You know I’ve run into a lot of people that are tired of living a life of drugs; be it pills, shootin’ up, sniffing, or whatever. But sometimes you got to step back and ask yourself: “Do I really want to, or am I just playing?” You must have a made up mind and you must realize that you can’t do this for your friend, your mother, or lover. It has to be your desire that you have and want for your life because what somebody else eat ain’t gone make you shit. You must believe that fact or life will pass you by. If you think that you’re getting straight depending on anybody other than the Creator you must need to realize that there is a chain of command for you, and that this chain will not allow you to go off course spiritually; but things will happen. You must learn to walk all over. Now you may think that when you accept Jesus Christ into your life that it will be all good, and it will. But you must also realize that spiritually it will. Now the Bible says that the gates of hell will not prevail, but it doesn’t say that they wouldn’t open. The thing for you to do is accept people that Christ will put in your life that know him better than you, and be obedient to his word and his will. Now you may say, “How will I know his will?” Read his word. It’s time to look up and be afraid once you realize who you’re looking for, and know that God’s will is his absolute rule and control over all his creation. Peace.
I know that this may seem somewhat dismal to some of you but then it depends on your desire or lack thereof to lose yourself in the proven act of, or the ability to ask the Creator to help you cleanse yourself from self. My brothers and sisters Buddha and them ain’t made you. We need to leave that primitive conviction of God’s existence behind, and I am not telling or asking of you nothing that hasn’t been asked of me. The only thing is I know it will work. I am asking you to read this with the want and desire to rid yourself of what has plummeted so many of our youth, along with various segments of our society. Look, I know that nobody wants to hear this but that’ J the way it is, and as I told you before we don’t run nothing but our mouths. So we need to ask for help in ridding ourselves of this. Ha. If you want this, it’s free for the asking but there must be a willingness to be free from the need of being bound up in body and mind.
Just look at this. I read this story in the Bible that says that this king was so afraid of losing his kingdom that he ordered all male babies two years old to be killed. And if you really think about it, the same thang is going on now at 2 or 3. I heard some people say that’s when I knew that ‘I was different. I don’t know anything about when I was that young. At 12 and older people started putting pressure on you to join their gang. At 20 you’re a full pledge gang member that believes that don’t nobody love you but your gang. At 22 you got to get your props by taking someone or a whole family’s life. At 32 you look back and ask yourself what you did wrong and try to redeem yourself but by that time you think that life and love has passed you by, so you give up on hope. You give up on the life that you know in your heart that was meant to be with your true family. You lose sight of the love that’s been feasting on your loved ones hearts and the desire that they have for you. And they pray and God will answer their prayers if they pray in Jesus name. But like so many others your heart has been made hard toward people’s emotions and you feel that the whole world is against you, and what you think is real. But the time will come when you’ll be all by yourself; where no one can see, and the little boy will come out and you will break down like a double barrel shotgun. And tears will start just running and you won’t be able to control them until you’ve had a talk with the one that you know in your heart, and mine, that’s in control of your every move; and that’s as real as it gets. Because you know that no one is immune from death or dying. Peace.
