Dirty South Drug Wars

by Jae Hood

  Tanner leaned back as well, resting his head against a column on the porch. “Nothing feels impossible when I’m around you. Nothing.”

  We stared at each other for an insurmountable amount of time. Him sitting on the steps of the porch was both a blessing and a curse. His hair was slick, slightly wet, and a shining mess under the light. He wore a T-shirt with the sleeves ripped off, exposing well-defined arms. The Montgomery tattoo on his right, inner forearm stood out boldly in the whitewash of the moonlight and the glow of the porch, reminding me of what a wrongdoer I was by even speaking to this boy.

  But his words were sweet, always sweet, and they were steady and true. I believed them to be true. I took a step back, the rough surface of the balcony floor sullying my bare soles.

  “If you hurt me, my family will kill you.”

  “And rightfully so.” He took the phone away from his ear, ending the call.

  Huffing, I clutched my cell in my hand, irked by his audacity to refuse me any further argument. He relaxed even further against the column, sprawling one leg out in front of him, the other bent on the steps and one arm resting atop his knee. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head back, cutting off his gaze from me, cutting my heart from my chest. The pain of losing that simple connection, that uncomplicated stare, triggered the realization of how deep I was sinking.

  Still, I grabbed his gun from under my mattress and crept downstairs. I opened the door and leaned on the frame, hiding the gun behind my back.

  Tanner’s pink lips curved into a smooth smile as he stood. He crossed the deck, each step causing my heart to sputter. The closer he grew, the more violent my heart protested. Out of instinct, I pushed myself from the door frame and pressed the gun to his chest. Eyes widening, he stilled, his boots rooted to the wooden porch.

  “Bang, bang. You’re dead.”

  “Might help if you had the safety off.”

  I smiled, sliding my finger on the safety and dragging the gun down to his navel. “It’s not loaded anyway … or is it?”

  Tanner reached up and took the gun from my hand without any protest on my part. With nothing to hold, my fingers felt jerky, searching for security, even in the form of an unloaded gun. He tucked the weapon in the back waistband of his jeans and grabbed my hand.

  I let him take it.

  I followed him to the porch step and sat down beside him, so close to his side I became dizzy. His skin smelled of what I could only describe as man. I tensed as he wrapped one arm around my waist, relaxing when he pulled me against him where I so naturally fit.

  “You’re scared.” His voice was soft, his lips brushing against my temple. His nose found its way into my hair, and he inhaled heavily then smiled against my cheek. “I see it in your eyes.”

  “Yes.”

  “Tell me what scares you, Rue.”

  Tanner’s warm breath washed over my face, smelling of minty toothpaste. He cupped my chin and turned my face to his, studying my expression.

  “I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of Amos and what he’ll do when he finds out about us. I’m scared of your intensity. I’m scared of the way I feel when I’m around you. But most of all I’m too scared to tell you no. Because one day you’ll get tired of the rejection and you’ll stop fighting for me.”

  “Don’t be afraid,” he whispered. “I won’t let anyone hurt you. I won’t leave you. And I’m glad you stopped pushing me away. Although, I’ve got to say, I’ve certainly enjoyed the chase.”

  He chuckled, and I smiled a bit.

  “I think Amos may already know you were looking for me.” My smile wavered at the memory of Amos’ dog lying dead in my grandmother’s backyard.

  Tanner’s arm was still wrapped around my waist and his fingers crept underneath the hem of my shirt near my rib cage. I took in a sharp, surprised breath. He massaged my skin with his long fingers but said nothing as he watched my face and listened to me speak. I told him what Amos had said and about Buck visiting him.

  “He shot his dog right in front of me.” I cringed at the sight that was burned into my mind. “He said that’s what happens to traitors. I know he’ll kill us, Tanner. If he finds us together he’ll kill us.”

  “He can’t find out then.” His fingers drifted further north, sending shivers down my spine. “Because now that I finally have you, I’m not letting you go. Now, where’re your manners, Ms. Monroe? Can’t give me the ten-cent tour?”

