“I would pay good money to see that smile,” Jay speaks, causing a dip in my stomach and making me forget how to breathe.
“Lily, you there?” Jay wonders after a few seconds of silence.
“It'ssogoodtohearyourvoiceI'vebeensoworrieddoesthismeanyou'recominghomeisitoverareyoucomingbacktome,” I blurt out in one big whoosh, completely forgetting the need for coherency and oxygen.
Smooth. Way to play it cool.
I slap my shaking head to my palm. I'm such a dork.
“Uh, what?” I hear Jay swiping his head. I thought if only I could hear his voice it would ease some of my misery, but I'm finding that it's only making my heart hurt more and the longing I've been experiencing intensifying.
Naomi and Stevie's faces are in my personal space, trying to hear who's on the other end. I get out and walk away from the car, hoping for some privacy. I hear car doors slam behind me, followed by Stevie's heels and Naomi's boots trying to catch up with me.
“Jay?” I whisper, my feet picking up their pace, trying to escape my nosy friends.
“Yeah?” He breathes out in a mixture of trepidation and relief.
“Is it over?”
“No.”
“Bummer.”
“Yeah.” Is his throaty response, and I get the feeling he's experiencing all the same emotions I am right now.
“I needed to hear your voice,” he reveals, making my huge smile return.
“But you can't call me back,” he quickly adds.
“Okay.” Besides my embarrassing ramble, I still can't form words.
“I'm serious, Lily,” his demanding, rough voice almost has me laughing.
“Got it, no calling,” I reciprocate, biting into another humongous smile.
“Do you?” Jay implores, probably remembering the times I've ignored him.
I let out an over-dramatic sigh, “Yes, dear.”
He lets out a low, rumble of a laugh and I have to place a hand over my heart, thinking it might help steady it. It's feels so incredibly good to hear his voice.
There's some clattering in the background and a woman's shrill screech.
“I have to go,” he rushes.
My heart deflates, “Okay.”
“I'll call you tomorrow.”
He hangs up at the exact time my friends catch up to me. I extend the phone out and stare at it as though I'm ninety and still trying to figure out how these darn things work.
Stevie runs her hand down my hair, “Everything okay?”
Naomi crosses her arms in frustration, “Are you ever going to tell us who that was?”
“No,” I answer them both, shoving the phone in my pocket. “Let's get dinner started. I'm starving!” I hurry to their apartment, trying to push back my heartache and tears.
I avoid answering questions all night, pretending like I had never gotten a phone call. Tomorrow I'll have to ask Jay how much I can reveal to my friends. I don't like keeping things from them and it's all I seem to do since I met him.
Chapter 8
Thursday, February 20
7:49pm
“You totally cheated!” Seth accuses, throwing his cards down in a huff.
“How? How did I cheat?” I inquire after winning a round of Kings Corner. I'm at home hanging out with my younger brothers. I try to spend time with them at least once a week, not only because I want the memories, but also because they are a blast to be around. It's a guarantee you'll be laughing the whole time, which is exactly what I need right now.
“I don't know,” Seth mumbles, never taking defeat well. “You just did.”
“Oh, well thanks for the concrete evidence.”
My phone starts ringing from the kitchen counter but I make no move to answer it.
Cody gathers up the cards to shuffle, “That's getting really annoying. Are you ever going to answer it?”
I briefly let myself acknowledge it's presence, “I'm letting him sweat a little.”
Cody starts dealing the cards, “Do you have a boyfriend?”
I twist the ring around on my middle finger under the table, not sure what the best response is.
The phone stops ringing, only to start again right after.
Seth peers at the seven cards in his hand, “Geez, Lily. What'd the guy do to deserve you ignoring his calls all night?”
“He took four days to call me back,” I grumble. The calls started at four this afternoon and have come every half hour after that. For the past hour it's been every fifteen minutes, but I keep ignoring them. The first two calls I missed because I was at work. When I realized I'd missed Jay's call I was in tears, rejoicing that he was okay, but then I got pissed. I don't like that he promised to call and didn't, causing me to be worried for four straight days. He's not another average guy, he's Jay, and a man that wants to kill him is planning to attack at any time. Him not calling possibly means he's not around to call anymore. Therefore, I'm letting him experience how much it sucks to not talk to the person and hear that they're all right.
We start our game and my brothers have decided this round we can only speak with British accents. The previous round could only be done in pirate slang. Seth tries to impersonate Sean Connery, and when I inform him he's Scottish, he gives me an exasperated sigh and a glare that lets me know I'm turning too much into an adult and to just go with it. So I do.
I've decided to go with Cockney, sounding like Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady. This earns their respect back and they laugh every time I speak. I'm considering only talking this way around them if it gets them laughing this hard. Cody's decided to be Austin Powers. That's what I love about being around those a decade younger, adults would try and be serious about getting it right. Well, scratch that. Adults wouldn't even do that, but non-adults don't care about being silly and goofy, the more so the better. It's refreshing to be around.
Cody wins this round and Seth starts accusing him of also cheating, and that maybe we're conspiring against him. I start to defend myself when the doorbell rings.
