Trust

by Casey Diam

  I’d had to get out of that apartment. The longer I stayed there, the more pissed I became, and I needed to fuck. With everything going on, plus going cold turkey after having sex at least three times a day only two weeks ago, I was wound up so tight, I was ready to obliterate anything that crossed me.

  “I mean, dude, it isn’t horrible. It isn’t like you could have known, you know?” Calvin knew how much this was affecting me, even more than I cared to admit to myself. He’d never seen me lose control like I had earlier at the apartment. “Although, for the first time in my life, I feel the urge to ask any girl I plan to sleep with a whole list of shit I never cared about before.” Calvin laughed.

  Grinning, I shook my head. “You’re an idiot.”

  “Everything will be fine, dude. Shit happens, and you can’t change the past. You can only move on and hope for the best. It isn’t the end of the fucking world if it turns out you fucked someone you weren’t supposed to. You didn’t know. Besides, so what? People do that shit all the time. It might be something you feel strongly against, but it’s life, and life is going to deal us all kinds of bullshit sometimes. And some people get it a lot more than others. You get it a lot more than others. You might not say much, but I know, and you’re the fucking most resilient person I’ve ever met, so don’t let this shit get you down. No matter what happens, you’ll get through it. You always do.”

  I’d never loved anyone before, but at this moment, I realized how much I loved my best friend, but I would take that shit to the grave.

  Feeling awkward as fuck after that thought, I cleared my throat. “Thanks. Appreciate it.”

  “Love you, too, dude.” Calvin chuckled.

  Asshole. Of course, he’d say it.

  “Too? Fuck you.”

  “What? You think you’re the only one skilled at reading people?” Holding his beer bottle by the neck, he tilted the body toward me. “We’re brothers for life.”

  Nodding, I let my bottle collide with his in a loud clank.

  My eyes drifted to the fun-sized brunette walking by our table in a burgundy bustier; those breasts on display couldn’t be real. She turned to smile at us before continuing to the bar that stood in the middle of the room. It wasn’t crowded tonight, but a good amount of people were conversing around us.

  “Mmm, mmm, mmm,” Calvin grunted. “So, should I ask who her grandma-sister-mother-uncle is, or do you want to do the honors?”

  “Nope.” I shook my head. “All yours.”

  Chapter Fifty

  Paige

  The television playing in the background was only a slight distraction to my agitation as I paced the living room. I hadn’t been to the gym to workout yet, which I should have done. It calmed me. Helped me think straight. It’d been two days since my conversation with Officer Bailey, and I was hungry for answers—but not for myself alone. For Caleb.

  Birth certificate.

  If I had been kidnapped, there had to be a record of when I was born. There was no way they would have been able to alter that.

  Why hadn’t this been the first thing I thought about? Shit.

  Dropping back down onto the couch, I pulled my laptop onto my thighs and did a Google search.

  How do I get my birth certificate in Boston?

  Clicking on the Boston’s City Hall webpage, I quickly scanned the contents.

  Print and fill out a form.

  Mail... in person visits also allowed.

  Oh, thank God.

  Looked like I was going to city hall. I scrolled a bit farther.

  If adopted, birth parents’ names would not be on the certificate. Restrictions. Some birth certificates were restricted.

  I clicked on the link for more information.

  Born out of wedlock... blah, blah, blah... judicial order.

  Holy shit.

  I sent Caleb a text.

  Me: Going to City Hall. You should, too, if you have time.

  Caleb: Why?

  Me: Birth certificate.

  Caleb: Okay.

  I shook my head in confusion when I received no other response. For some reason, I’d thought he would be more thrilled because I’d thought of this. We could finally figure out if we were related or not. I called Bailey for my parents’ information, then Calvin drove me to Essex County. That was where their last registered address had been. Only the office there couldn’t find anything on me. So after Calvin dropped me downtown, I walked to the city hall in Boston.

  I went inside not expecting to find anything, but after two long hours of waiting, I had it. I smiled down at my birth certificate and left the building so excited, I took a picture and sent it to Caleb.

