Saving Teddy

by Kaci Rose

  “Fine, but I’ll be back tomorrow. Don’t think you’ll get out of PT so easily then.” She stands and heads towards the door, thankfully, without asking any more questions.

  She stops in the doorway and turns back to me.

  “I think we’re going to be good friends, Teddy.” She grins at me, and then taps the door frame, before heading down the hall.

  I think she’s going to be in trouble. I’m suddenly in a battle, because part of me, wants her to come back tomorrow, while the other part of me, wants her to stay as far away from me as possible.

  I’m not sure which side is going to win, but I guess we’ll see tomorrow.

  Though, I feel only a little bad, leading her to believe I wouldn’t be doing PT at all. If I don’t go down to the PT room, then Vince, the physical therapist, comes to my room, and we do some lighter stuff.

  He won’t let me off the hook that easy. Even with the light stuff we have done in my room, we can already see improvement.

  They haven’t forced me to leave my room yet, but I’m sure the day is coming soon.

  Will I run into Mia if I do? Maybe, see her in the hall, or catch a glimpse of her in the lobby? Maybe, that’s almost enough of an incentive to get me out of my room.

  Then, I remember why I’m here, and I lock that shit down. Maybe, if things were different. If Mia and I had met, before my last deployment, when I was still whole, and before I made the one move that changed my life forever, back when I was still a good man.

  Maybe then, we could have had a chance, a real chance to be something, or have something. Back then, I wouldn’t have hesitated to flirt and get her to go out with me. Hell, or even take her to bed. But not now. Not ever again.

  Chapter 3

  Mia

  After spending time at Oakside yesterday, I went grocery shopping, so this morning, I’m drinking coffee and eating some cereal in my small kitchen. Even though I slept well last night, I couldn’t stop thinking of Teddy.

  He was the only one to survive.

  His voice keeps floating around in my head. I know what it’s like to live with that kind of guilt. Looking it up online, I found that it’s called survivor’s guilt. Then, I stayed up and read as much as I could about it last night, trying to find a way to help him. I know everyone is different, but maybe, I can find a way to break through to him.

  I didn’t get a chance to talk with Noah and Lexi last night, but I figure I can talk with them today. They’re probably over at Oakside already, anyway.

  When I check in with Ellie on my walk over to Oakside, she tells me things are going well so far in the RV, but they have only been in it for a few days, so I’m still waiting. Even the most luxurious RV, will get small with two adults and two girls, who are used to having a massive house to run and play in.

  Lexi and Noah are at the front desk, when I get in, just like I knew they would be. I go over and say hi.

  “How was your first unofficial day yesterday?” Lexi asks.

  “I was exhausted, but it was great. Listen, Teddy said something interesting yesterday. Though, I don’t know if it will mean anything to you,” I say.

  Lexi and Noah look at each other. “Let’s go to our office,” Noah says.

  I follow them down to the basement where their office is. Only the basement is very light and open, like the basement at their house. It opens right out to the back lawn of Oakside.

  As Noah closes the door, Lexi and I sit in the chairs across from her desk.

  “Okay, let’s hear it,” Noah says.

  “Well, I walked in, and he was reading a letter and got very upset, when I asked about it. Then, when he was refusing to go to PT, I said I’d let him off the hook, if he told me why he was there, and the only thing he said was, “I was the only one to survive.”

  Lexi nods. “It’s true. His unit was attacked, and he was the only survivor.”

  “So, it’s at least in part survivor’s guilt?” I ask.

  “Yes. We think so, but we think there’s something in the letter that disturbs him. None of us have read it,” Lexi says.

  “I read online that in most cases people with survivor’s guilt learn to accept it in about a year,” I say, leaving out any of my firsthand experience. The last thing I want is more questions.

  “That’s true, but there are always exceptions,” Noah says. “The best thing is to just be there for him. That’s why we thought you’d be good for him. He needs someone with good energy to spend some time with him doing whatever he needs or wants. There’s a library, so maybe get him some books, or find out what his hobbies are to get him more active.”

  “I’d like to try to help him as much as I can,” I say.

  Before I head back to Knoxville this fall, I had made it my goal to pull him out of this funk.

  “Just make sure you follow what his doctors and nurses tell you to do. Don’t push too hard either,” Lexi says.

  I nod and head back upstairs to Teddy’s room. Helping him isn’t the only thing I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. He’s beyond gorgeous with dark brows and eyelashes to die for. His arm muscles that bulge, when he moves the chair make me wonder what else his body is hiding. I think my mind ran away from me last night. He can’t be as sexy as I built up in my head. Can he?

  I take a deep breath and knock on his door. When he turns those whiskey-colored eyes on me, my body feels hot. His tan skin and almost black hair give him an exotic look. He has a beard that he has kept trimmed and a kissable mouth. I wonder if there are any tattoos under his shirt, and what I’d have to do to find out.

  I step into the room, but he barely acknowledges me. The letter is nowhere in sight, but that’s okay. I study him and knowing more of what to watch for, I can tell it might be guilt he’s feeling. It’s obvious that he’s moping around, stopping himself from being happy, and not believing he can have what he wants.

