Aloha, Lugosi! The Gretch Bayonne Action Adventure Series Book #4

by Steven M. Thomas

  We walked behind Pipe Man up a narrow pathway.

  “This guy is crazy,” I said to Crumby. “I think we should just leave. Bela is not here.”

  “You’re probably right,” the captain replied. “Let’s just stop and tell him we have to move on.”

  “Mr. Pipe Man!” I yelled. “We can’t go up any further. Thank you for your hospitality, but we have to keep looking for my friend!”

  “But you haven’t seen my bus yet!” he said.

  “You have a bus up here?” I asked. “How did you get a bus on top of a rocky hill like this?”

  “I drove it,” he said.

  “Yeah,” I whispered to Crumby. “He is crazy. Let’s get out of here.”

  “It’s the marijuana,” the captain replied. “I’ve heard it can make you go insane.”

  Just as we turned to go back down the hill, Pipe Man shocked us with a sudden outburst of song.

  “You see and I see and Bela Lugosi!” he sang.

  We stopped dead in our tracks and followed Pipe Man all the way to the top of the hill. Sure enough, perched high on an ancient volcano was a yellow bus. It was quite the set up. It had been converted into rooms, complete with a kitchen and dining area.

  “What was it you were saying about Bela Lugosi?” I asked. “He is the friend I am looking for.”

  He lit a large shell that had been converted into a smoking device and handed it to me. I sucked on the pipe and handed it back to him. It tasted like sweet tea and spices. I’d never smoked anything like it before.

  “Bela Lugosi,” Pipe Man said. “You see, I see.”

  My head started spinning and the room changed colors several times. The next thing I knew, I was singing the Lugosi song along with Pipe Man and laughing hysterically. I don’t remember how I got back to the ship. Crumby said he had to lead me by the hand. We’d wasted a day on Plant Island. But in some odd way, it was worth it. And Pipe Man had given me a giant bagful to go.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Alex was tiring of scrubbing the deck and generally being treated like a prisoner. And who could blame him? So he continued to try to get on my good side.

  “These men don’t even know who you are,” he said. “They haven’t even read your book!”

  “That’s fine with me,” I replied. “My book doesn’t matter out here.”

  “You should be treated with the respect you deserve,” Alex countered. “I have a degree in economics. They don’t care about that either.”

  “I don’t think that matters out here either,” I replied. “Unless you plan to teach fish about our monetary system.”

  Speck dropped down from the great mast just in time to prevent Alex from responding to my sarcastic remark. “There’s another one coming up!” he yelled. “It looks like it has possibilities!”

  We followed Speck into the pilot room. Alex was blocked at the entrance by Sharkey. “You have no reason to be in here,” Sharkey told Alex.

  Speck explained that we were within a few miles of an island that had plant life. “It looks like there is a lot of white grass there,” he said. “But also trees and a giant volcano.”

  Within an hour, we were anchoring just off the island and preparing to take the dinghy in to explore her. “There are no signs of natives,” Speck said, peering through one of his many sets of binoculars.

  “I’d like to go with you this time,” Alex said.

  “I’m sure you would,” Crumby said. “But that is not happening.”

  “Maybe we should all go,” I said.

  “We can’t leave the ship unattended,” Crumby replied.

  “Okay,” I said, “then we will leave Speck here. “If the rest of us go, we can cover more territory in a shorter amount of time.”

  Crumby thought about it for a minute before agreeing with me. “Then we will take Sharkey and Barber,” he said. “Alex and Speck will stay with the ship.”

  A slight breeze was blowing the two-foot high white grass around our legs as we walked towards the giant volcano.

  “I don’t think there’s anyone here,” Barber said.

  “We still have to check,” Crumby said.

  The wind stopped blowing, but the grass kept moving all around us. Suddenly, natives in grass skirts and white body paint rose out of the grass. It was as if the grass came alive and surrounded us. And they had spears.

