I made her a light breakfast of toast and tea. By the time I brought it over, she had already perked up slightly.
“Connor texted,” she said. “He has the day off and wants to come over. Is that okay with you?”
I set down the food tray on her night table. “Is that code for you need some alone time?”
“Of course not. What do you take me for, Dee?” she sounded genuinely surprised. “Plus, I smell like puke. We’ll probably just hang out and watch a movie. You’re more than welcome to join us.”
I looked down at my best friend and contemplated the idea of staying in. My head pounded from lack of sleep and my heart ached from…well, everything else. “I think I need to get some fresh air. I’m going to drive into town and visit some local galleries.”
Maddie glanced through the window on the far wall of the bedroom, narrowing her eyes at the thick curtain of bright white snow that covered our view of the outside world. “I don’t think you should go anywhere. There’s a snowstorm warning.”
“I’ll be careful,” I promised. I’d grown up in Denver. Driving in snowy weather on rough terrain was second nature to me, and I wasn’t planning on going very far.
I just needed to get the hell out of here and busy my mind with something else before the “Why?” and “How?” consumed me.
The galleries I wanted to visit were a fifteen-minute drive from our complex, but I’d underestimated the blizzard. Crawling at the speed of less than ten miles an hour, I slowly wound my way down a curvy hill, squinting through the blinding white snow.
Every individual flake rivaled the size of an entire snowball. There were no other cars on the road and the radio stations were only playing irritating static. I was suddenly drowning in an eerie silence and the realization that I should’ve probably stayed put within the safety of the cabin.
My phone’s ringtone startled me. I readjusted my grip on the steering wheel, focusing my eyes on the road and ignoring the buzzing device. I didn’t even want to think about the possibility that it could be Sawyer on the other line. I had tried my best to force thoughts of the date we’d planned for this morning out of my mind, but it still weighed heavily on my heart.
Inhaling deeply, I steadied my shaking hands and crept forward. Just as I was cautiously maneuvering around a sharp turn, an oncoming truck rounded the corner. It took the curve with too much haste, hitting a patch of black ice and swerving into my lane.
My instincts kicked in and I turned the wheel in the opposite direction in an attempt to escape. The driver regained control before his vehicle had a chance to collide with mine, but it was too late for me. My tires left the road, and the car reamed into a tall pile of snow to my right.
Blood rushed into my head as my pulse hammered against my ears. Both the car and I were unscathed, saved by the fluffy snow bank. In spite of our good fortune, we were also trapped in a ditch.
No amount of pressure I applied to the gas pedal would budge the vehicle. The tires screeched as they spun around in place, the engine rumbled angrily, urging me to give up on my feeble attempt at escape.
Leaning my head against the steering wheel, I grabbed my phone and dialed Maddie’s cell. After assuring her that I was fine and that she didn’t need to trek through the snow in her condition to come dig me out, I hung up and called the roadside assistance service number that had been provided to us by our rental company.
Three hours.
That’s the wait time they quoted me. Apparently, they only had two trucks and both of them were attending to some pileup on the highway. The dispatcher actually had the nerve to welcome me to “Winter Wonderland.”
Without an alternate option, I got out of the car and began the painfully slow walk home. I hadn’t driven too far, so I estimated that it would probably take only an hour to get back—not too bad. Plus, my long, thick coat covered most of my body and ensured that I wouldn’t freeze to death.
The only issue were my boots. I’d stupidly worn my tall leather ones instead of opting for more sensible footwear. The idea of not moping around the house and hitting the town in style had made me feel better about last night’s predicament. If I’d known that I would be trudging through a snowstorm instead of strolling through fancy galleries, I would’ve definitely reconsidered the footwear choice.
Half an hour into the walk, I’d lost all feeling in my toes. At the same time, I spotted a tiny log cabin on top of a nearby hill. As I began the hike toward it, I was reminded of every single fairytale character I’d ever read about. Going into a cabin in the woods usually meant heading into unknown doom.
In this moment, however, I couldn’t have cared less if any big bad wolves or evil witches lived inside. They would be welcome to feast on me as long as they first allowed me to thaw out my feet.
The cabin was locked, but the key-under-the-welcome-mat trick worked like a charm. I slipped into the small single-room dwelling and gave it a quick once-over. It immediately became evident that I’d found my way to a vacant first aid hut, probably belonging to forest rangers.
An unlit fireplace was the centerpiece of the sparsely decorated room. The only other pieces of furniture were a small couch, a table with two chairs, and a row of cabinets full of medical equipment.
Upon finding a box of matches on the table, I perused my surroundings for fire-building materials, managing to set up the fireplace with last November’s newspapers, some kindling, and a dry log. Relying on some trial-and-error—and a lot of blowing, coaxing, and pleading—I succeeded in transferring the flames from the paper onto the kindling. The heavy log took longer to catch, but eventually a small, steady fire was born within the hearth.
Once the flames roared to life, it didn’t take very longer to fill the cabin with warmth. I texted Maddie my approximate location and told her that I’d wait out the snowstorm before attempting to hike back home. Her words of wisdom failed to amuse me.
Don’t get mauled by Bigfoot.
