My Life as a Doormat (in Three Acts)

by Rene Gutteridge

“Your name only? Did you tell her why you were there?”

  I paused. “It was a fender bender. No big deal.” I looked from Edward’s worried face to the street. “Pull in there. Kate said we can park there.”

  Edward pulled in.

  “Parking for visitors,” I said. “Fancy.”

  “Did she ask you anything personal?” Edward said, turning off the car. He looked at me.

  I wanted to ask if she was his mistress, but Edward didn’t look in the mood for jokes.

  “Why?”

  Edward sighed, got out, went around, and managed to open the door for me. Considering the great strain his facial muscles were under, I wasn’t sure if there was enough strength left for his arm.

  “Do me a favor, okay?” He moved a little closer, like he didn’t want the parked cars around us to hear. “Just . . . if you happen to talk to this woman again, don’t mention that . . .”

  “That . . . ?”

  “We know each other.”

  Maybe the mistress thing wasn’t far off. My body language was crying foul and Edward knew it. He attempted a smile. His mouth cooperated. His eyes didn’t.

  “Why?”

  “Light blue Mercedes. Probably hair to match, right?”

  “You saw it happen? Why didn’t you come down? Or didn’t you want to admit we ‘know each other’?”

  Edward held out his hands. “I didn’t see it. I know who she is. She’s Dean Carter’s wife.”

  It was taking me a moment to process this. In the meantime, Edward managed to ask, “Was she okay? You didn’t hurt her, did you?”

  “No. She was fine.”

  He directed me toward the parking lot exit. Dillan’s apartment was across the street.

  We walked for a few moments in silence, Edward cradling the wine like it was a newborn.

  “Luckily,” I said, a full minute after Edward thought the conversation was over, “there was a man who helped me through it all.”

  “Helped you through what?”

  “The near-fatal assault on Mrs. Carter.” I walked a little faster. “He gave me his name and number to be a witness in case I need it. Sounds like she’s the kind of woman who might sue.”

  We crossed the street, Edward’s full attention on me.

  “She wouldn’t sue.”

  I was kind of hoping he would pick up on the fact that I had another man’s phone number. Looked as if I could’ve left it out in plain sight after all.

  At Dillan’s building, we were greeted by a doorman, who politely asked our names and then opened the door for us.

  I was filled with envy. I’d always wanted to live in an apartment with a doorman. Instead, my apartment had a universal access code.

  We stepped onto the elevator, and I hit 12.

  “I know him.”

  “Know who?” Edward asked.

  “The man who helped me.”

  “You know him now, or before?”

  “Before. Just lucky that he was there.”

  I waited for Edward to ask where I knew him from, but he didn’t. Instead, he said, “What’s Kate’s boyfriend’s name again?”

  “Dillan.”

  “Dillan the lawyer. Should make for an uninteresting evening. You owe me.”

  The elevator dinged right as my mouth opened, so instead of speaking I followed Edward out and to the left. Edward knocked, and I could hear some laughing behind the door. Kate answered and I hardly recognized her. My mouth fell open as I took in a poet’s blouse, a skirt that actually hit at the knee, and classy-looking shoes. Even her makeup was different. Overdone, but standing next to Mom, it was still understated.

  “Hi,” I said, smiling. “Great building. Love the doorman.”

  “Hi, Edward,” Kate said, giving him a hug. Edward glanced to me for answers at the unexpected embrace. All I could do was shrug. “Come in, you two. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

  “Him” was busy charming the fake eyelashes right off my mother, who didn’t even bother to greet us as we walked in. Instead, she was staring at Dillan and laughing . . . no, giggling. My mother was giggling.

  Dillan was stir-frying something, but at least he managed to wipe his hands and shake ours.

  “You must be Leah and Edward,” he said, after my sister failed to introduce us.

  “That’s us.” I smiled. Edward handed him the wine.

  Dillan looked at it and said, “Wow. I’m not sure my cooking can live up to this kind of wine.” My mom started giggling again.

  “Thank you, Edward,” he continued. “And thanks to you both for coming. It was really nice of you.”

