Outsider

by Klaire de Lys

  ‘Why did you let him go? He’s a dwarf! I’m...I’m not!’

  ‘He can’t get us to Lǫgberg. You can.’

  He took Knud’s hand from hers, and Astrid flinched slightly as his fingertips brushed against her skin. Ignoring it, Jarl led Knud back to the clearing and Astrid followed behind.

  She sat down next to her bag and peered through the trees. She could just about make out Halvard in the distance, walking away with his head down.

  Jarl picked up the bag of food that had been left on the ground, dusted off the mud that had stuck to the bottom of it and wrapped it back up.

  ‘I’ll take the first watch,’ Jarl said quietly, his eyes distant. Knud moved over to sit down next to him as the wind picked up.

  Silently nodding , Astrid pulled her wolf-skin tighter around her, the head dipping down and covering her eyes. She didn’t bother to reattach her veil; the thought didn’t even occur to her.

  After a few minutes Knud fell asleep, snoring loudly, his head resting against Jarl’s shoulder. Jarl moved his cloak over his shoulders.

  ‘The Haltija pass; how dangerous is it to cross it?’ Jarl asked, looking up at Astrid.

  ‘Very. We could try and go over the Riddari Kviðr Mountains instead of the pass, but it would probably be even more dangerous. A lot of Frǫðleikr live there. They don’t like to be disturbed. With the pass, we would only have to worry about goblins.’

  ‘Frǫðleikr?’ Jarl asked, never having heard the word before.

  ‘That creature I gave the cake to after the Angu canyon, that was a Leshy, but he’s a Frǫðleikr. A magic creature. There are a lot of them up in the mountains.’

  ‘But you have magic. Wouldn’t they trust you?’

  ‘It’s not about trust. They’re old, and angry. They were pushed out of their homes in the plains and the Haltija pass centuries ago. They still remember that. All strangers are dangerous to them, and my magic is weak. I wouldn’t be able to defend you.’

  ‘You didn’t look weak to me!’ Jarl said, a grin forming at the corners of his mouth. Astrid looked up and managed a small smile.

  ‘Dag never taught me magic.’

  ‘Dag?’

  ‘Dag Eir.’

  ‘Oh, I forgot you were raised by a warlock. Why wouldn’t he train you?’

  ‘You’ve seen what happens when I get angry. I have no control over it. I would have been dangerous.’

  ‘I’m pretty sure you are still dangerous!’ Jarl laughed, and Astrid’s face broke out into a full smile, the expression looking a little unaccustomed on her face.

  ‘Why did Halvard come with you?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He obviously annoyed you, I’m surprised he was your friend. You both are so different.’

  ‘He was more Knute’s friend than mine.’

  ‘Knute?’

  ‘Knud’s father, he was my best friend.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Astrid said quickly. ‘So you stayed friends with him out of respect for Knute?’

  ‘You could say that. He was meant to come with us so that if something went wrong, there would be someone there to take care of Knud.’

  ‘So you thought I would fail and let you get killed?’ Astrid asked, pretending to sound offended, her eyes twinkling when Jarl looked up to quickly clarify what he had meant.

  ‘We’re going to Lǫgberg because I think Bjargtre is on the verge of being attacked, and we will lose if we do get attacked.’

  ‘So...you are going to ask Queen Vígdís to send her armies to help?’ Astrid said slowly, starting to understand why Jarl had tolerated Halvard for so long.

  ‘Yes, and if she does, I am going to go back. I have friends in Bjargtre. I left instructions and money for them to leave if things get worse before I returned, but if Vígdís does send her armies, I have to fight for my city.’

  ‘Why?’ Astrid asked, and Jarl looked at her with surprise.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Why would you fight?’

  ‘Because it’s my home!’ Jarl said, slightly insulted for a moment that she would ask such a question. Astrid looked away, her face a mixture of confusion. Jarl realised that the question had been a genuine attempt to understand his loyalty, not an attempt to question it.

  She’s never had a home; she doesn’t know what it feels like.

  ‘It’s my home,’ Jarl repeated, this time more softly. ‘My family’s home is in that mountain, it’s my history. It’s all I have.’

