Beyond What is Given

by Rebecca Yarros

  “I’m a big girl.” He brought our lower bodies flush. A rush of heat spiraled through my stomach and I simply…wanted him. But I wanted my Grayson back, not the Gray I’d been watching all evening.

  “You’re tiny.” His hands encircled my waist, his heat warming my skin through my thin sundress.

  I raised an eyebrow. “You know what I mean.”

  “I do.” His gaze dropped to my lips and they parted. If Grayson was half as good at flying as he was kissing, he was pretty much guaranteed top position on the OML.

  He lowered his head, and my blood sang in my veins, vibrating at a pitch that threatened to explode. I closed my eyes as his lips grazed over mine and he whispered my name. “Samantha.”

  Just like that, my Grayson was back.

  I smiled and leaned into him, ready for a real kiss—the kind he gave that turned me on more than sex ever had. The kind that melted every reservation at the first touch of his lips and made me hungry for the feel of his hands on my body. God, they were such delicious hands. “Grayson,” I whispered as he—

  “Gray?” Parker called from a few feet away. “Really? Mom and Dad are looking for you.”

  I ducked my head, resting my forehead against the firm muscles of his chest. I had to get him out of this shirt at some point.

  “Mom! He’s here!” Parker shouted over her shoulder before she walked away.

  Or, I just needed to get my head out of Grayson’s freaking pants. Holy shit, I’d never been this hot over a guy before.

  Grayson steadied me, and then stepped back as his parents walked over. His dad was a well-built, older version of Grayson with a kind smile and a firm grip on his wife’s waist. But his eyes were as hard to read as his son’s.

  “So this is where you’ve been hiding her,” he teased.

  Grayson’s jaw flexed. “I’m not hiding Sam, just trying to keep her out of Parker’s crosshairs.”

  “Good luck with that.”

  His mom smacked him lightly in the stomach with the back of her hand. “Sam, why don’t you come to dinner tomorrow night? Just you and Gray? We’d love to get to know you better.”

  A chance to get to know Grayson’s family? It might be the key to unlocking him.

  “I’d love to—”

  “She’s on vacation, I highly doubt she’d want to.”

  We spoke at the same time, then locked eyes. His mouth set in a firm line as my eyebrows lowered.

  “Then it’s settled. We’ll eat at six. It’s been lovely to meet you.” She smiled, but it was guarded. “Gray, the Bowdens would like a word.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he replied without taking his eyes off me.

  They returned to what was left of the party while I glared at Grayson. “You don’t want me at dinner?”

  He looked away for a moment and then back to me. “Things are complicated here. I just…I’d rather be at the beach house with you.”

  “Right. Where you can be Rucker Grayson instead of Carolina Gray, so you can keep your two worlds neat and tidy.”

  “You have no idea.”

  I stepped to the side, then backed away from him. “Right, because you won’t let me. You don’t let anyone know both sides of you, do you? I swear, since I landed, you’ve given me whiplash. You know what? If you don’t want me here, then I certainly don’t want to be here. Give your mother my thanks and make my excuses.”

  “Sam.”

  I shook my head and turned around, walking toward the Yukon.

  “Samantha!”

  I sucked in my breath at the almost-desperate edge to his voice and paused only long enough to turn around and say, “I’d do just about anything for you, Grayson, but I’ll never stay where you don’t want me.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Sam

  The sun warmed my skin as the ocean breeze cooled it. I turned the next page in The Odyssey, lounging on the beach while Jagger and Paisley walked through the surf.

  English was never my strong subject, and if I got this book read before fall term started, I’d be ahead. I had to ace those classes if I was going to get back into a university. Besides, all my chem and lab work was caught up.

  “Sam!” Mia’s voice rang out, and I lowered my sunglasses as she skipped down to my lounge chair in capris and a sleeveless polo.

  Her smile was contagious. “What are you doing here, Mia?”

  “I told Grayson I wanted to show you around, so he gave me the address.”

