She waves at the phone. “Hi everyone. Happy Thanksgiving. I’m sorry to keep Ryder away from you this year.”
“We don’t mind as long as he’s happy. And it looks like he is. You must be very special. This is the first time he’s ever introduced a girl to us.”
Grinning, I pull her closer against me. “That’s right, mamma. Elle’s special to me.”
“Then you look after her. Make her happy. And bring her here so we can meet her in person. We’re all dying to meet her.”
“I will. You’ll meet her at Christmas.”
I say goodbye to everyone and switch the phone off, directing all my attention back to Elle, who is touching her eyebrow piercing.
She says softly, “They seem lovely, your family. They obviously care about you a great deal.”
“They’re nosy, they’re noisy, but yeah, I can’t complain. They’ve helped me become what I am today. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t know where I’d be. Probably still out on the streets. And now that you’re mine, they’re going to be your family, too. They’re going to love you.”
Elle is staring out the window, not uttering a word. I cup her chin with my hand and gently turn her face towards me. When she lifts up her eyes to meet mine, I notice something I’d never expected to see: tears are rolling down her cheeks.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Elle
I don’t want Ryder to see me cry.
But when he starts talking about his family—how I’m going to part of it, that they’re going to love me—it stirs something up in me, and I can’t stop the tears from falling. I’ve never had a family that cares so much about me as his family does about him, even if they are not even blood-related. Even through the phone, I could feel how much Ryder’s aunt loves him. He has something I’ve never had—a home. The warmth radiating from Ryder’s family on the small screen is such a sharp contrast to the coldness that my mother—the woman who gave birth to me—displayed today, humiliating me in front of the family and worse, in front of Ryder.
I don’t deserve him. I am convinced of that now. And it has nothing to do with his wealth or status—he is the most caring, dependable, and considerate person I have ever met. If I really love him, I should push him away so he can lead a better life without someone as flawed and broken as me.
But the moment he wipes away my tears and pulls me against him, there is no way I can resist. It feels so good to be in his arms; I have never felt safer. Shushing, he strokes my hair, and I bury myself in his chest.
“Beautiful, it’s going to be okay. You’re safe with me,” he whispers. “I’m here for you if you want to talk about it.”
I swallow my tears before I can utter a word, and even then my voice is shaky. “It’s just—you have such a wonderful family. I’m ashamed of mine. I’m so sorry you had to witness what you did.”
“I’m not sorry at all. I wasn’t kidding when I said I wanted to know everything about you. And that includes your family and how you grew up. I like your sisters. And even your mom. I’m sure she means well, but she probably doesn’t know how to express herself.”
I shake my head. “You don’t understand. It has nothing to do with her command of English. She sees me as an object, a possession. One that she can show off to her friends if I do well. But if I don’t, I’m an embarrassment to her. It’s all about face; what she looks like to the outside world. And I don’t look good enough for her. She thinks I’m a failure through and through.”
Ryder furrows his brow. “But she invited you. She wanted you to be there. That should count for something.”
“No, she didn’t invite me. Rose did. And if it weren’t for you, it would have been worse, much worse. She was holding herself back because she likes you, because you’re rich. She couldn’t care less about me.”
“Oh, come on. Aren’t you exaggerating a bit? I know she was wrong to say the things that she did, but she’s your mom after all. At least she looked after you when you were growing up. It’s hard to appreciate that when you’re a hormone-driven teenager. I think she does cares about you, but she just doesn’t know how to show it.”
How dare he say that. He has no idea what my mother is really like. I feel a hot anger invading my veins.
“Exaggerating? You think I’m exaggerating? You think I left home just because I was a spoilt teenage brat and couldn’t get my way?”
“I didn’t say that, I just…”
I stand up, trembling from anger, and raise my finger at him. “You think that my mother really cares about me?”
He lifts up his hands. “I’m just saying…”
“Do you call a mother caring when she doesn’t protect her own daughter? A mother who doesn’t believe her fourteen-year old telling her that her virginity was taken away from her, by force, in her own bed? A mother who claims it was all in her imagination? Is that what you’re saying? Huh?”
Rising to his feet, Ryder grabs my wrist, preventing my finger that is a breath away from his face, from doing any damage. I try to shove him away with my left hand, but he doesn’t budge. Rage churning inside me, I punch him in the chest. I must punish him. He has to suffer—for what that man has done to me, for what my mother has put me through. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.
Ryder lets me punch him a few more times before he grabs my other wrist and hauls me against him. I’m unable to move in his iron grip, no matter how much I try. Eventually exhaustion takes over, and I give up. I start crying, sobbing, bawling. Years of anguish and frustration are pouring out of me.
“She didn’t believe me, she didn’t believe me,” I repeat over and over, while Ryder encircles me with his strong arms, planting kisses in my hair.
“I’m so sorry, beautiful. I had no idea. But I’m here for you. You’re not alone.”
I don’t know how long I stand there against his chest, my tears drenching his shirt. After a while, my sobs subside, and I feel a little calmer. But then I feel Ryder tensing up, and I gaze up into his eyes. To my shock, they are filled with a raw, primal fury.
“Tell me, who did this to you?” His icy tone slices through me.
