Marrying Mr Write

by Cassandra P Lewis

  As I think about it my hand comes to rest on my belly. I know there’s nothing there but it’s an involuntary action. Will I ever be able to have children after what happened? I knew that I was pregnant and put myself and my baby at risk. I just don’t know if I’ll be punished for that somehow.

  I can hear Jackson singing in the kitchen as he washes and puts away the dishes and I can’t help smiling as I enjoy the normality that seems to have returned this evening. I want to stay awake so that we can cuddle on the sofa and watch the Sunday evening TV but my eyelids are heavy, and try as I might, I can’t stop them from closing.

  I’m walking through a house. I don’t recognise it but it feels familiar, homely. There are pictures on the walls as I walk down the hallway but I can’t make out the faces, all I can focus on is the sound of Jackson’s laughter. Where is he?

  I follow the sound and hear another laugh. It’s the giggle of a small child and I smile, it’s one of the nicest sounds in the world. I call out, “Where are you?”

  “Uh Oh…She’s coming!” I hear Jackson say in a playful voice and the child laughs and calls out, “Mummy we’re here, we’re here!”

  I run to find them and I’m in the garden. Jackson is laughing as he twirls her around in the air. She is giggling, “Again Daddy, again!”

  I laugh as I run toward them, “I’m here, I’m here!” I call out.

  They stop and look at me, confused expressions on both of their faces as the little girl speaks, “You’re not my Mummy!”

  I sit bolt upright as I wake. It takes me a moment to realise that I was dreaming. I’m in bed. I don’t remember coming to bed and know that Jackson must have carried me here.

  I am sweating; the t-shirt of Jackson’s that I’m wearing is wet through. I don’t remember putting it on and can’t figure out how Jackson managed that without waking me, my painkillers must have wiped me out.

  I try to get up quietly and make my way out of the bedroom without waking Jackson. I lay my hands on my stick and there’s a lump in my throat as I realise that he thought far enough ahead to make sure it was within arm’s reach.

  In the bathroom I peel off the t-shirt and put on my dressing gown. I stand for a moment, taking in the reflection of a woman that I hardly recognise and I see another face, a little girl with black hair and hazel eyes.

  “You’re not my Mummy!”

  I shake away the image and make my way to the kitchen. I need a drink.

  I know I’m not going to be able to get back to sleep so I switch on the iPod dock, immediately turning it down so that it doesn’t wake Jackson. I fetch a glass of water from the kitchen and sit in the window seat at the front of the apartment.

  I have no idea what time it is but the road below is quiet. Every now and then a car passes and then it’s still again. The rain is pouring, hammering against the window as though the sky is crying the tears that I’m determined to hold back.

  Suitcase by Emeli Sandé starts to play. Her voice immediately soothes me but her words raise a lump in my throat that I can’t fight. I am terrified that once Jackson sees his baby he will leave. I saw the way he looked at the babies at the nursery in Thailand, he won’t be a part time dad, I’m sure of it.

  I cry silently as I listen, I can’t bear to watch him leave.

  I wake up with a start, I thought I heard something. I turn to make sure that Rosie is ok but she isn’t there. The bed is cold.

  I get up to go and see where she is. As I open the bedroom door I hear music and I follow it to the dining area where I find Rosie sitting in the window seat. Her knees are pulled up to her chest and her forehead is resting on them, she’s crying.

  “Rosie, baby what’s wrong?” I sit next to her on the seat but she doesn’t look up, “Rosie, talk to me,” it’s almost a whisper, I can’t bear this.

  ‘These Arms of Mine’ by Otis Redding starts to play and I reach forward taking her hands, “Dance with me Rosie.”

  I feel her relax as I help her up to standing and pull her close to me so that I can support her. She wraps her arms around my back and looks up into my eyes. The soft glow from the street lamps outside highlights the tears in Rosie’s eyes and it breaks my heart. I lean down to kiss her and she runs her hand up the back of my neck and into my hair.

  I inhale deeply as my heart beats faster. I love this girl so much.

  ‘Halo’ by Beyoncé starts to play and I pull Rosie close.

  In one swift move I pick her up and sit her on the dining table. She allows me to stand between her thighs and I rest my forehead against hers. I need her.

  “Kiss me Jackson, please.” There is desperation in her voice and I know she needs me just as much.

  I kiss her intensely and she runs her hands down my back and up my abs to my chest. Her breathing hitches and I feel so hungry for her. Rosie wraps her legs around my waist to pull me close and I pick her up and carry her to the bedroom. I need to make love to her.

  I stand Rosie up at the end of the bed and push her dressing gown off her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor as I lean down to kiss her collar bone and then her neck. I hear her gasp slightly as I kiss below her ear and stroke my hands up the back of her neck and into her hair, pulling her into my kiss.

