Beyond What is Given

by Rebecca Yarros

  “I love you,” I said before I kissed him. His lips were cold, but his tongue warm as he swept it into my mouth. He tasted like home, and as my pulse skipped, he banded one arm under my ass and used his other hand to wind his fingers through my hair until he held me to him.

  “Can I take you somewhere?” he asked against my mouth.

  “Anywhere,” I answered.

  He set me back on my feet and held my hand as we walked toward the parking lot. “Will your car be okay?”

  “Yeah, we can leave it here,” I said, gesturing to where it sat parked a few spaces down from his truck. “You drove? All the way from North Carolina?”

  He squeezed my hand. “I did.”

  “Let me grab my charger out of my car?” I asked.

  “No problem. I’ll start the truck.”

  I yanked the charger from the port, anxious to be alone with Grayson and yet more relaxed than I had been since Alabama.

  “Sam.”

  The back of my head met my doorframe. “Shit!” I grabbed the offended area and turned. “You’re not supposed to be speaking to me, Professor Proctor.”

  “Since when did that ever keep us apart?” he asked, devil-may-care grin in place as he swatted an errant brown curl like I hadn’t been through hell to get back into this school.

  I looked over my shoulder, but Grayson couldn’t see us from here, and Harrison was blocking my exit. “I’m not kidding, Professor Proctor, this is inappropriate.”

  He took ahold of my arm. Even through the layers of down that separated us, his touch felt tainted. I shook him off. “Don’t touch me.”

  His grin fell away. “Sam, I’m not a professor anymore. You left without a word, without letting me explain. You at least owe me that much.”

  “I owe you nothing.”

  “Please, give me a chance.”

  “Just…stop. What could you possibly hope to get out of talking to me?”

  He did his dramatic sigh that I used to think was incredibly romantic. Yeah, that had nothing on the quiet intensity of Grayson simply looking at me, which basically melted my panties right off.

  “I miss you.”

  “I don’t miss you.” I shrugged, uncaring that another student gawked as she passed. I had nothing to hide this time.

  “There was a time you loved me, and I know you could again. I’m thinking of leaving Michelle.”

  “I don’t care, Professor. You two, quite frankly, deserve each other. I’m only asking that you stop hurting other people.”

  “I’m so sorry I ruined your life. That was never my intention, or any of this humiliation.”

  Laughter bubbled up, taking with it the last vestiges of shame or embarrassment as I thought about the envelope I kept securely tucked away in my purse. “You think my life is ruined? How self-centered can you be? Sure, I slept with the wrong man, trusted you, but I’m done paying for that. You knew you were married. I didn’t. I’m going to finish college and be with the man I love. You’re not a factor in my future, but I doubt you can say the same about me. Every time you apply to teach, this will follow you. Every time you look at your wife, this will be between you. What you’ve done will haunt you…not me.”

  I shut my door, but Harrison wouldn’t let me pass. Every step I took, he matched. “You haunt me now.”

  “Let. Me. Go.”

  “No, not until you listen.” I sidestepped his reach again.

  Grayson stepped behind Harrison, and the tension drained from me. “Please, give me a fucking reason to end you. Do it. Put your hand on her again.”

  Harrison turned to look up, and up at Grayson. Then he moved to the side as Grayson reached for my hand. I took it and left everything about my past behind as he tucked me under his arm and walked me to his truck.

  “Is this really necessary?” I asked, fumbling for the door handle forty-five minutes later. The damn blindfold on my eyes wasn’t helping matters. I heard the door open, and a gust of cold air hit my face.

  “Be patient,” Grayson said softly. He undid my seatbelt, then easily lifted me into a bridal carry.

  We paused, and I heard another door open, then close as warmth surrounded us. “Well, at least we’re inside,” I teased. There was a faint echo. Where the hell were we? I could feel his heartbeat jump through our coats. “Are you nervous? Because your heart is racing, and I know you’re not tired from carrying me. Hell, I bet you could carry me for an hour and still not get tired.”