  Tanner stood and offered his hand. I took it with a shaky smile. He didn’t seem to sense my hesitation as he pulled me to my feet. His index finger found its way to the waist of my shorts as he followed me inside.

  “So this is the living room, dining area, and kitchen.” I waved my hands around at the open area.

  Tanner let go of my shorts and wandered around the living room, staring at the photographs over the fireplace. There were many of Lucy and me in our younger years in various stages of childhood awkwardness. Lucy was one of those kids who loved to steal the scissors and chop her hair off. In one of the photographs, she had a mullet after whacking all the hair off the top of her head.

  Tanner picked up a framed photograph and stared at it. I walked over and peeked around him. It was a photo of my father and me when I was around six years old. I stood next to him with a huge grin. My front teeth were missing and I wore pigtails and dirty overalls. My father held a large catfish he’d caught in our lake. A triumphant grin stretched across his tanned face.

  “That was a good day.” I nodded at the photograph Tanner continued to study. “Daddy and I loved fishing together. We’d take the boat out on the lake and stay all day long. Then Mama would fuss because I’d come home with a sunburn on my nose and ears.”

  Tanner swallowed, placing the photo back on the mantle. “That’s why you have the freckles on your nose?” He turned and gave me a small smile. I opened my mouth to respond, but he interrupted me. He placed his hands on my waist, pulling me against him. “Six.”

  “Six what?” I asked through the haze he created in my mind. Being pressed so closely to his body was entirely too intoxicating.

  “Freckles,” he whispered. His nose skirted against my cheek and flooded my senses with his outdoorsy scent. “You have six freckles on your nose. They’re not as dark now as they were when you were twelve. But they’re still there.”

  Tanner pressed his lips against mine briefly before pulling away and wandering to the stairs. He climbed them and disappeared upstairs, never looking back.

  A strange emotion crept over me, and I wrapped my arms around my torso trying to hold on to the feeling. I was greedy, selfish, and never wanted to let it go.

  Blood, betrayal, and death didn’t matter, because he had me. I’d always been his.

  I stumbled to the stairs and went in search of him, finding him in my bedroom, somehow knowing it was mine and not Lucy’s. My walls were painted celestial blue, and plastic stars stuck to the ceiling. Cheap dollar-store makeup was scattered across my dresser, and my dirty clothes from earlier that day hung from the side of the laundry hamper. I was thankful I’d been mindful enough to make my bed.

  He found my bookshelf, and I cringed as he removed a familiar-looking sketchbook. I reached out to snatch the book from him. “Um, that’s private.”

  Tanner dodged my fingers and avoided my protests with a cocky grin. “Come on. Let me take a peek.”

  He laughed as we played tug of war with the book. My face was red from anger and embarrassment. I almost had the book in my possession when he gave it a final tug just a little too firmly. The book flew from both of our fingers. The pages fluttered around the room and landed at his feet.

  Tanner was silent and still. Several portraits of a young boy stared back at him.

  Horrified, my knees hit the floor and I scrambled to pick up the scattered pages. Tears of humiliation trailed down my cheeks. Tanner stooped down and gently pulled the faded pages from my trembling fingers. He placed them on the bed beside us as I wiped the tears from my cheek
s. Tanner grasped my shoulders and pulled me up with him from the floor.

  “You drew those pictures of me?” His fingers trailed up and down my arms. I nodded slowly. “When?” He pulled me closer and tipped my head back with his fingers. “When did you draw those?”

  “Some of them I drew after we met at the funeral home,” I said. “Some were drawn after we met on the pier.”

  He bunched his brow together. “Why do you look so ashamed?”

  “Because I’m embarrassed. You probably think I’m some sort of obsessed … whatever. I’m not crazy, I swear.”

  He chuckled and released me. Reaching in his back pocket, he removed a brown leather wallet and flipped it open. After digging around the wallet for a moment, he pulled out a faded piece of paper. Tanner unfolded it and handed it to me. I stared down at it.

  “You were fourteen,” he said. “You won a science award. It was in the county newspaper.”

  “It was a project on the solar system,” I said. “You’ve had this in your wallet for four years?”