  Polite fellow. “Where’s Dad?” I asked.

  Kate said, “Out on the balcony. Dillan has the most amazing view of the city. You’ve got to see it.”

  I followed Kate’s gesture toward the balcony and went outside, where my dad was leaning on the railing. A breeze, the most perfect temperature it could be, swept through my hair.

  “Bet it’s cold up here in the winter,” I said, joining Dad. I glanced back. Edward had decided to stay and giggle.

  “Look at this view! Reminds me of the suite your mother and I had back in Washington. I could’ve stayed and looked out of that window forever. But then we had you two kids, and your mother thought we needed a backyard. Backyards are highly overrated.”

  I looked back again. I’d never seen Mother laughing so hard. Did she just toss her hair? “Dad, um, what do you think of Dillan?”

  “Stunning.”

  Backyards might be overrated, but so was Dillan. “He seems to have it together, but—”

  “What?”

  “Dillan.”

  “I was talking about this view. I can’t get over it.”

  Great. Mother was enraptured with Dillan, and Dad with the Boston skyscape. I felt a little left out. I excused myself back to the kitchen to make myself an impression. “So,” I said, as the laughter lulled enough for me to get a word in, “Swadderly-Wade. That’s quite an accomplishment for your age. How old are you?”

  “Thirty-four.”

  “Your age,” Mother pointed out with unnatural glee.

  Dillan said, “Talk about accomplishment, I knew your work before I even knew your sister. I even went to see The Twilight T-Zone when it was off-Broadway. It was really great.”

  “Oh . . . wow . . . thanks.” I glanced at Kate, who was grinning from ear clip to ear clip.

  “What did I tell you?” Kate gushed. “Has this guy got good taste or what?”

  That was a trick question, but I agreed. While Mom leaped back into the conversation, I tried to nonchalantly glance around the apartment to take in the decor.

  Art. Lots of it. And originals, not prints, from the looks of it. Nobody likes prints. The lighting around the apartment was subdued—elegant, even. It wasn’t exactly right for the old-world theme he had going, but at least it wasn’t fluorescent.

  “Smells great,” Edward inserted into the conversation. I tuned back in to hear Dillan’s history, including four years at Harvard Law School, and how Swadderly-Wade had recruited him with a signing bonus to come work for them right after he graduated.

  “Leah, do you want some wine?” he asked. I noticed everyone but me had a glass.

  “No, I’m fine. Thanks.” Maybe everyone else was seeing this guy through wine-colored glasses, but I wanted to see him under, well, a good set of fluorescents.

  “Let me know if you change your mind.” He smiled and patted my hand. Polite. Nice. Attractive.

  Edward had wandered off to look at the skyscape that surely everyone in the city had seen a thousand times. The rest of us watched Dillan put the finishing touches on the dinner.

  “Kate, I’m not sure you mentioned how you met Dillan,” I said. She’d mentioned church before, but how would the story hold up now, with Dillan present?

  “Church,” Dillan said, smiling at her. “We sat by each other one Sunday.” What was that in his eyes? Adoration? Surely not.

  “I
’ll take that wine now,” I said.

  “Perfect. Because dinner is served!” He handed my mom and Kate each a bowl to take to the dining table. “Leah, will you grab the bread?”

  “Sure,” I said, taking the basket. He walked beside me toward the dining table.

  “Your sister . . . she’s so great,” he said, watching her chat with Mother.

  “How . . . long have you known Kate?”

  “A couple of months. Seems longer.”

  “You can’t really know someone in that amount of time, can you? I mean, really know someone?”

  “I knew the first time I saw her in those horrific boots at church she was the one for me.” He winked. “You know the ones.”

  Dad and Edward had managed to come in from Mount Perfect. Everyone gathered around the table, which was impressive even without the meal on it.

  Dillan offered my dad the chair at the end. Good grief. This guy knew exactly what to do and how to do it. Nothing was slipping by him. Dad looked terribly satisfied as he took his seat. As the rest of us gathered and sat, Dad said in his boisterous voice, “Now, Dillan, I recognize this is your place, but we always bless the food before we eat.”