  As ‘I Won’t Give Up’ by Jason Mraz starts to play Rosie pushes away from me gently and moves to the bed, sitting on the edge and taking my hand, pulling me closer. She pulls my boxers down my legs and lies back as I step out of them and crawl up the bed, holding my body up above hers.

  She opens her legs a little more and I settle between them. Her hands in my hair encourage me down into a kiss and I push forward. Slowly making my way inside her and she groans against my mouth.

  I feel her relax more and I work into a slow rhythm. She grips my shoulders as the light and the soft music from the other room bathe the bedroom.

  “I love you Rosie”

  I kiss her smile and make love to the woman that I intend to spend the rest of my life with. I’m in for the long haul.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  I’m not aware of what song is playing, only that I feel blissfully happy. Jackson and I have never made love like we just did and I’ve never felt so close to him.

  I’m lying in his arms with my cheek against his chest and I can hear his heart beating under his skin. I can almost hear my name in its rhythm.

  “We should get some sleep honey; we’ve got lots to do tomorrow.” Jackson speaks as he strokes my hair and I’m happily aware that I actually have absolutely no plans for the next week.

  “Have we? I don’t think I have,” I say sleepily in between planting soft kisses on his chest, “Yes baby, we have packing and shopping to do. We’re going away!”

  I lift my head to look at Jackson, I’m confused.

  “What? Where to?” My heart is beating faster now; the thought of being away from here just me and Jackson is almost too much.

  “To the Lakes my beautiful girl just me and you. No phones, no internet. Nobody but us!”

  He smiles and I’m thankful that he didn’t spoil the mood by saying her name. I know he means that we’ll be happily away from Sasha but I don’t need him to spell it out.

  “Stop grinning at me like that and get some sleep!”

  He laughs as he rolls me over onto my back and kisses me. With him on top of me like this, sleep is the last thing on my mind and I wriggle into him. He groans and laughs under his breath as he rolls back to his side of the bed.

  “Bad girl Alvez...Sleep!”

  This morning has passed in a flash. I’m so tired after last night but thankfully it didn’t hit me until we’d finished getting our stuff ready for our trip.

  We started with a trip to the supermarket to stock up on supplies for the week. Once we get there, we don’t want to have to go into town for anything so we’re loading up the car with food and drink.

  We started sorting out our clothes once we were back at the apartment, only for Jackson to tell me that he was appalled by my l
ack of suitable ‘outdoor’ clothes, and drag me out to Snow & Rock in Covent Garden for some waterproofs and walking boots. I tried to get out of it by playing the ‘cripple’ card but he just insisted that when I get tired, he’ll give me a piggy back. I know full well that he will too!

  “I hope you’re not planning on using up all your energy with walking Mr James, we have catching up to do!”

  Jackson laughs as he stirs the Bolognese sauce that he’s making and then turns to me, lifting me easily to sit on the counter top before placing his hands firmly on my thighs and pushing them apart to stand between them, “Not just walking Alvez, there’ll be fishing too and maybe some climbing!”

  He laughs as I pretend to fall asleep and when I open my eyes again he looks into them with so much desire that he definitely gets my full attention, “I will always have the energy to make you scream Alvez!”

  The drive to Coniston takes just under five hours. Jackson won’t let me share the driving in case my leg starts acting up so I have nothing to do but lean back and read.

  I must have drifted off as I soon wake up, leaning sideways into the passenger seat. Jackson doesn’t seem to notice that I’ve woken up and I’m able to just enjoy the sight of him. He is driving skilfully, checking his mirrors and indicating as he quickly and smoothly overtakes, but the best thing is that he’s singing. The window is down as he enjoys the summer day and sings along to ‘Last Request’ by Paolo Nutini, my heart beats for him and I smile as I imagine spending a life just like this, just us.

  By the time we arrive, I have stiffened up and have to wait while Jackson collects the keys and opens the front door to the cottage, before coming back to help me out of the car.

  “Do NOT carry me over that threshold James! That can wait until we’re married and it’s our own home!” He laughs as he teases before putting me down and letting me walk in on my own two feet.

  The cottage is exactly what I wanted it to be, rustic on the outside and a mix of contemporary and country chic inside. It’s cosy and welcoming, the open fire in the living room has been stocked with logs ready for us and I feel at peace.

  “Give me your phone then Alvez! I’ve let everyone know we’re here safe, no more phones now until Monday!”

  Jackson is insistent on having no communication while we’re here. I don’t know if it’s so that we can focus on each other or so that he doesn’t have to speak to Sasha, but either way I’m happy to oblige.

  “Will you still call me Alvez when we’re married?” I ask as I hand over my phone and Jackson laughs, “Probably, is that ok?”

