“Does she know that?”
“I can see your judgement, Seb. Judgement you have no right to make. You know nothing of why I do what I do.”
“No.” His lips pursed, contemplating. “Though I do see that you love her dearly. But you give her no margin to control her own fate. To control what her own heart desires.”
“You do not understand.” Brianna’s eyes closed, her head shaking. “The heart lies, Seb. It is ignorant.” She could not help the lump that forced its way into her throat.
Turning from him, her arms dropped to her sides as she went once more to untangle Moonlight’s reins. “But this—the intentions of men—this I can control, or at least know about. If I know about intent, I can control how it is dealt with. I can control how I protect Lily.”
Sebastian followed her, moving in close, straddling her side, both touching and not touching her with every breath. “That is what you need most, control?”
She paused, her eyes far from him, solid on the reins over the tree branch. Her voice went soft. She wasn’t about to deny it. “Yes.”
“No room for spontaneity?” He leaned down, his mouth near her ear, his breath tickling the skin on her neck. “No room for a heart that speeds? No room for a tingle down your spine?”
He bent even closer, his lips brushing her earlobe. The heat that came with his body should have suffocated her, but it didn’t. It only enveloped her, sending her heart thudding out of control.
Damn that he could make her body react like that. He did it the previous night, and he was doing it again. She had to remember to listen to her mind and not her body.
Her chin dropped to her chest as she tried to even her breath. “No.”
“Again, I disagree.”
Her hands dropping from the branch, Brianna turned to him, looking up at his eyes. The comforting brown eyes that were constantly on her. She swallowed hard. “Why? How? In all of this, Seb—in marrying me. You have convinced yourself you think you see something in me. But why? Why me?”
Without breaking eye contact, Sebastian lifted his hand, his fingers slowly capturing a loose tendril of her hair and tucking it behind her ear. His hand dropped, curling around the back of her neck. “Because of the first time I saw you, Brianna. That first time, the whole world dropped away. Everyone. And you, you were the only person left.”
“You talk gibberish, Seb—you met me by the stream at Notlund.”
“No.” His fingers danced slow circles along the back of her neck. “I saw you in London, Bree. I watched you for two weeks.”
Her head jerked back from his touch, shock shaking her core. He had watched her? She had to forcibly keep her feet from turning and running, terrorized, from him.
Running at this point would do her no good.
She had already married the man.
She swallowed hard. “For weeks? You watched me? Why?”
His smile spread slowly. “That first time I saw you, I knew. Just like I do with the horses—the curse, you called it. It was at the Thorton ball. Rowe had pointed out you and Lily to me. You were talking to your sister with that indulgent-scolding look you get on your face whenever she is getting her way and you are begrudgingly letting her.”
His thumb came up to her bottom lip, tracing the edge of it. “And I do not exaggerate. The moment you turned in my direction—the ball, the music, the people—all of it dropped away and there you stood. My eyes did not leave you that night. And they have not since that moment.”
For a long second, Brianna stared into his eyes, allowing herself to believe him. Allowing herself to believe it truly was her he wanted. Allowing her body to want his—to want him to kiss her, to strip off her shirt.
But then her mind clicked in.
Words. They were just words. And she had fallen for sweet words before.
This was no different.
She took a step backward, almost falling over. Sebastian grabbed her upper arm, steadying her.
She gave him a weak smile and spun from him, successfully loosening Moonlight’s reins from the branch. “We should get back. Lily will be wondering as to my whereabouts.”
~~~
“Bree. Bree.”
Brianna squinted in the midday sun, her eyes slowly adjusting to the light after stepping out of the far right stable. Her eyes acclimated and she spotted Lily running down the hillside from the forest trail to the castle.
She panicked for a second and then realized Lily was yelling her name in excitement, not in distress.
Brianna looked over her shoulder at Sebastian. He was talking to one of the stable boys but glanced her way with a smile and motioned for her to go ahead.
She resisted a curious shake of her head. Much to her surprise, Sebastian let her ride mostly in silence during the long ride back to Notlund from the mill outside of Pepperton. If he was upset at her reaction to his words, he didn’t show it.
Instead, he proved himself to be an easy riding companion. They ran the horses hard in some stretches. Languidly moving along in others. If anything, he made the ride fun, and Brianna had even found herself laughing at times.
All of how he had conducted himself that morning, she appreciated, if nothing else. She knew full well a different man—most men—would have had a very different reaction to his new wife sneaking off in the dawn to meet a strange man.
Brianna turned back to Lily, now almost down the length of the hill and past Wynne’s painting studio. Brianna hurried to her.
“Bree. Bree. It has happened. I am so excited.” Her sister didn’t slow when she reached Brianna, instead, nearly knocking Brianna over as she grabbed her in a hug, swinging her around.
Brianna grabbed Lily’s shoulders, wrangling her backward so she could see her sister’s face. “What? What has happened?”
“Lord Newdale—he proposed.” The squeal in Lily’s voice echoed into the forest.
Brianna stilled. “He has proposed?”
“Yes. It is wonderful.” Lily’s cheeks glowed, her light blue eyes sparkling. “He has proposed and I am so excited.”
