Blood Borne

by T. G. Ayer

  She smiled widely, her eyes scanning my face as she leaned back and looked at me. "It's been a while, Mel. But I hear you've been busy." She tipped her head to the side, her auburn hair glinting with specks of silver.

  I grinned sheepishly. "I guess bad news travels fast."

  She threw me a knowing look. "And I know for a fact that whatever I've heard--apart from what I've read in debrief files--would be littered with supposition and innuendo, and of course a plethora of holes where a few people I know very well would have left out certain pertinent details."

  I giggled as she hooked her hand around my elbow and guided me to the sofa beside the door. Just her touch was enough to help ease a little of my tension but I waited until we were both seated before I looked over at her, before I allowed my expression to grow more serious.

  Chloe took her cue and said, "What can I do, dear? Do you need to talk first? Or would you like me to help first?"

  I rolled my eyes. "Nothing gets by you, does it Doc?"

  Chloe chuckled. "Not when it comes to you." Then she paused, her expression darkening. "Is that why you've been avoiding me lately? Too much going on that would need some sort of explanation?"

  I sighed. "Sorry, doc. It was best I not get into a situation where I'd have to lie to you. I hate lying to you."

  "The question is, can you lie to me, Melisande?" came her curt reply.

  I sat up at that aware as her words washed over me, that she'd been right but that she also didn't understand entirely. I swallowed. "I can't lie to you, Chloe. And I also can't put you in danger. I did that once and I vowed never to do it again. You're my family and I don't know what I would do without you."

  But even as I spoke the words, a voice questioned me. "So why have you barely even thought of Chloe these past weeks?"

  I wanted the voice to shut up. I knew the answer now of course. I had a strange ability to compartmentalise my worries. I'd done it with Storm and with Chloe. And clearly I did it with my parents and the circumstances of their deaths--though that particular situation had of course been out of my control.

  I pushed away the thoughts and smiled at the mindmage who had been a surrogate mother to me since I was thirteen. "Okay. Let's start with feeling a little better. Then you can ask questions and then I can ask questions."

  Chloe raised one eyebrow as aware as I was of my evasive tactics. But she only said, "Give me your hand, dear. Now, just relax for a bit and I'll have you right as rain in two shakes of a hog’s tail.”

  I suppressed a giggle and obeyed the doctor’s orders. I knew all too well what it meant to disobey Chloe. She could discipline better than any mom I knew.

  It only took a few minutes before Chloe had me feeling better. And even better than I’d expected. I let out a sigh and lifted my head off the back of the couch, but the smile on my face fell away as I turned to look at her. Chloe’s face was ashen, her expression a little drunken, and she looked about ready to pass out.

  “Chloe?” I asked, grabbing her arm and giving her a gentle shake.

  She blinked and looked around, her disoriented expression making me worried. Then her eyes cleared and she focused on my face. She flicked a hand at me. “Hey, don’t look so scared. I’m fine.”

  “You have no idea but I have good reason to be terrified that helping me could have injured you.” I gritted my teeth and shook my head, anger filling me and flowing over. “I’m so stupid. I don't know why I didn’t think this through before I came here. I could have hurt you.”

  Chloe grabbed hold of my arm but instinctively I flung her hand off and shuffled away from her to the other end of the couch. I didn’t miss the brief shimmer of hurt in her eyes but it disappeared fast enough that I knew she’d figured out how terrified I was.

  I swallowed hard and shook my head, but in the same breath I focused on her bright blue eyes with everything In me. Her eyes were like a liferaft and suddenly it was the most important thing to me that I hold on as tight as I could.

  A portion of my awareness accepted that I wasn’t in physical contact with her so I couldn't harm her unintentionally, and that gave me some comfort. The rest of my panicking brain focused on Chloe and the encouragement and love in her eyes.

  And slowly, very slowly, my breathing returned to normal and my brain felt less as though it was on fire and about to explode. Chloe’s expression was filled with concern and I knew I had to come clean.