  “Yeah, I like it!”

  It’s a beautiful day so once we’ve put some things away in the kitchen and the master bedroom we decide to go out for a walk around the village and get our bearings. It’s beautiful; it feels really comfortable as it reminds both of us of the villages that we grew up in. As we walk and talk we both wonder what we’re doing in London.

  “I’m such a country girl Jackson; I hate the grey harshness of the city. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my life in London, especially now that I have you, but it’s so not me.”

  We’ve stopped for a pint outside a lovely pub and can’t help but discuss village life versus city life some more.

  “I know. I do love London but I think I’ve had a different experience to you because I’ve been a single bloke down there, earning great money and having the time of my life, you’ve spent the majority of your time down there in a shitty relationship!”

  “Yeah, and don’t forget there was Michael too!” I wink and take a sip of my cold cider, Jackson laughs.

  “Seriously though, I think people like you and I, and Rafe and Pippa too, the young village kids with aspirations to make something of ourselves. We see the road to London like the yellow brick road to OZ!”

  “Ooh! Shotgun being Dorothy!”

  “Shut it you, I’m Dorothy!” Jackson responds and we laugh, “To be fair, I’m more like one of the munchkins! I hate being so short!” I stick out my bottom lip and Jackson laughs again as he leans in and nips it with his teeth.

  “You’re so cute! You’re perfect Rosie. I love that you’re little, it makes it easier to chuck you around the bedroom!”

  Jackson winks as he stands and heads into the pub to get us another round of drinks. I lean my head back to enjoy the heat of the late afternoon sun on my face. I open my eyes and look around, what am I doing in London?

  As we walk back to the cottage we’re fairly quiet, just content and peaceful. It’s so nice to just be together, not having to rush around from place to place. Our phones aren’t ringing or buzzing constantly as they normally do, we have no work to do and most importantly Sasha is miles away and can’t contact us. If there’s an emergency she can go to Rafe who has the number for the landline at the cottage, but Rafe will determine whether it’s really an emergency or not, so I don’t think we’ll be hearing from her.

  “Thank you for this Jackson, Its bliss!” I am so content right now that I don’t think I ever want to go back to real life, “You’re welcome gorgeous, let’s never go home!” He laughs as he reads my mind and I can’t help but wish that was a possibility.

  “What is that?”

  I laugh as I step out onto the terrace to see Jackson fiddling around with different dials on the massive hot tub in front of him, “What does it look like? Go and get your bikini on Alvez!” He isn’t smiling; he’s frowning as he tries to figure out how to work it, “Jackson, I did not bring a bikini to the Lake District!” I am standing in a towelling robe with a towel wrapped around my hair as I’ve just got out of the shower.

  “Yeah, but I did! It’s in the side pocket of your bag!” He grins at me and I just shake my head, “Always one step ahead James!” I call as I head back toward the bedroom.

  “Refill Miss Alvez?” Jackson holds up the bottle of champagne and I nod as I hold out my glass to him across the bubbling water.

  “I love this! We’re in a hot tub, looking at this stunning scenery with only the sheep to spy on us. It’s perfect!” I sip at my champagne and Jackson grins at me, I know that grin.

  “Come here!”

  He summons me across the tub and I obey. When I get close he places his hands on my hips and pulls me into him as he kisses me hungrily.

  “I’ve missed you Rosie.”

  I feel him pull at the strings on my hips and seconds later he throws my bikini bottoms out of the hot tub, “You don’t need those!”

  Jackson licks his lips and pulls me back into a kiss. His right hand moves between my legs and he dips the tips of two fingers inside me then hums in appreciation. He runs his fingers upward and starts to circle my clit as his left hand pushes aside the triangle of my bikini. He takes my nipple into his mouth and flicks his tongue across it deliciously. I’m unable to move, frozen to the spot by the pleasure coursing through me.

  Jackson stops and places his hands on my bare hips, turning me around and lowering me onto him. He pushes inside slowly and I inhale a shaky breath as I adjust to the fullness.

  His left arm wraps around my stomach and firmly holds me in place and his right hand returns to its rightful place between my thighs. We’re still but for the working of his fingers on my clit, and the pressure of him inside me is incredible as I feel my orgasm building.

  Jacksons grip across my body tightens as I start to clench around him and I tip my head backwards onto his shoulder as my whole body starts to shake. I try to arch my back away from his chest as I come but he holds me in place. My breathing is shallow and fast as I ride out the waves of my orgasm and I hardly register as I feel the hard plastic of the seat under my knees.

  I open my eyes to realise that I’m on my side of the hot tub again, kneeling and waiting for Jackson to take his pleasure from me. I grip the side of the pool and brace for impact, realising that I’m no longer wearing my bikini top.