The engaged couple arrives and I greet them, offering a place to sit and any refreshments. I can tell the groom would like a cup of coffee from our Keurig but his fiancée won't allow it, not wanting their newly bleached teeth to be stained. I resist the urge to tell them it can be photoshopped out – I already made that mistake once before. Never contradict the bride-to-be, the term Bridezilla was made for a reason.
I go over to Martin and Naomi to let them know the appointment has arrived, then go back to work at my desk, every so often glancing up to watch. I can already tell the groom will have a lifetime of his wife telling him what to do.
I spend an hour on the phone with a woman who wants to go over every little detail that each package offers while she reads it to me from the website. Most would find this frustrating, but I don't; I relish any distraction right now.
Close to lunchtime, Martin, Naomi, and the couple head out for the pre-approved locations the bride wants to try. Naomi makes a face at me as she passes and it's hard to hold in my laughter. I'm not sure who she's ready to strangle first: Martin or the bride. I think she'd like to clunk their heads together and be done with it.
Shortly after, I lock the shop to go get lunch. The walk to the nearby deli is refreshing. The sun is beating down on my skin, the air smells fresh – it's just what I needed.
As the deli comes into view I can already taste it in my mouth. I'm about to open the door when I spot my new neighbor, who's occupying Jay's old place, smoking a cigarette across the street. He moved in a few days before my return. I'm not sure where he works, but he's always around so I assume it must be somewhere downtown.
I wave because he's watching me. He lifts his head in acknowledgement.
If I'm honest, there's something about this guy that creeps me out. He seems to be everywhere I am. The grocery store, restaurants, he even has his breaks at the same times I do. Quite a few times I've caught him sitting at the bench across from the studio, talking on his phone, staring through the studio window straight at me.
I hurry inside, putting off figuring out if being in Jay's world has made me paranoid or if my gut's trying to tell me something.
When I come back out he's still there. I was going to eat at one of their outside tables, but I think I'll eat at my desk instead. I scurry back, having that feeling his eyes are on me as I go.
1:24pm
My phone rings in front of me on my desk while I'm eating. I recognize my home number on the screen, so I answer it knowing Seth's home sick today.
“Can I have some of your pie?” He asks.
“What pie?” I don't remember us having any pie in the house.
Seth lets out an exasperated sigh, “You know, the one that came for you this morning.”
I bolt straight up in my seat, “When was this?”
“You didn't know?”
“No, Seth, I didn't.”
“Sorry, I thought you did. It's from that fancy pastry place.”
“Is it pumpkin?” I hold my breath in suspense.
“Yeah...” he trails off, sounding wary and somewhat accusatory. “Who sent this to you?”
Jay's alive! Hallelujah! I mean, I figured he was. I figured Ben would let me know if he wasn't, or I'd see news about the CEO of Cole Private Bank and Trust being dead and I would know Jay was too. I push those thoughts back. I'm not souring my mood with them. Not when I have pumpkin pie waiting for me at home sent from the man I love. I didn't think Jay would even know Valentine's Day existed.
“Yes, you can have some, and by some I don't mean the whole entire thing,” I threaten.
“Alright, alright, I'll save you a slice.”
You would think Seth's teasing but he's not. I can guarantee most will be gone when I get home.
“Before you eat it take a picture of it for me.”
“You want me to take a picture of a pie?” He asks, like my request is the most bizarre one he's ever heard.
“Yes.”
“Man, girls are weird.”
We hang up and I do a little happy dance in my seat. I needed this. I needed some kind of confirmation that he was out there, and it makes it better knowing he's thinking of me. I sigh and rest my cheek on top of my fist on the desk, staring dreamily into space, thinking of Jay and pumpkin pie. Yummy yum yum.
Chapter 6
4:31pm
“Hey Lily, it's me,” Stevie cuts in when I answer the office phone. “Can you tell Naomi to have her girlfriend stop calling here when she's at work?” Naomi started dating Nina, the bartender from The Recovery Room, not long after I gave Naomi her number.
“Sure–” I start to say, but she's already hung up. Geesh, Stevie sure has been grumpy since I got home. I keep trying to talk to her about it, but she always snaps at me that nothing is wrong. I consider calling her back, but I would most likely just piss she and Martin off.
When Naomi passes by I discreetly slip her a piece of paper about the phone call. She quickly reads it, rolls her eyes, crumbles the paper in her hand, and tosses it in the wastebasket next to my desk.
“She has been such a cranky bitch lately,” she grumbles.
I dart a glance at Martin's office in the far back to make sure his door is closed before responding, “What's going on with her? Did something happen while I was gone?”
“Yeah,” Naomi huffs, “I got a girlfriend.” Then she practically storms off.
Okay, wow. I'm way out of the loop with my friends.
Since when does Stevie care if Naomi has a girlfriend? I remember when Naomi first started dating women Stevie got all weird about it, but that was years ago. I definitely need to find out what's going on. I've been so self-absorbed about Jay that I've been ignoring my friends. Not good best friend material.
