Against Me (Cedar Tree Book 3)

by Freya Barker

  Joe came in this morning, just as Clint and his crew were leaving. They had been here at the ass-crack of dawn with replacement glass for the kitchen window and a giant board to close up the hole left by the broken sliding door. The replacement for that would take a few days. If I'd had any reservations left about Clint, they flew out the window this morning when he came in, lifted me clear out of the chair and hugged me against his big bear body.

  "Did good, little lady. Hear you blew his nuts to kingdom come - you're a legend in these here parts now," he put me back down with a chuckle.

  Yeah. Big Neanderthal Clint was definitely growing on me.

  After the shock/surprise/elation/raw terror of last night's news from Naomi, Caleb and I didn't talk much. I guess we both needed time to process what we had known was a possibility, but were shocked to find out that the hormone levels indicated a pregnancy that was at least a few weeks further along. That would mean it happened our first time together when we thought we were protected. When Caleb admitted that the condom we used was one he had carried around for at least three years, waiting for the right opportunity, I could see Naomi had a hard time keeping a straight face. At times I would find myself smiling at him and he'd smile back. It was like having a delicious little secret that wasn't ready to see the light of day yet. Let the knowledge settle in for each of us first. We aren't that young anymore and would be middle aged by the time the kid turns ten. Crud. Scary thought, that, but I have to admit there is no paralyzing fear and the shock is starting turn into an almost giddy excitement. Not even worrying about logistics that much anymore. Not after the events of yesterday. If I can handle a shoot-out, I can certainly handle a couple of dirty diapers.

  Naomi made me an appointment to come see her for a prenatal visit and to see about an ultrasound in a month, and told me I was cleared to leave after she took out my remaining stitches.

  We checked in on Neil before we left the hospital and I begged Caleb to take me to the veterinarian clinic to see Blue before heading home. Blue had just come out of surgery and was groggy, but lifted one eyelid when he heard my voice. I couldn't hold back my tears when I saw the shaved patch of skin where they'd managed to dig out the slug he took for me. After being assured he'd be well taken care of and could probably come home tomorrow to continue recuperating, Caleb had to drag me out the door.

  With a patrol car stationed outside, we rolled into bed, with a pile of extra blankets to ward off the night cold that snuck in from the broken windows and wrapped around each other tumbled into a deep sleep.

  "Huh," Caleb grunts, rubbing his hair, which is starting to grow a little longer. I like it. "Wouldn't be cartel. They wouldn't hire outside help unless high quality; not some thugs off the street. Odd."

  "And it's not likely from Grand Junction either," I add, "this has to be connected to Sue's murder somehow. Unless there is something I am missing somewhere."

  "Well I don't have a lot of details on that case, I'll defer to Sergeant Teva for that one, and I'm sure she's figured the same possibility. She's got a great rep with local law enforcement, so let's wait to see what she comes back with," Joe suggests.

  "Any word from Manny on Benji? Is he talking?"

  "Talked to him last night, actually; he's put the screws on Benjamin, told him right now he'd go down for aiding and abetting, but if he continued to protect the guy, they'd have no choice but to charge him with the arson and murder as well. Apparently, that had impact. Gorge Guzman. I called it in to Gus right away and he's been trying to get a hold of one of his FBI contacts. Still trying to work with their support, but they have about three years' worth of man hours invested in this case against the Agave cartel and aren't about to negotiate that away over a drug deal gone bad. I just don't see it happening."

  I try to sort all the information, while I work on another pot of coffee in the kitchen.

  "Better make that decaf. Right, little one?"

  My hand halts mid-air with the scoop of full strength coffee grinds ready to drop in the filter. Right. Replacing it in the canister without being too obvious about it, I quickly pull out the decaf coffee and proceed, hearing Caleb's low chuckle behind me; which I pointedly ignore.