  “I do too, sir,” Dillan said.

  “Good. Why don’t you say the blessing then?”

  “Thank you. I’d love to . . . Father, thank you for this day and for this fellowship with family and friends. And Lord, thank you for sending Kate into my life. In Christ’s name, amen.”

  I quickly closed my eyes, realizing they’d been wide open the whole time. That was overdoing it a bit, wasn’t it, Lord? C’mon.

  Strangely, the Lord wasn’t answering. I opened my eyes, but nobody noticed my extended prayer because all eyes were on Dillan.

  I couldn’t quite identify from where my skepticism birthed. He looked completely normal. He acted completely normal. He was five times as normal as my sister. Maybe that was it. Surely there was a hidden side to him.

  Edward inserted into the pause in conversation, “Leah had a car accident today.”

  That stopped all the chewing, including mine. I stared at Edward. He looked happy to have the attention on him.

  “And get this. She actually hit the wife of the dean of my school.”

  The attention shifted to me. I was midchew, and as much as I wanted to respond, my manners forbade me.

  But Edward’s manners were running like wild horses. He chuckled. “It was Leah’s fault, so she has a nice rate-increase to look forward to.”

  I swallowed most of my food whole, but before I could say anything, Mother said, “This happened at the university?” I nodded. “What were you doing there?”

  “I went to see Edward.”

  Mother raised a disapproving eyebrow. “Edward, I didn’t realize they let that sort of thing happen. Back when I was a professor, we weren’t allowed any personal visits.”

  I stuffed another bite into my mouth to keep myself from making the puking signal with my pointer finger. Besides, I knew if I talked now, my voice would quiver with sheer embarrassment. And wouldn’t you know it, I’d worn a low neckline.

  “How bad did you dent her car?” Dad asked.

  I made the “teeny-weeny” signal with my fingers and shook my head vigorously so there was no mis-understanding the situation . . . about the car. I tried to give Edward that look most couples of our tenure can give each other to shut the other one up. But he was still enjoying a good laugh.

  “Did she know you’re Edward’s girlfriend?” Kate asked.

  I shook my head again.

  Dillan then said, “Leah, were you hurt? Are you okay?”

  I looked across at Dillan. I managed to swallow again, and suddenly everyone seemed to want to know.

  “She’s fine,” Edward answered. “It was just a fender bender.”

  “Right,” I said. “Just a fender bender.”

  Everyone moved on to the next conversation.

  Except me.

  Well into the evening I found myself alone with Mother in the kitchen. She was pouring herself another glass of wine. “Edward has good taste in wine,” she said.

  I wanted to mention the strain our relationship had been under since the unfortunate dress incident. I wasn’t sure what to do with it all, but things hadn’t been right since. I didn’t know how to make things right. Edward and I had never been not right. Our relationship was as dependable as Dillan’s niceties.

  “Edward and I have been fighting a little,” I said.

  Mother laughed. “Good one.”

  “Really. We had a fight.”

  “So you’re human after all. And please, how big of a fight could it have been? Everything seems fine now.” Mother looked at me. “You’re not going to do something crazy tonight, are you? We have to make a good impression for Kate’s sake.”

  I leaned on the counter. “Speaking of impressions, what’s your impression of Dillan?”

  “Leah, please, for once in your life don’t be jealous.”

  “Jealous? What makes you say that?”

  Mother lowered her voice. “I’ll agree. He’s a catch. I mean, an amazing catch. And look what he’s done for Kate already. Did you notice she took her nose ring out?”

  Yeah, I’d noticed.

  “I’m not sure why, but he has fallen head over heels in love with Kate. Have you seen the way he looks at her?” Mother asked.

  “I’m not jealous,” I reiterated. “Truthfully, he’s not my type at all. In fact, he gets on my nerves a little.”

  Mother’s eyes narrowed. “Well, whatever you do, don’t let on. Okay? This could be Kate’s only shot at this kind of man. Nobody’s going to blow it for her. Do you understand me?”

