Ravenous

by L. L. Collins

  Chrissy finally agreed, and we hung up. I had to try four times to call the number of a local cab company, my hands shook so badly.

  This was all my fault.

  At just before five in the morning, a cab screeched to a halt in front of my car. I threw cash on the front seat and ran. As I slid into the driver’s seat, I banged my shin.

  “Shit,” I yelled, frustrated tears springing to my eyes. It wasn’t about my damn shin, I knew this. It was a culmination of everything.

  Chrissy. I’d tried to call her fifteen times since we hung up, but it went right to voicemail.

  Her phone died.

  She was there alone, with the bodies of our mother and whatever drug dealer she hooked up with.

  With the police that would more than likely consider our apartment and my teen sister and make all sorts of assumptions that were incorrect.

  I stepped on the gas and swung the car toward the interstate, praying to all the police gods no one would stop me on the way because I planned on breaking all the rules to get to Chrissy.

  At just after six, I couldn’t wait to call Emma anymore, and I dialed her number, putting the phone on speaker and laying it in my lap.

  “’Lo?” Emma’s sleepy voice reminded me that it was still way earlier than Emma would ever be up.

  “Emma. I’m so sorry to wake you up.” My voice wavered and cracked, and Emma immediately started talking, asking me what was wrong, where I was, and what happened.

  I took a deep breath and tried in vain to stop the tears from filling my eyes. I wiped my eyes angrily, trying to focus on moving in and out of the early morning traffic. The hundred miles home seemed like a million.

  I’d never forgive myself if they had Chrissy in the back of a police car or if she was booked and in a juvenile center.

  I filled Emma in as much as I could, stopping several times to compose myself.

  “Where are you?”

  “I’m on my way there.”

  “Why didn’t you wake me up? I would’ve gone with you.”

  Guilt dropped like lead into my stomach. “I wasn’t home.” I didn’t want to have a conversation about Breck right now. Plus, Emma knew where I was. I told her last night.

  Breck.

  He would wake up and find me gone. I hadn’t even had the decency to tell him why I had to go, or leave a note. I didn’t have his phone number, not that I would call him if I did.

  I really was a hooker.

  But there was no way to explain to your hook-up that your drug-addicted mother was found dead by your teen sister—oh, and her drug dealer felt up said teen sister.

  Yeah. There wasn’t any way Breck needed to know the truth of my reality.

  No one did.

  I thought of him and Porter. They both grew up in wealth, not knowing anything about the dregs of society. They wouldn’t relate to me. I wasn’t anywhere near their caliber of person.

  Despite both of them “hiring” me to pretend to be with them, if they knew the truth they would run as far as possible.

  Hell, even Penny would probably fire me if she knew my sordid tale.

  I was trash from the wrong side of the tracks, and now I was solely responsible for my teen sister while still in college and working as an escort.

  Wow. I was a prime example of an after school special on what not to do.

  “I’m on it, Raves. I’ll find a place today.”

  I shook my head before realizing she couldn’t see me. “No, Emma.”

  “Stop arguing with me,” she said. “I have the money, and dammit, we’re going to use it to take care of Chrissy. We’ll stay at a hotel until we can move. We’re family, Raven. This is what family does.”

  Tears clouded my vision again. I didn’t deserve her kindness. “Thank you, Emma. I have a good portion of the money, so I’ll pay you back.”

  “No, you won’t. You’ll have more expenses to get her things she needs and settle things with your mom. It’s all going to be okay, Raven. I have a lot of jobs lined up this week, so let me do this for us. I’ll tell Penny you need some time off.”

  I swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the huge lump in my throat. “I love you, Emma. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  She laughed. “You don’t ever have to know. We’re family. The kind that sticks around for each other, no matter what. I know this is overwhelming and scary, but you and I both know that Chrissy will be better off now. Your mom dying was just a matter of time.”

  “I-I know,” I said. “But what if they try to pin this on Chrissy?”

  “Not going to happen.”