  Instead of showing me around himself. Not that he’d bothered to so much as call since I walked away from him last night. What was I supposed to expect? I’d told him to treat me like I wasn’t here; I couldn’t really be hurt when he did just that. Except that I was. Hurt, annoyed, missing him—he made me a kaleidoscope of mixed emotions, and I would have killed for a single, solid picture.

  “Well, I’m glad to see you.”

  “Good. Now get dressed.” She took my book out of my hand and headed back to the house, leaving no room for argument.

  I changed into a flowy knee-length magenta skirt and a white halter top, loving the contrast against my sun-darkening skin, and found Mia in the living room, sitting opposite a smiling Will.

  “It does have the best dancing in the Outer Banks,” she cajoled.

  “I’ll definitely think about it.” He grinned.

  “I’d be happy to show you—”

  Oh, nuh-uh. Not happening. I tapped Mia on the shoulder from behind her chair. “Your brother would be happy to show Will what the ocean floor looks like. Let’s save his life and send Morgan with him, shall we?”

  Mia flashed Will a killer smile. “Shame.”

  He flat-out laughed, which brought Morgan in from the kitchen. “What’s so funny?”

  “Look me up when you’re about four years older, will you?” he asked Mia.

  “Oh, you bet,” she answered as I pulled her out of the chair.

  “Or when you have a different brother,” I muttered, leading her through the house until the sunshine hit my face. “Okay, where are we headed?”

  She unlocked a black Jeep Liberty and motioned to the passenger seat. I got in and buckled while she did the same. “I figured I’d give you a tour, but I need to drop some stuff off to Parker first.” She pointed to a purse in the back. “She’s volunteering today and might want to buy lunch.”

  “No problem.” Parker didn’t exactly strike me as a candy striper. Where the heck did she volunteer? The Outer Banks House of Pain?

  “I’m so glad you’re here!” Mia began to chatter as we headed north toward Kitty Hawk. Two run red lights and three stories later about how her boyfriend dumped her since she was leaving for UNC in the fall anyway, we pulled into the hospital parking lot. Who the hell taught this girl to drive? “Besides, Gray needs you, and I want everyone to see what you do to him.”

  Well, this just got awkward. “He’s different here.”

  She parked, killed the engine, and then grabbed Parker’s purse from the back. Go figure, it was black…to match her soul. She’s probably not that bad.

  “Gray hasn’t been himself since it happened,” Mia answered. “The closest I’ve seen has been when he’s with you.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that, so I stayed silent.

  She patted my hand like she was older and not vice versa. “How about you come in with me? I don’t want to leave this at the desk, so I might need to hunt a minute or two to find her.”

  It was better than sitting in the hot car. “Sure.”

  The doors opened, and the sterile air conditioning swept over us. “Hey, Mia,” the receptionist called out with a wave. Small towns.

  “Hey there, Suzie. Have you seen Parker? She forgot her purse.” She lifted it up.

  “I think she’s up on the eighth floor today. Who is your friend?” She sent a curious look my direction.

  Mia just about glowed. “Oh! This is Sam. Grayson brought her home from Alabama for the weekend.”

  “That’s not exact
ly what—”

  “Isn’t she gorgeous?” Mia cut me off, looping her arm around my waist and pulling me to her slight frame. “They’re adorable together.”

  Suzie’s stare became instantly appraising, and she swept up and down my figure, no doubt cataloging everything about me to recall at a later time. “Well, it is lovely to meet you.”

  Mia pulled me toward the elevator as I called back, “You, too!”

  Mia punched the number for the eighth floor as the doors closed. “I figured we’d check out Kitty Hawk, and maybe swing by Jennette’s Pier?”

  “Sounds good,” I answered, happy for the distraction.

  The doors opened, and Mia continued to rattle off potential destinations as we walked down the sterile hallway. “Mary!” Mia called out to a nurse with flip-flop–patterned scrubs.

  “Hi, Mia.” She smiled, obviously busy.

  “Have you seen Parker? I wanted to drop off her purse.”

  “I think she was with Miss Bowden.” She motioned her head a few doors down.

  “Thanks!”

  I followed Mia to the room and waited outside while she popped her head in…without knocking. “Mia!” I hissed. What if the patient had been naked or something?

