Pastures of Faith: The Amish of Lancaster

by Sarah Price

  The boy kept laughing and started to walk around the counter, eager to make his get-away. But her mother was there, screaming and yelling. She tried to shove past the boy to get to Rachel but the boy mistook her action, thinking she was trying to attack him. So he had knocked her away from him and, in the process, her mother had fallen, hitting her head on the corner of the vegetable stand and crumpling to the ground in a broken heap. Even from where Rachel huddled, she could see blood on the side of her mamm’s head.

  By this point, the men were almost upon the scene so the boys had quickly jumped in the car and driven away. But it was too late. Her mother was hurt too badly to recover. The blow to the head had damaged her brain, the doctor’s said later that evening. Rachel’s father left the decision in God’s hands, refusing life support for his wife of 25 years. She died the following morning in a strange hospital room, miles from her home.

  Rachel had been in shock. For days, she laid in her bed, curled into a ball, refusing to eat or drink. She stared at the wall, her mind blank, unable to hear any sounds but for the beating of her heart. She didn’t dare think. Thinking would bring back visions of what had happened and that would bring back the tears. So she kept staring at the wall, refusing to eat, and ignoring the good will gesture of friends and family.

  The bishop and preachers didn’t know what to make of the story. They questioned what had happened but received no answers. Rachel wouldn’t speak. It took her almost a month to get out of the bed and another before she would even look at any other member of her family. But never in the eye. If someone tried to speak to her and look her in the eyes, she’d cast her eyes away and retreat back into herself.

  Her father never doubted Rachel, nor did he blame her. The problem was that he simply couldn’t help her and the constant sorrow was more than he could bare. It was like living with the shell of a person. Eventually, she began to function but only inside the house. She’d clean and cook but that was it. To leave the house caused her great fear, especially since she didn’t know if the boys had ever been caught.

  No one spoke about what happened and she was not one to ask questions. It was like a wound that no one had thought to bandage. It festered and stayed open, needing something that it wasn’t getting in order to heal. On the few occasions that she attended church services, she felt as though people were staring at her, whispering behind her back. She finally stopped attending the services after she managed to get through her instructionals for baptism.

  The bishop had denied her baptism until she confessed her sins. But Rachel held true to the fact that she had, indeed, been the victim and had not sinned. She knew that people speculated and she refused to fuel that fire by confessing in private to the bishop or in public to the congregation. She had nothing to confess, after all. So she continued her retreat into herself, spending time in isolation as much as possible. And that hadn’t helped matters. So the wound continued to grow and her father finally sent her away, hoping that distance would diminish the pain.

  Sylvia wiped at her eyes. If only Daniel had listened to her, he would have known that she was willing to talk at last, to talk to him. Certainly he would have learned that it was his kindness toward her that had healed that wound. It was his friendship that had taught her to have faith, once again, in people, in God, and in herself.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Sylvia sat in the reading chair, holding baby Gideon in her arms while he slept. She watched his puckered lips move, as though he was still nursing. The room was dark as the sun was setting over the hill behind her parents’ farm. But it was cozy and warm in Lillian’s large kitchen.

  Lillian was standing next to the sink, combing Linda’s wet hair, having just washed it in the sink. The longer it grew, the more knots seemed to appear. But Linda was patient with the tugging and pulling as Lillian tried to ease the comb through each tangle.

  “My goodness, Linda,” Lillian sighed. Her daughter’s hair was thick and hung down her back, almost to her waist. “Your hair is growing faster than you are!”

  Sylvia looked up and smiled at her niece. “Mamm used to comb my hair the same way. It sure smarts, ain’t so?”

  Linda smiled back but didn’t respond.

  “Sure is quiet today,” Sylvia said. “Doesn’t seem like your house at all.”

  Lillian laughed. “The baby is napping and the other two are at your Mamm’s.”

  “And Rachel?”

  “Upstairs,” she replied before setting the comb down on the counter. “There, Linda. I think I got them all!” She gave her daughter a quick hug before she stood up and walked over to the sink to clear away the spilled water, shampoo, and stray hairs that littered the counter. “She has a headache again. Laying down,” Lillian said to Sylvia, raising an eyebrow to indicate her concern.

  “Do you think it’s nerves? After all, the baptism is this Sunday and the wedding just a few weeks afterward,” Sylvia said, shifting the baby in her arms. “Everything is gut, ja?”

  There was a brief pause in the conversation and Lillian seemed to take a quick, short breath. Clearly, something was on her mind. “Linda, run next door and see if Grandmamm needs help,” Lillian said, smiling at her daughter and gesturing toward the door. “You know those little ones can be quite demanding for her cookies.”

  From the way that Lillian had directed her attention to Linda, Sylvia knew that what had to be said did not need to be overheard by little ears. So, she waited in silence while Linda opened the door that connected the joining room from the grossdaadihaus to Katie and Jonas’ house.

  “Is there a problem?” Sylvia finally asked when it was clear that Linda was gone and they were alone at last.

  “Ja, I think so.”

