Whores for Gloria

by William T. Vollmann

  I'll be talking to you, said Dinah, stalking up the street. And so will Jack.

  Classic

  There was Classic stretched out on the hood of Code Six's Lincoln; her pretty ass had polished the dust away. She lay with her fingers splayed, gazing at him from behind her shoulder. But her pride was never to tell anyone anything. That was how she kept her privacy.—Fine with me, Jimmy thought, but that means Gloria and I can't use you. And Gloria can't use me and I can't use me so . . . So what. — He started walking on.—Oh how she threw back her shoulders like flames with burning breasts lips eyes igniting him—and yet the light from her was just the same streetlight that glittered indifferently on her earrings.—What do I need you for? Jimmy thought sourly. The same light falls on me, too. You don't have a monopoly on it.

  Where you goin'? sobbed Classic. How come you never want me?

  Sure I'd like to stick it in you, said Jimmy gallantly. But the truth is that I'm faithful. You may not think so, but my business is my business. I don't have to justify myself.

  She tried to smile. But she was shivering, even though it was a hot night.

  Jimmy hitched his thumbs in the loops of his jeans.—Need your fix? he said. Is that why you're doing the Jello act?

  Her eyes dropped. Can I borrow five? she said. I need to, really bad.

  Need's what it's all about out here, isn't it, girl? Maybe I need it just as much as you.

  She didn't say anything, and he walked on into the darkness, humming Gloria Gloria, but then he was ashamed of himself and went back and stuck a dollar into her hand.

  Jack

  What you did to my woman is kind of an insult, said Jack. She's feeling pretty bad about it.

  Is that a fact? said Jimmy, swishing his tongue around in his mouth.

  Yes that is a fact and it's not going to be easy to make things right with her, said Jack. Dinah's kind of got a bug up her ass about it.

  Not the only thing she's had up her ass, now, is it, Jack? said Jimmy. Seems to me last time I saw you you told me to live long and prosper. Or was it the time before that?

  So this is the way you want to have it? said Jack.

  You know you're working yourself up over nothing, said Jimmy. If you want to fight, I'll fight. Is that what you want?

  So that's how you want it, said Jack, looking Jimmy up and down. Then he walked away.

  Jimmy knew that he had won. But he was shaking.

  The Nitecap

  How much did I drink in here last time? said Jimmy.

  A lot, said the ugly barmaid.

  Wow, said Jimmy, you're BEAUTIFUL. Well, I'm going to drink twice as much this time.

  Dinah came up to her lamppost. She looked in the window and stuck her tongue out at him.

  Jimmy drank and drank. He figured that if Gloria were gone he might as well do whatever he wanted. If he couldn't be happy-drunk he might as well be stupid-drunk. Then he was going to go out and fuck a whore and not think of Gloria at all.

  Gloria

  . . . And leaning against the marble wall of a hotel which had once been fancy, she pulled down the straps of her top to show her hellishly beautiful breasts as she ducked her head down giggling at him shyly raising one arm as if she were afraid of him (and on that arm he saw a long red scar running the length of the vein), and a streedamp powdered her nakedness very white and the cock of her mouth was very girlish because the wrinkles of age that she had planted around her lips had not yet taken deep root so she made her magic for him of naughty brown eyes and imitation turtleshell earrings which she had borrowed from Luna who said with contemptuous kindness take 'em and welcome, you poor old stinkbag and as she fixed her huge pupils on him she was not even thinking about money for the moment but the thrill of making him see her as she wanted to be for all these lonely men whose greed of lust was nothing but an aching prayer for beauty but then he shuffled a little and she thought oh please don't get away from me you sonofabitch I'll cross my legs around your balls to keep you because I need my fix so bad so bad.

  Jimmy saw her eyes shining hugely at him and said why, that's what my eyes look like! I never would have thought it.

  Are you dating or arentcha? said the whore.

  Well, said Jimmy slowly, I'm sorry, but I just don't like the look of your eyes.

  Gloria

  Past an empty stretch of white wall with stone flowers inset below windows, he spied a pair of popeyed pimp-eyes as urgent as whore-eyes but roundly comical as the pimp twisted himself from side to side not to be sexy but to be urgent as if to say Jimmy this is your one and only chance to get the woman whose cunt will satisfy you for ever and ever, in sickness and in health, so help me God, but you have to come with me right now down this dark dark alley past the sign that says MOVIES and left by the trash cans following the luminescence of my white straw hat and white jeans and the whites of my eyes which I will continually turn back upon you to make sure that you stay with me all the way to the barred basement windows where your good fortune waits for you already saying oh Jimmy Jimmy but as soon as the man opened his mouth he became as monotonous as the intricacies of brick walls and the steel lattice-windows of bars, and Jimmy walked away.

  It was a chilly rainy evening. He passed a Sphinx-wise transvestite whose goose-pimpled thighs were gartered to black stockings so frilly that they must really let the wind in. On Grove Street, the men leaned against streetlamps watching girls. One of them said if I have on my new duds, I be gaming them tender, tender ittie-bitties!—He licked his lips, and saliva ran down his chin. Jimmy said to himself am I a dirty thing? Are these men dirty? Why were they made that way? Fuck it. I'm going home to jerk off.