  We stuck our hands up in the air and pleaded for our lives. There must have been fifty of them. They were shouting in gibberish but it was obvious that they were taking us somewhere, whether we liked it or not.

  We were forced to walk to the volcano, where dozens more natives sat dressed in white grass skirts and body paint. There was a pile of steel there. It looked like old weapons from the World War. About one hundred wooden barrels sat to one side. In the middle of this mess was a man sitting in a huge chair made of crude steel and branches. He wore a horrible looking mask.

  The men made us sit just below the man, who unlike the rest of them, also had on a pair of Levi jeans.

  “What is your cargo?” he asked.

  “Just rations,” Captain Crumby replied. “We are on a mission to find a man. We have no weapons.”

  “You have cannons,” the chief replied.

  “Just for defense,” Crumby answered. “But they are old and inoperable.”

  The chief motioned to his tribe and suddenly we were being tied up on the ground in front of him.

  “Hey, Grass Man!” I yelled. “If it’s all right with you, can you please let us go before sunset?”

  Dozens of his men ran off towards the beach, presumably to board the Eclipse and rob it of everything.

  “Do you have somewhere to go?” the chief laughed.

  “Anywhere but this island,” I replied. “And by the way, I recognize your accent. The Bronx, right? Or is it Queens?”

  “You are from New York as well,” the chief replied. “So we have one thing in common besides being on this little island.”

  “Actually, I am from Jersey,” I answered. “Hoboken to be exact.”

  “We are a long way from America,” the chief said. “And I don’t have the time to get sentimental right now.”

  “You’re a cheap weapon’s dealer,” I said. “Congratulations. I am sure your parents would be proud. But as I said, can you just let us go before it gets dark? We don’t want to be around here then.”

  “And why is that, pray tell?” he asked.

  “The bombers,” I replied. “Apparently you haven’t heard. This island is marked for bomb practice starting sometime after sunset tonight.”

  Grass Man climbed down from his perch and approached me cautiously. “Why would you tell me this?” he asked.

  “Because I don’t want to stay here and be blown up,” I replied. “I figured I better tell you the truth up front.”

  The chief circled me a few times. I think he was trying to decide whether to believe me or not.

  The sound of cannon fire interrupted our chat. The Eclipse was volleying cannon balls towards the natives on the beach as quickly as she could light and reload.

  “Inoperative?” the chief asked.

  “It’s a damned miracle,” I replied. “Honestly, Grass Man, the last time I tried shooting that cannon, it didn’t work.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Alex and Speck continued to blast the cannon towards the beach for the next hour. I don’t know how many cannon balls they shot. It must have been at least fifty. But with each shot, the sound became fainter. They were clearly moving away from the island and leaving us behind.

  My story about the island being bombed that night didn’t fly with Grass Man. He was upset that our ship had gotten away from him, and wasn’t about to let us go anytime soon. The four of us remained tied up on the ground while the natives disappeared into the volcano for the night.

  “What is going to happen to us now?” Barber asked.

  “They aren’t going to kill us,” Crumby replied, “or they would have d
one it by now.”

  “They don’t have any boats here,” I said. “They must be waiting for someone.”

  “Unless their boat is on the other side of the island,” Crumby said.

  “I doubt that,” I said. “But one thing is for sure, we need to get the hell out of here.”

  “They have no reason to hold us any longer,” Sharkey said. “They just wanted to rob our ship. With it gone now, they don’t care what happens to us one way or the other.”

  “This damned bracelet!” Crumby said. “A lot of good it did me!”

  I remembered the captain telling me his bracelet made of shark’s teeth was a good luck charm. He had a fear of being stranded on an island.

  “Your bracelet may just get us off of this rock,” I replied.

  “Even I am not that superstitious,” Crumby replied.

  “Can you reach it with your fingers?” I asked.

  “No,” he answered.

  I rolled over towards Crumby and positioned my hands by his wrist.