“Did you answer him?” Brianna’s grip on her sister’s shoulders tightened.
“No. Not directly. I hugged him. I was so happy. But I told him I had to talk to you first.”
Brianna nodded. “Good. Thank you for respecting my wishes to not answer without talking to me first.”
“Of course.” Lily wiggled out Brianna’s grasp, giving her another throat-choking hug with happy hops. “When can I tell him?”
“Tell him what?”
Lily pulled away. “Tell him yes, silly. When?”
Brianna cleared her throat, stalling for a moment. “I think you need to wait a spell. Think about what you truly want. This is a lifetime you are committing to, Lily.”
“But I do not need to think on it.” Lily’s hands fell away from Brianna, clasping in front of her. “I want Lord Newdale. He is the one. I am positive.”
“But what about Lord Bepton and Lord Rallager?”
“Lord Bepton is doable, but a bit stuffy. And I do not feel for Lord Rallager nearly as much as I do Lord Newdale.” She squashed Brianna in another hug. “This is all so wonderful, Bree.”
“No.”
Lily drew back sharply. “No? What?”
“No. You need to wait to answer him, Lily. At least until the end of summer.”
“But I just told you. I want to say yes. I will write letters to Lord Bepton and Lord Rallager to cancel their trips.” Lily’s hands went frantic in front of her. “Or we could get married right away and leave Notlund, and you can still entertain both of them here—it will not be overly awkward if I am gone.”
“No, Lily. I cannot allow it.”
“No?” Lily shook her head slowly, angst taking over the confusion. “No? What? You cannot mean that, Bree. I need to tell him yes. Immediately. There is no need to wait.”
“No, Lily. I am demanding it. You will wait until the end of summer.”
Lily’s hand
clasped to her mouth, her face horrified. “No, Bree. How can you do this to me?”
“I am not doing this to you, Lily, I am doing this for you,” Brianna said, her voice even. “I just want to make sure you make a good decision in a husband.”
“But I have already made the decision.”
“You are right in the throes of this, Lily, and I know it is very exciting. But you need to spend time with Lord Bepton and Lord Rallager before a decision is made. That is the only way.”
Lily’s eyes narrowed at Brianna, her hand dropping from her mouth. Brianna braced herself.
“Why are you doing this to me, Bree? Again? How could you?”
“Lily—”
“No.” Birds scattered through the trees at the screech of the one word. Lily sneered, her mouth turning to spite. “You are only doing this because you have no heart left, Bree. None. No heart—you cannot even see what is in front of you.”
Lily’s finger pointed over Brianna’s shoulder. “This man—he adores you for no reason. No reason. You have done nothing to deserve it. Nothing.”
Brianna glanced back over her shoulder to see Sebastian standing behind her. She hadn’t even heard him approach. Her eyes swung back to her ranting sister.
“You got to marry him. It is not fair. You got to marry and I do not. I have someone that wants to adore me. Me. And now you are trying to take away what little happiness I am managing to scrape out after what you did to me. It is not fair, Bree. You are being cruel.”
Brianna’s palms went up, trying to reason. “Lily, my life has nothing to do with this—”
Lily swung, her arm knocking Brianna’s hands out of the air. “It has everything to do with it, Bree. You cannot love, and you know it, so you do not want me to have love—to have happiness.”
“You know that is not true, Lily.”
“It is. You are cold, Bree. Nothing but a cold stone that no one can touch, and I hate you for it. You refuse to let me live my life. You refuse to let me go and you are determined to drag me into your cold world. Make me like you.”
Lily stepped into Brianna, nose to nose, her voice vicious in bitterness. “Well, I will not become you, Bree. I will not. I will not become the sour, controlling woman you have collapsed into. You can have your cold heart, Bree. Just keep it away from my warm one.”
Lily whipped around, running off before Brianna could even react. Before she could even make sense of her sister’s words.
And then they hit her.
Every word.
Every truth she spewed.
They hit Brianna and doubled her over. She curled into herself, holding her stomach. If her sister had punched her in the gut, it would have hurt far less.
As much as she tried to hold them in, tears filled her eyes, spilling over, dropping to the ground in front of her.
“Brianna…” Sebastian’s hand landed gently on her shoulder.
She jerked away from him, hiding her face in her hands. “I have to go to her…I have to…” Her words choked off, her feet stumbling.
Sebastian did not let her go far, grabbing both of her shoulders from behind. His hands solid against the shaking of her body.
“Let me.” His fingers tightened on her shoulders. “I will go after her.”
Brianna could not answer him at first. She tried. She tried to lift one leg and then the other. But they were dead weight. She thought she could regain enough control to go after Lily, to make her feet move, but she could not.
Not at the moment.
Someone had to go after Lily.
Slow in defeat, she nodded.
Sebastian’s hands moved along her shoulders, and with one final squeeze to her neck, he left her standing by the stables.
~~~
Sebastian found Lily in a quiet alcove of the new gardens Wynne had designed alongside the castle’s east side. Not yet mature, the evergreens that denoted the paths and garden rooms only reached to Sebastian’s forehead, which had made it much easier to pinpoint the soft crying.