Okay.
Or chopped up by some psycho woodcutter.
I’ll try.
Or abducted by aliens.
Right.
It would make for the worst vacation ever.
Then, moments later, my phone rang and Serious Maddie was back.
“I’m coming to save you,” she huffed into the receiver.
“You’re sick,” I reminded her. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll just wait for the snow to die down or the tow-truck driver to call. Whichever comes first. I’m safe.”
“Then I’m sending someone to keep you company,” she said before she hung up.
In spite of the turbulent weather, I’d been enjoying the solitude the tiny cabin provided. I really hoped she wouldn’t force Connor to come, but at least I’d convinced Maddie to stay put. Being around her would mean having to talk about Mia and Sawyer. And I just couldn’t do that right now.
The Sawyer I knew so well was an incredibly down-to-earth guy. He didn’t get pulled into drama. He’d suffered through enough issues pertaining to his parents’ chaotic relationship that when it came to his personal life, he’d preferred to steer clear of anything that could cause trouble. He’d seemed so hurt when Adam had told him about Preston. He’d also told me I was his for the entire week.
The “Why?” was back. Why would he turn the tables on me and screw Mia?
It made no sense.
The “How?” wasn’t far behind. He’d probably gotten drunk and then…
Sawyer didn’t drink.
So what the hell was this?
Perhaps time had an impact, after all. Maybe in the past six years, he’d changed into a completely different person and I really didn’t know him as well as I thought I had.
I removed my coat and sank down onto the couch. Taking a deep breath, I covered my face with my hands and tried to calm the hurricane raging within me. I was crazy about Sawyer in every imaginable way, including those ways that scared me and tested every single drop of rationality I possessed.
He�
�d reappeared in my life and his sudden presence had swallowed me whole. But, regardless, I was also a rational person. I was capable of staying in control. That was my default, after all.
I wouldn’t let Sawyer destroy me. I’d already been forced to let him go once before, I could do it again.
It’s my sophomore year of high school and my parents and I are sitting in the audience of Adam and Sawyer’s graduation ceremony. Mom and Dad are all smiles and cheerful voices, but I know they’re angry at me for having attended Lyla’s funeral last week.
They didn’t understand that I had to go. Things between Sawyer and I had been tense, but I needed to be there for him. He had no one else to share in his pain. His father—the reason Lyla was dead in the first place—hadn’t even bothered to show up. Just like he’d forgotten all about today’s graduation.
As Sawyer walks across the stage to accept his diploma, he doesn’t look at his mom. Instead, his eyes meet mine. Not a single drop of pride is present on his face. Just sadness and despair. I can’t shake the uneasy feeling that this is the last time we’ll be seeing each other.
There’s a sense of melancholy closing in on us that seems to be connected to a lot more than the usual sentiment tied to graduation. It hangs in the air and rustles through the trees, whispering its warning.
Things are about to change.
When my parents and brother pile into the car to head out to the celebratory dinner, I make an excuse to stay behind.
“I forgot my purse under my chair,” I tell them. “I’ll catch a ride with Jason’s family.”
Jason Peers’ older sister is also a graduate and we’re all going to the same country club dinner. My mother doesn’t even question the idea. In fact, she’s beaming. She views spending time with the Peers family as an investment for my future.
I have no intention of even talking to Jason. I just need an excuse to see Sawyer. I’m risking another week of being grounded if my parents find out, but I don’t care. It may be my last chance.
He’s in our usual spot under the bleachers, fiddling with his diploma. His dark hair falls over his eyes, hiding his expression, but the tension in his jaw fails to mask his grief. I sidle up next to him without a single word.
We stand together, our sides touching, letting the cool, spring air wash over us. Summer is just around the corner, which only makes winter that much further away. Just like Sawyer’s happiness. He needs his board and the slopes more than anything right now.
“I got a sponsorship offer,” he says, startling me.
Pain pierces my heart. At the same time, my chest swells with joy. Such an unnerving mix of emotions isn’t normal. I swallow the lump in my throat, trying to steady my voice before speaking.
“From a company you like?” I ask.
“One of the best. The real deal, Silver,” he replies. “They’re talking riding for their team, big tours, international competitions. Things I’d never be able to do on my own. Training in the summer and the winter.”
I try to make my smile seem bright and natural. It’s not an easy task. “Congratulations.” The word swallows up a piece of my soul. This is what Sawyer had spent his entire life striving toward and he’s finally being recognized for his hard work. “I’m very proud of you.” It’s not a lie. I’d always known that he was destined for big things and I’m incredibly thankful that his talent has been recognized.
But I’m also being torn apart because I know that this is goodbye.
“This is my one chance to get out, Silver,” he says. “My mom’s never going to leave Asshole—she says he needs her. Her mind has been completely warped, and I’m afraid that if I stick around, I’ll eventually turn into him.”
“What about college?”
“I have to defer for a while, anyway. I spent most of my savings on making sure Lyla got a proper funeral.” He shrugs and runs his hand through his hair, finally allowing me a glimpse at the pain in his eyes.