Listen you all. There is this thing called freedom, and it’s on the one. Freedom is the ability to choose without getting chosen by fear, by chaos, by passions, or by being codependent on anyone, or anything, that hinders you from being who you want to be. Now there are rules to everything, but we need to follow or enlist rules that will help us achieve what we want to be. Now there are those that the world gives, which is just another form of slavery because it tells you that there is no fear of being caught, no restrictions. But all that will come to an end when the po-po put some stuff in the game and make you know that there is and will be debts to be paid if you cross the line. There was this one time of many that I was in prison and had the, or made the, mistake of thinking that everything was all right just because there was a bunch of homies around. But how many of you know that that ain’t nothing in the joint? You need to look out for the man. People that don’t like you just because; and yes, even your homeboys in some cases because most of the time it’s every man for himself or whatever. Life is funny. You can’t do this by yourself. Oh, I know that some of you will say I can or I’ve done it so far, but the way things are, you were just lucky or someone was looking out; and I would like to think the latter. I used to think the same way. I didn’t need nothing or nobody in my business, but you will learn the only business you have is when you go to the bathroom, and even then someone has got to have paid the water bill, or guess what? You know when we have someone we care about and have been hanging around that person or persons for some time we tend to think that it don’t mean nothing. But when that person or group has come to rely on you, whether you know it or not, you have entered in agreement with them or covenant. And that’s why I believe that confidence in each other, and especially ourselves, has evaded most of us for so long that we don’t even give a second thought to the people we promise this or that to. We seem to devalue their friendship ; deny the fact that there’s a generosity about them that needs attention. So we go our separate ways not knowing that we have entered a covenant with them. We enter a covenant with friends, with wives, with our co-workers, and the ones we seem to never think about: with our parents and God. Now, normally when you enter a covenant with someone it’s a two sided deal, but when you enter a covenant with God he’s not expecting anything but your willingness to be transformed by reading his word. And guess what? Everything is on him. He will give you strength to do everything you need to do for him and his glory. Check this out. Our relationship with God is restored once we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior.
Look out now. I want you to step back, and ponder this, and consider what is. Now I’ve been asked this, I’ve promised this, and we all know that we be cold lying big time when we tell anyone he or she is going to stop when they get tired. Now check this out. Do you think for a little bit that he or she is ‘gone stop doing what makes them feel good? First of all, you are going to fight with yourself and you can just about know who’s going to win. Hay, it is amazing how people can be so naive when it comes to their loved ones on drugs. Let me tell you a drug addict is the most conning person you can run into. Check this out. He or she can’t be true to themselves. How do you know, or what makes you think that they will be honest with you? The only way that they ‘gone be honest with you is that you got that next hit, and even then you gone get beat out of something. Each of us tends to think we see things as they are when we are really looking at things the way we want them to be, and that’s real. Time and time again we be giving addicts money hoping that it’s the last time when all you’re doing is throwing them deeper and deeper into a world of hurt and pain. And all of us have done it at one time or another. And you say that we have been an enabler. They will tell you a boldfaced lie and make you believe it. I know because I’ve done it. Satan’s strategy for your life and mine is deception. He is the master. Satan can’t create anything; all he can do is manipulate. I knew this guy from my home town that I was in the joint with. They called him the manipulator, and he was tough. Let me tell you, he manipulated this old lady into taking some nude pictures one time. She would get her monthly check and send just about all of it to him. She was so strung out over him that her sons took out a contract on him from the outside. Now that was the power of deception that he had over her. Some people try to rational
ize their way through this life without God, and as this friend once said, “That’s not normal” So desire leads to deception and deception leads to disobedience. We were not created to be drunks, drug addicts, pill heads, or whatever the case may be. Look, there’s even a counterfeit view of Christianity. Satan is powerful and purposeful. Let’s remember now: his job is to steal, kill, and destroy. It doesn’t matter as long as the end result is death.
Hay, let me see if I can speak to someone like I was spoken to. As I told you before, I was once where you are at one time. Didn’t know anything. Only the feeling that I got when I shot up and looted a few times, and that’s if I did keep my eyes on whoever I was with and they were fixin’ it up and I didn’t get a water shoot. So like I told you before, drugs were my life. I had to have them when I woke up and before I lay down. Sometimes I went to bed, if I went to bed with my so called wake-up, and most of the time I woke up during the night to punch off that so by the time morning carne I ain’t had nothing. But anyway like I said, getting old and tired of that life I just gave it up; plus I was tired of going to j ail. Let me tell you, any form of drugs shouldn’t be part of your daily diet, especially if they are not given to you by a doctor. Like this black guy used to say, “Hay you need Jesus.” For a little bit allow me to speak about this. At one time I thought that there was nothing better than a shoot of dope ‘den one day I was lying in jail, thinking about this Christian life; how God will clean you up. So anyway, after I had read the Bible and I started thinking about this thang I said, “You know what? This Christian life ain’t no different from the life that I used to live.” The only difference is that we must want to live as a Christian as opposed to living in sin and for sin. But this is the kicker God will give you strength to do this; that’s right. He will help you live the way that you were meant to live; free from any negative thoughts or deeds. Hay look, I got a news flash for you. You are not your own; even though you may think so. Ha. You better get a check up from the neck up, and that’s real. As I said before, I was thinking that same way once upon a time. It ain’t been that long ago either. Ha, it’s not a bad life! You just try to do the best you can and when you find yourself at your wits end just call on the name of Jesus and start telling him what the real deal is. You know what I’m saying? Talk to him in your mind. Look, it may sound crazy but it’s what’s called being in the spirit, and everybody has the ability to do this but they must want to. If you’re where you think that people may look at you strange wait until you get home or somewhere you feel comfortable. Look, there’s no other place on earth that has been ordained by God himself to carry out Christ’s work here on Earth, and that place is the church. God has allowed me to live this long, and I pray that he allows me to live even longer to convey this hope of his word to I everyone that wants to be free.
