are here with you, inside you. However, it was you who chose this setting.”

  “I can’t leave here,” Matthias said. “There’s a reason I buried all of this, why I hid it. I thought I had erased it. I can’t live with it, and I was too scared to die.” He wiped his nose. “Give me more time.”

  Matthias opened his eyes and turned back toward the steering wheel, ignoring the AI. He started the car and shifted into reverse.

  “What are you doing?” asked Drew.

  Matthias pulled out of the driveway and raced down the street. He swerved between cars, taking a precise path of turns, running two red lights. Finally the hospital was coming into view.

  “Matthias, this isn’t real; you must let go.”

  H
e slammed the brakes, screeching into a handicap stall and raced through the doors and up the stairs. When he got to the room Maria’s mother was assigned, he feared that there would be nothing inside of it. He walked in and there she was, sitting on a chair beside her mother, who appeared asleep. Shawn sat next to his mother. Matthias fought back tears and forced several swallows as Maria rose, surprise on her face.

  “Hey, hon,” she said, her smile infectious. “Everything okay?”

  “Of course,” he forced out. He grabbed her and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. He squeezed her in a bear hug until she groaned slightly. “I love you so much.”

  After a few moments, he let his grip loosen and moved back just slightly, so he could look into her eyes. They were different somehow. He expected her to question him, but she just looked at him, smiling.

  “I know you do, silly.”

  “Matthias,” said Drew, now at the doorway behind him. “This is the fight, as constructed by your psyche. I see now that it’s an impossible battle. Your friends, Taq, Tamra, and Kate may find a way to destroy these creatures. My plan was to make a surprise attack on one of them. It was the only sure way to success that I could calculate. I do not grasp the complexities of human emotion and bonds. I will keep this world going as long as I can. I have jeopardized my own existence by joining with you, but I have learned much.”

  Matthias ignored him and started crying. Maria held his hands but stayed silent.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I can’t do this. I thought I could pretend. I thought I could keep it together, but I’m broken Maria. I’m utterly broken.”

  “You’re fine, Matthias. What is going on with you?”

  “None of this is real, Maria,” he sobbed. “You aren’t real, and Shawn… and even I am not real anymore.”

  “Yes we are, Matt.” She squeezed his hand hard. “You feel it don’t you?”

  “God dammit Maria,” he coughed and swallowed. “I can’t keep this anymore, it’s eating me up and I know it’s not really you, but before this is over I have to admit it.