Dating Texas (Discovering Me #3)

by Ann Maree Craven

  “Well, we…” He blew out a breath, and steam curled in front of his face. Sticking his hands deep in his pockets, he dug his toe into the snow and dropped his voice to a whisper. “We snuggled.”

  Killian’s lips twitched at the term, but he didn’t let a full smile form. “I’m aware. We fell asleep, Diego. It happens.”

  “Your hand was under my shirt,” he whispered.

  “Why are you whispering? Who do you think is going to hear us in this defunct part of campus? Talk like a normal person for once in your life!”

  Diego took a step back. “I thought you said normal is overrated.”

  “It is. Or maybe it’s not. I don’t know, Diego. All I know is I woke up this morning, and suddenly, this friendship we’ve been building is broken.”

  Diego chewed on his lip. “You think we’re friends?”

  Killian’s heart sank. “What else would we be?”

  “I know you’ve said it… But you’re you and I’m me. We aren’t exactly the type of guys who’d be friends.”

  Killian stepped toward him. “We spend every day together.” Another step. “I took you riding—something I don’t even tell other people I know how to do.” He stopped right in front of Diego. “I tell you things no one else knows.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “But we’re really friends?”

  Killian sighed. “Yeah, Diego.”

  “Just for now when everyone has left for break?”

  Killian shook his head.

  “You mean you’ll still be my friend when your real friends come back?”

  Killian rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know who you think I am, Diego. Before you, my only friends were Kenny and Wylder. I’m not this version of a hockey player you have in your head. I don’t want to hang out with all those other people. I like being with you.”

  Diego swallowed. “But are yo—”

  “Stop with the questions already.” He moved back, needing some space, and turned his face to the blue sky above. “I can’t be the only one with answers. You’re the one who ran this morning. You’re the one who has been avoiding me.” Lowering his eyes to Diego’s once more, he hated the desperation in his voice. “What do you want from me, Diego?”

  A moment passed between them when they stood frozen, locked in a battle of wills. Killian had so few people he could count on in his life. He wanted Diego to be one of them, but in order for that to happen, they had to be honest.

  When Diego didn’t respond, Killian blew out a breath in frustration and turned to leave. “Fine, Diego. Just…fine.” He started down the path, just needing some space to think.

  He’d made it only a few steps when a hand clamped around his wrist. Killian turned to find Diego only a breath away.

  “Are you going to be honest with me, Diego?”

  He didn’t speak. Instead, he closed the remaining distance between them and pressed his lips to Killian’s.

  At first, Killian didn’t respond. This couldn’t be happening.

  But then his mind caught up, and he returned Diego’s kiss, matching his desperation with his own. Every feeling he’d experienced in the past week flooded him all at once, and, he realized, this was what he wanted, who he wanted.

  For so long, he’d pushed almost all human connection at Defiance Academy away, telling himself it was so he could focus on hockey. But now, in this moment, he wanted both. Hockey and a life.

  Diego’s kiss flooded Killian with warmth on a cold December day. He gripped Diego’s hips, pulling him closer as his eyes fluttered open.

  Diego’s eyes widened as their gazes connected, and he pushed Killian away. “What have I done?” He stumbled back a few paces, putting a hand to his chest. “I’m so sorry, Killian. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  Killian tried to catch his breath. “Why not?”

  “You’re straight!” Diego put his hands on his head. “I took advantage. I can’t believe I did that.”

  Straight? Killian wanted to laugh. Diego was the most clueless guy he’d ever met.

  Diego kept muttering to himself as he started pacing. “I’m such an idiot. I’m such an idiot.” He didn’t even notice Killian approaching.

  “How can we be friends now?”

  Killian stepped in front of him and gripped his arm to make him stop moving. “Diego.”

  It was almost as if he didn’t hear him. Killian could practically see Diego’s mind working furiously.

  “Diego.”

  Diego lifted his eyes to Killian’s. “I’m so sorry.”