  "Okay, so we have Malachi somewhere close by and safe. We now have a name for the rogue cartel guy who was working hand in hand with Mal's second in command of the Klesh, Benjamin. Those two were trying to pin the creaming of drug shipments for their own profit on Mal, putting the lovely Duarte brothers on his tail. Completely unaware of the rat in their own house, they’re after Mal full force, ironically using this Guzman to flush him out by coming after me, with the added benefit of taking out the one person who can place creepy Ernesto at Larchwood the night of Sue's murder. How am I doing so far?" I pause to take a breath and am met with nods.

  "Go on," Caleb encourages.

  "To get them to back off us... off me, is to convince the Duarte brothers about Guzman's duplicity and Mal's innocence, at least as far as pilfering their drug shipments goes. But that still leaves the fact that I've seen one of them at Larchwood with their father the night of the murder; nothing can undo that. In fact, I'm surprised the feds haven't shown up on my doorstep yet. I would've thought they'd be thrilled to have another potential nail in Duarte's coffin."

  I'm standing at the counter and take two cups in one hand, while reaching out to the island with my other. Without even thinking I shuffle the two steps it takes to get there and slide the cups in front of the guys; Caleb with an ear-splitting grin on his face and Joe with his mouth hanging open. Then I turn around, look at my chair and realize what I've just done. I swallow hard before looking at Caleb.

  "I think I need crutches or something."

  He smiles even bigger. "Done," he says.

  After dealing with Joe's surprise at my progress and my own shock at my body's automatic movements, we spend some more time discussing the point I brought up. A valid one. Not to mention the oddballs from Grand Junction who showed up shooting out of the blue. Twenty minutes of talking in circles and Joe announces that he's heading back to Cortez and will be in touch with any news. Caleb and I are not far behind, hoping to get a few necessary supplies at Wal-Mart for when Blue comes home; my puppy needs food and a bed. And maybe we'll pop in at Walgreens to have a look at some crutches.

  "What do you mean Blue can't come home?"

  After spending an hour or so in a store I would rather not be found dead in, Wal-Mart, we finally make our way to the cash register with a cart piled high with what Katie deems to be 'necessary items' for the mutt's comfort. Of course I'm the sap pushing the damn cart, but the huge grin on Katie's face is well worth it. And it might be that it is me who wanders into the department with all the baby stuff... You know, just to look. So even though we haven't really talking about the baby, we both are pretty damn giddy picking out the tiniest fucking socks and shirts I've ever laid eyes on. Damn socks barely fit over my finger and the shirts are about as big as the palm of my hand. Now that scares me a bit. But Katie is happy and we had a fucked up day yesterday so it makes for a great way to kill time until we can get her dog.

  Damn Wal-Mart even had crutches, so that saved us going into another store. Elbow crutches these things are called with a cuff to slide her arm in and handles for her hands to lean on. Seems to be a bit easier to manoeuvre than those things you stick in your armpits.

  She's actually standing on them now, determined to use them right away, since the woman working in that department at Wal-Mart was kind enough to adjust them to size for her.

  "Ms. Acker, I'm sorry, but Blue had a bit of a rough morning and although he is doing better now, I'd really prefer to have him get through twenty-four hours without complication before I send him home with you."

  The vet gives Katie a sympathetic look.

  "Of course," I answer for her, seeing her struggle to hold back tears, "can you tell us what happened?" I slide behind Katie and slide my arms around her stomach, to give her some support. Her body imm
ediately leans in to me.

  "He did fine through the night, but this early morning developed a fever. We understand he was a stray?" he asks, eyebrow raised. I simply nod yes, as does Katie.

  "Not sure exactly what caused it... hard to tell when we don't have a medical history, but I can tell you that overall he's in pretty good shape or he would likely not have survived this. I put him on an antibiotic drip and fluids and almost immediately his fever went down, but he is still a bit lethargic. He is strong though, and will more than likely come through this little set back too."

  With a smile to Katie and a hand on her arm he asks, "Would you like to see him?"

  Almost. I almost grab the guy's hand and break his fingers. The urge is strong, and I don't care that he probably remembers the Beatles' first visit to the US as if it were yesterday. Katie must've felt the tension in my body ‘cause she twists her head back and through the slight sheen of wetness in her eyes, the look she throws me sparkles with mischief.

