The Ghosts of Christmas Past

by Madelynne Ellis

  “Close cuddling,” Bella suggested. “With me in the middle.”

  Lucerne wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I can attest,” he said. “That’s a very hot place to be.”

  FOUR

  Vaughan marched into Lucerne’s bed chamber unannounced while Lucerne was changing into his nightclothes. “You’ll share a night cap with me,” he insisted, pushing an already filled glass of golden-brown liquid into Lucerne’s hand. “That’ll be all, Ivo. Your master won’t require you again tonight.”

  Lucerne sighed as his valet left the room. “I do wish you wouldn’t order my servants about.”

  “I do wish you’d learn to undress yourself.”

  He was perfectly able to do so. His valet did much more than help him don is coat and breeches. His man was a wonder with a cravat. “If I did that, there wouldn’t be cause for you to do it.”

  The remark provoked a smile from Vaughan. “Then you could at least stop having him sew you into your breeches. It’s not at all practical.”

  “Maybe that’s the point.” Lucerne took a sip of his drink. Maybe he needed a few strategic defences in place. “What did you want?” he asked. “Not a night cap, so don’t pretend.”

  “I’m here purely to upset your plans, what else?” Vaughan eyed him over the rim of his glass as he drained the fiery contents.

  “What plans?”

  “I know you’re not planning on sleeping any time soon. How long is it until Miss Rushdale comes tiptoeing down the corridor for your second tryst of the night?”

  Lucerne consulted his pocket watch. The reason he’d tried to get her alone at the ball was because he knew arranging anything at home would be impossible. Vaughan somehow always managed to turn up. “A while,” he sighed.

  Vaughan occupied a chair, and crossed his legs. “Then I needn’t rush.”

  “I was intending to get into bed.”

  “Don’t let me stop you.” Vaughan waved him towards the bed.

  Lucerne ignored the gesture, and paced instead. He removed his waistcoat and cravat, and loosened his shirttails from his breeches. Ivo had not sewn him into this particular pair as Vaughan had suggested, he only did that with the ones designed to fit like a second skin, which were too tight to wear to a ball at which he’d been expecting to dance. “What do you want?” he asked again, this time with his back to Vaughan as he sallied over to the window, in order to tweak the curtain and look out. Thicker flakes of snow were now turning the world white. If they’d stayed at Darleston House, rather than come away, they’d likely have ended up mired.

  “To establish your intentions.”

  “My intentions in regard to what?”

  “Miss Rushdale, of course.”

  Lucerne let the curtain fall, and turned back to Vaughan. “Why is it such a problem that she’s coming to share my bed? There are plenty of occasions when you do so.”

  “If I thought that’s all you meant to do then there would be no problem, but that’s not the case. You mean to offer her the item in your pocket.”

  “What item?” Foolishly, he looked for his coat to check the ring box remained stowed in the inside pocket.

  Vaughan was across the room in an instant, and tearing the coat and then the box from Lucerne’s hands. He pinned Lucerne fast against the wainscoting by the side of the bed, using his whole body to keep him still until he stopped fighting and allowed Vaughan his victory.

  Hot breath whispered against Lucerne’s cheek. “Your tailor is good, Lucerne, but not that good. I don’t believe you asked him to fashion a pocket ample enough for this. Did you imagine I wouldn’t notice it earlier? Your behaviour has been erratic all evening. Running off with her like that at the ball, not to mention the crazed gleam in your eyes. You look as if you’ve been at the laudanum.”

  “I want this, Vaughan. I want her.”

  Vaughan flicked open the box one-handed. Immediately, both their gazes were drawn to the contents. “Yes, so I see.” Vaughan removed the ring, and held it aloft between his thumb and first finger. “That’s an awful big promise.”

  Lucerne wrestled his arms free of Vaughan’s hold. “What is so wrong with that? Why shouldn’t I be ostentatious? I want people to know how much love there is between us. I want them to look at us and envy our happiness, instead of how they see us now. All the sneers and snide remarks weary me. I hate the tattle. Marrying her and presenting her as my viscountess will silence all of that. It will make life so much easier for us too, Vaughan. All the speculation about us will be easily dismissed.”