I made plans to hang out with Stevie after work at she and Noami's place, since we are both alone on Valentine's Day. Hopefully I can get her to confess what's been bothering her.
5:21pm
I drive to the two bedroom apartment Naomi and Stevie share. They keep trying to get me to move in, but I'm hesitant because of Jay. I don't want to put my life on hold for him, but I also don't know what the future holds.
I twist Jay's ring around my middle finger all the way to their door, loving the comfort it brings me and how connected it makes me feel to him.
Stevie answers the door with barely a hello. Normally she's the first person to greet you with a warm hello and a happy-to-see-you smile. She's already in her ice cream cone flannel pajamas, face clear of makeup, and her glasses on.
I close the door behind me. I can already smell whatever she has cooking. My dad taught Stevie how to cook. I'd never tell him this, but I think she might be better at it than he is.
“Have you stopped wearing contacts?” I ask, following her to the kitchen. Since my return I haven't once seen her in her usual colored ones.
She points to the glass of wine she poured for me before answering with a shrug, touching the side of the frames and pushing them up, “I'm tired of not revealing my true eyes.”
She still has a sad frown on her face.
“Are you going to tell me what's going on with you?”
“Are you?” She tests.
“Fair enough,” I grumble. How do I even begin to explain what I've been through? At times, I hardly believe it myself.
Leaning against the kitchen counter, I stare down at my hands (something I seem to do a lot lately), remembering Jay's blood on them and the four men I killed.
I had stared down at the dried blood on my hands the whole limo ride home from the airport, wondering what my family would think when I showed up in a housekeeping uniform with spots of Jay's blood on it. I'd tried cleaning myself, but the blood refused to come out of the fabric.
Drinking almost a whole bottle of champagne on the plane ride home had helped. I wasn't as paranoid or freaked out as I might have been for my family to see me like that.
Cody had been the one to answer when I knocked on the door. He only sta
red at me, mouth dropped open. Lucky for me, he was the only one home and I quickly ran to take a shower. When I got out, my parents, brothers, Jill, Noami, and Stevie were all congregated in the living room, wrapping me in hugs.
Cody has yet to tell anyone about my appearance when I first arrived; not even Seth, which surprises me. When I asked him about it, he only told me, “It's not my place to tell.” I guess I can't call him a kid anymore.
I had kept my story simple, making it easier to remember and not being sure how much I was allowed to tell. I couldn't have Jay be the bad guy, so they believe Jay was found but quickly released, not being the man they were looking for. I'm not sure how I'm going to explain him to my family when he comes back for me, but I'll figure that out when the time comes.
The first few days of my return seemed to merge together, making it hard to distinguish what day was what while I came to terms with the four deaths I had caused. I don't think I'll ever get over it, but the guilt gets less and less every day. Being home has helped. Normalcy helps. Being around family really helps.
Stevie snaps her fingers in front of my face, “See? There you go again, zoning out, lost in thought.”
I take a long sip of wine, ready to turn this back around on her, “Okay, so let me ask you this. What's got you so upset over Noami being with Nina? You never seemed to care before.” I remember the huge crush Stevie had had on Naomi, but I thought she'd gotten over it. Over the years she'd become so uncaring about who Noami saw or brought home with her. Maybe her being so carefree about it was really her covering up her true feelings?
“Lily,” she sighs, “I've been in love with Naomi since the day she defended me. I thought she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Still do. She's just never felt the same about me.”
Huh. “Have you guys talked about this?”
“Every morning that she wakes up in my bed instead of her own.”
Okay, wow, this is news to me. I thought they only did stuff when one or both of them were drunk. I've asked them about it before and they always made it seem like it's no big deal, just an added bonus to their friendship. I should have known better. Intimacy always adds extra emotion to a relationship.
“Why have you never talked to me about this before?”
“What's the point? I've been insanely in love with that woman since I met her, but all I've ever been is a place to go when she has 'needs',” she uses air quotes and a disgusted face with the word needs. “And I welcome her every time like a fucking idiot, thinking maybe this time she will fall in love with me too. I don't know what to do, Lily.” She takes her glass of wine and finishes half of it before checking the oven and asking casually, “Has she said anything to you about her and Nina?”
“You really want to know?”
She closes the oven and turns around, “No, but I live for self-inflicted pain.”
“She likes her. A lot.”
“Yikes,” Stevie mumbles, and I can hear her playing with her tongue ring.
“I think I may need to get drunk tonight,” she informs me.
“Please do.” I wouldn't mind a few drinks myself. I take another sip of the wine she left out for me and she does the same.
Stevie looks like she might start crying. I walk closer to grab her hands in mine, letting her know I'm here for her, “I never knew you felt this way.”
“She was the first girl I ever kissed. Really, she was the first person I've done anything with. I'm the reason she realized she was definitely a lesbian. She told me she thought she might be and wanted to find out, so we kissed. At first it was only our lips, but we both loved it and kept wanting to do it again and again, exploring more of the other each time. It was awesome. I can't tell you how many nights we shared a bed together. She wants you to believe it's only when she's drunk, but she still comes to my room to fool around – sober I might add – and I let her every time because I'm a glutton for punishment, only to wake up to an empty bed and her pretending like it means nothing more than her being horny. Breaks my heart every goddamn time.”