“No one. I don’t want to think about it anymore.”
Releasing me from his arms, he clenches his fists at his sides. “I’m going to get the bastard who did it. I’m going to make him pay for it.”
“Ryder, no.”
I’m not going to tell him. It happened years ago, and I don’t see the point of dragging it all up again. It will only bring back the pain. Of course I would like to see the asshole get his just deserts, but at what cost? If Ryder manages to find him, what will he do to him? It will make him as much as a criminal as that monster who did it to me. If I’ve learned anything from this, is that violence doesn’t solve anything.
Ryder’s hand cups my cheek. “Tell me. Please. I can’t let him get away with what he’s done to you.”
Shaking my head, I cover his hand with mine. “You’ll never find him. Because I won’t tell you who he is. Really, it’s in the past. I believe he’ll be punished one way or another. Karma, you know.” I force myself to put on a smile.
The expression in his eyes softens. “Elle, I can’t—I can’t take it, seeing you like this. It breaks me to know that someone’s hurt you. I have to do something.”
I’m suddenly aware of his warm hand touching my cheek, his muscled chest barely brushing against my breasts, his cologne mingled with his clean masculine scent surrounding me.
“You can do something.”
I slide my hands up his chest, relishing the feel of the bumps and ridges of his firm muscles. He’s only a fraction of an inch from me, and the air between us seems to crackle. My breasts feel heavy, my nipples peak, and a quiver shoots up between my thighs.
“Take me to your bedroom,” I breathe.
“Are you sure?”
I nod, and in an instant, I feel the floor taken away from under me. Encircled in his strong arms, I am pressed against the hardness of his chest. An
untamable fire courses through my body, causing me to curve my arms around his neck and yank his mouth down to mine, my tongue greedily exploring its dark secrets.
He opens a door, and when we step through it, the muted sound tells me this is his bedroom. He puts me down softly, carefully, never ceasing to kiss me. Somewhere deep inside I am expecting the familiar panic to kick in. But I am so drunk with desire for him, I only think of one thing.
I want him.
I need him.
I need him to make me forget.
Ryder
All the pieces of the puzzle fall into place.
I know why Elle is so guarded, why she acts so tough, and why she didn’t want me to make love to her in a bed. It has triggered memories; horrific memories that she wants to forget.
But now she is underneath me on my bed, and she is not stopping me. Instead, she is pulling me closer, kissing me deeper. She needs this, just as I need her.
I want to taste her, consume her, devour her. But at the same time I want her to know that I’m nothing like that animal, that monster who did that to her. I want her to know how much I care for her, how much I respect her. I want her to enjoy it, to enjoy us. And I want to give her some new memories that will change her feelings about making love on a bed.
I move away from her lips, trailing light kisses into her neck.
“Trust me,” I say in her ear.
She nods. “I do.”
I spin her around until she is lying on her stomach. I unzip her dress, pressing kisses on the phoenix tattoo on her back as it is unveiled, inch by inch. In one pull, her dress is off. All that is left on her is a lacy black thong. I take the flimsy lace between my thumb and my finger and trace it all the way from her hips to the middle of her back and down all the way, between the cheeks of her perfect ass.
God, she is so wet for me. And I’m so hard for her.
I push the thin band of the thong to the side, intending to prime her for what’s to come, but she wriggles beneath me, getting up on her knees, her creamy ass up in the air.
“Ryder, just take me,” she begs.
There’s nothing I would rather do, but I just manage to hold back. “Not so soon, beautiful.”
All of a sudden, she spins around, her eyes darkened, her hair tousled sexily around her shoulders.
“Now,” she growls.
Her hands shake as she fumbles with the buttons of my shirt. Her face flashes with frustration, and she grabs onto my shirt forcefully and rips it apart, making its buttons fly all over the bed.
I grin. “I guess I didn’t realize you wanted it so badly.”
Her gaze is fixed on my pants. “Still too many clothes.”
And only when she unfastens them and shove them down my hips, she lets out a sigh.
“That’s better.”
We gaze at each other for one charged moment, full of lust and want. And then I dive in—I close in on her breasts, cupping them, stroking them, kneading them, while crushing my mouth to hers. She wraps her fingers around my rock-hard dick, squeezing me, and both of us let out a moan.
“I want to feel you in me.” Elle gives me another squeeze, but I take her hand away. I have other plans for her.
“Patience, beautiful.”
My mouth is on hers again, pushing her down the bed until she is lying on her back. And when she is, my tongue finds a path down her throat, lingering for a moment in that sensitive, hollow spot at its base before continuing down to her breast. I suck in a breath when I notice that she has changed her nipple piercings to silver rings with a small diamond at the bottom.
The tip of my tongue finds one side of the ring, and I let it follow it round to the other side before I take her taut pierced nipple into my mouth and start sucking on it. Moaning loudly, Elle lets her head fall back when my tongue starts playing with the ring, flicking it up and down and moving in and out of the opening. I move to the other breast, giving it just as much attention.
My hands take over from my mouth while I kiss my way down to her flat stomach and her belly button, lightly sucking the piercing and swirling my tongue around it. I slide away, heading down towards my destination. Her hands tangle in my hair when I take a first taste of her.
