Jane Doe No More

by M. William Phelps

  Not one friend or family member showed up in the courtroom to support Regan.

  It was surreal and anticlimactic. It was maddening seeing Regan standing there with no remorse. The Alford Doctrine is the wimp’s way out. He never said anything other than one-word answers to the judge’s questions. His . . . attorneys spoke about his rights and [one of them] wanted it to be stated that Regan could appeal the decision that mandated he be registered as a sex offender.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  Change

  With John Regan’s Connecticut cases fully adjudicated, it was time for Donna to make her decision about Dateline. Even after careful reflection, she still wasn’t sure whether coming out and being a voice for rape survivors was the right choice for her. And John Palomba wasn’t so thrilled about going public with the story and his wife becoming the spokesperson for sexual assault victims. In fact, John was mortified that private Palomba matters would be aired to such a wide, national audience.

  Still, it was Donna’s call. She had gone through the hell that had become her life after that night Regan had maliciously changed things in the Palomba house forever.

  “Donna was lucky that she had a strong family, a loving husband,” Maureen Norris later said. “This sort of thing would have destroyed other families—certainly other marriages.”

  A week before Thanksgiving, Sue Simpson contacted Donna with a request. Sara James, the Dateline correspondent who would conduct Donna’s interview on air if she agreed, wanted to meet with Donna, answer any questions, and talk things through. James, a seasoned journalist and popular NBC personality who had been with Dateline since 1994, was prepared do whatever she could to help ease Donna’s mind. James was no talking head or television figurine with a pretty face placed in front of a camera because she looked the part. She had won an Emmy award, several Gracies, and a Headliner, among others. Ironically, James had scooped up the Headliner award in 2004 for a Dateline segment she did on the last September 11 victim to be released from the hospital—a segment titled “Meet Jane Doe.”

  The meeting went well. James was sincerely interested in Donna’s Jane Doe No More cause and listened empathetically as Donna sat and talked about what she wanted to do. In the end, Donna walked away from the meeting feeling good about appearing on Dateline, yet she still had several concerns she needed to work out with Simpson, in writing, before she would officially agree.

  This scared me terribly, as anyone might imagine. I believed it was the right thing to do. Still, I had been Jane Doe for so long. I felt ready to come out, yet my husband had reservations and my family was growing increasingly concerned. I was impressed by Sara James’s and Sue Simpson’s professionalism during that lunch . . . so in the end, I decided the hour had come for me to help victims. It was that, or all of the suffering I had gone through would have been for nothing. It was time for me to step out from behind the Jane Doe curtain. Among the things I insisted on with agreeing to the interview was to dovetail the airing of the segment with the launch of the Jane Doe No More initiative.

  Maureen Norris had been there for Donna throughout the past ten-plus years. When it came time for Donna to decide on doing Dateline, she went to Maureen for both legal and personal advice.

  “I felt that it was Donna’s decision,” Maureen said later. “If she felt that’s what she needed to do—come out as Donna Palomba and not Jane Doe on national television—and she felt strong enough to do it, then she should. Look, she made a big decision that she was no longer going to hide behind a curtain . . . and, in the end, it was great for her. I think it kind of stopped her from feeling like she had done something wrong.”

  It empowered Donna and allowed her to take back her life, which, in turn, opened her heart, mind, and soul and allowed her to help others.

  “She had felt that this had happened to her for a reason,” Maureen added. “And maybe that reason was that she had to fight for other people.”

  After rescheduling the Dateline interview because of a terrible bout with the flu (which must have scared Simpson into thinking Donna was getting ready to bow out), on February 9, 2006, Donna and John met with correspondent Sara James at an inn near their home.

  John and I sat next to each other as John was interviewed. It was very emotional for both of us. John was choked up as he talked about the struggle between his spiritual and human side. He relayed that story of when he went for a walk with [his friend] one night and said that he had to kill Rocky. They interviewed John for a couple of hours. He left, and we broke for lunch. Then it was my turn, and I was interviewed for about three hours. I felt that it went well, but by the end I was completely drained and felt like I didn’t talk enough about the initiative. I also did not talk about the policy and procedure changes I was after—and the fact that pursuing the Jane Doe No More initiative and having something good come from something so evil has been a part of my healing. But it was done, and I had to let go. Above all, I wanted it to be a story about hope, and I believe that came through. *****

  Fourteen months went by before the Dateline episode (titled “The Man Behind the Mask”) aired. Donna did not come out as herself for the first time on the Dateline episode. Her big reveal from behind the Jane Doe mask came on Friday, April 27, 2007, on NBC’s Today show to promote the Dateline episode airing that Sunday night. Donna had been told on the Wednesday before, April 25, that she was scheduled to be live on air with Meredith Vieira during the highly rated 7:35 a.m. slot.

  “It really shook me,” Donna said. “The thought of being live in front of what was then the largest audience on network news television was intimidating.”