  Who knew what was going to happen in the coming days, what the Sharaita would ask of us, and if I would find Ari in time to deal with her and save Samuel. I needed my family around me, even though, at the same time, I desperately needed them as far from me as possible.

  Anyone who cared for me would be a target and who knew what these anonymous assassins were after. They’d failed to kill me and there would most definitely be consequences since I would have pissed them off what with still being alive and all.

  Chloe’s warm fingers gripped tightly to mine and she said, “There you go, honey. You’re fine. You’re okay.” Her voice and words were soothing, like a lullaby to a baby and I felt myself beginning to nod off.

  I shook my head hard and sat up straight. “No, no. I can’t sleep right now.”

  “I’m quite certain you need rest, dear. After what I just got hit with, I KNOW you need rest. And soon. Or you’re going to burst into flames or disappear into thin air. Or both if you want to go all the way.” Chloe chuckled and I smiled at her.

  There she was making jokes to lighten the mood, ever the doctor with the best bedside manner in the world.

  Chloe straightened now that she saw I was feeling better and she patted the sofa as if to say it was time to come clean. I didn’t need much encouragement, especially after having my emotions twisted and then untangled in quick succession.

  I described what happened to Saleem, and then the progress I’d made with finding out what really happened to Samuel. She was probably as frustrated as I was that it was taking so long to find out who killed him, but she didn’t say anything. I gave her the rundown on the mission to Mithras and also the revelations regarding Ari.

  But when it came to my memories I hesitated.

  Chloe smiled, though the creases at her eyes had deepened, which only made me regret coming to her to burden her with my problems.

  ‘“What’s the matter dear?” Chloe asked softly. I blinked as her eyes held mine and refused to allow me the space to think up a lie.

  I shook my head. “I don’t know if I should get you involved. As it is with all these new powers I don’t even know what I’m becoming so I--”

  Chloe lifted her hand and I fell silent. “Don;t you even think about not telling me the truth young lady. I’ve been through many years of trials with you, so please don’t take for granted my ability to weather the storms as well and the best of times.”

  Her words made me feel so guilty and it also contained the swift kick in the ass that I needed. I rolled my shoulders and took a breath. “Something else happened in the last week and I need to do more investigation into my parents’ deaths.”

  Chloe frowned. “What else happened? An investigation into what?”

  I waved a hand. “Actually, I need to investigate further back, to before the day they died. I need to find out more about who my parents were and what could have led to their deaths.”

  Chloe was nodding slowly. “Okay. What exactly do you want to know that you don’t already know?”

  I stared at Chloe blankly then understood what she was asking me. “Okay, so you know how you all said I had amnesia due to the shock of the murders?”

  “Yes, of course. Portions of your memory would have been compartmentalised in order for you to process the horrible events of that day without going mad. It’s a common enough reaction to such trauma.”

  I swallowed. “Well, that’s the problem. It wasn’t me who compartmentalised those memories.”

  Chloe’s eyes narrowed.

  “And no, I’m not in some sort of freaky d
enial or anything.”

  The look Chloe gave me said, “Yeah, that’s what anyone in denial says. It’s called denial.”

  17

  Despite my hesitation regarding telling Chloe the details, I found myself losing all fight. I had to talk to someone and I should have just gone straight to Darcy instead of coming here, but my defenses were down and I leaned into the comfort offered to me by my surrogate mother.

  She'd been there for me all along, always supportive, never leading me wrong, and confiding in her should have felt natural.

  So why was there a ball of fear twisting around in my gut?

  Chloe's warm fingers closed around mine and she gave them a firm squeeze. "Take your time, dear." Her tone was soft and comforting and brought tears to my eyes.

  I let out a long soft sigh and then gave a quick nod. "Okay. I'm going to tell you, but you have to know that just being aware of this could put you in danger. I've already blown up your home but I feel like the repercussions of this would be worse."