  “Let’s go for a walk,” I say with a smile.

  He shrugs and still doesn’t answer me, but I don’t care, because he’s at least letting me get him out of his room today. The change of scenery will do him good. Since he’s in a wheelchair, it’s easy to take him for a walk. It’s a win-win. He can mope, and I can get him out of his room.

  Walking slowly out to the front porch, I’m hoping the sun and fresh air will help him feel better. I park his wheelchair next to one of the rocking chairs and take a seat.

  “I figured some sun and fresh air will be good for you,” I tell him.

  “You could have just opened a window in my room.”

  “I never do anything the easy way,” I tell him.

  Finally, he turns his eyes on me, and I wink at him, hoping for even a hint of a smile, but I don’t get one. I check the time, and we still have a bit of time, before his PT appointment, which I’ll be making sure he goes to today.

  What I’m about to do will either help him or make things worse. Either way, I’m going to need a strong glass of whiskey tonight.

  So, I take a deep breath and ask, “So, how many guys did you lose?”

  “Five.”

  “It’s not easy losing people,” I tell him.

  He looks at me like he wants to ask me something, but he doesn’t.

  “If you want to know, you’re going to have to ask,” I tell him. I’ll get him talking, if it’s the last thing I do.

  Finally, he sighs and looks at me. “Who did you lose?”

  “My best friend, Julie, on prom night. Because neither of us wanted to fall into the sex on prom night trap, we went to prom together. Her then boyfriend met us there, and they hung out most of the night. His best friend hung out with me. Though, I didn’t realize, until the next day, they had been slipping alcohol into our drinks all night.”

  Stopping, I take a deep breath, as this isn’t the first time I’ve talked about it, but it’s still hard to talk about. I keep going because I know Teddy needs this.

  “We kept our pact and didn’t go home with the guys. Neither of us realized
we were drunk when we got in the car, and she got behind the wheel. We were singing with the radio, laughing, and having a good time. I don’t remember the details, but we hit another car head on.” I pull up my pant leg and show him the large scar on my leg, where my leg had been trapped.

  “I woke up in the hospital to find out that I couldn’t walk. But worse, in the other car, was a father going to pick up his son from prom, and he still hadn’t woken up. Then, they dropped the bomb that my friend had died, before the cops even got there. My leg was trapped, and they had to cut me out. I lived, and the guy in the other car lived, but he still walks with a limp. It took me a long time to come to terms with it.”

  I swallow back the tears that still fill my eyes.

  “It still hurts to think about, and I still cry about that night. I still miss her every day. I refused PT and didn’t want anyone’s help,” I tell him. “Then one day, someone told me something that changed everything.”

  I take a deep breath, attempting to get my emotions under control.

  “What’s that?” He asks.

  I study him, and he seems genuinely interested, so maybe, he’s ready to hear this.

  “Do you think the guys you lost want to see you like this?” I ask him.

  His eyes go wide for a moment, but he doesn’t say anything.

  “Julie’s mom came to one of my PT sessions, where I was refusing to do anything, and then yelled at me.”

  “What?” He asks, shocked.

  I laugh then, and the confused look on his face grows.

  “She came in and asked me that exact question. Do I think Julie wants to see me like this? She said yes Julie died, but I lived, and I better get my ass moving and do right by her, so her death wasn’t in vain. Then, she stormed out.”

  Taking a deep breath, I stand up, hoping this doesn’t blow up in my face. I place my hands on the arms of his wheelchair and lean down until my face is inches from his.

  “So, you see, you aren’t the only person in the world to have ever been through this. Do you think the guys you lost want to see you like this? Get off your ass and get moving, so their death wasn’t in vain. Do right by them.” I stare him down, waiting for a reaction, any reaction.

  I expect anger, yelling, or screaming, but I get a slight nod, and he turns to look away.

  Okay, then. I’ve done what I wanted to do, so I wheel him inside and down the hall to the PT room to his appointment. Neither of us says a word, as I bring him in. The physical therapist looks a bit shocked but just nods. I remember Lexi telling me his name is Vince.

  I turn and head out to the hallway to sit on the couch and wait.

  Chapter 4

  Teddy

  After Mia’s story, I got out of my wheelchair for PT for the first time. Vince didn’t go easy on me either. I’m already sore and ready for a good, long nap.

  The whole time, all I could think about was Mia’s story. She was much younger than I am now, and while our stories are much different from each other, they’re a lot the same, too.

  Still lost in thought, I open the door to the hallway and find Mia, waiting for me. She smiles at me, and warring emotions take over. Part of me is glad she waited on me, and the other part doesn’t want her here.

  I decide to push the emotions down.

  “Why are you here?” I ask her.

  “Because everyone should have someone to wait on them.”

  “I don’t need a babysitter.”

  “You sure about that?” She smiles at me, but the wink she gives me, lets me know she’s joking.

  I just glare at her, as she takes me back to my room.

  “The harder you push me away, the harder I’m going to push you. That’s how this will work. I have nothing but time.” She says once in my room. “Now, do you need anything, before I go?”