  Only, a second later, I was frowning. I never got the chance to know them—my real parents, Carrie and Peter Wells—and I never would.

  I wandered around the streets of downtown until I sat on the steps to the library, and it made me think of the first time I’d sat here in the wee hours of the morning with Caleb. God, that felt like it had been so long ago.

  A message vibrated on my phone from him, and I adjusted the sunglasses from my eyes to the top of my head.

  Caleb: That’s good. I’m happy for you.

  That’s it? Why is he acting like this?

  Don’t trust him, a voice whispered. What do you really know about him?

  A group of four teenagers ambled down the steps a few feet away from me, chatting and pushing each other around. I turned my attention back to my phone. I’d thought about doing this yesterday, but for some reason, I never did. And, just considering it sent nerves crawling up my spine as I waited, but I had to do this—for him. Tapping on my call log, I selected the correct contact and hit Send.

  “Officer Bailey, it’s Madelyn. Although, you should know, I go by Paige. Anyway, I’m sorry I kind of ran out on you the other day, but I really appreciate what you did. Thank you.”

  “No problem. I figure it’s something you needed to process. How are you?”

  Taken aback by her response, I paused.

  Does she really care how I am?

  “Fine, thank you. Um, you’ve already helped me so much, and I’m sorry, but I need to know about this one person.”

  “A person? Do you have a name?” Sergeant Bailey asked.

  “Did the Sawyers have any other children besides Reese and Alaina?” I swallowed, slowly coming to terms with being out of the picture of the family I’d known my whole life. “Did they ever report anyone as missing?”

  “Listen, I’m not even supposed to know this, but I did a quick scan of Langley’s files.”

  Langley? Why is she so proper about her husband?

  Her voice lowered. “Whatever you’re trying to find out, I think you’re going in the right direction because someone else was reported missing. Olivia Sawyer. She was reported missing twenty-four years ago. The FBI tried to connect what had happened to her with what happened to the rest of the Sawyers almost five years ago. As well as to what had happened almost twenty years ago when you had gone missing, but no leads were found. And, since then, it’s been a cold case until you showed up asking questions.”

  That doesn’t make sense. Wouldn’t Caleb be the one who had gone missing? He was twenty-four years old, the equal amount of time this Olivia had been missing, and Caleb was most definitely not a girl. And I was way too familiar with how much he wasn’t a girl. Ahh...

  I squeezed my eyes shut.

  Don’t go there. So not the time to think about his... crap.

  “Who’s Olivia Sawyer?”

  “David Sawyer’s sister.”

  “What? Dad had a...” Olivia.

  The daybed. Mom being sad.

  A memory started to appear. I couldn’t have been more than ten years old at the time, but I’d just finished my homework, and I was heading to the kitchen for a snack. Mom was reclined on the daybed alongside the window, a glass of red wine on the floor. She was unhappy. I could always tell when she was.

  “Mom, are you thinking about L
iv again?”

  She had forced a smile and called me to her side.

  “Yeah. Only because she was my best friend.” She had squeezed me to her chest. “Who’s your best friend?”

  “My sisters. But shh,” I had whispered, “you’re my bestest friend.”

  “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

  “Paige?” Bailey said.

  I’d tuned her out, but the dots connecting in my head were more important.

  Liv. Olivia.

  She was the one Mom had told me about years before. They’d traveled together. Why hadn’t there been pictures in our house or any other mentions of her?

  Dryness prickled my throat, and I swallowed, trying to clear it. “Sorry. I... what were you saying?”

  “Caleb Sawyer.”

  “What?” The question flew out of my mouth before I could stop it.

  “Do you know who that is?”

  “No, uh, sorry. Go on.”

  Caleb Sawyer? What the hell?

  Pressing my lips together, I stood. This was too much. Why hadn’t she told me this before? Oh, right, I’d pretty much run out of the coffee shop two days ago. I wouldn’t have been able to stand any opinion Agent Langley might have dished out after giving me that look, like I was stupid and beneath him.