  “She’s not in there.” She pursed her lips. “Okay, you stay here with Grace, and I’ll go find her.”

  My stomach plummeted. “Grace?” Bowden.

  Mia nodded, already looking down the hallway for Parker. “Yeah. She’s watching One Tree Hill, so just go in and sit next to her. They had her watching cartoons for a while, but then I read this news story on this guy who was in a waking coma for like twelve years, and when he came out of it he was so pissed about them making him watch Barney. So I figured she loves One Tree Hill, right?”

  My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water.

  “Oh, come on.” She pulled me through the door, where a frail blond girl sat semi-reclined on her hospital bed. “Sam, this is Grace. Grace, this is Sam. Grayson brought her home for the weekend.”

  “Stop saying that,” I whispered, my eyes locked onto Grace’s vacant stare in the direction of the flat-screen.

  “Please. Grace would love that Grayson has found someone. She wouldn’t want him to live his life like he has been.” Mia’s hand stroked over Grace’s cheek. “She doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. She would want him to be happy.” Then she turned to me with a wide smile. “You make him happy, Sam. Therefore, Grace would love you. I’ll be right back.”

  She left. I froze, staring at the empty doorframe.

  I should leave. I can’t be here. But I couldn’t just leave, either. I couldn’t walk out and pretend that Grace didn’t matter, even if the situation brought a whole new meaning to awkward.

  Turning slowly, I tried to swallow, my throat suddenly dry from the hospital air. Pretend she’s not…you know…comatose. The chair. Right. I could sit for a little bit.

  The armchair next to her bed was surprisingly comfy, except for the lump under my butt. I reached under and pulled out a black hoodie. I didn’t even have to look at it to know whose it was because it smelled like Grayson. Just like that was his backpack leaned against the wall.

  I brought the hoodie to my nose and inhaled the scent a little more. Need slammed through me—the need to hold him, heal him, touch him. “I wish I could figure him out,” I said to no one…to Grace, really. “He has these walls no human can climb. Or maybe I’m not the human he needs.” Pain streaked from my heart, radiating through the rest of my limbs as though I’d physically been stabbed. Knowing I wasn’t the one he needed was one thing, but saying it out loud was brutal, crushing. I folded the hoodie neatly and laid it across my lap before I looked over at Grace. “I think he needs you. I see that now, the way he comes here all the time.”

  Her mouth hung slightly slack as her head rested on the pillows. “I feel like a lunatic talking to you like this. You’re his girlfriend, and I’m his…” I dropped my head into my hands. “God, I don’t even know what I am. The girl he kisses because he can’t kiss you? No. I know that’s not true. He’s not the kind of man to do that to someone.

  “He’s… He’s Grayson. He doesn’t only save me; he inspires me to save myself, to change. He lets me in long enough for me to start falling for him, to want this life I have no right to ask for, and then he shuts me out. And it’s not like he pushes me away. He’s too good a guy to do that. He disappears into himself, this little world where I can’t follow. When he does that, I can see him, touch him, but part of me wonders if he’s really here…with you. If he’ll ever really be mine.” Could I truly fall for him, knowing that I’d only have half of him, if that? There was a piece of Grayson that would always belong here, with Grace, but how big of a piece?

  Was there even a way to compete? She was perfection in his memory, and I had more flaws than could be counted.

  My eyes burned, and I blinked back tears. “I guess what I’m trying to say, as convoluted as it’s coming out, is that I want what’s best for him.” I reached for her hand and took it in mine. Her fingers were long, elegant, as I knew she had been. I imagined her dancing in Grayson’s arms, the perfect picture of a high-school romance turned lifetime love. They would have complimented each other, her lithe frame and his strength. Their genetics alone would have made gorgeous babies. But their fairy tale had a nightmare ending.

  And then there was me, coming along after Prince Charming was broken, trying to cram my oversized foot into Cinderella’s slipper, willing to cut myself to the bone to make it fit.