“I'll get it!” Seth yells, jumping up and causing his chair to tip back as he dashes to the door.
I try and make out what is being said, but am only getting muffled voices.
Shortly after, Seth comes back, “The neighbor's having Internet trouble and was wondering if we are too?”
“The Kincaid's?”
He shakes his head, “No, the guy who's renting the place scarface stayed at.”
“Don't call him that!” I snap louder than I should, making both my brothers jump. “Go tell him I'm checking to find out. Don't let him in,” I tack on, having learned that one the hard way. Won't make that stupid-ass mistake again.
It doesn't take long for me to see that it's working just fine, maybe even a little faster than usual.
I go to the front door, not liking the tension my body is experiencing at the idea of being up close to him.
I open the door to find him talking on his cell, his side leaning against the house. He looks up when he sees me, but doesn't say anything.
I don't know if it's my imagination or not but he looks annoyed with me, like I'm the one wasting his time.
“Ours isn't working either,” I shrug, hoping I'm coming across as baffled. I'm worried if I tell him it's fine that he'll ask to use ours.
He scans me from top to bottom; not suggestively, it's almost like he's doing it to reassure himself I'm in one piece, “Okay, thanks.” Then he leaves back across the street, continuing his phone conversation and lighting up a cigarette.
Is that house a magnet for strange, standoffish men or something?
I come back to the kitchen and the boys have decided it's time for a snack. They pull out everything that sounds appetizing and try to figure out what kind of crazy concoctions they can create. I fear for the day they discover pot.
My phone rings again. I decide to finally answer, more because I want to hear his voice than thinking I've made him suffer long enough.
I grab my phone and one br
other mutters a “thank god,” while the other states, “It's about time.”
I roll my eyes at them and head down the hall to my room, tapping the answer button as I do.
I don't speak, waiting for Jay to go first.
He doesn't and we're both silent for an agonizing few seconds.
We both start talking at the same time.
I say, “When you say you're going to call, call!”
While Jay says, “Why aren't you answering your phone?!”
I close my bedroom door a bit to forcefully while we go back to our silent tiff.
I hear him let out a long sigh at the same time I do.
“I'm sorry, Lily. I meant to call. I wanted to call, but there was never a good time and I didn't think you'd appreciate me waking you up at three in the morning.”
“You scared me when you didn't call,” I crawl onto my bed and lay down on my back. “I didn't know if it meant something bad had happened.”
“Shit, I didn't even think of that.”
“I almost called you a hundred times. I don't understand why I can't call.”
“Just don't.”
“Your vague answers are so frustrating!”
“I'm frustrating!” Jay roars back, “What about you ignoring my calls? That's not cool, Lily!”
“I wanted you to know what it felt like to worry.”
“I worry about you every goddamn second of my fucking day!”
That shuts me up and turns off my anger. I open my mouth to apologize for my catty behavior but he speaks up first, “I have to go.”
“Already?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you going to call me again?” I ask, but he's already hung up.
Well, shit.
I want to beat the crap out of myself right now. I'd start with my throat and force it to stop constricting.
I wish I could call him back and apologize. I don't want to fail so I decide to call for back up. Just as I'm about to call Stevie it rings. I see Jay's number, making my heart jump into my throat.
“Hi,” I answer warily.
“Hi,” he responds with the same amount of caution.
“Can I apologize and you'll forgive me and we'll pretend the last phone call never happened?” I plead.
“I'd like that.” I can hear the smile in his voice.
“I'm sorry for being a child. This whole situation's been really stressful.”
He grunts, “That's a huge understatement. I'm sorry too. I should have called sooner. I wanted to, Lily. You have to believe me when I tell you that you're on my mind all the time. It's just...sometimes it gets crazy around here, and I didn't want to call and wake you in the middle of the night.”
“I don't mind, it's worth it to hear your voice.”
“Okay. Every chance I can I'll call, no matter the time.”
I sigh out my relief, “Thank you.”
Jay also lets out a long, heavy exhale, “God, baby, it's so fucking good to hear your voice.”
I almost lose it and start crying, but I don't want to waste this call by him comforting me and my silly tears.
“Yours too,” my voice cracks and I take a sip of my bedside water to take some of the edge off. “Did you find her?” I have to ask. Not knowing if Arianna is all right is just one more thing to keep me awake at night.
“Yeah, she's here.”
My muscles release some of the tension they've been carrying.
“She has some issues to work out, but I think she'll be okay. I know you want to know what happened and I promise to tell you, but it's been a long day and I'd rather not talk about that shit right now.”
Okay, I can respect that. “Hey, you remembered Valentine's Day.”
I can hear him scratching his scruff, “Yeah, well...” He clears his throat and his awkward, shy vibe can be felt through the phone. I wish I could see how cute he must look right now.
“Thank you, it meant a lot to me. I took my time eating it, savoring every bite.”
Jay groans, “Don't say things like that. I can only imagine how fucking sexy it would have been to watch you.”