He stepped through the opening along an evergreen wall to find Lily sitting on a wrought iron bench with delicate scrolls curving in an elaborate dance along the back of it.
“I have noticed Brianna does like to make your decisions for you.” Sebastian dropped a white handkerchief in front of Lily’s downcast head. “But I do think she has your best interest at heart, Lily. It is something that I find curious about her.”
Startled, Lily looked up at him, her eyes red rimmed. She took the cloth.
“May I sit?”
Lily nodded.
Sebastian sat next to her, leaning forward to balance his forearms on his thighs, his eyes on the bright green grass. “I do not think Brianna makes these demands to hurt you, Lily.” He glanced at her. “She wants to keep you safe. Even in my limited time with her, I recognize that.”
“Yes, safe—too safe. It is just so frustrating how she now acts.” Lily wiped her eyes with the cloth, her breath quivering. She looked over to Sebastian. “She has not always been like this.”
“No? I imagined her cutting your food until you were sixteen.”
Lily chuckled through her frown. “You are so very wrong. Brianna would have been the very first person to be excited about my engagement. She would have been planning the wedding even before it was something to be planned.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
She nodded. “It is true. Bree used to be the exact opposite of what she is now. She always took care of me, of course, she is my older sister after all and our mother was dead. But we had the best times—so much fun, so much laughter. Our papa was the kindest man—he could weave the most incredible, funny, inappropriate stories for us. Our family, our life—with the viscount and his son, and Brianna and my father—the five of us were incredibly happy before the viscount died, and then…”
She shook her head, her chin dropping. Sebastian let her take a moment to wipe her eyes again.
“What happened to your father?”
Even with a view only of her profile, Sebastian could see Lily’s face darken considerably.
“He died,” she said, her head down.
“How?”
“He was killed. I do not know what happened. I only saw the aftermath.”
“Aftermath?”
Lily took several deep breaths before she had steadied herself enough to look up to him. But her voice still shook. “I swore to Bree I would never speak of that time again.”
“You do not have to tell me, Lily.”
“But I do. You are her husband. So I do. Someone needs to.” She paused, wiping her eyes once more. “I found them…in the abandoned abbey on the viscount’s estate. Papa was dead, his throat slashed. Brianna was tied to a chair. Blood all over her. I thought she was dead as well. She lived.”
Lily took a shuddered breath, twisting the handkerchief in her hands. “But what happened…it killed her. Who she was. Who she had always been. Easy and bright and spontaneous and funny—someone you just wanted to be around because she shined. She would have been the darling in London…she would have. She truly shined.” Lily’s eyes glassed over with fresh tears.
Instant rage at the scene Lily described flooded Sebastian’s veins. That someone had dared to hurt Brianna. That she had watched her father die.
He swallowed the fury in his throat. “Who did it? What happened to Brianna in that abbey?”
“I do not know. I have asked her a hundred times over, but she has never told me.” Lily’s blue eyes, exact replicas of Brianna’s, saddened even further. “And then I just stopped asking.”
“You know nothing?”
Lily shrugged, her head shaking. “Only the horror of what I saw. And the only word I heard her say in that bloody room was ‘Gregory.’ And just once. I could have misheard her, for all the terror in those moments. Papa was dead, she was fighting for life, I was screaming—panicked—I do not know.”
“Who is Gregory?”
Her eyes sna
pped to him, instant distress invading her features. “I have said too much.”
Lily turned from him, starting to her feet.
Sebastian grabbed her forearm, stopping her. “No, please, tell me. I need to know. Who is Gregory?”
She shook her head.
“Please, Lily. I am her husband. I need to know.”
Lily looked at him for a hard moment and then sat on the bench with a heavy sigh. “I do not wish to be rude or cause offense to your current situation…but she loved him, Gregory. He was the one I spoke of. She was so different then—she knew how to love once—she truly did. She was set on marrying Gregory. They were engaged—weeks away from the wedding. But then he just disappeared.”
“Right after your father died?”
Lily tilted her head, thinking. “I believe so. Maybe he felt guilty for not saving her from what happened—maybe he could not face her—I do not know. I am trying to remember if he was at the funeral…it was all such a blur. Brianna was in so much pain, and then the funeral, and then her wounds gave her a fever—she almost died twice after that first day.”
Tears escaped Lily’s eyes. Her head dropped, and she quickly wiped away fat droplets. “I apologize. I try not to think of those times. So when I do…they make me sad, that is all. All that was lost on that day.”
“I understand. It could not have been easy for Brianna. Nor for you.” His hand went lightly to her shoulder. “All wounds are not physical, Lily.”
Lily nodded softly, her head down, eyes closed. It took several moments before her breathing evened and she looked to him. “It is why I let Brianna control everything. She needs the control more than I need her not to have it. So I let her be and love her, because I will always see her exactly as she used to be. Warm and kind and funny and adoring me. Not just my sister—my mother, my confidante, my dearest friend—my everything. And she will always be that person. I refuse to give up that filter. Because I know—I saw how what happened that day stripped her of everything she was and left her as she is now.”
A warm smile spread across her face. “I hope one day I will not need the filter. That she will be all those things to me again. I truly think she can be.”
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