  “I am so sorry for what’s happened to you. For what’s happened to both of you. Neither of you deserved any of this. From what I’ve heard, I know that in his life, you are the love story. And I know that I’m standing here with a second-place ribbon stuck to my heart, but he’s worth it. I’ve never met anyone like him. He’s strong, and smart, and loyal, and he… He makes me want to be the person he sees in me. And maybe I’m selfish for taking what I know isn’t mine, but I’m really hoping that I can make him happy.” I smiled through the lone tear that crept down my face. “You know, as happy as Grayson gets. But I’m really praying that you’d be okay with us, if you’re listening. Because he needs you—I see that now. But I need him so badly.”

  She blinked, and I gasped. “You blinked. Oh my God. You blinked.” I had to tell someone. A nurse. Right? Yes. I jumped out of my chair and nearly ran over the guy walking in.

  He caught me by the shoulders, and I looked into a pair of concerned brown eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  “She blinked!” I squeaked.

  His eyes drifted to Grace and back to me. “Yes. She does that.”

  Now it was my turn to blink. “Brain-dead people don’t blink.”

  He tilted his head to the side and smiled. Wow, this guy was actually really good-looking. Maybe a little too soft, too boy-next-door for me, but good-looking nonetheless. “She’s not brain dead. At least I don’t think so. Medical opinions vary.” He stepped back and dropped his hands. “Hi, I’m Owen, a friend of Grace’s. You are?”

  Owen. That name should mean something, but I couldn’t remember where I’d heard it. I forced a polite smile, still a little shaken. “I’m Sam. I’m a friend of Grayson’s.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Gray? Is he here?”

  Was that panic in his eyes? “No. I mean, his stuff is, but I haven’t seen him.”

  “Then I’ll only stay a minute.” His eyes swept over me. “You know, you don’t look like his type.”

  What. The. Actual. Fuck. “Because I’m not a blond white girl?”

  He startled. “No, no. You’re gorgeous. You’re just not…” His eyes shot over me to Grace again. “Comatose. He hasn’t shown interest in anyone since Grace’s accident.”

  Because she still owned his heart. He didn’t have to say what we both already knew. I rubbed my hands down my arms, warding off the cold that was seeping into my bones with every moment I spent here, every second I realized what I
’d done to my life…again. I was falling for someone who belonged to another woman, and the worst part was that I didn’t know if I could stop.

  I wanted Grayson so badly that having even a fraction of him was better than nothing.

  “Right.” Owen stepped around me and went to Grace, taking her hand in his. “So you don’t think she’s brain dead?” I couldn’t help but ask.

  He shook his head. “The doctors say so, but she wakes and sleeps and blinks. Maybe I’m an idealist. She slept the whole first year, and when she woke up, everyone was so excited, but she still wasn’t here. They say she’s brain dead; I choose to think she’s healing. But maybe that’s because I can’t wrap my head around her never recovering.” He sent a sympathetic smile over his shoulder at me. “But Gray’s never left her. He keeps visiting, even as…hard as he’s become. I hear he’s different around you, though.”

  My eyes narrowed. “From whom?”

  “Parker.”

  He was friends with Parker, that explained how I’d heard his name. “Ah, yeah, she’s not exactly my biggest fan.”

  He laughed. “That’s Parker. Don’t let her get to you. She’s holding a torch for G-squared to get back together.”

  “G-squared?”

  He turned back to Grace, his thumb circling the back of her hand. “Grayson and Grace. You know, like Brangelina, or Bennifer?”

  My mouth popped open. They had a freaking name? Of course they did. They were perfect. Where the hell was Mia? “You know, I think I’m going to go find Mia. She was actually looking for Parker…”

  “Miranda, that’s Grace’s sister, she’s in labor. My guess would be that’s where Mia and Parker ran off to. Did you hear that, Gracie? You’re about to be an aunt.”

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Grayson’s voice boomed before he stepped fully into the room.

  I stepped forward, ready to explain my shoving another foothold into his life and apologize, but it wasn’t me he was yelling at.

  Owen stood from Grace’s bedside and put his hands up. “Gray, I just wanted to stop by and see her. I didn’t realize you were home this weekend until I saw—”