  Chloe took a breath and was about to ask a question, then fell silent. I had a strong feeling that she'd been about to ask me what could be worse than razing her house to the ground, but she must have understood the scope of what I was trying to say.

  Her eyes darkened to a deep blue, and then she gave a thin-lipped smile. "I understand, dear. Please talk to me. It's what I'm here for."

  I shifted my hand and gave Chloe's fingers a squeeze back mostly because her skin had paled a little at the acceptance that my secret could be deadly to those who kept it. Then I got to my feet. I couldn't have her trying to calm me down while I shared my story.

  I paced a few steps on the rug in front of her small coffee table before I said, "Okay, so you're well aware of how much information I remembered of that night, and we've accepted my memories of the past were vague. But it's always been a fuzzy sort of thing. Like I'll remember Mom used to make the most amazing chicken fettuccine, and the memory would include smells and feelings and even images of the kitchen and the preparation of the food. But it wasn't a proper recollection. I couldn't recall her voice or her face even though I remembered the event itself."

  Chloe was frowning, but she gave a nod, as though she understood a little. "That sounds odd but there are many reasons for distorted or incomplete memories."

  I nodded as I paced, still distracted by my thoughts, and then I said, "Well, most of my memories were that way. I'd recall things Mom said, but I wouldn't get the image of her face or hear her voice. I think there were a number of times where I would fill in that blank with what the photographs showed me. Like I overlaid the photographed image onto an imaginary mother figure and popped her into the scene to fill in that blank spot."

  Now Chloe was frowning. "And these oddities apply to how much of your memories of your parents."

  I blinked as I really heard Chloe's question. Parents.

  I shook my head hard. "That's just the thing. It applies to my mom. All my memories that pop into my head every now and then are of her. But nothing about Dad."

  Chloe smiled sadly. "I think we'd ascertained a long while ago that you'd erased his memory because of the brutality of his murder."

  I swallowed. "I would agree with you, and maybe that still stands true, but it's already odd that I can only recall parts of my memories of Mom and nothing of Dad. I know some stuff, like facts that maybe weren't in the police reports. Like he had a fancy for fat cigars that I always thought stank like wet paper. And when we were at dinner he would play with the corner of his napkin, folding it over and then smoothing it out, over and over, like a nervous habit or something."

  Chloe sat forward on the edge of the sofa. "So you recall specific things he did, but you don't have actual memories, like scenes of past events?"

  "Nope. Which was why I always believed I couldn't remember anything because it was too traumatic."

  "And so what's happened to change this opinion? You've told me specific facts about what you do and don't remember. But what's changed?"

  I smiled. Chloe was leading me on, the way she always did, backing up a few steps to recap on what I said, then encouraging me to delve further, to reveal more. "There was an incident before we left for Mithras. I think I was exhausted. Probably should have had a rest. I was in the bathroom changing my bandages, and I remembered something Mom said, and for the first time I heard her voice. Like really heard her voice. And the sound and the memory of it just hit me so hard that I collapsed. Blacked out or spaced out or something. Drake found me a couple hours later. He'd been yelling for me but I didn't hear him."

  Chloe's expression was a mask, revealing nothing to me now. "The memory of her voice tripped you up on a mental level," she said almost to herself as she tried to work through it logically. "Pushed you over the edge maybe because you were already so exhausted?"

  I tilted my head, pretending to consider the explanation, then I pursed my lips and shook my head. "I went with that explanation too, but later I received a little piece of news that made me understand my reaction so much better."

  Chloe remained silent, nodding slowly and studying my face, her expression a mix of confusion, understanding and concern.

  I stopped pacing to face her, then took another breath before saying, "In Mithras, while on the mission, we needed to have our minds protected before we entered the palace. But when Darcy went into my mind to form the protection, she found something that horrified her."

  Eyebrows raised, Chloe got to her feet. "What did they find, Mel? What's wrong?" She looked like she was about to walk over to me, but then she stopped in her tracks, probably knowing I didn't need comfort and cuddles right now.

