The Senator's Secret: A Secret Baby Romance

by Price, Jane

  Despite all that, what I couldn’t get past was the fallout from Jack finding out about Will. Prepping myself to go see him, I didn’t know what to expect, but I guess it was more than what he gave me. I didn’t disillusion myself by thinking he would fall to his knees and weep with joy, but I thought he would maybe have the means of forming a full sentence at least. It hurt, knowing now that the man I had held in such high regard was no better than anyone else. I had loved him. Respected him. I had him on a pedestal thinking I was admiring him, but instead I just made it so that it hurt a lot more watching him fall.

  I guess hearing that your mistress had your baby would floor most people. Because when it came down to it, that’s all I was. In my own head our relationship may have been more than that, but today I learned that the reality was that I was nothing more than a fling. And up until I told him the truth, he had treated me exactly like that. Like nothing had changed. He was my boss and I was his hidden love affair. He offered me a job, even. Back to my position as his official bed warmer, I guess.

  I tossed on the bed and remembered how much I had loved what we had. It felt good to be with him, and it felt like I had found a lifelong partner. I guess it was just a misconception that if he would have stuck around, we would have made a real go of things. I was such a fool to sacrifice so much for his benefit. I was such a fool to pretend for so long that I was happy with how things were. The hurt of that stung my eyes and I cursed myself for being so stupid.

  And now, in the aftermath, I had to carry on. I had been doing a good job of leading a new, semi-fulfilling life without him, creating all kinds of ideas of being a great martyr. Now I had to face the idea that maybe he was just another man who liked sleeping with a woman who liked letting him be in control.

  I snuggled deeper into the bed, willing myself to fall asleep so I wouldn’t have to think about Jack Lawson anymore.

  *****

  Morning came, despite sleep eluding me. At some point during the night, just before the sun dusted my room in light, my disappointment and guilt turned to anger, making it impossible to get my thoughts to settle down. I may have made a mistake sleeping with Jack and not telling him about Will, but Jack had no right to make me feel bad about my decisions and my life. Will was my life and I had learned to be happy, and he had no right to take that away from me.

  I hit the alarm, rolled out of bed, and got ready for work in a dull haze. I dropped Will off at daycare a few minutes early, giving me some time to walk to the coffee shop down the street from work. The coffee we made at Vinny’s only looked like coffee, but it tasted like dirty dish water. That wasn’t going to cut it today.

  I sipped the strong, hot coffee as I walked at a slow pace down the block. It was quiet, and a little cool this morning. I used that to gain a bit of clarity when everything seemed murky at the moment. Arriving at the front door of the restaurant, I paused outside to finish my drink, not quite ready to face the noise and chaos within.

  When I could no longer put it off, I walked through the door to the sound of the bell jingling. Grabbing my apron from a hook in the back I passed by the kitchen. From beyond, Vinny yelled out,

  “You’re five minutes late. And you got a customer waiting.”

  I rolled my eyes, knowing that to Vinny, being five minutes early is the equivalent of being five minutes late. I finished tying the apron strings and grabbed a couple of menus. Looking over to my section of the floor ,I spotted the lone customer sitting with his back to me in a booth. Jack. My heart raced in my chest and adrenalin pumped through me. I didn’t expect to see him any time soon. If ever I was to experience a fight or flight response, it was now.

  My head was telling me to run, that nothing good would come from a confrontation. But my body, fueled by my renewed anger, was drawn down the aisle towards him. Each step felt heavy, like I was walking towards disaster. By the time I reached his table, I was already too nervous and angry and damn near ready to explode. I slammed the menu down on the table, satisfied when Jack startled. He looked up at me, eyes rimmed red. If his face was showing that much stress, I didn’t want to know what mine showed.

  “What do you need, Jack?” I bit out.

  “You left yesterday before we had a chance to talk.” His voice was irritatingly calm.

  “I’m working. And I already said everything I needed to yesterday.”

  “Don’t you think you owe me more than that?”

  “That’s just the point. I don’t owe you anything, and vice versa. I simply came to your hotel to give you some information I thought you needed, which I did. Besides, if you wanted to discuss anything further, you could have done it then, instead of standing there like a zombie.”

  “Can you blame me?” He looked at my through sad eyes. The unwavering politician in him was nowhere to be found.

  I didn’t answer. I couldn’t let him hear the guilt that was sure to come through. My pride was far too wounded to give any more of myself away.

  “Can’t you take a break or something?” he pleaded. “I would really like to talk to you. I need to.”

  His voice was still quiet, so reasonable and calm, making it hard for me to be angry.

  “I just came on shift; I can’t take a break now.” I looked around the restaurant. There was no one else in my section, and only an elderly couple in the section on the other side. I conceded.