  19

  The Black Rose

  This time Jimmy sat directly in front of that purple-glowing black rose, beneath which was the point of it all, the cash register adorned with its purple Budweiser icon, and he ordered a Budweiser and sat waiting for Cecily, who was off duty until six but was supposed to meet him here at five because it had occurred to him that Cecily was not only soft and loving but also might have wonderfully happy stories to tell him because if he heard enough happy stories and put them in his own memory-bank then maybe he wouldn't need Gloria anymore. Gloria didn't want him? Fine. Anyhow the bitch was as phony as Dinah's party smile. But he had to pull himself together fast. That whore turning him down and the whore with the eyes and Jack and Dinah added up to something no good like the pregnant snaggletooth girl in the Coral Sea who kept looking at him grinning while her boyfriend in the coontail cap kept whispering into her ear and Jimmy felt a kick of panic. So maybe Cecily could present to him the facts of comfort. He remembered how once an old man had drunk too much and Cecily said to him baby you shouldn't have no more and the old man swore and started wobbling out the door and Cecily said can I call you a cab? and he said no I can make it on my own two fucking pins thank you and he squeezed through that heavy door like a bug emerging from an almost-closed desk drawer and he took a step outside and another and fell and smashed his head open on the sidewalk so Cecily took him to the hospital and went down again an hour later to check on him and Jimmy thought what a loving person she does care and she must know secret good things about the whores that make memories worthy of Gloria, and she has nice hair too she is so sexy (although he sometimes wanted almost to weep for her not that he ever cried because in spite of all her femininity she must remain a big tall girl, having the bones of men; she had a man's hairy arms, and even if she were to award herself the Christmas prize, the star, the transsexual's vagina clean and pure, it would find itself living between a man's great thighs) so he bought a bottle of fancy wine at the liquor store and left it with Regina to give to Cecily but when he saw Cecily the next day and she said softly hey baby and he asked her if she'd gotten it, she said ohh that was so thoughtful of you thank you so much but someone stole it and I know who and they're coming in tonight and believe me I will speak to them I will get my revenge and it was then that Jimmy made the appointment for five th
e next day at the Black Rose and Cecily promised that she'd be there, but she never showed. So he sat there, morose, and had another beer and felt a vague increep of energy but not enough to compensate for the swelling in his head, and a whore beside him said angrily to him oh you're listening to our conversation that's not cute, and Jimmy, who still had Cecily and therefore Gloria on his mind, said wearily hi what's your name, and the whore said Sugar and Sugar did not ask Jimmy who he was but she did say honey you know I could use a drink you know apples and oranges and Jimmy didn't say anything and Sugar ordered her drink and just before it came she wandered to the jukebox and Regina said well Jimmy I take it you're paying for this and Jimmy said that's news to me and Regina slid the drink to the man on the other side of Sugar's empty stool and said well how about you and the man glared at Jimmy saying I'd be honored to pay for it and when Sugar returned he said to him honey I am honored to make your acquaintance.

  Whoop-de-doo, said Jimmy.

  Just then a lady came sliding onto the stool just left of Jimmy's and said well it's my favorite drinker and Jimmy looked at her with her big dark handsome face and her sweet eyes and thought I must have seen her before I think I saw her before maybe she's Linda who used to live with Phyllis before she got busted, although he was far from a hundred per cent sure, but the lady was looking at him so he said well Beautiful what a nice dress and how have you been? and she said smiling sadly oh I've been fine and she said did that guy with you on the motorcycle ever get his money back? and Jimmy said no but I think he was just too drunk to know he'd spent the money I don't think Phyllis would do that and the lady said I know Phyllis would do it and Jimmy said are you still living in the Hotel Canada? and the lady said don't you know who I am I'm Luna! and now Jimmy remembered that evening with Luna and her black face and her embracing him and him embracing her and he said well sure Luna of course I remember you sorry to get you mixed up and Luna looked down at the floor and Luna said in his ear listen baby come with me to my hotel room on Van Ness and I'll tell you stories and give you such a good massage and Jimmy had a funny feeling inside and said well that's awfully nice of you Luna but I don't have any money right now and Luna said softly you don't have to give me any money and Jimmy's jaw fell open—he had never heard such astonishing words in his life!—and he sat there for a minute and he said I hope you don't mind that I'm so quiet and Luna said that's OK I'm quiet too and Jimmy said those sure are nice sunglasses you have there Luna and Luna took them off and said here I'm giving them to you and Luna said I love you and Jimmy started feeling such guilt and pity and sadness for Luna and Jimmy said can I buy you a drink? and Luna bit her lip and said that'd be nice and Jimmy said what do you drink? and Luna said almost inaudibly tequila sunrise and Jimmy shouted hey Regina a tequila sunrise for Luna! and Regina said two-twenty-five and the cash register jinged and the disco ball sped its bubbles of light across the back wall and the light-blinks zipped crazily around the mirrors and ladies came in with hair like poodle-fur and Jimmy said well Luna a penny for your thoughts and Luna said I'm just thinking of you and Jimmy said well thanks Luna and after a long time Luna said well I guess I'll go sit over by the window.