  I stared past Mother toward the balcony, where everyone else had gathered. “What are they talking about out there, anyway?”

  “Politics.”

  “That’s a good way to blow it.”

  “No worries. He’s a Democrat. That was one of the first things Kate told us about him. Thank goodness she at least has the good sense to bring home a Democrat.”

  Edward slipped up beside me suddenly, his eyes looking weary from all the socializing he was having to do. “It’s getting late. About ready to go?”

  I wasn’t, really. I hadn’t finished assessing Dillan. “Sure, we can go.”

  The rest of the crowd was tearing away from paradise. Dillan asked, “Are you two leaving already?”

  “Oh, come on,” Edward said, “you know you two lovebirds want time alone. Leah, remember those days?”

  Edward was going to have to buy me a scarf if he didn’t stop. I’d never seen him this uncharming. He wasn’t excitement rolled into a ball, but usually he tended to keep his foot out of his mouth.

  “We’d better go,” I said.

  Dillan shook my hand. “Leah, it was really great to meet you. Kate’s lucky to have family like you. I hope you enjoyed dinner.”

  “You’re a terrific cook.” That was no lie. As annoying as this guy was, he could really cook.

  We said another two rounds of good-byes, and then Edward and I took the elevator down. Outside I said, “Well, what’d you think?”

  “About what?”

  I paused. About what? “Dillan, of course.”

  “He’s fine.”

  “You talked to him more than I did.”

  “Not really. Your dad did most of the talking, as usual. Somebody needs to get that guy a balcony.”

  “Right, but back to Dillan. You had to have had some sort of impression.”

  “Like I said, he was fine.”

  “You didn’t find him annoying?”

  “Annoying?”

  “I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something I don’t like about the guy. I mean, he seems fine. He’s nice, polite, seems to really like Kate. But I don’t know; it’s weird. He just gets on my nerves. I just don’t think I could be around him very much.”

  “That’s odd.”

  “You thought he was
Mr. Perfect.”

  “No.”

  “Then what?”

  Edward shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess that, well, he . . .”

  “He what?”

  “Reminded me of you.”

  Me? Edward was out of his mind. I was nothing like that guy! Dillan seemed to be the biggest pushover, willing to say whatever he needed to make a good impression.

  “And by the way,” Edward said, “when are we going to tell your parents we’re Republicans?”

  Chapter 12

  [She feels unsteady.]

  I actually faked the flu. Flu season was long over, but I did a good enough job of hacking into the telephone over the weekend that everyone wanted to leave me alone. I managed to graciously affirm Dillan to Kate, though. I couldn’t deny how in love they appeared and how Dillan’s normalcy seemed to be drawing Kate back into reality.

  I also couldn’t deny how out-of-love Edward and I were. I mean, when was the last time we even exchanged an “I love you”? Though Jodie clearly thought those words weren’t necessary to a relationship, I wasn’t so sure. Then again, maybe I was fooling myself into thinking the dress incident had anything to do with the situation. And maybe I was fooling myself into thinking anything was different. Wasn’t this how our lives had been for the past two years? Had our relationship really changed, or had I?

  But the thing that had forced me into taking another sleep aid Friday night was realizing how much alike Dillan and I really were. It took me most of Saturday and Sunday to work through the idea that this genuinely nice man of predictability was my twin.

  So I spent the better part of the weekend and into Tuesday afternoon sitting in my favorite oversized leather chair, drowsy and dumbfounded, hating the fact that I’d become a person I despised. And then I had to perform delicate and intricate surgery without the help of emotional anesthesia to try to figure out what exactly I was despising.

  Maybe you are jealous.

  I didn’t have the strength to shut out Jodie, so I just closed my eyes and listened.

  After all, how could a freaky, nonsensical person like your sister come away with such a nice, seemingly blind man like Dillan? How does that even begin to work? A person like Dillan, who has done everything right in his life and has the job to prove it, shouldn’t be with a woman like Kate. That kind of romance doesn’t make the world go around. It makes it come to a screeching halt.