  Tanner smiled, slow and lazy. “Yeah, I’ll never forget that day. I was in the kitchen pouring myself a bowl of cereal, and there you were, smiling back at me from Graham’s newspaper. It was sitting on the table in the very spot I ate breakfast every morning.”

  “So you cut it out and put it in your wallet?”

  “Eventually.” He took the clipping from my fingers and placed it back into his wallet, the lazy smile twisting into a full grin.

  “What do you mean by ‘eventually’?”

  “I was fourteen, Rue.” He laughed. “What do you think I did first?”

  I frowned as I thought about his words until realization hit me. I covered my mouth and stared at him in shock. “Tanner.”

  Tanner laughed and removed his phone from his pocket. He scrolled through and brought up the photo he’d taken in front of the bakery where my expression was one of astonishment. My mouth hung partially open.

  “This one is better though,” he said. “I like the way your mouth looks in this photo. Now I don’t feel like such a perv—”

  I smacked him in his hard stomach and he doubled over in pain and laughter. My cheeks warmed, but I couldn’t hide the pleased smile that broke across my face. He straightened up and pulled me into his arms, chuckling.

  “The stars are out tonight,” he breathed into my hair. “Will you take me outside and show me the constellations?”

  “Yeah.”

  Tanner took my hand and led me down the stairway. He pushed the sliding glass doors open and the two of us wandered onto the deck. It was a clear night with stars twinkling overhead. The moon was dim and crescent-shaped. It was a perfect night to stargaze.

  He lowered his long, lanky body on a lounge chair and pulled me down with him. I rested between his legs with my back against his chest. The air was thick, hot, humid, and filled with the sounds of crickets singing and frogs croaking.

  Tanner pulled my long hair from behind my back and over my left shoulder. “Where’s your sister tonight?”

  “She’s staying the night with our cousin, Olivia.”

  “And your mother?”

  I laid my head in the crook of his neck, forcing an unstable, dry smile through my nervousness. “Why so many questions? Making sure there’re no witnesses when you double-cross and murder me?”

  I regretted the words as soon as I said them. The warm body below me went rigid, his calmed breaths deeper and more pronounced. I turned my head to the side, catching his eye. Sadness and disappointment appeared deep in his irises, and I hated myself in that moment.

  “Mama lives in Birmingham with a friend,” I said. “It’s been a long time since she’s been home.”

  “Who takes care of you and Lucy?”

  A laugh burst out of my mouth, bitter and frail. “Who takes care of us? Um, we take care of ourselves. Like we always have. Well, I guess you could say I take care of us. My sister has some problems.”

  “Yeah, Chance told me she was a little odd.” He chuckled, surprising me with his admission.

  “She’s unstable. And whiny. She wears me out with all the stunts she pulls, but it’s not her fault.”

  “Not her fault?”

  “My sister has some mental problems. She was diagnosed as bipolar, but our mom refused to acknowledge the doctor’s diagnosis. Honestly, I believe she’s possibly schizophrenic, but she won’t go to the doctor and get help.”

  “So why do you do it? Why is it your responsibility to take care of her?”

  “Because she’s my sister,” I responded. “Why wouldn’t I take care of her? I love her.”

  “Don’t you want someone to take care of you for once, Rue?”

  I let out an unattractive snort. “Who’s gonna take care of me?”

  Warm lips pressed against the surface of my neck, the gentle touch picking up the pace of my quivering heart. “I’ll take care of you.”

  “I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” Chin tilted upward, my words sounded hollow. “I take care of myself. And always have.”

  Tanner touched the slope of my chin, pressing it back down. “Didn’t say you couldn’t. Ever thought maybe someone wants to help you? Someone like me? Ever thought taking care of you could be someone’s honor?”

  “Someone’s honor.” I shook my head, a bitter smile on my face.

  “Taking care of you would be my life’s honor.” The fingers on my chin turned my face to the side, forcing my gaze upward. “Loving you would be my life’s honor.”

  Desperate to change the subject, I pointed into the sky, “Look, there’s Articus. It’s the fourth brightest star in the heavens and twenty-times bigger than the sun.”