  I paced some more. "Someone took my memories, Chloe. Someone went into my mind deliberately and they stole my memories of my past, fudged some of it so I wouldn't remember my parents. Darcy says that the blocks were strong but so much has happened to me in the last few months, including the electric shocks I was treated to by the shadowmen not too long ago, that some of that mental trauma could have uhnraveled what the mindmage did to secure the blocks."

  Chloe walked over to her desk then and sat down, eyes flicking around the room as she processed the revelation. "Well, needless to say that wasn't what I was expecting."

  I snickered and sat on the chair in front of her desk. I was already worried about her, especially since I didn't miss the slight tremble of her fingers before she clasped her hands on the desk in front of her.

  "I know it's a shock, and I didn't want to burden you with it."

  "No not at all. I'm glad you came to me. This will help to try and figure out what's really been going on inside that head of yours."

  Spine now tense even though I'd offloaded on Chloe, I said, "I think Darcy has that covered. I need to go over and see her soon, check on a few loose ends from the mission but also have her check me out again. She wants to keep an eye on any changes because there was more that happened that could complicate issues."

  "More?" Chloe asked, her tone ending in a slight squeak.

  I smirked. "Yeah. And I'm not sure which is worse. Finding out my memories were tampered with deliberately, or discovering that I have new powers."

  My surrogate mom choked and then coughed. "New powers?" She sat back shaking her head as she said, "Well, do go on."

  "I can generate magical fields of protection. And just this morning I created a portal to a plane I never knew existed."

  "A portal? To what plane?" Chloe asked, eyes sparkling.

  I shrugged. "Axiat."

  Chloe's response wasn't what I expected at all.

  "Oh fuck."

  18

  "Language, Doc," I said, trying to hide my horror at the expletive.

  Chloe hardly ever used profanity so I know that her reaction to Axiat meant the place was as bad as Saleem had made it out to be. Not that I didn’t also have first-hand experience of the badness of the plane.

  She shook her head and smiled weakly. "Sorry, dear. That's a bit
of a big revelation to take in." Chloe took a deep breath and sat back against the cushioning of her chair, one hand on her chest as she exhaled slowly. I could see the green of her veins clearly through her pale skin. I had to focus on her reply, "Axiat isn't an easy plane to get into. And it's near impossible to get out of.”

  “What do you know of this plane? I take it nothing good?” I asked, my stomach churning.

  Chloe bit her lip. “It’s recorded in the archives as a little-known plane in the Ethereal Realm. Access to Axiat is veritably impossible unless you’ve been granted access.”

  “And who does the granting?” I asked quickly, wondering for the briefest moment if there was a way to save Steph’s Mini.

  The mage’s eyes widened at the question and she shook her head. “What we know is shrouded in predictions and ancient translations. We can’t even be sure that any of the old stories are true.”

  “Chloe?” I said, sternly.

  “Okay, okay.” She sighed, dropping her hands to the armrests of her chair before replying, “According to what I have read, the Veil is the one who decides who enters and leaves Axiat.”

  “The Veil?” I frowned. The Veil was coming into conversations a lot lately, most recently with the part it played in the whole Sharaita debacle. Still, the Veil was technically my place of work so I was probably putting too much emphasis on the number of references to its power.

  “Yes. The Veil isn’t only a wall of magical energy that keeps the various realms apart. It’s been said that the Veil is sentient, and that she--some people have even understood the Veil as more than one sentient energy so maybe they would also apply--that she only allows who she wishes to pass into Axiat.”

  I frowned at that, then felt a twinge at the back of my skull where I’d been hit by the SUV. Though tempted to massage the sore spot, I refrained, well aware any such movement would elicit more questions from the doctor.

  I cleared my throat. “So the Veil chooses? On what merit?” I asked, all the more curious now how I’d managed to rip open a doorway to this super-secure place all my myself.