  ‘Apart from Knud.’

  ‘Yes.’ Jarl grinned, turning to look at Knud, and laughed as he saw he had fallen asleep with his mouth hanging open. He gently moved his head onto the ground before he started drooling all over him. Knud shivered but didn’t wake up.

  Taking her wolf-cloak off, Astrid moved next to Jarl and laid the cloak gently over Knud. ‘You’ll get cold. He’ll be fine without it,’ Jarl said, moving to hand it back to her. Astrid stopped him, accidentally touching his hand, and flinched again.

  ‘I don’t need it. I’ll be warm enough without it.’

  ‘Why do you do that?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Flinch when people touch you?’

  ‘I don’t like people touching me,’ Astrid snapped, her voice defensive. ‘You should sleep. I’ll take the watch now.’ She got up and walked away. Jarl saw she was shivering, but it wasn’t from the cold.

  * * *

  ‘Knud wake up!’ Astrid said gently, shaking him. Knud stirred and his eyes widened when the first thing he focused on was the large snout of Astrid’s wolf-skin lying on the ground next to him, its sharp white fangs glinting.

  ‘We’ve got to go,’ she said, turning to shake Jarl who was next to him.

  Waking with a start, Jarl instinctively reached for the dagger in his belt.

  ‘What! It’s morning? Why didn’t you wake me? Did you keep watch all night?’

  ‘We should go,’ Astrid repeated, ignoring his question. ‘If we’re lucky, the weather will hold before we reach the forest.’

  Knud passed Astrid her wolf-skin and she pulled it over her shoulders. Jarl noticed she had let her hair down and she seemed so much more relaxed now that Halvard and Skad had gone. There was a light in her eyes.

  They both followed her. Jarl rolled his shoulders back, stiff from a night sleeping on the uneven ground, and cold due to the dampness that had made its way into his bones.

  In the distance they could see the faint, dark smudge of the Riddari on the horizon. The cold biting wind blew down from it across miles of endless moorland. The howling wind was the only sound.

  Running ahead, Knud looked up at Astrid, a grin on his face. ‘I know what my next question is!’

  ‘And what is that?’ Astrid asked, amused.

  ‘Where did you learn to use magic?’

  ‘I didn’t,’ Astrid replied quickly, looking away from him and fixing her eyes on the horizon. Knud recognised the tell-tale signs that he had brought up a topic she did not like to speak about. Her eyes glazed and she pressed her lips into a tight line. ‘It’s just something that happens when I’m angry.’

  Taking a moment to think about his next question, neither of them noticed Jarl catching up with them, walking close enough to hear their conversation.

  ‘What is the most beautiful city you’ve ever seen?’ Knud finally asked, hungry for stories of places he had never visited.

  Her face lit up and Astrid smiled. ‘Bayswater. It’s not really a city, more of a collection of small towns, but it is so beautiful.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Is that another question?’

  ‘Yes, if you tell me everything about it!’

  ‘Ok. The sun is different there; hot. You step outside and it’s like standing in front of the doors of an opened furnace. Here the sun gives light, but there it feels like a warm blanket washing over your skin.’

  Looking up at her, Knud smiled, the expression on her face making him happy. She looked blissful, her fa
ce relaxed and glowing, her eyes half closed as she visualised the scene she was describing.

  ‘The sea there is a bright blue and so clear you can see to the bottom of it. And the fish are so colorful! I don’t know how to describe them...like jewels with fins!’

  ‘Where is this?’ Jarl asked, and Astrid turned to look at him, aware that he had been listening.

  ‘Bayswater,’ Knud replied, turning to look back at Astrid and expecting her to continue her story. Astrid looked hesitant but continued.

  ‘It’s in the centre of the human lands, by the sea.’

  ‘And?’ Knud asked, spurring her on. ‘What do the buildings look like?’

  ‘Most of them are painted white, but the walls that don’t face the sun are painted a bright colour like red, orange or blue. A beautiful blue.’

  ‘Like the sky?’ Knud asked, and Astrid shook her head.

