When Nobody Was Watching

by Carli Lloyd

  Not much of a party girl. No reason to start now.

  I order a cheeseburger and fries—a meal I have maybe once a year—and Brian and I are just relaxing and hanging out. We don’t stay up late because Brian has an early flight back to the States. I fly a bit later on with Jill, Hope, and Hope’s husband Jerramy. Reclining in a business-class seat/bed, I watch the film San Andreas and catch up on sleep and try to comprehend everything that has happened in the last twenty-four hours, my mind wandering at 40,000 feet, a barrage of disjointed thoughts and feelings coming at me from everywhere.

  Did this all really just happen? Am I really returning home from the Ballon d’Or? Did I really hear my name called out before the greatest players in the world, after being voted FIFA’s Women’s World Player of the Year?

  When you work toward a goal for this long, you can’t even fathom how you might feel once you achieve it. I still cannot fathom it now, and in some ways I am not sure I even want to, because I do not want to stop here. I want to keep getting better and better. I don’t want to be satisfied, ever. That may sound grim, but it isn’t at all. It is joyful, because the pursuit of progress is joyful. Playing the game I love is joyful.

  So I keep pushing, keep working.

  I am, after all, a soccer player. Not a brand. Not a celebrity. Why complicate things with image-making or pretension? Give me a ball and let’s go. That is how true soccer players are.

  “When you are on the field, you aren’t competing against anybody,” James says. “You are competing against yourself. The competition is who you were yesterday and your goal is to be better than that today. Your opponent on match day is not another team; it’s your previous performance.”

  Not every performance will be better than the one before, of course. The first three games of the World Cup were a painful reminder of that. The point is that if you are not driven to improve, the only possible options are staying the same or getting worse, neither of which is acceptable.

  It seems like decades ago now, but at one time I wanted to quit soccer. My U-21 coach, Chris Petrucelli, sent me packing from the national team, telling me that I wasn’t good enough and didn’t work hard enough. For a time I was ready to accept his assessment and go find a job that didn’t involve cleats and shin guards, but then my father connected me with a man named James Galanis and everything changed.

  James offered me so much more than deep soccer expertise. He offered me hope. He offered belief. He offered a commitment of time and energy that was beyond all measure—truly 24/7, 365 days a year—and for no charge, because he saw the possibilities.

  In so many words, James told me this:

  You have skills and an understanding of the game that are hard to teach. But you also are mentally weak, quick to blame others, inclined to be lazy, and terribly unfit. It will take a lot of work—years of work—but if you want it, I believe you can be not only a fixture on the U.S. Women’s National Team. I believe you can be the best player in the world.

  If that is indeed what you want, let’s get to work.

  It seems the realm of pure fantasy, doesn’t it? A little-known trainer from South Jersey is going to take on a U-21 reject and make her the world’s best player? Right. And for his next trick, he will swim to Australia and back.

  More than a few people thought James was completely grandiose or a charlatan, or both. They thought I was a misguided minion who had fallen under his spell. Nobody believed. Even James’s wife Colleen had her doubts. What very few understood was how hard we worked, all year round, at all hours of the night and day. It would’ve been easy to cut corners, but we never did because we knew we couldn’t, and that is how we are doing things even now.

  So there we are under the dim-watt bulbs on Ark Road, working on side volleys in the cold and damp of December. There we are, refining first touches and crosses in the heat and humidity of July. There we are in the Blue Barn in winter, or in Laurel Acres whenever, James devising the workout plans and me punishing my body according to his specifications.

  There are scores of world-class players, maybe hundreds of them, who are deeply committed to their work and who train incredibly hard. I would never say that I outwork all of them, because how could I really know that? All I can tell you is that for thirteen years James Galanis and I, mentor and pupil, have poured every ounce of our energy and passion into this mad-scientist project of his.

  Whatever else you want to say, it’s worked out pretty well.

  James secretly loved that nobody believed in us, and he taught me to love it. He relished it when I was benched or criticized or overlooked, when other U.S. players were commanding the spotlight, because he knew it would be gasoline for my internal fire. What can I tell you?

  I thrive on that Jersey edge.

  I love to prove people wrong.

  Now that my teammates and I are World Cup champions and I’ve been named FIFA’s Women’s Player of the Year, I’m not sure how I will continue to be an underdog. But trust me, I will find a way. Somebody will write that it was a fluke, or that I am over the hill, or that I just got really lucky in those opening sixteen minutes against Japan. Or maybe it will be something else. Whatever it is, I will find someone to prove wrong and then work my ass off to do just that.

  I can’t tell you that the path I’ve taken has been easy. It has been filled with doubts and despair, tears and trauma, with a difficult family situation that I still hope can be healed and overcome. I’ve said it before and will say it again: without my parents, none of this—the World Cup and Olympic titles, my career, to say nothing of this book—would’ve been possible.

  I don’t know all the answers, or even half of them. I just know what works for me. So what do I want to leave you with? Listen to your heart and try always to do the right thing. Put everything you have into your passions, because one of the greatest gifts in life is to be able to do what you love. Cherish the people who love and support you unconditionally, for they are life’s greatest treasure.