  My stupid heart sighs, knowing she isn’t going anywhere, and part of me wants to push her harder to see if she really means it.

  “No, I’m going to nap before dinner.”

  “Need help getting into bed?”

  I smile, a bit cocky. I might not be able to walk yet, but there are many things I can still do, and many things I can do better now. I roll over to the bed and using the lift bar they installed for me, I’m able to easily move myself.

  Though I may not have use of my legs, my arm, and upper body strength are stronger than it’s ever been, and I use it to my advantage.

  Mia watches with a slight smile on her face.

  “Well, then. Good to see you can still show off. Have a good nap.” She says and heads out the door.

  I laugh, as I lay down. She has spunk, and I like spunk. It will keep things entertaining.

  As tired and as sore as I am, I still can’t sleep, because all I think about is the story Mia told me on the front porch. Our stories are vastly different, but she still understands what I’m going through.

  Though, I hate thinking this beautiful girl has been through something so tragic, but looking at her now, you would never know that something so dark had happened to her. Is it possible that I’ll actually be able to pull through this?

  “Teddy?” Kaitlyn’s voice fills the air.

  “Yeah,” I answer, and my nurse steps in.

  When I got here, I was on the second floor, and the maneuvering with the elevator kept me in my room more often than not, so they transferred me to the first floor.

  That meant I got a new nurse, and Kaitlyn is one of my favorites. She’s a no bullshit kind of person.

  “If you’re sore from PT, I have a muscle rub for you. Vince told me he worked you pretty hard today.”

  “Yes, please.” She comes over and helps me rub this peppermint smelling stuff on my sore muscles, and they are already starting to feel better.

  “Dinner is starting to be served. Best get a move on,” she says.

  No offer to help me or baby me. She expects me to do everything I can myself, and then ask for help with what I can’t. That means more to me than she realizes because it forces me to figure out what I can and can’t do.

  Before I pull myself up, I let the rub soak in, and then get ready to go have dinner. The food here at Oakside is pretty damn good. Healthy, of course, but a hell of a lot better than the hospital food, or even the food I had on deployment.

  After I get my food, I sit at the table towards the back, near the window. I like it here because I can watch everyone coming and going, and see what’s going on outside as well. Sitting here has allowed me to get to know many of the people here, while still keeping a distance, because letting people get close to me isn’t an option.

  Today’s meal is roast, mashed potatoes, and green beans with rolls, and it’s one of the better ones that I’ve had here. While I’m staring out of the window towards the barn, that they have recently started to work on, someone sits down across from me.

  “I’m glad to see you out of your room,” Mia says.

  “I do like to get out now and then.”

  “Is it okay if I sit with you?” She asks.

  I nod, and we eat in quiet for a bit.

  “So, staying with Lexi and Noah?” I ask when I can’t take the silence anymore.

  Which is pretty funny, because I’ve enjoyed the silence since I got here. I like how quiet it is in my room, and also how I can eat in silence here, and everyone kind of leaves me be for the most part.

  “Yeah. Their basement is set up like a small apartment, so I have my own space, and I can walk here, so it’s a win-win.”

  “You should make sure you head down and explore Savannah, while you’re here. And Tybee Island.” I tell her.

  “You should hurry up and get better and go with me.”

  For a brief moment, I let myself think it’s possible. I could spend a day with her in downtown Savannah, walking the streets and eating dinner on the river. Then, I push those thoughts away. That’s not going to happen.

  I shake my head. “Nah, you and Lexi could go down for the day. You’d have more fun
having a girl’s day than a day with me.”

  “I doubt it, but I’ll consider it.”

  We both finish eating, while she talks a bit about her friend Ellie’s RV road trip, and a few of the stops they’ve made in Nashville on their way to Chicago.

  “Can I walk with you back to your room?” She asks when we finish eating.

  “Sure,” I say, and this time she walks to my side and lets me take care of my own tray and wheel myself. She gets me and understands me, and that means a lot.

  “Will you be back tomorrow?” I ask her.

  “Yeah. I’ll be by to take you to PT. Wait, tomorrow is an off day for you.” She says, shaking her head.

  Disappointment hits me that she doesn’t have a reason to see me tomorrow.

  “Instead, I’ll be here around lunchtime,” she says.

  I smile. “Okay.”

  “Now, I get to go recap my day with Lexi and Noah. Have a good night, Teddy.”

  “Good night, Mia.”

  When I get ready for bed, I start to reach for the letter, but hesitate, as Mia’s story fills my head. I turn the worn-out paper over and over in my hand, but in the end, the paper wins out.

  I open the letter and let it consume me once again.

  * * *

  Mia

  After leaving Teddy, I walked around Oakside a bit, before taking the long walk down the driveway, then down the road, and up Lexi and Noah’s driveway. The night air is a lot cooler than how it’s been all day, but I hadn’t accounted for all the bugs here.

  I swat another one on my arm and hear Lexi laugh. She’s sitting with Noah on the front porch.

  “How are you guys not getting eaten alive?” I ask.

  She points to the plants around the porch.

  “We planted them to repel bugs.”

  I join her on the porch and collapse in the chair beside them.

  “You took the long way back,” Noah says.