  ‘No. The sky is a weak blue; the blue there is...like Jarl’s eyes, but bluer!’ Astrid said, looking around to try and find something which was close to the colour she was describing. Her eyes met Jarl’s and she suddenly felt oddly self conscious, as if she had blurted out a secret she had wanted to keep to herself.

  ‘And the people?’ Knud asked.

  ‘Happy, and kind. I blame the sun. You can’t be unhappy when the sun’s always smiling like that!’

  ‘Do you like them better...than your own people?’ Jarl asked.

  ‘I don’t have any people,’ Astrid replied, looking away into the distance. ‘To the elves I am a dwarf and to the dwarfs I am an elf. If I did have people it would be the humans; to them I am both a dwarf and an elf.’

  ‘And what abou-’ Knud began.

  ‘Enough questions! You can ask me some more later,’ she said quickly, pulling the wolf-head hood over her and strolling ahead of them.

  Why are you telling them all this? The voice inside her head said. You don’t tell people about yourself.

  ‘I’m tired,’ Astrid replied to herself out loud, too far away for the others to hear her. She leant her head back and closed her eyes. ‘I want...I want to talk. To trust people.’

  Fine then! The voice hissed back, but you will regret this! You always do!

  Plans

  33 years ago...

  Walking down from her room, Astrid kept her eyes on the floor. Skad looked over at her from the door, his face hard. Dag handed him a small bundle of food for his journey, which Astrid was certain would be tossed away as soon as Skad was out of sight of the house.

  ‘Astrid, aren’t you going to say goodbye?’ Dag asked, his wrinkled face smiling cheerfully.

  ‘Goodbye,’ Astrid said firmly, lifting her head and straightening her back, staring directly into his eyes with her head held high.

  ‘Goodbye,’ Skad replied, looking away, humiliation on his face. He strode out of the house with Dag close behind, the wind making the door slam behind them. Her ears twitched as she heard their conversation.

  ‘You only just got here. You could stay for a few days before you leave?’

  Astrid shook her head. As much as she loved the old warlock, he truly was a clueless old fool. Despite Astrid hiding how much she hated Skad, it was blindingly obvious to anyone that neither of them liked each other. Knowing the dwarf would never be back in her life was an incredible relief, and here Dag was trying to prolong his stay.

  ‘Just go,’ Astrid growled, turning and walking back up to her room. She slipped behind the make-shift carpet door that she had completed the previous winter, the threadwork rough and patchy but holding together well enough.

  Lying on her bed, she stared at the ceiling and reached up to the wind catcher hanging from the rafters. Her fingers played with the feathers and eggshells hanging from it as a small breeze blew through the room from the secret door in the roof. She closed her eyes and smiled. Things would be different now. Skad was gone, she was a trained fighter, and Ragi had promised to travel with her. It was a frightening and beautiful new world.

  ‘Ragi!’ Astrid whispered. She jumped to her feet and ran over to the small opening in the roof. She could hear the hooves of Skad’s pony in the distance and she clambered onto the roof, her bare feet and hands reaching out for the tree growing alongside it. Reaching up to one of the branches above for her sandals, she slipped them on, climbed down the tree and dashed through the forest, the flexible leather shoes allowing her to feel the ground as she ran whilst still protecting her from the sharp pine needles that littered the ground.

  Reaching Ragi’s hut, Astrid looked around for a moment, expecting to see him outside like he normally was. The tall pine tree that had almost fallen the previous winter had a few more of its branches cut away and a new pile of wood was neatly stacked beneath it. Ragi had been chopping at it for months, worried that at some point it could crash into the hut. It seemed stable enough for the moment, though.

  Running inside, she saw Ragi lying on his bed mat, fast asleep.

  ‘Ragi,’ Astrid whispered, and he turned to look at her, his yellow eyes dazed and tired. ‘He’s gone!’ She smiled, trying to stop herself from jumping up and down excitedly. Ragi groaned at her to leave him and let him sleep.

  ‘But Ragi! We can go now! And I know where I want to go!’ Astrid laughed excitedly. Ragi sat up, resigned to the fact there was no way he was getting back to sleep now. Not with Astrid jumping around like a spring rabbit.

  ‘And where is that?’ he asked, his voice irritated but his eyes saying otherwise.