You know earlier I was telling you about how it was just me and my mom. Well, I knew that there were more people that I didn’t know on my father’s side but I didn’t really meet any of them until years later. You know you always hear about why you don’t know any people on your father’s side of the family, and I am not saying that they weren’t aware that I was alive and where I was. I am just saying that it was a long time before I got to meet and see any of them. Sometime I wonder why it took so long to get to know them but there was this cousin of mine named Cheese. That was a nickname; and he was the only reason I knew anything about anybody else. We were double first cousins. His father was my dad’s nephew, and his mom was my mom’s niece, and I used to stay with my cousins in the summer. Don’t be for that, me and my brothers and sisters would have been off the radar. But there was this one cousin that kept in touch. Her name was Maxine. I remember she used to come and get me and take me shopping, but after ‘a while she moved on and I was left; that connection was broken as far as the other side of my family for a long time. That’s what happens when one parent makes or decides not to allow one side of the family to get to know the other side. You suffer. And they say it takes a village to rear a child; then and now. No matter how mad we get with each other, a child needs both parents. But now check this out. It would be better if they were in the same house, but I know things happen. But to let him or her know that even if they are not together that they can call and talk. But mothers or fathers don’t trip. It’s about respect for each other and the love for that child. Ha. You had a good time makin’ it. You should make it fun takin’ care of him or her. To know that you can talk to your parent, or parents, would mean a lot. Trust me. I believe that when they start wakin’ up seeing different people go in and out that’s when the respect as far as you being their parent will be there, but only as a person, as a friend; then believe it starts to fade away. The Bible says eyes to see. And they cannot see you just bring Jody or Joann to the crib without the three or four of you building a relationship, and that ain’t what this is about. So ladies get it together. Men we must make it right. You know sometimes you may hear a young lady say, “I don’t need no man”, or a young man say, “I don’t need no woman.” But check this out. A child needs the love of both parents; preferably both married parents. Thank you for listening. Peace.
Hay, look at this. When I was out there strung out like a research monkey, me and this friend, this guy was a friend in every sense of the word; we both were addicts. He used to sell dope. I used to sell dope. Then both of us started using. But a long time before that he was working for this guy, and I really don’t know what happened but they found him outside of town lying in a ditch. He had been shot a number of times and left for dead. I think that I told you this before. I don’t remember. I am sure I have some burnt out cells upstairs. But whether I did or didn’t; anyway, this friend and I hooked up after some time. And there was this big tree at the edge of the hood in the backyard of this liquor house where everybody would meet that was selling, stealing, shooting; anything that had to do with drugs. People would come that wanted to buy stolen goods. Anyway, that’s where we would hang out each morning before everybody went their own ways to hustle or whatever. And a lot of times the younger hustlers would meet him and me under that tree, and most of the time we would be sick. Dope sick. And some of the younger guys would get together and give us money to go and cop or buy dope so they could see us scratch and nod in and out. Man it was crazy. And this happened for a long time until most of them got busted or whatever. They would say it looked bad for the O.G.’s, so they would get us straight.
The Beginning... The End... Anew! Page 4