  "Behave," she whispers. To the vet she says she'd love to see Blue, and we are lead back through a long hallway lined with wire kennels housing a variety of animals that, as the guy explains, are waiting for their surgery. Poor saps.

  The smell hits me first; it smells like sickness in here. Now granted, I'm not digging the whole antiseptic smell of this place. It doesn't quite seem to hide all the underlying odors, but in here, it makes for a cloying combination.

  He leads us to a kennel on the far side and opens the door on the middle one.

  "We put him in here, so we could slide him in right off the gurney. He's a big boy and we didn't want to jar him too much by lifting him. You can lean right in."

  Lying on his side, the poor mutt looks even worse than he did before. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that I can see his chest moving, I'd have passed him off as gone. Leaning into the kennel, Katie pushes one of her crutches at me to hold and sticks her hand in to pet his fur carefully, mumbling softly in his ear. Hardly noticeable at first, but with increasing strength, his tail starts to wag and I nudge Katie.

  "Atta boy, Blue. You gotta stay another night, but tomorrow we'll come get you, okay? And you'd better get prepared to live in a house, ‘cause I'm not letting you go."

  The slow lift of an eyelid reveals a watery and rather red-rimmed signature blue eye, catching Katie straight on. I'll be damned. Fucking dog. Katie leans in and kisses that dirty mutt right on the nose before turning to me, "Let's go."

  With the agreement we'll call first thing tomorrow morning to confirm his pick up for noon, and the assurance that Katie can call to check on him as much as she wants, we head out to the Tahoe. I'm about to lift her into the cab when she throws her arms around me and kisses me full on the lips. I lean into the kiss before suddenly pulling back.

  "Hey! You just kissed that dirty mutt with those lips."

  "Yeah, but he's part of the family now, so deal."

  Eyes sparkling, smile on her face, the disappointment of a few moments ago gone, I feel I've got it all, and I want to give it all back.

  "About that..." I start, "I've been trying to find the bitch who was supposed be looking after you―your adoptive mother? I may have found something."

  The surprised look on Katie's face is quickly replaced with a darker one. Not the look I was going for.

  "Was meaning to talk to you about that," she bites off, "but as usual, shit got in the way. Tell me."

  How the hell did she find out? Neil. That little fuckface. Fine. All or nothing.

  "Asked a buddy who served with me to look into it. Former Ranger who works from Denver tracking missing people. Denver, 'cause Neil told me that is the last place there is any official record of her. Phil, my buddy, took her latest DMV picture to the streets and got a hit. She was known as Cora and hung around the Pearl Street Mall for a few years but hadn't been seen the last two. When he checked deeper, he discovered that during an extreme cold spell in 2013, in total three homeless people had died due to exposure. One still only identified as Jane Doe."

  Realization spreads over Katie's face and I wrap my arms around her and quickly lift her up into the cab before she falls down. Cupping her face in my hands, I look in her eyes. "You okay, sweets?"

  Nodding, she motions for me to go on; her lips firmly pressed together.

  "Phil took her particulars, the information he got from the streets and his suspicions to the coroner's office and we are waiting for confirmation, but he's pretty sure it's her."

  The sob that escapes her lips has me second-guess my decision to tell her. Christ. Did I fuck up again? Did I just break her heart even more?

  "I'm sorry," I mumble in her hair as I wrap her in my arms. Idiot. But then I feel her hands pushing me back so I move.

  Her eyes wet with yet more tears, she scowls at me. "Be sorry for going behind my back, Caleb Whitetail; however well-intended, but don't be sorry for what karma decided to dole out. I wouldn't wish a death like that on anyone and I am sorry her life ended like that, but hers consisted of a series of self-destructive choices that not only carried consequences for her, but my dad and me as well."

  Wiping her nose on her sleeve she continues, "I'm emotional because that's all I seem to be these days and it is fucking driving me insane!" Her voice goes up in frustration as a stubborn tear manages to escape her tightly squeezed eyelids.