  ‘Bjargtre! And then onto the Salt Monasteries and then the Gold coast!’

  ‘Bjargtre? Astrid you can’t go near dwarf cites. Especially big cities. You’ll get hurt!’

  ‘I can fight now!’

  ‘How would you feel if every dwarf looked at you like Skad did? Said the things he did?’

  ‘I can ignore them,’ Astrid replied, her face dropping slightly but still determined.

  ‘Do you want to, though? Isn’t it better to just remember the dwarves how you remembered your father?’

  Her mouth clenched into a tight line and she looked at the ground, knotting her fingers together nervously. ‘I can’t remember his face any more. I want to see what my people look like. The cities! I want to speak Mál again like I did with him!’

  ‘Astrid, none of the dwarves are going to be like Arnbjörg. And none of the elves are going to be like Sylbil, no matter how hard you look. They wouldn’t want you to put yourself in danger.’

  ‘If they didn’t want me in danger they shouldn’t have killed themselves for me,’ Astrid hissed.

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ Ragi snapped. ‘They saved your life. Those cowards who tried to kill you can’t ever touch you! Don’t you realize how powerful that magic is?’

  Astrid said nothing. Too many angry and confused words ran through her head to be able to speak any of them and make an ounce of sense. Glaring at the ground, her fingertips crackled with magic and started to glow a light orange.

  ‘I’m not saying this to make you sad, Astrid,’ Ragi said gently, sitting down in front of her. ‘Also, I can’t go with you if you go to Bjargtre. They’d insult you but they’d kill me.’

  Looking up, Astrid shook her head, ashamed that she had not thought about how Ragi would be treated. ‘So if we just went to the Salt Monasteries and then onto the Gold coast, would you come?’

  ‘I’d have to hide my face, but yes, I would come.’ Ragi smiled.

  ‘Hide your face? How? Do you have a mask?’

  Ragi chuckled. He walked over to a small chest at the foot of his bed mat and opened it, then pulled out a long black sash. The sash reached from one side of the hut to the other, three times over, the material thin and tough.

  ‘I could make a tent out of this!’ Astrid laughed, holding the end of the sash with an amused look on her face.

  ‘That’s the point,’ Ragi said excitedly. He took it from her and started to wrap it around his waist, the sash going around him several times before he began to wrap the remaining
part around his neck and head. The end of the sash had a loop of string attached to it, which he pulled over his head. The string wrapped around his head and held the end of the sash in place from one ear to the other, covering his face from the bridge of his nose downwards.

  ‘I can still see your eyes!’

  ‘Ah!’ He reached back into the chest and pulled out a leather mask that he slid down over the front of his face. With Ragi’s yellow eyes peering through the thin slits of the stretched leather, he looked like some kind of terrifying snake.

  ‘You can’t wear that, Ragi! You’ll scare someone to death!’

  ‘I know!’ Ragi laughed. ‘I’ll have to make a new one. Maybe I’ll make it look human.’

  ‘What is it for?’ Astrid asked, taking it from him and looking at it, intrigued.

  ‘On the plains we wear these before fighting. It helps to terrify the enemy.’

  ‘What if we went to the plains?’ Astrid suggested. Her face lit up and Ragi’s face dropped.

  ‘I will never take you there. They’d kill you.’

  ‘What if I hid my face with that mask and the veil?’

  ‘Astrid, I’m not ever going back to the plains,’ he said angrily. His eyes flashed and his pupils thinned. Astrid passed the mask back to him.

  Then without warning, the pine finally gave way, its roots loosening from the earth and sending the trunk smashing down into the hut.

  * * *

  Reaching up to her head, Astrid felt something hot and warm trickling down her skin, her left eye blinded for a moment as the blood from the cut in her forehead spilled into it.

  ‘Ragi? Astrid whispered, struggling to breathe and feeling something heavy pinning her down across her chest. ‘Ragi!’

  Barely three feet away from her Ragi opened his eyes, his hands shaking as he tried to look down at his legs, but he was unable to see past the thick pine branches that blocked his view.

  ‘Astrid, don’t move,’ Ragi choked, each of his breaths a horrible rasp. ‘Just don’t move!’