“Maybe she's worried you won't be happy with only a woman?”
“That's bullshit. She knows if she wants me I would never want another human being again. I swear it.”
I can tell she does. Stevie doesn't play games.
“Stevie, I'm so sorry you've been living with this. I'm sorry you never felt you could come to me about it. I promise to start being a better friend.”
Stevie lovingly rubs my back, “What are you talking about? I couldn't have asked for a better friend. You have never seen how amazing you are.” She wipes at her moistened eyes, “My whole life people have judged me. They think because I dye my hair crazy colors and cover my body in tattoos that I must be a freak. Then when they find out I'm attracted to men and women, they think I must have issues. I'm judged all the time for how I look and the way I choose to live my life. But not by you. I've never been judged by you. You have always accepted me just as I am.” Tears start to brim around her lashes and her voice sounds constricted, “That makes you rare and special. I love you, Lily. I wish everyone had a Lily in their life to accept them for who they are. I'm sure that's why your neighbor took such a liking to you.”
The mention of Jay feels like someone took all the oxygen out of the room and my lungs start to cave in from the pain of needing air.
“You weren't interested in his exterior,” she stops and we both start laughing because we know that's a lie. She saw the way I would drool over him. “It mostly had to do with what you saw on the inside. That's how you've always been. That's what makes you so beautiful. You are a rare gift to this world, and I thank God every day that I'm one of the lucky few who found you.”
Tears are now falling down both our cheeks. Stevie wipes away hers and mine, “What ever happened while you were gone hurts you. I can tell. I can also tell there's a lot more to the neighbor story than you're willing to share. I'm okay with that. I truly believe it will work out for you, that life will give you what you want. You will find your happily ever after. I have to believe that. I have to believe people like you get rewarded, because what's the point otherwise?”
“You're a better person than me, Stevie.” She lets out a “pfft” and a dismissive wave of her hand, never seeing that I'm the lucky one to have her as a friend. “You have always been there for me, my family, Naomi, her family, even your crazy drunk dad – you still give him money and take care of him. You volunteer at the women's shelter every free chance you can, always organizing ways to get them clothes, food, jobs, whatever they need. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas you spend the day cooking and serving the hungry. I don't know a single person who gives to others as much as you. You deserve a happily ever after just as much as anybody else.”
Now we are both crying, trying to clear away our tears.
“Okay, we need to stop this. I want to have a fun, relaxing night with my best friend,” Stevie sniffles, “So let's share the amazing dinner I cooked that's going to blow your mind, and start our Die Hard marathon.”
“That sounds like the best Valentine's Day ever.”
We high five and carry on with our evening, both keeping it light and fun, neither one of us wanting to sober the mood.
Chapter 7
Sunday, February 16
3:36pm
Noami and Stevie have been bickering all day. This isn't normal for them. They always have fun together, but Nina is causing a rift in their friendship. And if Noami mentions one more time about me going on a date with Nate (her brother's friend) I'm going to sock her. Silly me had thought it would be fun if we spent the day together shopping, but what we should have done is go to the movies, where you have to be quiet.
My phone rings in my purse on our way to their apartment, where we're going to make dinner together and hang out some more. I'm crossing my fingers we don't end up strangling one another.
“Can you get that for me?” I ask Naomi, pulling into their parking lot.
S
he grabs the purse handle down by her feet and places it on her lap, unzipping the top, and rummaging around until she finds the still ringing phone.
“Hello,” she answers.
“Hello?” She tries again, giving Naomi's signature “don't waste my time” expression and tone.
“Helllooo,” she repeats, her tone showing how irritated she is that the person hasn't responded.
I park the car in a visitor's space and extract the phone from Naomi before she has the chance to give whosoever is still there a piece of her mind. Naomi's fuse is even shorter than Jay's.
“Hello?” I ask like a broken record.
I hear a sharp intake of breath that causes me to do the same.
I exhale slowly to try and steady my nerves, but it's pretty hard to do when my heart has just started galloping around inside my body.
What do I say? Is it even him? Do I say his name? Why doesn't he answer? I pull the phone away from my ear and see that it's a number I don't recognize and have missed twice before.
What if it is him?
How many questions can I ask myself before actually opening my mouth and letting sound come out?
Why am I nervous?
Say something, Lily! I scream at myself. But what if it's not him?
Grr, I'm annoying myself with all this internal dialogue.
Okay, be cool. Don't start professing your undying love for him. Remain calm, you're not even sure if it's him.
“Hey,” is my ever cool response.
“Hey,” comes the familiar, deep, warm voice I'd know anywhere, sounding just as nervous.
The biggest smile I think the world has ever seen plants itself on my face.
“Who is it?” Noami questions, getting closer to hear while Stevie pokes her head between the seats to see me better.
“Damn, I bet the glow from Lily's smile can be seen by the sun,” Stevie teases, poking my arm. “Who is that?”
Marked. Part II: Becoming Noah Baxter Page 3