  Killian yanked him toward him and kissed Diego like it was the only thing he ever wanted. It was a ‘be quiet’ kind of kiss, an ‘it’s okay, I’m not going anywhere’ moment.

  Diego hummed in the back of his throat before melting against Killian and letting him take control. There was nothing unsure about the act, no second-guessing.

  “You kissed me.” The words were no more than a breath against Killian’s lips. He backed away. “I need a moment to think.”

  Killian reached for Diego’s hand, but Diego stepped out of reach and acted like he studied the flowers. Killian didn’t want to make him uncomfortable so he let him take his space.

  16

  Diego

  Diego studied the rare black flower without really seeing it, using it to separate his thoughts from Killian. He’d spent a lot of time in this garden during his freshman year. It started as a fascination with the old campus from more than a hundred years ago and evolved as he uncovered the legends of the secret society that once flourished in the halls of Defiance Academy. Back then, he was convinced it was still a thing. Now, almost four years later, he’d accepted that it was a legend most people had forgotten.

  “Did you ever hear about the old secret society?” Diego stroked the red veins streaking the silky-smooth black petals. “This flower was supposedly their symbol. Hellebore doesn’t bloom anywhere else on campus except this garden. This one is an onyx winter hellebore.”

  “Never heard of any secret society, but then again, I’ve never seen flowers bloom in the winter,” Killian said hesitantly. His kiss still burned Diego’s lips. The kiss he couldn’t seem to wrap his mind around.

  “It’s a seasonal garden, so it’s always in bloom—always with a variant of hellebore in a riot of colors. The winter onyx is rare, but legend says there is a silver hybrid that blooms somewhere on campus—part sterling rose, part hellebore. It doesn’t bloom anywhere else in the world. But in the fall, every flower here is black, except the hellebore. It’s blood red. Makes for a creepy Halloween. Legend says the secret society tends the garden, but I’ve only ever seen the groundskeeper working here.” Diego crossed the gazebo to lean against the stone wall where the wrought-iron pillars rose from the crumbling stone. The green patina was a stark contrast against the snow-dusted garden. He liked coming here in winter because the vine-covered canopy stretched across the garden and kept most of the snow and wind out. It was much warmer here than it looked. That was a big reason the winter garden was able to flourish even in the snow.

  “You’ll see the flower everywhere now. The flower motif in the school gates. The stained-glass windows in the library and the relief carvings on the dormitory buildings. It shows up even more on the old campus architecture.”

  Goose bumps snaked down Diego’s back as Killian leaned against the wall beside him. “They say the society would meet here at midnight at the full moon each month,” he rushed on, fully aware he was babbling. “Members wore masks so no one ever knew who all the members were. It was very secretive and selective. Only those with something to offer were invited. Lots of famous people, world leaders and diplomats, were part of the society. You know, if it ever existed at all. It wasn’t just about gathering the most elite students either. They did things. Good things for the school and for society in general. I used to think they’d want me for my connections with the tech world. Through my father. But it’s all just an urb
an legend.” Diego kicked the edge of the wall with the toe of his boot. “If it ever existed, it was meant for the elite of the elite. The people who were headed to the Ivies and influential futures—the pretty people without an awkward bone in their bodies.”

  Diego’s babbling reached new heights. “There was a rumor they had their own classes too. Just for society members. They would meet in the old campus buildings at night and even have parties there too. Once in the society, you were in it for life. They took care of their own even long after Defiance Academy was a distant memory.”

  Diego turned toward Killian, finally daring to meet his gaze. “I spent a lot of time down here my first few semesters. I wanted it to be real. I thought …”

  “You thought it was a one-way ticket into a group of people who would accept you no matter what.” Killian’s voice was soft.

  “You know they used to have these masked balls and crazy tournaments. Even some of the teachers were members.” Diego tried to turn away to put some distance between them. He needed distance. The kiss. The kiss he was trying not to think about was going to ruin everything. He wanted to salvage his friendship with Killian, but that kiss. What did it mean?