  He stayed silent, which was enough to almost make me rip off the blindfold. Whatever we were doing was obviously way outside his comfort zone.

  “We’re here,” he said as he gently set me on my feet. “I’m going to take off your shoes.”

  He dropped, leaving my hands on his shoulders for balance. Then he slipped off my boots one by one. The floor was cool and hard under my socks.

  “We might need to work on your foreplay.”

  He laughed softly, and the tension dissipated from his shoulders. He stood, and right after I heard a squeaking sound, I felt a soft pressure at the top of my head, and the distinct scent of…magic marker?

  He kissed my lips with a reverence that had me aching for more as he pulled back and turned me around. The blindfold slipped free. “Okay, take a look.”

  I blinked several times, letting my eyes adjust. A door stood open in front of me with a black line etched into a spot on the left panel that read “Samantha.” Farther left was another line marked “Grayson,” with today’s date written between them.

  “You got me a door?” It was the sweetest gift I could imagine.

  “A place to mark your height,” he said from behind me. “To start our story.”

  I turned to face him, and then got distracted by the rest of my surroundings. There was so much light, so many white walls. “An empty house?” I asked, taking in as much as I could. The front door had a glass panel and a tile entry, then a nice-sized living room. Looking to the right, I saw a den, and a kitchen that had raw maple cabinets but no counters.

  “There’s a window seat.” Grayson pointed to the den. “Like you wanted.”

  “W-w-what?”

  “Hardwood in the kitchen. You said that was important, and there’s a small porch out front. I put the swing up last week. I know you wanted granite counters, but that’s kind of personal, and the granite guys said they could be here to install next week if we pick everything out in the next few days.”

  “Grayson.”

  He swallowed. “It has a good-sized backyard that’s kind of flat. Do you know how hard it is to get a flat backyard on this side of town? Or how expensive this school district is? It’s ludicrous.”

  “Grayson.”

  “And if there’s something you don’t like, I can remodel it. I bought it, so it’s not like we have to ask permission or anything. But we will have to buy furniture.”

  Holy shit. He bought a house. In Colorado. For me.

  “Grayson!”

  His eyes flew to mine, a state of subdued panic rolling through them. “Samantha.”

  “Why would you buy a house here?”

  His eyebrows rose. “Because you’re here.”

  “But you live in North Carolina.”

  A slow smile spread across his face. “I found a loophole, and asked another flight student to trade me at the last minute. I live here. I’m assigned to Fort Carson.”

  I sucked in a breath. “But your family…” Tears pricked at my eyes, welling so fast that he blurred in front of me.

  His thumbs wiped away the tears that fell. “You are my family, and you’re here. I don’t work without you, Samantha.”

  I reached into my purse and pulled out the letter I’d been saving. “But I got into UNC. Just in case.”

  “Do you want to go to school in North Carolina?”

  I shook my head. “I want to be here.”

  “Then I do, too. Burn the letter.”

  I still couldn’t grasp that he was really in Colorado. “How long have
you been here?”

  “A few weeks—just long enough to buy the house. You said you needed to tackle that stuff on your own, and I wasn’t going to take that away from you.”

  “You’ve been waiting for me? In the same city? For weeks? It must have been hell.” There was no way I could have been that close to him and not have called, reached out, touched him. God, standing here without stripping him down was taking every ounce of restraint I had.

  “I would wait forever for you.”

  We both snapped, reaching for each other in a fury of open mouths and searching hands. My jacket hit the floor, followed shortly by his. We made our first official mess as we ripped clothes off in a haphazard trail up the stairs.

  Something told me it wouldn’t be the last time I left my bra in the upstairs hallway.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Sam

  His hands were everywhere, stroking my breasts, rolling my nipples, gripping my waist. He pushed me back against the wall, and I barely registered him hitting his knees until he held my folds apart and put his mouth on me.

  I screamed his name.

  It had been so long, and my body was starved for him. His touch ignited an instant fire that consumed every nerve ending and left me frantic.