  “His grandparents call here every week,” Sergeant Bailey went on.

  “Oh my gosh, what?” The blood drained from my face. Both Caleb and Olivia Sawyer went missing twenty-four years ago, that could only mean... “Is Caleb, Olivia Sawyer’s son?”

  “Yes. Is there something else going on that you aren’t telling me?”

  “No. Nothing. I’m just curious about my past—you know, the whole mystery of it.”

  “You and I both. I don’t think I’ve been this curious about a case my whole career.” Sergeant Bailey sounded distant, as if she was reflecting.

  I took advantage. “I have to go. I’m sorry, but please don’t mention this to anyone. I beg you. I just need time to process everything. I hope you understand. There are things I need to figure out before we dig deeper into this. You can still reach me on this number, and I promise to contact you if anything comes up.”

  “Okay, but please, if you need anything, don’t be afraid to call, okay? I’m here, and you can trust me.”

  “Thank you.”

  Ending the call, I hurried to the closest metro station while dialing Caleb’s phone. The same person my mind had been begging me not to trust earlier, but he had to know this. This was about his mother, who’d named him a Sawyer. Why would Olivia Sawyer give her son her own family name? Did she do it to hide who his father really was?

  Ugh! I wanted to pull my hair out.

  “What’s up?” Caleb answered.

  “I need to see you ASAP. Where are you?”

  “My office. I’m in the middle of something. What’s going on?”

  “Can you meet me? I promise it’ll only take a few minutes.”

  “Uh, hold on.”

  I stopped at a nearby building as I waited for him to speak.

  “Where are you?” he asked a moment later.

  “Close to the library downtown. The same one we met at before.”

  “Can you meet me at the Park Street subway station?”

  “Yes. That’s perfect.”

  It only took me five minutes to get to our meet-up point. So, for the next ten minutes, I paced until I saw Caleb heading toward me. As soon as he stopped in front of me, I told him everything I had learned from Bailey.

  After that, we walked over to a park bench and sat for a while.

  He was leaning forward, elbows on his knees and hands on his temples as he tried to process everything.

  Sensing his confusion and misery, I moved closer to him on the bench until my side was flush with his. My hand rubbed his back and went up to comb through the hair at the nape of his neck. “I would ask if you were okay, but that’s kind of a stupid question right now.”

  “Yeah, I just...” He shook his head in his hands.

  “I’m here if or whenever you need to talk.”

  He nodded. “Thank you.”

  “It’s no—”

  “No, seriously”—his head turned to me—”thank you for doing this for me.” His forehead crinkled as his eyes narrowed. “Have you been crying?”

  “No.”

  “You haven’t been sleeping then.”

  “It’s nothing.” Dropping my hand from the nape of his neck, I looked out to the flock of pigeons taking over the pavement in front of an oversize statue. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

  “I know, but I do.” He looked to the ground before standing. “I should...” He pointed behind him with his thumb. “I need to get back.”

  I didn’t want him to go, and this was not smart at all. I was becoming too dependent on him, something I’d never trusted myself to be with anyone else, and it was stupid. I was being stupid.

  What is wrong with me?

  Folding my arms across my chest, I stood. “I guess I’ll see you later.”

  “Yeah,” Caleb said, shoving his hands into his pockets, but instead of turning to leave, he lingered. “I’ve been thinking. That apartment is kind of small for both you and me.”

  What? No, it isn’t.

  “Switching back and forth between the bed and the couch isn’t really working. I’m thinking about getting a place. A condo in Quincy.”

  “What?”

  He’s leaving me?

  My stomach churned.

  “Calvin is going to move in with me, and I was hoping you would, too.”

  Not wanting to figure out the next step because this was just too much after being on my own for this long, I backpedaled to today’s events, so I could flip the question on him. “You just found out who your mother might be after twenty-four years, and this is what you want to discuss?”