  Life is complicated. Life is going to throw all kinds of obstacles in your way. All I can tell you is what works for me: be true to yourself, don’t do fake, and above all else, keep on working, because that’s what will take you where you want to go.

  Epilogue

  Priorities, Progress, Passion

  OUR SO-CALLED VICTORY TOUR following the 2015 World Cup wasn’t even forty-five minutes old when I’d already started thinking about our next major competition—the 2016 Olympics in Brazil. It’s just how I am wired. I won my first Olympic gold at age twenty-six, the second at age thirty, and my first World Cup title at thirty-three. I can rest later. Now I want to work. Now I want to get better. I want to hit the training field with James Galanis and defy the notion that athletic life after thirty is just a messy, inexorable tumble into mediocrity.

  Nothing stokes me like a challenge, and that’s what keeps me going. It’s what has driven me from the very beginning of this journey, completely embracing James’s words about turning my weaknesses into strengths. For all of us, in every profession and walk of life, it’s easy to take on things that come naturally and present no challenge. Working on the things you are not so good at is infinitely harder. It takes courage to make an honest self-assessment and fix what needs fixing. One of the first realizations I had with James was that I am not naturally fit. I thought I was fit, but I was fooling myself. I’ve spent years working on that weakness, and now I truly believe it is one of my greatest strengths.

  If my career has taught me anything, it’s that nothing worthwhile in life comes easily. That’s just the way it is, and the way it should be. If it were easy, it wouldn’t mean nearly as much when you achieve your goal.

  The fact is that I never feel more alive, more energized, than when I am working toward a goal. I am as transparent as a pane of glass. I love it when people doubt me, because it’s just another chance to prove them wrong. Crafting an image? Building a brand? I don’t think so. As trite as it might sound, all I want t
o do is be a better person and better player today than I was yesterday, and better still tomorrow. I want to be a positive role model and empower young female athletes and inspire them to aim high and not let any obstacles sidetrack them. That’s why our team filed a wage-discrimination complaint against U.S. Soccer late in 2015, an action taken to address the massive pay gap between the men and women who wear the Team USA jersey. That’s why it was so important to write a completely honest book and not airbrush away adversity. Life is hard. Competitive sports is hard. The people who succeed don’t heed the doubters and don’t give in to despair or negativity. They don’t talk about emptying the tank, they just empty it. It’s just one more indispensable life lesson I’ve learned from my mentor, coach, and friend James Galanis, who even now never stops reminding me that you can achieve great things in life if you are true to yourself, and you do the work when nobody is watching.

  Acknowledgments

  I’ve known for a long time that it takes eleven players to make a strong soccer team. I’ve learned that it takes many more players than that to make for a successful book.

  Josh Weil and Jay Mandel at William Morris Entertainment set this project in motion, connecting me with a top-notch publisher in Houghton Mifflin Harcourt and a wonderful editor in Susan Canavan. Susan believed in the project and its message from the outset, and so did the whole world-class team at HMH: Bruce Nichols, Jenny Xu, Martha Kennedy, Megan Wilson, Hannah Harlow, Rachael DeShano, and Cindy Buck.

  I want to thank everyone at U.S. Soccer. The senior officials, coaches, medical staff, trainers, massage therapists, equipment managers, and support staff—all of you are consummate pros and have played a huge role in supporting and helping me throughout my career.

  I am lucky to have the support of such great sponsors. Thank you for believing in me.

  So many people in the Delran community have encouraged me from the time I started playing. I can’t begin to name them all, but Delran is where my journey began and you were all a huge part of it.

  Rudi Klobach, late coach of Delran High School, led our team to two state championship games and was as passionate about soccer as anyone I’ve ever met. All of my teammates at Delran High were a part of memories that will stay with me forever. The late Joe Dadura, founder and inspiration of the Medford Strikers, provided me with six of the best years of my soccer life and with friendships that have lasted even longer. To Kacy, Maureen, Venice, and Quinn—PITA will never forget you, or the Original 5. To all of my Strikers teammates, thank you for making every practice and every game so much fun.

  My thanks to my Rutgers coach, Glenn Crooks, for giving the great gift of allowing me to play with freedom and creativity—to express myself on the field. I was fortunate to have such wonderful roommates and teammates as Tara Froehlich and Christine Wentzler and so many other tremendous Scarlet Knight teammates over four years.

  Jerry Smith gave me a chance with the U-21s, and I have never forgotten that. Chris Petrucelli gave me honesty that changed my life. Jill Ellis was a wonderful coach with the U-21s, and I have enjoyed continuing this journey with her; thank you for your respect and belief in me, Jill.

  For years the people of Evesham Township, New Jersey, have generously allowed me the use of the Blue Barn to train in. Without the Blue Barn, this story never would’ve happened.

  The students and staff of Universal Soccer Academy have been my soccer soul mates forever. Thank you for helping me become a better player and human being.

  There’s nothing more special than friendship. Thanks to Heather Mitts, my longtime teammate and training buddy, who understood and befriended me from the start. You have always been there for me and helped me along the way. Thank you. Hope Solo is not only a world-class goalkeeper, she has been a dear friend to me on an unforgettable journey. Thank you for always believing in me and being there for me.