  “But what if they do? I can’t spend all my money on an attorney for her.”

  “Let’s take this one thing at a time, okay? Take a deep breath.”

  I listened, sucking in a huge breath and forcing myself to blow it out slowly.

  “There you go.” Emma’s voice was calm and soothing, and it was like a blanket wrapped around me. “I’ll take care of everything today, okay? You just need to bring Chrissy home. With us. How far are you until you get to the apartment?”

  I saw the mile markers flying by me as I drove twenty miles over the speed limit. “About thirty miles.”

  She whistled. “Damn, girl. Be careful. Remember Chrissy needs you to arrive alive.”

  I slowed, her words cutting me right to the core. If something happened to me, Chrissy would go into foster care. I couldn’t do that to her. No matter how badly I wanted to get to her and find out what happened.

  “How did it go with Breck?”

  It felt wrong somehow to talk to her about this right now, not to mention, it seemed like it was a million years ago now. A different life. But I knew she tried to keep my mind off things, so I allowed it.

  “Amazing, Emma.” I could be real with her. I could tell her things I only allowed myself to think.

  Emma squealed, and I wished I could forget for a few minutes how serious my life just got and revel in my night with Breck. But I couldn’t. “So? What’s next? You going to see him again?”

  I sighed, checking the rearview mirror for any cop activity. “I don’t want to talk about it, Em. There can’t be anything between us.”

  “Why not? You said it was amazing.”

  I thought of the couch, the kitchen counter, the way he washed me tenderly in the shower, and how he looked at me when we finally fell into bed. I felt way more than a connection, that was for damn sure. It was more than amazing.

  But it didn’t matter.

  Because this was my life now.

  “It was hot between us, but that’s all it is. Just sex. We had a good day, and we have great chemistry,” I lied. If I told her the truth, she’d be like a dog with a bone.

  “Yeah, but are you going to see him again?”

  I pictured the way his eyes closed partially when I took him into my mouth, the ridges of his stomach as he pushed inside me, and the way he stared at me as “Janie” fell from his lips.

  “No. I can’t, Emma. I have no room in this life of mine for that. I have to focus on Chrissy.”

  She scoffed. “That’s not true, Raven. You deserve to be happy, you know.”

  I thought of Chrissy, sitting behind the apartment complex while her body shook and her mind raced at what would happen to her. The panic and fright in her voice when I answered.

  My exit loomed ahead.

  The beginning of the new part of my life.

  It finally happened.

  My mother died, and what happened to Chrissy was now one hundred percent my responsibility.

  “I have to go, Emma. I’m almost here, and I have to be ready to jump out.”

  If she noticed I didn’t respond to her remark, she didn’t say. “Okay. Please let me know what’s going on. As soon as the complex opens, I’ll call and check on vacant units.”

  Emma and I picked out our “dream apartment” weeks ago, right after I started escorting. It was a three bedroom, two and a half bath with a gym, a pool
, and security. Nicer than anything any of us had ever lived in.

  “Thank you, Emma.” It was all I could say because the closer I got to the seedy place my mother and Chrissy lived, the less I could breathe.

  “Love you, Raven. It’s going to be okay. We’re in this together.”

  I clicked off the call and tried Chrissy’s number again. It still went right to voicemail. It had been almost three hours since she called me.

  I careened into the apartment complex, noting the lack of police cars.

  She either didn’t call them or they took her away. I stepped from the car and glanced down at myself. I looked ridiculous, dressed in a cover-up and a bathing suit, but there was no time for anything else.

  I walked to the back of the building to see if Chrissy was still there, hiding. Few people moved around, it being too early for many of them. This wasn’t the complex of working folk, that’s for sure. I stepped around broken glass and remnants of things I would rather not think about, careful not to pierce my flimsy flip-flops.

  “Chrissy.” My voice was just a whisper. “Are you back here?” I walked the entire length of the building. Dogs barked at me, but I ignored them. She wasn’t here.