“You taste so sweet, beautiful.”
Lifting her legs and resting over my shoulders for better access, I flick my tongue in and out of her until I find her most sensitive spot. She arches against me, wanting more, and I slide a finger in, then another one. My mouth sucks her taut bud, my tongue circling it and flicking it until she screams out my name, and I feel the explosive spasms around my fingers.
I make my way back up, kissing her navel, her breasts, her throat, and finally, her parted lips.
“Mmm, I can get used to this,” she says, with hooded eyes.
“You better. Because there’s a whole lot more where that came from.”
“Show me. Come inside me.”
Elle’s face is flushed with desire when I position myself at her entrance. I push myself in slowly, feeling her snug and tight around me, and when she closes her eyes, I thrust inside her to the hilt, causing her to open her eyes, moaning, “Ryder, yes.”
I gaze deep into her brown eyes, and an intense feeling washes over me.
“Elle, you’re incredible. I can never get enough of you.”
And in that moment, I realize she has become my whole universe.
Elle
Who would have thought I’d ever be able to do this on a bed? But when I’m with Ryder, everything else falls away—there’s only him.
He’s buried deep inside me, deliciously filling me up, and he looks at me with his dark, intense gaze. Three words whirl through my mind, perching on the edge of my lips: I love you. But before they are able to voice them, Ryder’s lips press to mine, and I’m swept away in the hunger of his kiss.
Finally he starts moving, and I pull him closer, meeting him stroke by stroke. Ryder’s thumbs finger my nipple piercings, and I feel a renewed desire coursing through me. His thrusts become faster, harder, until he is pounding into me, claiming me, making me his. My muscles clench—I’m so close. And when he groans, “Come with me. Now,” I feel him growing inside me, and I come apart in a million pieces.
Ryder collapses on top of me, and I relish the feeling of his weight on my body. With his arms tightly wrapped around me, he rolls on his side, taking me with him. We lay side by side, our faces inches away from each other.
“That was amazing. Thank you,” I say.
“Hey, you have nothing to thank me for. If anything, I should thank you. For letting me into your life. You mean a lot to me, you know that?”
“You’re everything to me,” I say, my voice breaking.
Ryder cups my cheek and kisses me softly, tenderly. When we break apart, I take his hand, weaving my fingers with his.
I say, “I’m ready to tell you who—who did it to me. When I was fourteen. But do you promise you won’t act on it?”
He nods. “I promise.”
I take a deep breath. “It was my uncle. He visited us for the Chinese new year.”
“How long did he stay for?”
“Two weeks. But he only raped me once, just before he left.”
He furrows his brow. “Don’t say ‘only’. He should never have touched you.”
“Since then I haven’t been able to sleep in that bed. I’ve been sleeping on the floor. I’ve been having nightmares for years. And this is the first time—you know…”
He puts his finger against my lips. “Shhh, you don’t have to say anything. Just know that you’re safe with me. Always. From now on, I’ll be there for you. I’ll be there to protect you.”
He pulls me tightly against his body, and we both close our eyes.
And just before sleep claims me, I whisper, “I’m yours.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Elle
I am about to open the front door when a low, velvety voice sends a tremor to my core.
“Before yo
u walk out that door, do you realize you’ve forgotten something? Something very, very important?”
Furrowing my brow, I spin around. Wearing only his tight boxer briefs, Ryder is leaning against the wall. My eyes caress his glorious body, on display for my pleasure only—broad shoulders, rock-hard chest, washboard abs, and narrow hips, not to mention the considerable bulge straining against his briefs. I inhale sharply. The sight of him makes me salivate, mirrored in the dampness between my legs. I can’t think straight. Every cell in my body craves his touch, craves to touch him. What he was saying to me earlier is far from my mind, until he arches a brow, which jogs my memory.
I pat my bag and my pockets. “Forgotten? What do you mean? I’m sure I’ve got everything.”
He crooks his finger. “Come here.”
I take a few steps to close the distance between us, and as soon as I’m within reach, he hauls me against him and kisses me roughly, hungrily, until we are both breathless.
“You forgot my goodbye kiss.”
A wide grin appears on his face, and I can’t help but smile back at him, swatting him on the shoulder. My hands cup the rough, unshaven sides of his face and draw him towards me for a brief kiss. In response, he slides his hands under my top, pulling down the straps of my bra.
“Ryder, come on. I really have to go. I’ll be late for work.”
Leaning over, he nuzzles my neck. “Mmm. Once more. You still have time.”
“No! You’ll just have to wait till tonight,” I say, shoving him away from me.
“In that case, make sure you’re here early tonight. And wait for me in bed.”
Without breaking my gaze, he reaches out to the table beside him and presses a plastic card in my hand, curling my fingers around it.
“Stay with me, beautiful.”
I swallow hard. Am I ready for this?
Ryder’s four words whirl through my mind on my way to work, and every second of my half-day shift today. They must also be the reason I wear a grin on my face that I am not able to wipe off, for my co-workers and regulars keep on commenting on my radiance and cheerful mood. Was I really that sullen and grumpy before this?
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