  “Oh dear,” Sylvia frowned. “That’s not gut.”

  Lillian exhaled and glanced out the window over the sink. “I don’t know anything but Daniel hasn’t been sharing dinner or supper with us. Rachel keeps getting headaches and stays in her room. I haven’t even finished her dress for the service, although there isn’t much more to do, I reckon. But without the two of them not talking, I’m not certain what to make of this.”

  “Did you talk to Rachel or Daniel?”

  “Of course not,” Lillian said quickly. “I’m not one to meddle into someone’s business, Sylvia.”

  “Of course not,” Sylvia repeated softly. “But mayhaps someone needs to talk to Daniel to find out what is happening, A misunderstanding kept in silence can lead to bigger problems. Not a gut way to start a marriage.”

  It was fifteen minutes later when a buggy pulled into the driveway. Linda had returned with the two little ones from Katie’s house. At the sound of the horse hooves on the driveway, Linda looked out the window, stepping on her tippy toes to see who it was. “Jake’s here,” she announced, smiling at Sylvia.

  When he walked into the room, he took of his hat and set it on the counter. “Gut day, Lillian, Linda,” he said, nodding his head in their direction. He grabbed Jacob and swung him in the air, causing the little boy to giggle and laugh. He set him down on his feet and ruffled the little boy’s curly brown hair before he turned his attention to Sylvia. He covered his eyes with his hands and squinted. “Is that you? I can barely see you over there, Sylvia. It’s awful dark in here.” He crossed the room to where she sat and peeked down into the face of the sleeping baby. “Ah, just the way I like him. Silent and sleeping!” He frowned, his expression teasing and he winked at Jacob. “If only he’d do more of that throughout the night!”

  “Jake!” Sylvia said, pretending to be angry but her eyes were smiling at him.

  “Well, it’s true!” He looked at Lillian and Linda as he defended his claim. “He’s almost six months. Time for him to start sleeping through the night. Be a big boy, right?” Jacob giggled and hid behind his mother’s skirt, peeking out in time to see Jake make a funny face at him.

  Lillian laid her hand on her own stomach, a silent indicator that she would soon have her own sleepless nights.
“Put a little cereal in his milk, Sylvia. It will help him sleep through the night,” she advised.

  “Jake,” Sylvia said softly. “I was wondering if you might do me a favor.”

  “Favor, eh?” He pretended to frown as if her request was an imposition. But then, with an exaggerated sigh and a wink, he said, “I reckon, since it’s for you, dear Sylvia, I’ll do just about anything.”

  “It sure would be nice if you might speak with Daniel,” she began, aware of the little ones in the room and selecting her words wisely. “With the baptism next week and the wedding so soon after, a man-to-man talk might be just what is needed for a soon-to-be husband, ja?”

  Jake glanced at Lillian who glanced toward the stairs, silently indicating that Rachel was upstairs. When he turned around, he could barely see movement in the barn. It was obvious that Daniel was out there and his wife and sister-in-law wanted him to talk to Daniel. With a nod of his head, he took a deep breath. “Be more than happy to instill some of my wisdom about becoming a family man,” he said, flashing a smile at his wife. “And then I’ll take my small family home. Be ready in a ten minutes or so, ja?”

  The night air was cool and Jake pulled his black coat tighter against his chest as he walked toward the barn. Clearly his wife had a reason for asking that he speak to Daniel. There was no need to inquire as to what that reason might be. He knew well enough the tendency of the Amish to not intrude on other’s privacy. If Sylvia had asked him to talk with Daniel, it was probably of a more private nature that could only be broached by Jake, an Englischer by birth regardless of his upcoming baptism in just a few short days.

  Jake found Daniel lingering near the horse stalls. If he was mucking them, it was hard to tell. The wheelbarrow was full of shavings but the stalls already looked clean. It was clear that Daniel was far away, deep in thought and certainly not focused on the chores.

  Jake leaned against the half-door and peered inside. “Hullo there, Daniel!” He tipped his hat back on his forehead. “Looks like you’re getting an early start on evening chores, ja?”

  Daniel glanced up and nodded. “Ja.” His face was pale and there were dark circles under his eyes.

  Jake looked over his shoulder, staring at the pasture behind the barn. The cows were outside, some were grazing while others laid down on the hill. Even though it was October, it was still warm during the day. “Seems like an awful gut day to spend with your intended, instead of mucking stalls that sure do look like they are already cleaned.” He looked back at Daniel. “Mayhaps a nice walk through that pasture would do you both good.”

  Daniel leaned against the pitchfork. He looked at Jake for a long moment, studying him while the wheels of his mind spun. Jake waited patiently, giving Daniel time to sort through his thoughts before speaking. “Jake, you ever think twice about the baptism?”

  “The baptism?”

  “Ja. You are taking the kneeling vow this Sunday, ain’t so?” Daniel asked.

  Jake took off his hat and rubbed his hand over his forehead. It was itchy where the hat rested against his skin, especially when the weather was warm. “That’s the plan. Taking it with your sister, you, Rachel, and the others. You having second thoughts about that?”