  “What are you doing?” he asked.

  “Just hold still,” I replied.

  I grasped one of the shark’s teeth between my index finger and thumb and started moving it back and forth across the rope that bound my hands together. It took me fifteen minutes to cut through that rope. I untied myself and freed the others in a matter of minutes.

  “We have to get off of this island,” Sharkey said. “But we have no boat!”

  “Speck will be back,” I answered. “They had to get the hell away from here, but they will be back.”

  “I wouldn’t be so sure about Alex, though,” Crumby replied.

  “He had to have helped Speck load that cannon,” I said. “Did you hear how close those shots came together? One man alone couldn’t have done that.”

  “But what if they don’t come back?” Barber asked. “Whomever this man is selling these arms to will arrive eventually, and that will not be good for us.”

  “You’ve heard of supply and demand?” I asked.

  “Yes,” Crumby answered. “Is this one of Alex’s economics lessons?”

  “If you cut off the supply,” I answered, “the distributors will have no reason to come.”

  “What are you going on about?” Sharkey asked.

  “Just follow me on this one,” I replied.

  We found at least two hundred barrels of gunpowder stacked up around the entrance to the cave where Grass Man and his band of merry natives were sleeping, not to mention hundreds of various weapons and other things I didn’t even recognize.

  “We have to move some of these,” I instructed, pointing to the barrels.

  “Move them to where?” Sharkey asked.

  “Towards the beach,” I replied. “We have to do it very quickly but quietly!”

  “But why are we taking them?” Barber asked. “We don’t even have a boat!”

  “Just do it,” I responded. “Start rolling one at a time, and stop when I tell you to.”

  We moved barrels until I had one positioned every fifty feet stretched out from the mouth of the volcano to the beach. Then I had the men open them and pour out gunpowder until we had a straight, thick line a thousand feet long.

  The sun was just starting to come up on the horizon. A boat was visible off the island. “Is that the Eclipse?” I asked Crumby.

  “I’ll be damned!” he replied. “It is! They came back for us.”

  Grass Man and his tribe emerged from the volcano in the distance. They were barely visible, but they were there.

  “Butt me,” I said, pulling a wooden match from my pocket.

  Crumby smiled and handed me a cigarette. I lit it and took a long puff, dropping the match onto the gunpowder beneath my feet. Fire raced up the trail of gunpowder we’d made faster than a startled cat. When it reached the end, well, I’d never seen a fireworks show quite like it. It blew the top off of the volcano and Grass Man’s store was no longer in business.

  “Supply and demand,” Crumby laughed.

  “It’s all about economics, really,” I said.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Maybe Alex wasn’t such a bad guy after all. It was his idea to start firing the cannon at the natives, then retreat into the ocean. And it was his idea to come back for us.

  “You should have seen him, Captain,” Speck explained. “It was amazing! He was loading and aiming the cannon in a matter of seconds! All I had to do was light her!”

  “I was just acting in self-defense,” Alex said.

  “How did you know the natives wanted to rob us?” Crumby asked, suspiciously.

  “There were a hundred of them.” Alex answered, “and every last one of them had a spear. It wasn’t too difficult to figure out.”

  “You left us,” the captain stated.

  “Only to save the ship,” Alex replied.

  “Hey, Captain Paranoid,” I said. “He came back! We are onboard and all is well now.”

  “He’s just an opportunist,” Crumby insisted. “He saw a situation to make himself look like the hero and ran with it.”

  “He saved our asses, is what he did,” Barber quipped, almost under his breath.

  “Nothing has changed,” the captain said. “Keep your eye on him! Now, let’s press on. We have a man to find.”

  I walked with Alex to the back of the boat so we could fish for dinner. Neither of us said a word. We had four big rods in the water, but nothing was biting.

  After an hour, I finally broke the silence. “There’s always the canned beef,” I said.

  “I did the right thing, don’t you think?” he asked.