  Jimmy put Luna's sunglasses in his coat pocket, determined to keep them for ever. He felt horrible about the fact that Luna was not his type. But there was nothing that he could do about it. Later, on his way out, he went up to Luna alone at his little table and kissed him on the cheek.

  Bye, Luna said. Tears rolled down his lovely face.

  20

  Melissa

  Not long after that, Jimmy met Melissa again at the corner of Hyde and Turk, not far from the Hotel Tony where you had to pay old Lonnie three dollars to get in, and Melissa was looking good, so Jimmy said well how's it been going? and Melissa said ups and downs mosdy downs and Jimmy said yeah well you know all the happy stories you told me were sad but I made them happy for myself just by showing myself dark cool movies of 'em like you used to do when you were a girl, and Melissa smiled and took his hand and said I'm glad now what was your name again?

  Jimmy.

  By the way Jimmy one thing I forgot to tell you is that once when I went to that movie house—I must have been about seven—I met a child molester and he kept sitting closer and closer to me and he told me I love the way you eat that hot dog and he told me to jerk him off.

  Jimmy said no Melissa no don't say that it was perfect for Gloria the way it was please don't change it.

  Gloria

  What am I going to do? shouted Jimmy soundlessly, down inside his throat.

  He went home and drank beer alone until he was calm.

  The problem he said to himself is how can I put one foot ahead of the other day after day for the rest of my life?

  Goddamn it! shouted Jimmy in the empty room. If she's not there what the hell am I supposed to do? I'm just trying to get by day after day. It used to be, if I wanted a Bud, I drank it. If some cunt walked by and I wanted her box, I bought it. Then I had something special that was changing me, and that was for the best. I never forgot about it. Just too bad it happens to be gone. Get it, Gloria? Get it? Hey, cunt, is my business still your business?

  Gloria

  That night went by, and so did the next. Jimmy didn't come out of his room except to piss and drink water from the bathroom sink. He heard nothing but silence. He said to himself everything grows out of something. Gloria must have grown out of something. If she's gone there must be something left. But I can't figure out what.—He lay on his bed with the light on until the bulb burned out and then it was dark and he lay there until Pearl was knocking on the door saying Jimmy? and he moaned something until she went away. Then that day was full and over, like a wastebasket full of beer bottles and used rubbers.

  I guess you screwed me, all right, he said. Right up the butt.

  Well, shit, he said. Things are pretty cheesey since you left. Maybe I'll just pretend you're here. And if I don't tell you won't tell. I have you figured there, don't I? Because if you tell you'll have to come back to do it.

  He laughed and said to himself maybe I could use a beer.

  21

  Peggy

  Well, sweetycakes, what kind of dreams exactly do you have? said Jimmy. I never have dreams so I'm gonna memorize yours if you don't mind which somehow I have the feeling you won't because here's five dollars.

  Peggy breathed hard and said I had a nightmare just a few nights ago that I was in the stairway of a hotel. I'm running up and down on the stairway and I got these two guys clowning me. They're teasing me, and one's at the top of the steps and I'd run down and I'd run into the other one. I can't get away from 'em. And if they ever got close enough they'd start trying to take my clothes off. I kept looking for my man Titus, but I couldn't find him. He never came through to rescue me. He woke me up once, and I was too sleepy to really come out of it. Yeah, I couldn't get away from 'em. I lost two nights' sleep over it. I was afraid, really afraid.

  Pearl

  I had a bad dream last night, said Jimmy, thinking to himself my lies are so bad not even I believe 'em. He looked Pearl in the eye and locked his face into the loopy sincerity that she might believe before he said I dreamed that Gloria was trapped on the stairs between these two pimps who wanted to hurt her and they kept sorta playing with her by throwing jewels at her and telling her about all the people they'd stabbed and blown away and then they threw this dead German shepherd bitch at her and she saw they'd cut its cunt out and started calling to me like she was in real trouble, really afraid, and I could hear her through the wall but the door was locked and I couldn't find the key. Finally I broke down the door and rescued her.

  That's good Jimmy, said Pearl. I'm real glad it ended happy.

  Yeah, Jimmy said. But you know the funny thing was that these pimps were women. They looked like Black Rose types, big and tall but with kinda delicate faces like Luna or Regina, and I thought I'd seen them both before in the street somewhere. One of them had a ponytail, and the other on
e was kind of like Dinah—you know her, don't you, Pearl? The one that tells lies? They kept whispering these awful things, and every time they'd say something they'd throw a little dart at Gloria and it never missed her—pierced her and went right in her and she was bleeding and crying so every time one of those darts hit her she got thinner and paler until I could see right through her! What do you think that means? I can't figure it. Actually I don't remember much that they were whispering but one time they said Gloria you whore we're gonna take you to the movies. When I finally got there and they saw me they started laughing but I charged at 'em back and forth and they turned into big clay statues you know ceramic and I smashed 'em. But the main thing is I saved her I saved her.

  Pearl cleared her throat. You know, Jimmy, she said, if Gloria ever doesn't work out for you I want you to know that I'm here.