  My hands shook, and my heart raced as I reached the steps up to the apartment. There was no yellow tape, so that should’ve been my first clue she never called the police. The place would’ve been swarming with them.

  I forced my shaky legs to take the concrete steps up to the apartment. Chrissy, please don’t be in there. Please. I wondered what her mental state was like if she was unable to call the police, and her phone died, and she couldn’t talk to me. It wasn’t like she had a lot of people in her life she called friends. Our life didn’t warrant other people being close to us, for obvious reasons.

  I was just about to call her name again when the word died on my lips, and I stopped in my tracks. Crouched in front of our dingy door, rocking back and forth with her hands in her dirty hair, sat Chrissy. She wore pajama shorts and a tank top with nothing on her feet.

  “Chrissy.” I closed the distance between us in seconds and wrapped my arms around her. She shuddered and then began to cry, her arms snaking around me. “I’m here, Chris. It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.” I smoothed her hair back from her face. “Are you hurt?”

  She shook her head, her big blue eyes swimming with unshed tears.

  “You didn’t call the police?”

  “Ph-phone died,” she said. Her body shook uncontrollably. I needed to get her a blanket or something. “I dropped it somewhere I think.”

  I squeezed her hand. Be strong, Raven.

  “We need to call the police.” I didn’t want to go into that apartment ever again. Unless there was something Chrissy couldn’t live without, we wouldn’t.

  She nodded. “I-I’m scared.”

  “I know, sweetie. But you’re just going to tell the truth, okay? I’m here for you.”

  She shook her head. “They won’t believe me. We live in Drug Central.”

  “We’ll make them believe you, Chris. Trust me.”

  Trust me. I wasn’t sure I spoke the truth, but I would be damned if they’d take her away because my mom’s life finally caught up with her.

  I took my phone from my purse with shaky hands and called 9-1-1. After giving a brief description of the problem and our address and my name, I hung up and waited for the sirens to begin.

  Within minutes, I heard them coming. Several sirens wailed against the silent morning, and the second they got within eyesight, Chrissy started sobbing again.

  “It’s okay.” I wrapped my arms around her and tried to calm her shaking body. “I won’t let anything happen to you, baby girl. I’m your big sister. It’s my job to keep you safe.” Except, you didn’t keep her safe. She wouldn’t be in this position if you hadn’t left her there. You were having sex with Breck while she defended herself against a drug dealer trying to rape her. Suddenly, my decision to leave her to make something of myself seemed horribly selfish. The thought of me enjoying myself with Brecken made me even sicker.

  My sister may never be the same again because of me.

  The next several minutes were a blur as police and EMTs made their way into the apartment. One stopped to see to Chrissy.

  “Let’s go put you in the rig and check you out.” The EMT was a beautiful blonde with killer blue eyes and a kind smile. Her nametag read “Carly.” She didn’t seem to care what Chrissy’s story was or which part of the city she just came to. I followed Chrissy down to the running ambulance.

  A police officer appeared behind us. “Are you the one who called this in?”

  I studied the name tag on his chest. It said M. Dollar. Trying to sound braver than I was, I said, “Yes. I called.”

  “Do you live here?”

  I shook my head. “Not anymore, but this is my sister, Crystal Phillips. I’m Raven Phillips.”

  He turned to Chrissy. “Can you tell me what happened?”

  “A-are they dead?” Chrissy wrung her hands in her lap while Carly, the EMT, checked her vitals.

  The officer paused and peered over at me. I nodded my head, and he turned back to Chrissy. “Both people in the apartment are deceased.”

  Chrissy hiccupped and began sobbing, covering her face with her hands. I knew she wasn’t crying over the death of our mother. She hadn’t ever been a parent to us.

  “That’s our mother,” I said. “The other man we don’t know, but I can assume he was a dealer. Our mother was a drug addict.”

  He nodded. “We saw evidence of that on both bodies.” He indicated to Carly. “The bodies will be transported to the hospital and undergo autopsies to give cause of death. Can you tell me what happened here?”