  John Johnson, my attorney, has always looked after me and protected me. You have been such an important piece of my success, and I can’t thank you enough. You are the best lawyer anyone could have. Karen and Kathy Sweet are twin sisters and twin best friends, and I cannot tell you how much I cherish you both for your amazing love and friendship.

  To my soon-to-be in-laws, Kathy Hollins, Bob Hollins, Lisa, Jim, Tyler and Kyle Gonteski, Lucy Ebert, Debbie Teisman, Ann Marie and Amanda Holloway, Ed, Joe and Chris Ebert—thank you for all your kindness and support. Soon we will all officially be family.

  To Colleen, Astin, and Preston Galanis, you have all become my extended family, and I can’t thank you enough for all your support. I love you guys.

  Jaime Bula, my cousin, was my idol growing up and is now my biggest supporter. Thank you for always being there for me.

  Aunt Patti, Aunt Sandy, and Uncle Wayne—you have always been there for me, in good times and bad. The support you have provided me throughout my life has been priceless, and I can’t thank you enough for being there for me. Uncle Phil—I miss you and will never forget the time you gave me a bloody nose. You toughened me up! You have always been my number-one fan—I know you are celebrating my journey from above. To my grandfather, Pop-pop, I miss you and my grandmom Carol, thank you for all our fun times and visits together. I will forever cherish those moments. To my cousins—Adam Wilson, Brent Carr, Kerrie DaVanon, Bryan and Craig Wilson—you are the best, and I hope you know that.

  The Bula, DaVanon, Jackson, Carr, and Fornaro families have long been a major part of my life. I love you all.

  To James’s mom, Vicky, thanks so much for all of your support—all the way from Down Under.

  My co-author Wayne Coffey showed amazing dedication throughout the writing process and pushed and prodded me to make the message of this book authentic and empowering. I cannot thank him enough for the countless hours he put in to tell my story.

  Thank you to my parents for being there for me throughout my younger years as a soccer player. Your dedication and commitment to helping me follow my dreams is very much appreciated. I will never forget the times I shared with you both on the soccer field and at home. Without you, I would not be who I am today. To my sister Ashley and brother Stephen, I thank you for everything you have done for me. We had great times together growing up, and I will forever cherish these moments.

  Brian Hollins is not just the man I am about to marry. He is my love, my everything. He is the most patient man on earth. I can’t thank you enough for all the support you have given me throughout my journey. None of this would have been possible without your love and support. I cannot wait to be your wife. I love you more than anything, Brian.

  James Galanis has so many roles in my life I am not sure where to start. He is a professor, a trainer, a mentor, a friend. He saved my career, believed in me when no one else did, set a goal, and never wavered from working hard each and every day to make it happen. It took me thirteen years to realize that I could become the best player in the world. He taught me how to become strong and conquer anything that comes my way.

  I can try to thank you for all that you’ve done for me as a player and person, James, but words would never be enough. I guess they’ll have to do, though, won’t they, mate?

  —Carli Lloyd

  Index

  A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z

  A

  Adidas, 68

  Akers, Michelle, 56

  Aleszczyk, Laura, 155

  Algarve Cup, 94

  2006, 73

  2007, 84

  2008, 97–98

  2009, 118

  2010, 124

  2011, 130

  2012, 138

  2013, 160–61

  2014, 167–68

  2015, 180–82

  Andreia. See Rosa, Andreia

  Angerer, Nadine, 199, 200

  Argentina, Brasilia game against, 175–76

  Athlete Support Grant, 64

  Australia

  Galanis from, 2, 40, 47, 49

  in Peace
Cup, 102

  in World Cup, 6–7, 189–91

  B

  Bailey, Cheryl, 94–95

  Ballon d’Or, 215–18

  Barbara, 111, 112

  Barnhart, Nicole, 85

  BC Place, Vancouver, Canada, 205

  Beckham, David, 113

  Big East Rookie of the Year, 33

  Bindon, Jenny, 144

  Blatter, Sepp, 7

  Blue Barn, 77, 177

  Boxx, Shannon, 68, 74, 87

  in Olympics, 108, 112, 143, 148

  in Peace Cup, 102, 103

  in World Cup, 89

  Brasilia, Brazil, 175–76

  Brazil, 165

  Brasilia games against, 175–76

  friendly against, 138

  in Olympics, 57, 109–13

  in Peace Cup, 102–4

  pre-Nordic Cup tournament, 35

  in World Cup, 6, 88–89, 95, 131–32, 137

  Brian, Morgan, 180–81, 197

  in World Cup, 203, 208, 210, 211

  Brown, Chris, 150

  Buehler, Rachel

  in Olympics, 147

  in World Cup, 130, 131

  Bula, Jaime, 16–17, 19, 60

  car accident and, 122, 124

  World Cup and, 185, 188, 212, 213

  Burlington County Times, 31

  C

  Canada

  friendlies against, 167, 171–72

  in Gold Cup, 77