  Vaughan shook his head. “Don’t pretend the latter is your motive for marriage. This is only about her.”

  “That’s not true. We’ve taken so many risks, and stupidly courted danger for no good reason. If we were ever to be exposed, then we’ll both be stripped of everything, land, titles, the lot. Not to mention, we’ll be lucky not to end up swinging at the ends of the hangman’s ropes.”

  “So we’ll avoid taking risks. Then the need for marriage is removed,” Vaughan reasoned, making eye contact and holding Lucerne’s gaze.

  “I still want to wed her.”

  Vaughan’s pupils contracted, and a flash of anger streaked across his face.

  Lucerne snatched the ring back from him and held it tight in the centre of his palm. The box, in which it had been stowed, tumbled to the floor temporarily forgotten. “You might not like it, but it’s the honourable thing to do. And there’s no reason not to. She’s from a respectable family.”

  “No reason?” Vaughan’s voice dripped with venom. “None at all?” He sucked in his cheeks, making himself look gaunt. “My opinion counts for nothing, does it? Am I not loved? Am I not important? Do I not matter to this pretty fairy-tale romance of yours?”

  Lucerne shook his head. Only a blind fool would believe so. It irritated him that Vaughan would even suggest he was not loved or essential given what they had done in Ned Darleston’s sitting room. As if he’d consider allowing a man he didn’t love to swive him, especially in front of the woman he hoped to spend his life with. “You know you are.”

  “But you’re not offering me a ring or any kind of forever.”

  “Vaughan, what we share can’t be declared in that way.” He snarled, teeth gritted so hard his jaw ached. As far as society and the law of the land were concerned, they were unnatural. First order sinners, Satan’s diabolical children, perverts in every possible sense of the word.

  “So that makes it fine for you to publically declare your affections for someone else?”

  “Vaughan,” Lucerne growled wearily, raising his hands. “Saying I intend to wed Bella isn’t me making a declaration of your abandonment. Nothing needs change between us, between any of us. We can go on exactly as we have. Bella understands. Dammit, Vaughan, she more than understands, she encourages our love while the rest of society condemns us. The three of us can still live under the same roof and all share the same bed.”

  “Can we indeed?” Vaughan bared his teeth as he backed up a step. “I don’t think you’re as well acquainted with Miss Rushdale as you believe. Once you’re legally bound, she’s not going to tolerate anything. She’ll dictate. Whatever exists between us will only continue on her terms. I refused to be ruled in that way. I’m not a performing animal, Lucerne. I refuse to be brought out when she desires entertaining and then packed away when she’s done.”

  Lucerne stared at him incredulously. “That’s not how it will be. She is not so vindictive or cruel as that.”

  “It will be exactly like that. I won’t accept it, and I won’t live like that. Let me make myself quite clear. If you marry her, we cease being lovers, friends or even associates.”

  Lucerne reached out to him and stroked the side of Vaughan’s face. “You don’t mean that.”

  Vaughan batted his arm away. “I’m quite serious. If you wish my continued presence in your life, you will abandon this absurd notion of tying the knot.”

  Lucerne chewed the inside of his lip. He�
��d known that Vaughan would react badly. Though he concealed his emotions much of the time, his jealousy was an ever present facet of their relationship.

  “By all means, make a present of the ring if you wish, Twelfth Night is almost upon us, but don’t go down on bended knee.”

  At a loss as to quite how to respond to that, Lucerne turned and paced across the rug. “You do realise that at some point I have to marry. I’ve a title and lineage to maintain and no convenient siblings.” His two older brothers had both died unnecessarily and without issue, leading to his frankly astonishing acquisition of the viscountship. “So why shouldn’t I marry Bella, whom I love, and do so now? I’ve no reason to delay. Doing so only feeds the tattlemongers.”

  “Where is it written that you have to make little Marlinscars?” Vaughan spat.