There's a long pause on the phone and I'm not really sure why I'm feeling so shy myself.
“I wish I had a picture of you,” I confess, needing something to say even if I'm embarrassing myself.
Jay laughs.
“What? Too cheesy?”
“Yes, but that wasn't why I was laughing.”
“Okay?” I coax.
“You know those pictures Quake had of us?”
“Yes.”
“I look at them a hundred times a day.”
“You kept those?”
“Why do you think I put them in the back pocket of my pants at the diner? I never wanted to forget what you looked like.”
I smile, letting the warmth of his voice and words travel through me, “You're really just one big softie, you know that?”
He lets out a grunt, making me laugh.
Someone's voice calls out his name from the distance.
“Gotta go.”
Then he hangs up. No I love you, no talk to you later. He has the worst phone manners. Who am I kidding, he has no manners.
Chapter 9
Friday, February 21
10:46pm
My phone vibrates on the side table next to me. A quick glance tells me that it's Jay.
My family is currently engrossed in a movie and doesn't notice when I duck out of the room, scurrying to my bedroom.
“Hello?” I whisper as I shut the door behind me.
“Lily,” Jay breathes out like he's been waiting his whole damn life to hear my voice.
I hop onto my bed, “Hi, I'm glad you called.” I'm keeping my voice low, hoping to not disturb my family and make them aware I left.
“Oh, god, baby,” he moans in complete distress, as though my voice physically torments him.
I sit rigid on my bed, “What? What's going on? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I am now,” the words seem to strangle out of his mouth into the speaker.
I can tell he needs me, that something is not right, “How can I help?”
“You. All I need is you,” he says, more as an exhausted sigh. “Tell me about your day. All of it. Every last detail.”
I tell him every minute detail, from what I ate for breakfast to the clients I'd encountered to the movie I had started watching. I could practically feel his stress releasing with every word that left my mouth. I intentionally leave out our new neighbor who continually happens to be everywhere I am, not wanting to make his mood worse, figuring I'll tell him when he's not so stressed.
“Jay?” I ask when I'm finished.
“Yeah?”
“I love you,” I say, wanting him to know.
He makes a strangled grunting noise.
“You can tell me about your day too. It's okay,” I encourage.
“I...it's just...”
I can tell he wants to, but he doesn't know how. He's not used to opening up to someone.
“Did somebody piss you off? Do I need to come there and kick some ass?”
The sound of his laughter is rainbows and unicorns all tied up into one perfect bow sitting under a glistening Christmas tree.
“The waiting,” he starts, voice deep and gruff, “this waiting for him to arrive. My life is at a stand still. How much of it can I waste over him? I'm so fucking tired of it all. I just want to be home with you. I'm over it, Lily.” The whole time he talks he's on the verge of cracking, making me want to leap through the phone and cling tight to him. “I'm so fucking tired. I can't remember the last time I slept. I mean truly slept, like when you're in my arms.”
Every part of me hurts, needing to comfort and love him.
“Where are you right now?” I ask.
“On a bar stool in my kitchen.”
I resist the urge to ask for details about his kitchen; now is not the time for my inquisitive mind.
“Are you dressed for bed?”
“Yes...” his voice has turned husky and I do my best to ignore the desire it invokes in me.
“Good,” I remain level, not wanting him to get the wrong idea despite my sudden arousal protesting. “I want you to get into bed and then I'm going to tell you every little detail of my life since I returned. Every last agonizing detail until you pass out from boredom.”
And that's just what I do until I hear the comforting sounds of his light snoozes echoing into the phone. I lay with my ear pressed to the speaker, hearing them until I pass out too.
Chapter 10
Wednesday, February 26
10:54pm
The sound of my phone ringing wakes me on the couch, my Kindle laying on my stomach. I blindly reach around until my fingers hit the plastic cover of my cell.
“Hello,” I mumble, somewhat incoherently.
“Hey,” comes the raspy, gruff voice of Jay, “Did I wake you?”
“It's worth it,” I reassure him. He could wake me at three in the morning, anything to know his heart's still beating.
It's silent for a few awkward seconds.
“Everything okay?” I ask, the silence making me uncomfortable for some strange reason; I should be used to it by now.
“Where are you?” Jay's voice has turned into that low, husky sound that I love.
“On the couch,” I whisper back, sliding up enough to see down the hall and if there are any lights shining under the doors.
Pitch black.
I become aware of the stillness, that sense of mystery only night can bring.
“Alone?”
“Yeah.” Why do I sound nervous?
“Good,” he rasps out, still managing to shift the mood of the room when he's all the way in another state. “Where's everybody else?”
“Asleep.”
“I need you, Lily,” Jay confesses in a way that has me instantly aroused.
“How do you need me?” I try making my voice seductive but it comes out in different pitches, making me come across as the inexperienced girl that I am.
“I need to hear your moans...your cries of passion,” he stalls for a moment, but I hang in anticipation for his next words. “I want you to touch yourself...I want to hear it. I want to hear it all.”
Marked. Part II: Becoming Noah Baxter Page 4