  They aired a two-minute set-up piece ( footage from the Dateline show that was to air on Sunday), and I asked that the monitor not be in my view. They obliged, but I could hear the audio, and it startled me, especially the clip from the 911 call. As it was happening, I could look outside the studio and see the crowd of people (mostly women) gathered in the street. They were simultaneously watching the video clip and watching me sit with Meredith, waiting to be interviewed. They saw that I was startled, and the crowd began to give thumbs-up and many of them put their hands over their hearts in an expression of love. It was really wonderful, and I knew instantly that I had made the right decision.

  The two-hour Dateline segment brought in nearly eight million viewers that Sunday night, April 29, 2007. It was one of the highest ratings Dateline had seen in years. Donna’s JaneDoeNoMore.org website took tens of thousands of hits after the episode. Many victims/survivors of sexual assault and rape shared their wrenching stories of being raped and not believed on the JaneDoeNoMore.org message board. There was hope in many of the posts, not simply despair and pain. It was as if the victims who were out there feeling alone now had someone listening and fighting for them. Survivors of rape had a voice. There was a place on the web they could congregate and talk. Donna had achieved one of her foremost goals: to get the word out that victims of rape and sexual assault should not feel alone or condemned because somebody didn’t believe their stories, or they were too afraid to come forward.

  Donna’s message to first-time visitors on the site was pure and on point.

  Jane Doe No More is born out of my experience as a victim of sexual assault. Crime is an unfortunate reality in today’s society, and I was unprepared for what was ahead after the attack as, I believe, is the case with most victims. I was mistreated by the very system put in place to “protect and serve” the innocent. On top of the pain and suffering associated with the crime, the abuse afterward rendered the healing process all the more difficult.

  Through perseverance and the support of my wonderful family and friends, however, along with law enforcement and legal professionals who have believed in me, there has been an amazing turn of events . . .

  I am Jane Doe no more; I am Donna Palomba. It was my decision to come forward to break the social stigma
s associated with this misunderstood crime and help other victims heal. I believe we learn most from our greatest challenges, and I want to share what I have learned. Yes, I am a victim, but I am also a survivor, and I have gone on to have a wonderful life both personally and professionally. I look forward to a bright future.

  Donna Palomba never gave up. She faced her attacker and accusers and stood firm in what she believed, never wavering.

  On August 21, 2007, a truly historic day for sexual assault victims in the state of Connecticut, Donna was able to fulfill one of the dreams she’d had from the moment she realized John Regan would not be prosecuted fully for what she believed he had done. Standing at a lectern inside the WPD, Connecticut Governor Jodi Rell and WPD Chief Neil O’Leary standing like pillars beside her, Donna announced that she had officially gotten the statute of limitations for several sexual assault crimes involving DNA evidence in the state of Connecticut removed.

  Her tenacity and perseverance within the legislative system had paid off.

  It was time to celebrate.

  Then the governor addressed the crowd, saying quite unequivocally and frankly: “Make no mistake: Sexual assault is a violent crime. It is not a crime of passion. It is violence of the most personal and devastating kind, as brutal in its own right as murder. And it deserves not only harsh punishment but our very best—and unswerving—effort to bring the perpetrators to justice. Today Connecticut takes another step in that direction.”

  The law Rell signed into effect that day “eliminate[d] the statute of limitations on six of the most serious sexual assault crimes if the perpetrator had been identified by DNA evidence and the victim notified authorities of the assault within five years.”

  It had been passed that July during a special legislative session.

  “She has made changing the law in Connecticut her personal mission,” Governor Rell said of Donna. “Her advocacy for this change has made her a true Connecticut hero.”

  I dream big. We live in an uncertain world in an uncertain time. It is up to good people to stand up and take action if we want to make a better world for our children and our children’s children. And I do believe what goes around comes around; so many incredible things have happened on this journey, and I try to focus on priorities and what God wants me to do. It has become part of my healing process. I am learning every day, and it has inspired me to share that knowledge with others.

  ***** To watch the Dateline episode, “The Man Behind the Mask,” in its entirety, please go to www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18405518/ns/dateline_nbc-crime_reports/t/man-behind-mask.

  Epilogue

  BY DONNA PALOMBA

  According to my research, someone is raped every two minutes in this country. Most victims are between eighteen and twenty-four years old. One of the biggest obstacles I face every day is simply uttering the word and getting people to understand that rape is a crime we need to talk about.

  It is not only okay to say the word rape, but necessary in order to understand its repercussions within the community and break the taboo of talking about it with friends and family. Consider this fact: 95 percent of rapes committed on college campuses go unreported. Now consider that the perpetrator will likely rape again. With that information alone in mind, we can no longer turn a blind eye to sexual assault. There is no such thing as “this doesn’t happen in my neighborhood.” In all likelihood, you or someone you know has been the victim of a sexual assault and there is reluctance to talk about it. The time has come to end that silence.