  His fingers dipped inside me, and as I whimpered, he caressed my inner walls until he found my G-spot and then relentlessly rubbed it, curling his fingers inward as he drew my clit into his mouth and sucked.

  My knees shook, and then my whole body trembled as I fell apart. He caught me before I fell to the ground.

  “Condom,” I whispered, aching and desperate to have him inside me.

  “We’re done with the no sex?” he half teased. Once I ran my hand over his length and pumped twice, he wasn’t teasing anymore. “Condom,” he agreed, finding a package somewhere near his pants and rolling it over his erection.

  He gripped behind my upper thighs and lifted me in one small motion.

  “That’s so fucking sexy,” I said against his jawline as I wrapped my legs around his hips, lining us up perfectly. He carried me toward the bed. “I always wondered if you could hold me upright while we did this.”

  He stopped and arched an eyebrow. “Lock your ankles.”

  Those words alone had me throbbing again, my muscles clenching with stark need. He kissed me with sweeping strokes of his tongue, and I gasped at the taste of us mingled together. Capturing me with a fierce gaze, our open mouths barely an inch apart, he lowered me until, inch by inch, he slid inside me.

  Thank you, God. I couldn’t hold back the moan that ripped free as he finally thrust home. I buried my face in his neck and felt the fine tremor that rolled through him as my body adjusted to him.

  “Fuck, I missed you, Sam.” He said as he began to move slowly. “Every part of you. Every inch of your skin, every sarcastic comment from your mouth, every touch of your fingers. All. Of. You.” He punctuated each of the last words with a thrust.

  “I love you.” My brain lost its ability to think, but I knew I wanted more. “Harder,” I ordered.

  He tried to laugh. “I’m doing my best to go soft here.”

  “Soft later. Hard now.” He could make love to me all night long. He’d better. But now, I needed everything he had without holding back.

  “I love you,” he echoed. “Now hold on.” He started a deep, pounding rhythm that demanded I do just that. My arms looped around his neck and held tight as he drove into me over and over again, the muscles in his arms bulging as he lifted me up and slammed me back down.

  He shifted his hands to my ass, and tension spiraled in me again, tighter with every thrust. The man was a machine. Our eyes locked, our breaths mingled, and it was hotter than him sliding in and out of me. I was pretty sure Grayson could bring me to orgasm with a look if he tried hard enough.

  He backed up until he hit the edge of the bed and then sat, grasping each of my ankles and bringing my knees flush along his hips. “I can fuck you like that all day long, but I think this might be better for you.”

  I let loose a wicked grin, rose up and slid back down, watching the change in his eyes. I felt powerful, desirable, and his.

  Grayson’s fingers slipped between us to massage my clit as I rode him, and any of my previous thoughts fled. There were only our bodies, and the rhythm that drove us higher, brought us closer together.

  “Grayson,” I cried as my muscles locked.

  “I’ve got you,” he growled, pressing on those nerves just right, and I flew. My orgasm set his off, and we clung together as we came back down.

  His lips were soft as he kissed me.

  “Whoa,” I said, raking my nails gently over his scalp.

  “Yeah, my thoughts exactly,” he commented, and rolled us so we lay side by side.

  I couldn’t stop looking at him, or running my fingers along the back of his neck. “I missed you so much.”

  “You don’t have to miss me anymore.” His slight smile would have collapsed my knees if I’d been standing.

  “And you’re sure that you’re okay here?” I had to ask. He’d given up so much for me. For us.

  He smiled, and my heart faltered. “It was selfish of me to ask you to give up what you worked your ass off for. I’m here. I’m not leaving you until the army says we have to move, and then I’m kind of hoping you’ll come with me. We should have at least a couple years here, long enough to finish your degree. But I promise we’ll keep this house. Our kids will mark their heights on that door.”

  I arched up and kissed him. “I love the door. I love the house. I love you, and I’ll go wherever I have to so I can be with you. I used to think that home was a place. Walls, and windows, and home-baked brownies, but it’s not, Grayson. That’s just a house. You are my home. So where you go, I’ll go.”