  Chapter Fifty-One

  Caleb

  My thoughts rambled on as I fixed Paige with an incredulous look.

  No. Of course not, Paige. I don’t want to talk. What I want to do is fuck my frustrations out like I normally do, but you’ve consumed my fucking mind. And, now, I can’t just fuck anyone. So, yeah, I have more than enough problems to deal with. Forgive me if I don’t want to talk about the main one of the many destroying me right now.

  But this wasn’t her fault.

  “I don’t want to discuss anything,” I told her. “I’m simply telling you plans that are in the works as we speak so you can decide what you want to do.”

  Why was she looking at me like I slapped her with my words?

  “Fine.”

  Jesus, this woman.

  “Fine what?”

  “Why are you asking questions if you don’t want to discuss anything?”

  Oh, fucking hell.

  My head jerked as my jaw tightened. I wanted to tell her that it wasn’t a discussion and that she was moving to Quincy with me whether she liked it or not, but it wasn’t lost on me how much she liked being in charge.

  So, even though I was pissed and wanted to lash out at someone, I couldn’t do it with her. She was stubborn, and we needed to be a team. Forcing her would only make her more resistant.

  Reaching up, I gripped the back of my head. “I’ll email you a link of the new place. Please, think about it.”

  With that, we went our separate ways for the day. She was probably mad I was shutting her out, and she should be. Somewhere along the line, it had gone from tit for tat to me knowing everything about her and her knowing almost nothing about me.

  Still, after all of this, the most important thing on my mind was the camera in Alex Connor’s office. If he found out what I’d been doing, everything would be fucked, so I had to get it out of there. While I pieced together just how I would do that, I hurried back to the office, got some bullshit documents together about a property inspection for the hotel tomorrow, and then headed to Alex Connor’s house.

  ❧

 
I looked at the glowing time on my dashboard again. Five minutes until midnight. It was either Calvin or me who picked up Paige when she worked until these hours of the night at the gym, but tonight, he’d stayed home. He was trying to figure out what his sister had been up to when his mom worked late. Since he hadn’t called me back, I was guessing everything was good, or he was in the process of destroying some poor kid. Dude was straight murderous when it came to his sister. I pulled out my phone, ready to check in with him, but I knew that was me trying to escape my own damn problems.

  I sent him a text.

  Me: Everything good?

  His response came in a second later.

  Calvin: So far, yeah.

  Anything was better than trying to process what Paige had discovered. It’d been plaguing my mind all day and more so because I’d never had a mother figure in my life. My father never dated, and the house had only one of three females on a regular basis when I was growing up—a tutor, a cook, and a maid. So, the thought of a mom who had a name... Olivia Sawyer... made my heart want to rejoice, but it couldn’t. If Olivia had gone missing the same time I had, and if Alex Connor had been in the picture, that would have meant she was already dead and probably buried like he’d done to those other bodies—like she had been nothing.

  Fuck.

  My hand slammed onto the upper sphere of the steering wheel.

  My finding out this information wasn’t a good idea. It’d already taken everything in me not to say anything when I’d gone to the house today. Probably because I’d been so caught up with removing that camera, which I only accomplished because of pure fucking luck. But knowing all of this... it was going to make me do something stupid soon, like confront Alex Connor, and it wasn’t time for that. If I did that, it would mess everything up. He would know I had been digging, and if he knew I had been digging, he would have his idiots trail my every move. Then, I’d lose my fucking mind, especially since Paige was in the picture.

  My molars ground as my jaw tensed and I thought of something else. I bet that power-hungry prick knew who my real father was, too.

  Feeling antsy, I hauled my hoodie over my head, shoved my gun into the pocket at the front, and slipped on a less-than-spectacular pair of non-prescription glasses. As I got out of the car, heat flooded throughout my body, fueling my frustration. The temperature was in the sixties—T-shirt weather for me—but since Alex Connor’s men hung around the gym, I needed to be discreet, which was why I always parked at least a block away from the gym’s entrance.