  By 2009, Jane Doe No More had grown to the point where I decided it was time for me to leave the marketing agency I cofounded and devote myself entirely to the Jane Doe No More initiative.

  As I reflect back on the past years, I am overcome with a sense of peace. It is a comfort that comes from the fact that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing in this world, and feel I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Back in 2007, when I decided to come forward on Dateline and break out of that Jane Doe cocoon in which I was living, I understood there would be no turning back. What I didn’t know—and how could I, really?—was what God had in store and where the road ahead would take me. I reached out to the brightest and best people I knew to serve as board members and advisors of our newly formed not-for-profit, Jane Doe No More, Inc. We had no office. No endowment. Not one grant. And no financial support from anyone other than friends and family. Mind you, it was 2007—the beginning of a recession. Yet what I recognized not long after taking this leap of faith was that what we lacked in funds and timing, we more than made up for in passion and perseverance.

  My dream was that we could be a catalyst for change to break the stigma and end the silence about rape, which I feel is the most misunderstood and underreported crime in this country. I want each victim of sexual assault to feel confident enough to come forward, knowing he or she will be treated with dignity and respect. Think about this: Just thirty years ago it was unthinkable to talk about breast cancer. Then former first lady Betty Ford came forward and told the world she had it. Mrs. Ford was the catalyst to remove the shame and disgrace around publicly talking about breast cancer. Over the next three decades, Americans learned about breast cancer, which opened up the floodgates to billions of dollars of research funding. Because of Mrs. Ford’s courage to talk about what is a dreaded disease, countless lives have been saved through education, awareness, and early detection. Today, during the month of October—Breast Cancer Awareness Month—there are pink ribbons, numerous activities, buildings lit up in pink, and Major League Baseball players swinging pink bats.

  We at Jane Doe No More are determined to do the same for the crime of sexual assault.

  If the past is any indication as to where we are heading in the future, it looks bright. In just four years, Jane Doe No More has:

  Successfully advocated for the removal of the statute of limitations on sexual assault cases involving DNA evidence in Connecticut and New York, using my story as the foundation for such legislation;

  Created and provided more than 2,500 copies of enhanced training to law enforcement in the form of a roll call video, Duty Trumps Doubt, showcasing sexual assault survivors and law enforcement professionals;

  Trained survivors to speak publicly through our R.A.P.E. (Raising Awareness through Personal Experience) Outreach Program;

  Presented our policy recommendations and procedure changes, along with our core message, at the International Association of Chiefs of Police Conference for two consecutive years (2010 and 2011);

  Trained hundreds of women and young girls in self-defense through the Escape Alive Survival Skills program in collaboration with East Coast Training Systems;

  And much more.******

  I firmly believe the secret to our success can be found in the passion, commitment, and drive of our entire Jane Doe No More team. Every day we receive inquiries from students interested in an internship, while others contact us and wish to volunteer their time and talents. We are improving the way society responds to victims of sexual assault. We are committed to a new and innovative culture of ensuring that victims of sexual assault are allowed to heal and become members of a vocal, vibrant, and visible survivor community. We are gaining momentum. It is infectious and electric. I have been blessed abundantly by the amazing people that are part of this grassroots campaign to create lasting change.

  Personally, I understand that each day is a gift filled with opportunities to make a difference. If you feel the same, please visit our website and join our team, send us a friendly message, and like us on Facebook.

  ****** Please go to www.janedoenomore.org for a complete list and more information.

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  Listing the people responsible for the production of a book is always a challenge. With a project of this scope, thanking such great people becomes about focusing on those individuals who worked hard to get the story into print. First, I want to thank Donna Palomba for her des
ire to open up and tell her story.

  I think the two most important people to acknowledge with regard to this story are Keith Wallman (my editor) and Janice Goldklang (publisher) from Lyons Press. Janice and Keith looked past the stigma attached to rape and believed that this project was worthy enough to override any possible obstacle down the road. There remains a public aversion to the crime of rape. Many large publishers did not want to touch this story simply because, according to them, the word rape carries so much ugly baggage along with it that readers and booksellers steer clear of anything related to the subject. I never expected this when I decided to work with Donna. I believed a good, evocative, and significant story—regardless of the subject matter—sold itself. But the following actual rejection became a common theme from editors reviewing the project: “Thank you for the opportunity to take a look at this. Donna’s story is horrifying to imagine, but what she has done to overcome the experience and to help other rape victims is inspiring. That said, we fear that we would have a difficult time finding a broad audience for this so, sorry to not have better news, but we’re going to pass . . .”

  Over and over, Donna was praised for her tenacity, determination, and the great work she is doing with Jane Doe No More—all while, metaphorically speaking, being ushered out of publishers’ offices with a pat on the back.

  So I need to point out that Lyons Press, an imprint of Globe Pequot Press, deserves credit for not being afraid to publish a meaningful, important story, about which book buyers deserve the opportunity to make up their own minds. I also want to point out that I appreciate project editor Meredith L. Dias’s hard work on the book.