  “It’s slow. I can probably sit for a minute.” I sat and he gave me a wary smile. It was sad, and it made that guilt eat at me all the more. My anger was fading fast. “What do you want to know?”

  “Did you know you were pregnant before I left?” His question was immediate, rapid fire, like it had been on his lips the whole time.

  “No. I found out a couple of weeks after.”

  “But you didn’t you tell me?”

  “No.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I didn’t think you would have wanted to know.”

  He screwed up his face. “How could you think that? I made him too. He’s part of me too. More importantly, he’s part of us.”

  “But there was no us. I didn’t want to become your responsibility. I thought we would hold you back.”

  “You don’t get to choose that for me. Maybe I wanted to be there. Maybe I wanted there to be an us.”

  I searched his eyes and I saw the hurt. The hurt I had put there.

  “But you left,” I said softly.

  Jack rested his elbows on the table and ran his hand through his hair. He let a moment pass, considering the scarred tabletop. When he looked back to me, his eyes were full of regret.

  “Leaving you was hard, Marie. But when the opportunity to move up came along, I took it without thinking you wouldn’t want to come with me. Then when I couldn’t convince you to come, I realized I had no right to ask. I had no claim to you.”

  “And I didn’t have one to you. We weren’t even dating, not really anyways. We had to hide our relationship from everyone. How was I supposed to justify moving for you when for all I knew I was just a fling? I would have been a fool.”

  His mouth smiled, but his eyes didn’t. “Life has a way of kicking you in the ass, doesn’t it? Maybe if I would have stuck around a little while longer, one of us would have worked up the courage to admit what we felt. Things could have been a lot different for us. But as it turned out, I didn’t and then you cut off all contact with me. I guess now I know why.”

  “I didn’t want to force you into my life, so I guess I forced you out instead.”

  “When you came to my room yesterday, I was excited that you wanted to see me again. That I was going to have a chance to get to know you again. Then when I put the pieces together that you had a baby, my baby, I panicked. You have to know that my reaction was only because I was surprised. I can’t even tell you everything that ran through may head.”

  “Dread?”

  “Yeah, a little of that. But a lot more than that too.” He studied me for a m
inute before asking, “Was it just your obligation to tell me because I was back? Would you have ever told me even if I hadn’t?”

  I picked at the worn edges of the menu sitting between us. The emotions he was dredging up were raw and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to expose them, but I owed it to him to try. My voice came out in barely a whisper. “I don’t think so. I didn’t tell you because I had loved you. That hadn’t changed. But when I was faced with the idea of being close to you again, it wasn’t just an obligation to tell you. I didn’t feel right to keep him from you anymore. I realized how unfair that was to you.”

  Jack just nodded and turned his head away to look out the window. His expression was blank, his eyes unseeing. I wasn’t sure if he would ever be able to forgive me for that decision, but even if he held it against me for the rest of my life, I couldn’t blame him.

  The restaurant was starting to fill up, the breakfast crowd bustling noisily around us, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave this table. Finally, Jack turned back to me.

  “Who does he look like?”

  “You,” I smiled. “He looks just like you.” I pulled out my phone and found a good picture. I held it out to him and Jack took it from me, hesitant. When he looked at the screen, though, the corner of his lips pulled up into a small smile.

  “Does he know about me?” he asked, still looking at the picture.

  “No.”

  Jack glanced up at me, pain in his eyes. But then he nodded and looked back to the phone, thumbing through more of them. After a moment, he sat back against the red, vinyl booth and looked at me.

  “So what now? Can I meet him?”

  “Of course. You’re his dad; you can see him whenever you want.”

  “I’m his dad,” Jack repeated with a shake of his head. “That’s going to take some getting used to. And us?”

  “What about us?”

  “Let’s not beat around the bush. We already established that we wanted more from our relationship before it ended. I think we proved yesterday that things still work between us. Plus, you’ve already admitted that you love me.”

  “For the record, I said I had loved you. Past tense.”

  “Same thing.” He waved his hand dismissively in the air. “And furthermore, I can’t see you every day and think only pure thoughts. It’ll drive me mad. If we’re in each other’s lives, it’s going to have to be full time.”

  “Don’t you think that’s a little extreme? We haven’t seen each other in three years. You can’t just storm around and make a decision like that.”

  “Well, I’m sure as hell not going to leave any more of our decisions up to you. This time I get to decide for the three of us, and my decision stands.”

  I smiled at Jack. No use arguing with a politician.

  THE END

  Sweet Release

  MACY

  I sorted through the few, remaining memos on my desk, searching for some work to help pass the time. Coming up empty, I sighed. Yet another to-do list completed before lunch. Yet another glaringly obvious sign that I was overqualified for this position.