  I sweep her hair off her forehead and lean mine against it. "I just wanted to give you a chance for the family you deserve, Katie," I tell her, a rasp to my voice.

  Her hands come up to hold my cheeks and her luminescent green eyes look straight into my dark ones.

  "Silly man, I already have all the family I need right here."

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  It's mid-afternoon when we walk in the door and the house is bustling with activity. Hell, it's a Saturday and still Clint has his crew working non-stop. Okay, they'd had the Thursday off, but that was almost negligible with the damage that was done to their work that day.

  "Hey Clint!" I yell from the bottom of the stairs.

  "Little lady," his smiling face appears in the opening above me.

  "Didn't think you guys would come in today?"

  "Actually just finishing up a few loose ends. I'm putting the crew on a new project next week and it'll just be me here from time to time, to see what your man needs assistance with. He's determined to do the rest himself."

  I turn to look at Caleb's smiling face. He seems happy – relaxed almost – and we’re still neck deep in shit with this case, but it doesn't seem to dampen his mood. He wants to wield a hammer and get dirty; he can be my guest. I might be willing to pick up a paintbrush, but that's about as far as I'll go. Now outside, that's a different ballgame altogether. I can't wait to get Seb's little sister Faith over here and start working on a garden for the summer.

  Leaving the men to talk about plumbing, scheduling the elevator delivery and other mind-numbing stuff, I hoist the bags of stuff Caleb brought in over to the kitchen table and start unpacking. A little pang when I pull out the gigantic dog bed we bought Blue, reminds me that we've had to leave him behind, but it makes me feel better to find a place for it beside the couch; not too far from the fireplace. The vet mentioned he would have the appropriate food ready for him, so we never bothered picking that up; I assume we'll get it tomorrow - and the two giant metal bowls to hold his kibble and water are beside the island on the floor. Whether or not Blue would decide to stay with us, I don't know, but if and when he does, I'm gonna make damn sure he is at home.

  The next bag I take into the bedroom, closing the door behind me.

  The slight tilt of the bed startles me and I find Caleb sitting on the edge of the bed beside me. I must've dozed off.

  "I can't believe how small they are."

  His fingers toy with the little socks I am clutching in my hand. I can't help but smile. His hand looks ridiculously huge in comparison.

  Lifting my eyes to his, I see a hint of concern on his beautiful face.
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  "We haven't really talked about this yet, have we?" he says, his fingers now lazily tracing my hairline. I simply shake my head.

  "I..." he stops, runs his hand through his hair and starts again, "I realize everything about us has gone into fast-forward for you, and that this may not have been how you envisioned your future, but Katie, it’s everything I've lived and breathed for for the past four years. Fuck, it's more. The first time I touched you was the last time I ever touched another woman. This baby... I'm gonna be an old asshat of a father, but I so want this baby... with you."

  Scooting back in the bed, I tug on his arm until he lays down beside me and I can crawl up on his chest and look down in his face.

  "You listen and listen carefully. If I had known any of this was even remotely possible for me. If I had known this kind of thing existed, I wouldn’t have wasted four years on something I thought I was only good for. I recognized you for the man you are four years ago, Caleb, and all I knew was that what you deserved was not in me to give. You have the most beautiful soul of anyone I know and why you have chosen to save it all these years... to save yourself for me, I'll never understand, but I won't question it. Not anymore. I love you, and if someone like you can love me. Hell, that must mean I’m loveable too. Building a family together? God, you've handed me the world on a platter."

  My face is wet with tears that have been streaming down my cheeks since Caleb started talking and when his strong arms crush me to his chest and his hand presses my face in his neck I can feel his face is wet too. Fuck, we're a mess.

  "You gut me, Yázhí," he chokes on his words.

  My eyes are gritty as my eyelids slowly open up to Katie draped over my chest sleeping deeply, the receding light of the day throwing a hazy light over the room. Another buzz from the vicinity of my hip reminds me what woke me up in the first place and I shift her body slightly to fish my phone out of my pocket.