  “We need to transport her to the hospital for further testing.” Carly spoke up, and I saw something unspoken pass between her and the officer. “Can you follow us and question her there?”

  He stepped away and spoke quietly into a radio for a moment before returning to us. “Okay. They have the scene secure and are calling in the crime scene team. Dispatch will radio for another ambulance to transport. You’re free to take her. I’ll follow in my cruiser.”

  Chrissy reached out her hand for me. “D-don’t leave me. Please.”

  Carly’s partner walked up to the ambulance. “You can come with her,” she said, and Chrissy immediately relaxed. Carly smiled and hopped in the back with both Chrissy and me.

  Chrissy was checked out completely and given a clean bill of health. She told the police the entire thing, from waking up to him in her room to hitting him with the lamp and finding our mother in the living room.

  She looked like a little girl playing dress up, sitting on the hospital bed in a pair of scrubs much too big for her. She was extremely thin and malnourished. Since it was protocol in this situation, they also called Department of Children and Families. Despite our mother being a deadbeat, I forced her to create a will giving Chrissy to me in the event she passed away. Since I was a legal adult, it was a formality for her to leave with me.

  They weren’t holding Chrissy for the murder of the drug dealer and were allowing her to leave the county with me. They said if they needed us for anything, we would have to return, and I agreed. The medical examiner said in his preliminary examination that the trauma from the blow to the head from the lamp more than likely didn’t kill him. It was more likely he took too many drugs before going into her room, and when she hit him and he passed out, he never regained consciousness. It seemed like he might’ve killed our mother before going into Chrissy’s room, but we wouldn’t know specifics until they finished their investigation.

  Regardless, Chrissy was deemed a victim, and I was never so grateful.

  “You’re free to go, Ms. Phillips.” Alice, the social worker, smiled thinly at us. “Your sister will probably need some therapy to deal with what has happened. I’ll get some resources for you and call you. In the meantime, you have all the paperwork you need to take Crysta
l. If you should need our assistance, please don’t hesitate to call. I’m very sorry for your loss.”

  I nodded, not willing to admit I wasn’t sorry at all for our loss. The only thing I was sorry for was that my sister had to endure this at all. When she walked out of the room, I turned to Chrissy. The mid-afternoon sun shone into the room, making everything seem radiant. The opposite of how I felt.

  “You ready to go home?”

  Chrissy glanced up at me. “Home?”

  I forced a smile on my face. “Yeah. Home. With me and Emma.”

  Her lip wobbled, and it reminded me of when she was a toddler, and she woke up with a nightmare and climbed into my bed for reassurance. “How?”

  Emma had called me a few hours ago and told me she got us a place that would be ready for us to move in at the end of the week. Until then, Chrissy and I would stay at a hotel just down the road from campus. I tried not to think how much that would cost, but I knew Chrissy wasn’t allowed in our dorm room.

  “Emma got an apartment for us to share. You’ll have your own room and everything.”

  She studied me for a few moments, no doubt a million questions swirling through her head. Like how the hell I could afford this, probably.

  “You’ll be safe, Chrissy. I promise I’ll always protect you.” I sat next to her on the stiff hospital bed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to keep you safe. This is my fault.”

  She shook her head. “No, it isn’t. I’ll never blame you, Raven. You’re the only one who’s ever cared about me.”

  I kissed her head and stood. Despite what she said, I would blame myself for the rest of my life. “Come on. Let’s go get you something to eat and get home. We have a two-hour drive—plus, I want to stop and get you some clothes.”

  At the mention of food, Chrissy’s stomach growled. Who knew when she’d last eaten a full meal. I vowed that no matter how many nights a week I had to escort or do “extras,” Chrissy wouldn’t ever go without again.

  “Let’s get some tacos at your favorite place on our way out of town. Do you need anything from the apartment?” I wasn’t sure I could even get in there, but I would ask the officers to save her things if she wanted them.