  Not a huge surprise, though. I’d figured as much when I applied for the job six months ago but at the time it was more about getting back on my feet than finding something perfectly suited. I’d left perfect far behind in my old life. Perfect wasn’t all it cracked up to be.

  I was always expected to be the smart daughter, the loyal girlfriend, the dependable employee. But, little by little, things unraveled until I found myself here in this glorified secretary position, thanking the universe for my foresight to cushion my savings account while things were still good. Though at the time it was a nest egg for a house or a new car. I’d never expected my life to take such a sharp detour.

  And I’d never expected someone like Brenn Michaels to be into someone like me.

  But he was.

  I could tell by the way he watched me from his open door while I bustled around in the outer office. I could tell by the way he leaned in close over my shoulder while going over his daily schedule. I could definitely tell by the way his eyes would drift over my body. And if there was any question left in my mind, then that time in the boardroom sealed the deal.

  And a few months ago when I found out I was pregnant, it wasn’t the deal breaker I was expecting it to be. I assumed once I started to show and my body started changing he would back off and we’d morph back into a mostly professional, albeit awkward, relationship again.

  Not the case.

  The bump could no longer be hidden under an extra layer, but Brenn’s interest hadn’t waned. Not yet, anyways. Just the opposite; he seemed drawn to my new curves. His mouth no longer nibbled at my tits, but feasted.

  And I tried my best to ignore the way his hands floated, lingered, over my stomach. I resisted the urge to flinch away from his attention, not yet accustomed myself with the unfamiliarity of my own body. If he noticed my hesitation, he was good at hiding it.

  I’d spent a lot of time, too much time, wondering why someone like Brenn would be interested in me and my baggage. He’s smart enough to run this business, which from everything I knew was successful. He’s able to speak in full and complete sentences around a woman. And good god, he’s handsome and definitely knows his way around a vagina, so no problems there.

  Why in the hell he was with a woman who, after learning her boyfriend was a cheater and her parents would rather see her married than happy, quit her well-paying job as a nurse, packed as much as she could into her tiny car, and ran, was beyond me.

  And really, at this point in my life where I’d made so many bad decisions, Brenn hardly seemed like the worst thing. Even if I didn’t fully understand his interest in me, I trusted him and that wasn’t something I could say about many people. I would take his cute, tailored-suit-clad ass for as long as he’d have me.

  And not because I loved him. Not at all. Because admitting that would be one of the worst decisions I could make. A one-way ticket to disaster. Six months in and one baby on the way was the absolute wrong time to explore those thoughts.

  My stomach rumbled, a jack hammer pounding against me, jumbling my thoughts, and I looked at the clock. Lunch time.

  Brenn’s door was closed. The little light on my phone indicating he was still talking to Mr. Merrell. I leaned back in my chair to peer through the glass transom that bordered his office door. His brow was etched in thought, hand rubbing the back of his neck.

  His serious face. Shaking his head and talking into the phone, brows pushed together, I could hear the tone of his voice in my head, the deep rumble as he bit out commands and I felt a hunger for something much better than anything the cafeteria had to offer.

  Yep. Definitely not smitten.

  My body ached like some kind of Pavlovian conditioning. Noon on the clock signaled a locked door and an hour of privacy with Brenn. I glanced again at that light on my phone and cursed these damn hormones for making me ache for him. Shameless.

  My stomach rumbled again and I sighed, resigning myself to the fact that the baby was going to win this round. I closed my eyes and practiced a few, deep breaths to stymie the throb that pulsed between my legs before grabbing my purse and heading down to the cafeteria.

  Brenn’s company, which he co-owned and ran the day to day, held two floors in the building. The remaining floors were owned by other companies with a shared, independently owned cafeteria in the middle. This job was miles from working at the hospitals and clinics I was used to, but cafeteria food remained the same.

  Stepping through the doors, I scanned the message board for today’s menu and groaned at the all too familiar sensation. How can soup make me nauseous? Grabbing a dinner roll, an apple juice, and a couple packets of individually packaged cheese, I turned to find a table.

  From the far end of the room an arm shot up and I moved toward the friendly face.

  “I haven’t seen you in the cafeteria in weeks. I was beginning to wonder if
I should call in a search party.” My friend Alison smiled at me from across the table.

  I’d met Alison my first day here. Though she worked a few floors above me for an investment firm, she seemed to know the gossip throughout the whole building. An invaluable ally turned great friend when I needed one the most. Seeing her was my second favorite time of the day.

  “Sorry,” I said around a mouthful of bread. “Busy with work.”

  “I call bullshit, but I’ll let it slide. Only because it looks like you might eat me if I disagree with you,” she said, eyeing my random collection of food and the mouthful I was working on.