  His mouth met mine in the sweetest kiss we’d ever shared. “I promise I’ll always put the coffee on the bottom shelf.”

  “That, or you always have to be around to catch me when I slip off the granite.”

  His smile was brighter than the sunlight streaming through the windows. “I told you once—I’ll always catch you.”

  I lifted an eyebrow and ran my hands down his naked back.

  “You are pretty good with your hands.”

  He scoffed. “Pretty good? We’ve been apart for what, four months, and now I’m only pretty good?”

  I brought my leg up to hitch around his hips. “I guess I could use a reminder.”

  “Oh, I’ll remind you.”

  “I might forget pretty often.” I gave him my best wide-eyed stare.

  “I’ll remind you every fucking day, Samantha.”

  Yes. Every day. He was my future, my home, my universe, this phenomenal man who’d altered my world and claimed it for his own. “Promise?”

  “Promise.”

  Epilogue

  Seven years later

  The hangar doors opened on Butts Army Airfield and the crowd roared above the music of the army band playing. They marched in, all one-hundred-and-twenty-five of them, filling the empty floor with row after row of camo.

  My eyes swept the front of the line until I found him, and my heart started to race. He was here. Finally. After the longest nine months of my life, he was finally home. No, this hadn’t been our first deployment, but it had been the hardest.

  Then again, after three of them, it always seemed to feel that way.

  He faced forward, standing at attention at the head of his company while the General took the podium, but I could see Grayson’s eyes scanning the bleachers looking for me. For us.

  “Daddy’s here!” I said to Delaney as I adjusted all forty pounds of her on my hip.

  “Daddy!” she shrieked, breaking the silence to the laughter of those around us.

  Who could blame a four-year-old?

  I tucked one of her long, caramel spiral-curls back over her ear. “We have to wait a minute, baby.”

  When I looked back to the formation, Grayson’s eyes had
locked on to me. My stomach clenched. Five years of marriage, and he still had the power to knock me to my knees with just that look.

  I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

  The general dismissed the troops, and the crowd rushed from the stands in a tidal wave of joy, until the hangar floor became a sea of welcome-homes. Careful in heels with Delaney in my arms, I picked my way down the bleachers until we reached the last row, where Grayson had just arrived.

  “Daddy!” Delaney cried and lunged. He caught her tiny frame easily and crushed her to him, his eyes closed in bliss for all of two seconds before he yanked me into his chest with his free arm.

  God, he smelled like tangy metal from the aircraft and freshly applied deodorant. Nothing had ever been more of an aphrodisiac. I held on as tightly as possible, savoring the feel of him, the steady beat of his heart beneath my ear.

  Contentment overpowered every other emotion.

  I met his mouth in a crushing kiss, and just like that, the taste of him flooded me, consumed me. Our lips lingered, but we pulled back reluctantly and gave our attention to the gorgeous green-eyed spitfire who was already chatting Grayson’s ear off.

  “And we made you signs, and they have glitter. Lots of glitter. Mommy said that you wouldn’t mind, even though you’re a boy, you like the sparkly signs.”

  “Daddy loves sparkles, Delaney-bug.” Grayson smiled and kissed her cheek, gathering us all tightly together. “Oh, my girls. I missed you.”

  “I missed you, Daddy. Can we go home?” She yawned into his neck.

  “It’s an hour past her bed time,” I explained, rubbing her back.

  “Let’s get her to bed,” Grayson said, then leaned to my ear and whispered, “so I can get you to bed.”

  Oh yeah, we needed to find his bag now. He located the one labeled CPT Masters, and we headed to the car. I offered to carry Delaney, but he wouldn’t hear of it.

  He hefted the huge duffel over his shoulder and cradled our daughter in his other arm, careful not to crush the tulle of her skirt.

  My hormones went into overdrive. There was never anything as sexy as watching Grayson being so careful with our little girl.