  Mouth agape, Lucerne stared at Vaughan in frank astonishment. Indeed, there might not be a legal obligation to procreate, but the notion of never having a family was incomprehensible. “Do you seriously expect me never to marry or have children? Where do you get the idea I would ever agree to that?” He never spoke of it, but often thought of little feet pattering along the corridors of Lauwine, and filling the rambling old hall with laughter. “You are completely unreasonable.”

  “How so?” Vaughan’s eyes shone bright with a liquid sheen of raw emotions. “Tell me, Lucerne, how am I being unreasonable? Are we not lovers? Do lovers not stick by one another, and make sacrifices for one another? Is it not enough that I share you already, must I now become a footnote?”

  “I’m not asking you to share me any more or less than at present. Nothing has to change. Bella understands. She accepts. Must I repeat myself?” They glared at one another, teeth gritted, jaws protruding, both with scowls upon their faces.

  “Are you even sure it’s what she wants?” Vaughan asked, breaking the horrid, brittle silence.

  “I can’t conceive of a reason why she wouldn’t.” Every woman sought to make a good match, and he was titled and wealthy, and more importantly, very, very much in love with her, but Vaughan was an expert at sewing doubts.

  “Marriage has never been Bella’s goal. If it were, she wouldn’t have come south with us in the first place. She’d have insisted you court her and claim her hand properly before she was ever alone with you. She lives for pleasure, Lucerne, not love, or dignity, or status, and matrimony has never been about fun, or enjoying one’s self. It’s a business agreement; she signs over everything she has in exchange for the use of your name, and you get to use her as a brood mare.”

  “What a foul and hideous thing to suggest.”

  “It’s a hideous world that we live in.”

  Lucerne’s fists curled so tight his knuckles ached. How could giving their love legitimacy be such an issue? He didn’t know whether to hit Vaughan, shake him, or tell him to go to hell. “I’m going to marry her,” he insisted. “I suggest you get used to that fact.”

  A sad sigh escaped Vaughan’s lips. He bowed his head, closed his eyes and held still for a moment, while he’d schooled his expression into neutrality. “As you wish. Good night, Lucerne.” He walked unhurriedly to the door.

  “Wait,” Lucerne called. His brows knotted. “You’re just going to accept it.” It was not like Vaughan to capitulate so easily. Normally when his temper raged, it did so for hours, if not days. He didn’t accept outcomes that were not his choice.

  “Your mind is obviously made up,” he said. “So there is no point in me stating my case ad nauseam. I do wonder though, how pleased do you think Bella will be to find she went to bed with two lovers and woke with only one?”

  “You won’t go,” Lucerne insisted.

  Vaughan turned on his heels and exited the room. He didn’t turn back, despite Lucerne repeatedly calling his name.

  FIVE

  “What was all the shouting about?” Bella asked when she’d appeared in his doorway, five minutes after Vaughan had left. “Did he want to stay and fuck you?”

  “Something like that,” he sighed. “I do wish you wouldn’t be so vulgar.”

  “You don’t chastise him when he says it,” she retorted defiantly. She set her hands upon her hips. “Why didn’t you let him?”

  “Because I wanted you.”

  A smile washed across her face, making her eyes sparkle. She skipped right over to him, and entwined herself around him. “I’m glad that you’re finally standing up to him. You should stand up to him more, Lucerne. You let him dictate everything, and that’s not right. He’s always intruding on our time together. Most times, we can hardly be together two minutes before he arrives and sways the direction of things.”

  He couldn’t argue. That was the truth. “I didn’t think you minded him joining in. You never protest much at the time, and you always seem to enjoy what he does.”

  Bella peeped at him, a sort of puzzlement making ridges in her brows. “I most assuredly do protest, but he takes no notice, so I make best of it and play along.”

  “Is that what you were doing earlier, when you insisted I let him fuck me while I was pleasuring you?”

  “He’s upset you,” she said. “What did he say? Did he imply something? Didn’t you enjoy what we did earlier? I thought you had. It excited me.”

  “Vaughan excites you.”