“She never had anything, you know,” he says. “At least I had snowboarding. She never got the piano she wanted, never had the clothes the cool girls wore. I guess that was my last attempt at doing something nice for her. A fucking funeral. Talk about being too late.”
“It was a beautiful service. Fitting of a beautiful girl.” I touch his shoulder and he stiffens. Once again, we slowly slip into a long silence.
Sawyer is the first to break it. “They want me to leave in two days.” He avoids my gaze as he adds, “France. Can you imagine?”
I swallow the bitter taste in my throat and force myself not to cry. This hurts worse than any bruise I’d ever gotten during my attempts at snowboarding.
“Take me with you,” The words slip past my lips before I even have a chance to think about their meaning. “You’re horrible at French. I can help you. I can—”
“You know I can’t do that.”
Don’t cry…don’t cry…don’t cry. “Why not?”
“You’re going places and I can’t drag you down.”
“You’d never drag me down.”
“I can’t take you with me, Silver.” His words sound like a painful groan.
Then stay here with me, I want to say.
But I can’t bring myself to make such a selfish demand. Snowboarding is Sawyer’s destiny. And I may be young and in complete and utter love with the guy in front of me, but I’m not stupid. I know that running away with him isn’t my destiny either.
I bite down on my bottom lip in an attempt to stifle the sob threatening to erupt from within me. The pain in my lip distracts my brain, making me forget about the hurt in my heart.
Sawyer’s green eyes begin to water as he looks down at my mouth. He inhales sharply and places his thumb on my lip, coaxing it out from between my teeth. He leans his forehead against mine and for a moment I think he’s about to kiss me. My heart beats a little faster, now even more confused than before.
But then he pulls away and his fingers form a frustrated fist. “Don’t you realize that I’d like nothing more than to kidnap you? I want to take you all the way to the top of the tallest mountain in the world. I want you by my side. You and me. Silver and Sawyer.”
“We’re good together,” I tell him, swallowing my tears.
“We’re great together,” he replies, and I’ve suddenly forgotten all about the distance that he’s kept over the past few weeks.
“Then let’s go.” I start off our usual game of imaginary escape.
He plays along. “We can see the world.”
“You’ll rock every single competition and win tons of medals.”
“And you’ll take pictures while I ride and become a famous sports photographer.” He’s smiling. It’s a heartbreakingly beautiful and equally sad smile.
“Let’s go, Sawyer.”
“Let’s go, Silver.”
Once again, we’re deluding ourselves with empty promises. But today, Sawyer actually has an opportunity of making his dreams come true. And I’m not going to stand in his way.
“You should go,” I whisper, now back in our cold reality.
“I know,” he says. “And you should stay.”
“I know.” No matter how much I want to run away with Sawyer, I would never actually dare to do it. I’m too smart and too guarded to throw caution to the wind, though it’s nice to dream about a wild adventure. “You’re going to take the snowboarding world by storm. Carter the Carver will be famous.” It hurts to smile, but I do it for Sawyer. I want him to know how much his success means to me.
“You’ll take the entire world by storm, Silver. No matter what you do. I know it.”
“Except snowboarding,” I attempt a joke.
He chuckles, but it’s a sad, distant laugh. “Let me have that, at least.”
“You better remember me when all those gold medals start weighing down your neck.”
I’m doing my best to keep positive, but his last words to me shred my heart into a million little pieces. “Of course I will. After all, you’ll al
ways be my favorite medal, Silver.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
I had been lulled to sleep by the warm fire and was suddenly being awoken by loud banging against the door. For a very brief and extremely dazed moment, as the cabin’s thin walls shook around me, my mind actually flashed to the mythical creatures Maddie had warned me about.
But then I heard my name being called, so I dropped the Bigfoot theory and ran up to unlock the door.
“What the fuck, Silver?!” Sawyer burst through the entrance, filling up the small space with his height. “What possessed you to drive in this crazy weather?”
He was fuming. And panting. “Don’t you know the roads are icy as hell? I showed up at your place this morning and Maddie told me that you’d been in an accident!”
I half-expected him to dramatically grab my shoulders and shake me like some damsel in distress from an old Western movie.
He finally took a deep breath and paused to give me a wary once-over. “Are you hurt?” His green eyes blazed as they raked over my face and body.
“I’m fine,” I replied calmly. “Maddie is famous for blowing things out of proportion. My accident was barely a love tap with a snow bank.”
“Is that supposed to be funny?” His jaw was so tense I could hear him grind his teeth. “I just spent an hour roaming through the forest and trying to find you. Seeing your car abandoned on the side of the road like that…” He shoved his fingers through his hair, fisting at some of the strands.
“I’m fine. Really.” If he hadn’t gotten naked with Mia last night, I may have found his protectiveness somewhat sweet.
But he had. So I didn’t.
“No one should be out in this kind of storm alone,” he said. “Why didn’t you wait for me if you wanted to go out so badly?”
I shrugged. “I figured you were too busy.”
Something dark flashed in his eyes. “We had a date this morning, remember? Where did you go?”
“I went to check out some galleries.”
“In this weather?” he cried. “Are you insane?”
“Stop yelling! Why do you care, anyway?”
Silver Heart Page 18