  But Killian wouldn’t let him back away. Before he could say anything else, Killian’s lips pressed against his and his arms wrapped around him. “Shut up, Diego.” His voice was rough and unsteady, but his kiss was firm and confident.

  The logical side of Diego’s brain told him to end this before he got hurt, but his vulnerable side wanted to enjoy it for however long it lasted. With a will of their own, Diego’s hands made their way to Killian’s hips, tugging on his belt loops to pull him in closer.

  Killian’s mouth slanted over his, slow and easy.

  His vulnerable side won as Diego tilted his head back, and he gave into the moment, unable to stop it now even if he wanted to—and he didn’t want to.

  Killian was the first to pull away, but he didn’t release Diego from his grasp. “Don’t overthink it, Diego.” His cool fingertips slid under his shirt and brushed the skin at his back. “It doesn’t have to be scary. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “But what does it mean?”

  Killian chuckled. “Judging by that kiss, I think it means we like each other. Simple as that.”

  “But.” Diego’s face flushed with heat.

  “But nothing,” Killian said. “I’m going to kiss you again.”

  Diego nodded, relaxing into the kiss this time. Was Killian right, could it be this easy?

  “You’re cold, aren’t you?” Killian whispered against his lips, tucking him securely into his arms. Diego nodded, laying his head against Killian’s shoulder. He could get used to this. Even though they were nearly the same height, Diego’s slim build fit perfectly against Killian’s bulk. And he was so warm.

  “Have you actually run out of things to say?” Killian stepped back, keeping Diego’s hand firmly in his.

  “Yes—no. I don’t really know.” Killian had turned his brain to mush. “What happens now?”

  “I think it’s lunchtime. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. Why don’t we go get you some sushi nachos or whatever weird fusion food they have for us today?”

  “That’s not a thing.”

  “What?” Killian grinned at him.

  “Sushi nachos. That’s not a thing. But maybe it should be. We’ll have to ask if they can make it.”

  “Let’s not.” Killian took his hand and led him out of the garden. “How about we look for some good old-fashioned chili and cornbread to warm your insides?”

  “I like white chicken chili with garbanzo beans.” Diego fell into step beside him.

  “That’s not chili. I’ll have to introduce you to some good Texas food.”

  Diego smiled. He’d try anything as long as Killian was with him. He just felt bad about his family so far away at the holidays. Part of him wondered if Killian’s attachment to him had more to do with his loneliness and missing his family than with Diego himself.

  He was glad he’d put his plan into motion already. Christmas Eve was just a few days away, and he still had some calls to make.

  Killian dropped his hand the moment they entered the quad, and Diego felt a stab of fear. Was this how it would be?

  “Don’t look so sad. I just don’t want Mrs. Jones or anyone to see us like that. She’d separate us in a heartbeat, and I don’t want another roommate. I kind of like the one I have.” He winked, holding the door to the cafeteria open for him.

  Diego couldn’t feel his feet. After a morning spent outside, he was ready for the warmth of the dining hall fireplace. Will sat by himself with a plate of lasagna in front of him looking lost all by himself.

  “Hey, Will, how’s practice?” Killian waved to his teammate.

  “Practicing alone sucks. I should have gone home this week.”

  “What about Kenny?” Diego asked.

  “He left with Asher a little while ago. They’re doing Christmas at the White House. Where’ve you been? You weren’t on the ice today.”

  “Busy.” Killian flexed his injured shoulder. “Almost good as new.”

  “Well, get your food and get back here. I’m bored. Even Wylder went home.”

  Diego followed Killian to the cafeteria line. It was normally full of activity with dozens of buffet items to choose from and ready-made meals to take to go. Today, there were only two options. Lasagna and chili.

  “Yes! They heard my cravings and made my favorite.” Killian grabbed a bowl and ladled up a huge bowl of meaty chili that smelled spicy and made Diego’s stomach rumble.