  “You ever wonder how they got there?” He chuckled at the wrinkle of my brow. “The stars, I mean.”

  “Why would I question God?”

  “You believe in God?” His voice was incredulous, surprised. “Why?”

  “Why not? You think this life is all a coincidence? There was nothing that made something and then we all magically evolved … from nothing?”

  Tanner sighed. “Truth is I don’t know what I believe. My family isn’t religious. They only time I’ve been to church is when one of our own dies, or when one of yours does.”

  “Speaking of dying, another funeral will take place if Amos finds out about us,” I said. “The way he shot his dog without even flinching …”

  “Nothing will happen,” he replied.

  I sat up, still tucked between his sprawled legs, and worked the stress from my shoulders. Tanner batted my fingers away, replacing them with his own. The sensation of his thumbs sinking deep into my flesh, massaging the tension from my body, made me hum in approval.

  His fingertips traveled lower. They ended near my waist, tickling my belly and bringing me flush against him. He stretched his long legs out with a look of peaceful relaxation. “I never want to stop touching you.”

  Warmth and hope spread through my bones with his confession, but instead of happiness, worry consumed me, washing the other feelings away in a cold tide of doubt.

  Smile melting away, he looked down his nose at me. “What’s with that face? You’re not getting all shy on me again, are you?”

  Vulnerability set in and it was an uncomfortable emotion. I’d learned over the years to never depend on or have any expectations from anyone. Tanner caused me to want him because he wanted me. So much could go wrong because of our situation that it terrified me. What if I became dependent on the feelings he inflicted within me only to have him torn away?

  “Stop thinking so hard, Rue,” he whispered. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

  “You see right through me, huh?”

  Instead of answering, he climbed off the lounger, pulling me to my feet. Towering over me, he ran his hands through my hair, cradling my head. His face was masked in shadows, but even the darkness didn’t disguise his unfamiliar look. He leaned down, capturing my mouth with his soft lips. Eyelids flutte
ring, I wondered what his face looked like during the kiss, so I opened my eyes.

  Tanner’s long, dark lashes rested below his gently closed eyes, and his thick eyebrows were slightly drawn in concentration. I’d never forget the way he looked while he kissed me. I shut my eyes as well and moaned as my heart swelled in my chest. My fingers found their way into the softness of his hair and I tangled them in the strands.

  “We should stop.” He chuckled dryly against my lips. “I’ve wanted this for so long that it scares me. I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop myself if I keep kissing you.”

  He peppered gentle kisses from the corner of my mouth, up my jaw line, and ended at my forehead. Tanner guided my head to rest in the bend of his neck, and we stood on the deck content with holding one another. He quietly hummed a tune and moved my body against his in time with the sound. The song was familiar to me; it was the ringtone he’d programmed in his phone for when I called. I breathed him in, wanting to remember the pure happiness of that moment for the rest of my life. Tanner stopped humming and pulled away from me a bit.

  “What we have is real, Rue. It’s always been real. You and I were made for each other. Nothing will tear us apart now that I’ve found you again.”

  Tanner’s arms tightened around me again in a restraint of unspoken love. The stars twinkled overhead, glittering like diamonds in sooty darkness. He didn’t speak, nor did I. We didn’t have to.

  Everything Tanner needed me to know he conveyed in the way he touched me. His nose nestled in my wavy hair as he breathed in my scent, reminding me he enjoyed the way my hair smelled. Occasionally he’d nip at my neck, communicating that he loved the way I tasted. His hands wandered beneath my shirt over my belly, and he lightly stroked my skin, making me aware that he cherished the feeling of my flesh under his fingers.

  Tanner Montgomery loved me. And as much as I hated to admit it, I was in love with him as well. Our love was tainted with the pride and hatred of bitter men and their children alike. But none of that mattered anymore. It was too late to back out. Tanner had captured my heart, and it would remain his forever.

  We held each other until the night grew light with the promise of morning. Tanner left at daybreak, only after I’d begrudgingly explained I didn’t want to push our luck with him staying too long in Mayhaw. With one last sad smile, Tanner pulled out of the driveway, disappearing in the pink and purple tinged early morning light.