  “Of course,” I answered. “You did the only thing you could do. And it worked.”

  “My cousin thinks I was firing on you all as well,” he replied.

  “Your cousin is a bit crazy,” I said. “A good man, but you’re not going to win him over no matter what you do.”

  One of the rods suddenly jerked down violently. I grabbed it and began pulling it back and reeling.

  “It’s a big one!” I yelled. “Son of a bitch!”

  Alex managed to fasten a harness around me as I struggled to keep the line tight. I was leaning back and pulling with all my strength. I thought the fishing line was going to break any second. Then suddenly, the damned thing went limp.

  “I think you lost him!” Alex said.

  I kept reeling the line in and there was absolutely no resistance. “That bastard!” I yelled. “He was a big one, I tell you!”

  There was a massive splash just behind the boat, and something huge flew towards us. It was a damned monster from the deep and it missed us by just a couple of feet.

  “AH!” we both screamed as we fell to the deck. There, flopping around next to us was the biggest damned fish I had ever seen.

  “What is it?” I yelled, as I rolled away from the giant beast.

  “A swordfish!” Alex screamed.

  The others came running, screaming and cheering.

  “Oh my god!” Sharkey said, “Get the net!”

  They wrestled with the monster and drug it away from me.

  “Did you catch that?” Barber asked.

  “No,” I replied, trying to stand up. “He surrendered.”

  They all agreed that it was the largest swordfish any of them had ever seen. I don’t know how big it was. Maybe twelve feet. The damned sword on the thing alone was a good three. Had I been standing in a slightly different spot, I would have been harpooned by a fish. It kept Sharkey and Barber busy for the rest of the night just cutting it up. By the time it was cooked, I wasn’t really hungry anymore.

  We dropped anchor shortly after the swordfish incident. While the cooking and cleaning was going on, I decided to climb the mast and watch the sunset from the crow’s nest.

  “We’ll be coming up on that big island over there tomorrow,” Speck said pointing.

  “What can you tell about it?” I asked.

  “Not much from this distance,” he replied. “Just that
it is a pretty good size.”

  “How many more do we have to go?” I asked.

  “A lot,” Speck answered. “I would say one hundred, maybe.”

  “How will we know when we’ve reached the end?” I asked.

  “I won’t see anymore,” he replied.

  “That swordfish,” I asked. “Why did he jump up onto the boat like that? I mean, doesn’t that strike you as kind of strange?”

  Speck stopped gazing into his telescope long enough to make eye contact with me. “It was just a dumb fish, Bay,” he replied. “He didn’t know where he was going. You got lucky. One, that he didn’t kill you, and two, that he will feed us all for the next several days.”

  It was strange, indeed. I’d been damned lucky all my life. But here I was out in the middle of the Pacific, not really knowing where I was going any more than that dumb fish did. I could only hope that I wouldn’t land on a deck somewhere and be served up for dinner.

  Chapter Sixteen

  We positioned ourselves as close to the island as we felt comfortable and dropped anchor. Speck said there were many natives there, but that they seemed friendly.

  “This is a big rock,” Speck reported. “A lot of vegetation and even palm trees! With as many natives as there are there, they must have fresh water as well.”

  “I want to take rifles with us this time,” I said. “Just in case.”

  “I have a new strategy,” the captain said. “This time, we are sending a scout out first. Lower Alex in one of the dinghies.”

  “Why are you sending me?” Alex asked.

  “If the natives are indeed friendly,” Crumby said, “then you will signal to us with this white flag. If they are not, you will wave this black flag. Is that understood?”

  Alex nodded and took the flags from his cousin. We lowered him into one of the dinghies and watched as he rowed towards the island.

  “Load the cannon,” the captain ordered. “We’re not taking any chances this time.”

  Dozens of natives greeted Alex on the beach. It wasn’t long before he walked off with them without waving either flag. They disappeared into what looked like a jungle, leaving us waiting nearly an hour.