  It was the deep breath that he took that gave away his fears. Something was bothering him about making that commitment to God and the church. Again, Jake waited patiently for Daniel to figure out what he wanted to say and how to say it. It didn’t take long. “Without the baptism, I can’t marry Rachel in two more weeks.” He paused, his eyes searching the beams of wood above his head. “Yet, how can I take the baptism if I don’t have faith?”

  “Faith?” Jake repeated. “In God?”

  Daniel shook his head. “Faith in Rachel.”

  Jake caught his breath. “Ach vell…” He pursed his lips, trying to think of how to respond. He hadn’t expected that coming from Daniel. “Something must be troubling you so much if you question your faith in your bride.”

  Daniel looked up at him, his eyes wide and full of fear. Jake could see that there were dark circles under his eyes and he looked drawn, tired…worn out. It was suddenly obvious that whatever was bothering Daniel ran powerful deep in his heart. “She didn’t tell me, Jake.” He covered his eyes with his hand. “She didn’t tell me about what happened in Ohio and I had to find out from Ezariah Miller!” Daniel shook his head. “Ezariah Miller of all people! Gossiping about my girl!”

  “I see,” Jake said, his voice low and even. “Well, hearing anything from Ezariah Miller is bound to raise questions, I reckon. I may not have been here that long but I sure do know that when you hear anything from Ezariah, your first question should be about what is true and what is Ezariah’s version of true. He’s prone to gossip, that is given. But he’s not always accurate.”

  Daniel shook his head. “No. It’s true. I’m sure of it.”

  “Well,” Jake started. He didn’t want to tread too much on the intimate details. Less said was always the better road to travel. But he knew that he could help Daniel with this dilemma. It wasn’t too long ago that he and Sylvia had fought the same demon. “Since you’re so certain it’s true, Daniel, the way I see it is that you have to make a decision. If you love her, you have to find that faith in her.” He paused, waiting for Daniel to look at him. “If you love her, you need to speak to her, find out what the truth really is. If you love her, you will accept it and support her.”

  “People will talk,” Daniel whispered.

  Jake laughed. “People always talk! You think it was easy for Sylvia when she married me? How she married an Englischer, and a gentleman farmer, trying my hand at everything I could plant in the ground? I don’t care what people say.” He pointed his finger at Daniel, the laughter suddenly gone from his voice. “And neither should you.”

  “But what if it’s true?”

  “Truth is what’s in here,” Jake said, pointing toward his heart. “Truth is that you love that girl. I don’t know what happened and I know that it sure ain’t my business, Daniel.” Putting his hat back on his head, he started to back away from the door. “But it sure sounds like you haven’t heard the facts from Rachel herself, ja? Don’t lose your faith in her, Daniel. It’s not our place to judge others.” He began to walk toward the door but turned around to add, “I sure am thankful that your sister never judged me and gave me the support and love that I needed to take that kneeling vow on Sunday!” He raised an eyebrow. “You speak of faith, Daniel. Maybe you just to have to rethink what faith really means and why God gives us such tests to question it.”

  Then, with a bright smile and wink, Jake left the barn to collect his family and take them home, leaving Daniel standing in the horse stall staring after him and pondering his words.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  It was Sunday and the sky was overcast with a dark grey cloud that threatened rain. Katie and Jonas were hurrying around the kitchen, anxious about the baptism and trying to hide their own pleasure that their son and daughter were taking the kneeling vow. It was always a happy time for a family when their children sought the baptism required to officially join the church.

  Daniel couldn’t eat breakfast. He had no appetite and his stomach seemed to be in a turmoil. He hadn’t spoken to Rachel in five days, barely spending more than ten minutes in her presence. When he did go over to Junior’s house, she had been upstairs, resting from her perpetual headaches. He inquired about her health but didn’t ask for anyone to relay a message. His parents attributed it to pre-wedding nerves but Daniel suspected that Lillian knew that something wasn’t right with the couple.

  He had pondered Jake’s words. He had spent the days reflecting on his relationship with Rachel over the past few months. He had also reflected on the relationship of the other people in his lives. Could he learn something from them? Could he accept what he had decided to believe was the truth? It didn’t take long for him to decide and knew what he had to do. It hadn’t taken long to determine the course of action required i
n such a situation. After all, the rest of his life depended on this decision. And it made him even more nervous.

  He rode to the church service in his own buggy, leaving before his parents so that he didn’t have to take either of his younger brothers. He needed more time to think, to accept his decision. It would impact more than just himself and he knew that some people would be quite unhappy with how he handled the announcement.

  The service was at the Yoder’s farm, just a few miles down the road. Despite the weather, the service was being held in the barn since there would be more people attending than usual. Baptism was a day of celebration as well as reflection. Often times, family members came from other districts to share in the glory of the day. Daniel was solemn and withdrawn as he walked into the barn, greeting some of his neighbors and catching the eye of Jake and Sylvia who stood near the front of the church. The bishop was talking to them and Daniel was quick to join the trio.