  “That looks good.”

  “The head chef is from New Mexico, and her chili is almost as good as my mom’s. It’s spicy but not too spicy.”

  “Your ‘not too spicy’ might be my ‘I need to go to the hospital spicy.’” Diego dipped some chili into his bowl, hoping it wouldn’t burn a hole in his stomach.

  Killian laughed. He turned back to the buffet and loaded up a plate of hot corn bread. “What do you want to drink?” Killian grabbed a bottled iced tea from the cooler. “Energy drink or your seltzer water?”

  Diego felt all sorts of warm feelings that Killian had paid enough attention to know what drinks he liked.

  “Seltzer, please.” Diego tried to put his chili on a tray for himself, but Killian took it from him and put it on his. He seemed to want to carry it for him. Who knew Killian “Killer” James could be so sweet.

  17

  Killian

  Waking up on Christmas Eve morning without his family never got easier for Killian. It was the second year in a row he was missing out. With a sigh, he let his eyes drift to the window where snow fell steadily.

  They celebrated Christmas at home on Christmas Eve because their mom always had to work the holiday dinner at the ranch.

  Checking his phone, he was surprised to find it was only six in the morning. He shouldn’t be up that early when he didn’t have training, but he couldn’t help it. Was Rory waking up? It was an hour earlier there, but with Rory, they always started Christmas early. She’d run into Zoey’s room and jump onto her bed screaming that Santa had come.

  Zoey would do her typical grumbling about needing sleep, but she’d get up anyway. Neither of the older James siblings could resist Rory. They’d go to wake their mom, probably finding she’d already started breakfast.

  Killian’s stomach rumbled. Ebelskivers. Their morning tradition and just about the best thing he’d ever put in his mouth. He pictured the pancake balls, made with molasses and stuffed with shredded apple.

  Rubbing a hand over his face, he sat up. They’d never had much in the way of presents on Christmas. A lot of what they got was homemade, but they loved it all. What they lacked in gifts, they made up for in holiday spirit.

  Baking cookies, listening to Christmas music, and, of course, their traditional holiday ride on the ranch. His mom was a master of holidays.

  One day, he’d get to be there for all o
f them.

  Blinking away the dampness clinging to his eyelashes, Killian slid from the bed. He had to get out of that room before the silence choked him.

  Diego lay curled around a pillow with his legs tangled in his blanket. His dark hair was pushed to the side, and for a moment, Killian wanted to run his hands through it. He still couldn’t believe he got to do that now.

  With one final glance at Diego, Killian pulled on some sweatpants and a hoodie before tugging at his running shoes. He never wore a coat when he ran because he always ended up too hot.

  Outside, campus slept. It had been quiet since break started, but this was like being in a different world. A fresh blanket of snow coated the grounds, leaving Killian to carve a new path as he thundered down the hill. Bright morning light nearly blinded him, and he lifted a hand to shield his eyes until he turned the corner.

  Before long, he found himself near the library and heading down the path behind it. Once he made it past the rusted iron gates of the old square, it was like entering a different world or a different time. The gothic architecture was a far cry from the more modern style of the school now.

  He stopped at the seemingly impossible garden, marveling at how anything grew in the winter. Diego explained it to him, but he hadn’t exactly been listening when all he’d wanted was to kiss him again.

  There was something ethereal about the old square, and he didn’t want to leave.

  But as soon as he stopped running, the cold permeated his clothes, snaking up his spine. With a final glance over his shoulder, he left the place behind.

  He made it to the dining hall just as one of the cooks unlocked the door for the morning. She gave him a sad smile before heading back to the kitchen.

  Killian scanned the empty room, feeling like he was the only student unlucky enough to be on campus right now. He didn’t have much of an appetite, so he only grabbed a bowl of Lucky Charms and sat in the far corner.

  Someone set a cup of coffee in front of him and he looked up into the kind eyes of Headmistress Jones. “You look frozen half to death.”