  The lines in her forehead deepened. “Surely you want it to be that way, since I have to share your affections with him. Life would be awful difficult if he only alienated me.” She reached up and touched his face. “Lucerne just because I make the best of things, doesn’t mean I want it to be like this. Of course I’d rather it was just the two of us.”

  He covered her hand with his, and brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them. “Would you?”

  She nodded, but he didn’t believe her. Maybe that was down to Vaughan’s parting words, maybe that was a realisation of what he’d been observing for months on end. Bella was open. There was little artifice to her. She didn’t hide her emotions, she expressed them. And she expressed them volubly, and enthusiastically every time Vaughan touched her. If he weren’t part of what they had any more, she would miss him. She thrived on novelty. “You really believe you’d prefer it if we were an ordinary couple, and he was gone?”

  She withdrew her hand from his grasp. “Is he going somewhere?”

  Lucerne gave a non-committal shrug. That apparently depended on what happened in this room tonight.

  “Let’s forget about Vaughan for now,” Bella said. She sought his hand again, and squeezed it. “Tell me instead, what it is you need to speak to me so urgently about?”

  Lucerne shot a glance towards the drawer where he’d stowed the ring back inside its box. He couldn’t do it, he realised. The stakes were too high. As much as he wanted Bella, he didn’t want to risk waking to find Vaughan gone. The other man might be bluffing when he suggested it was a choice between being wed, or continuing to have two lovers in his bed, but equally he might not.

  “Lucerne?” She got his attention by grasping hold of the top of his breeches and tugging him towards the bed. “What did you want to say?”

  “Just that I’m so pleased we met, and that you were brave enough to leave your home and fly south with me.”

  She laughed in delight. “Why that was two years ago.”

  “Yes, but I don’t think I’ve ever said it.”

  “You didn’t have to.” She rose enough to reach him to kiss his lips and wrap her arms around his neck. Then she tipped them both backwards onto the bed, so that he was sprawled on top of her. “Blow the candles out. Then come right back here and make love to me. I’ll pretend to be a chaste and pure virgin, and you can be the wicked lord tempting me to sin.”

  “All right.” It wasn’t a scenario he particularly cherished. He tried most of the time to be honourable. If she wanted wicked, she ought to look to Vaughan.

  He turned away and dowsed the candles nonetheless.

  Bella lay in the centre of the bed when he returned, her head upon his pill
ows, and her body as rigid as a board. He whispered sweet endearments, as he slipped his hands under her nightgown and coaxed her submission. All the while, the ring stayed hidden away in the drawer, but when he came he did so inside of her just to spite Vaughan. It might sway his lover’s opinion if Bella happed to get with child, because while Vaughan was a bastard, he wasn’t heartless, and he did care about Bella at least a little.

  SIX

  Christmas Eve 1800, Lauwine Hall.

  The fire had almost burned out as Lucerne’s thoughts had meandered. Looking back, it was so easy to see that a year ago tonight was when everything had changed. Instead of amiable antagonism, Vaughan and Bella’s rivalry grew exponentially after he’d failed to propose. They bickered and raged against one another. They were spiteful and ruthless, always, always out to score points and belittling one another. And he—he had been trapped in the middle.

  That wasn’t the worst of it, though. The worst was the realisation that he wasn’t important any more. He’d become an excuse for all that raging and contact, not a reason for it. When they were together, their gazes slipped over him as if he wasn’t there, as if they were seeking out one other. They no longer fought because they were rivals for his affections. They fought because their desire for one another knew no bounds, and they hadn’t the sense to simply admit it.

  Most likely, Vaughan hadn’t admitted it yet.

  Bella at least had been honest when he’d challenged her.

  Lucerne sucked his lip hard, trying to hold back a wave of bitterness. He’d grown to resent how they used him. He’d looked elsewhere for affection, but hadn’t been free enough to truly find it. Vaughan, of course, had been disgusted with him for that.

  Well, it was irrelevant now. He was free now. He could do what he wished. Find a wife, have a baby. His cock might not like the idea—it certainly didn’t stir at the prospect—but if presented with an actual cunny he was sure it would come round.