Behind the Stick

by K. Evan Coles

  Fucking ow.

  “I should have stopped them.” Kyle closed his eyes when his stomach roiled. Please, God, he didn’t want to vomit in front of Luka’s mom.

  “This is not your fault, Kyle. You can’t blame yourself.” Lydia clucked her tongue. “And you are never going to get out of here at this rate. Is this propensity for stubbornness a white-boy thing or a you thing? Because I am not impressed.”

  “Me thing.” Kyle huffed out a breath when Lydia set a plastic emesis basin against his fingers. Her teasing helped take his mind off his lurching stomach. Unfortunately, his mouth kept right on going. “Maybe it’s a family thing. Lord knows, my brother is five times the stubborn ass I am.”

  “Well, I’m just as guilty of being willful when I want to be,” Lydia replied. “I’m sure Luka’s told you the behavior runs through our family.”

  “Luka’s never said anything like that about you.”

  “You’re lying.” Kyle heard amusement in her voice. “I won’t hold it against you though.” Lydia kept hold of his hand, and if she noticed the sweat beading on his face, she didn’t mention it.

  Eventually, Kyle opened his eyes and met her gaze. “Sorry. My head feels like it’s stuffed with old newspapers.”

  Lydia smiled. “That’s oddly specific.”

  “Concussions will do that to a guy, I guess.”

  She laughed and gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m beginning to understand why my children enjoy your company.” Her expression sobered. “I want to thank you, Kyle, for what you did for Luka.”

  “I didn’t—”

  “You did. You took on two men to keep them from going after my boy,” Lydia said over him. “They could have hurt Luka worse, even killed him. They could have killed you.”

  Kyle’s chest tightened. Lydia was right. He’d glimpsed awful things in the faces of the men who’d attacked them, heard the menace in the slurs they’d flung. Something destructive and hateful had colored the air around them, and the way they’d looked at Luka had frightened Kyle far more than their clenched fists. A bone-deep chill went through him.

  “Lots of men wouldn’t have done it in your place,” Lydia said. She let go of Kyle’s hand and busied herself pulling an extra blanket over his shoulders, probably because he’d started shivering and couldn’t stop. “Luka’s not in worse shape because of you. Did you know that?”

  Kyle shook his head again, slowly this time to keep from hurting himself. “I don’t understand.”

  “Luka said you distracted the men hurting him long enough to allow other people to step in and help.” She dropped into her seat again. “So, thank you. For stepping up for Luka, even though it meant getting hurt yourself.”

  “I love him,” Kyle murmured. He hadn’t expected to bare his soul in front of Luka’s mother today, and typically he’d be blushing like a fool. He felt okay about it now though. Talking to Lydia like this was good. Really good.

  “I know you do. I could see it in the way you looked at each other out there,” she said. “What you did when those men came after you, what you’re doing now…that’s what I want for my son, Kyle. Someone strong. A partner who won’t run when things get hard like they did tonight.”

  Something like this will happen again, Kyle thought. Maybe not tomorrow, or next week, or even next year. But moments like the ones they’d endured today were out there, lurking. While not all of them would be violent, each would be painful. Kyle and Luka would encounter people who decided everything about them was wrong and needed correcting. Maybe even decided he and Luka deserved to be hurt.

  Kyle swallowed hard. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said.

  “I can see that.” Lydia gave him a jagged smile, but her eyes stayed dry. “It’s not often I’m happy to be wrong about anything, but I’m glad I was wrong about the kind of man you are. You’re good for Luka. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that it took a night like this for me to see it.”

  “It’s okay.”

  Kyle could have said more to assure Lydia he meant those words. He wanted to leave behind the misunderstandings she’d formed about him, and he glimpsed doubt in her expression. His doctor chose that moment to make an appearance however, tablet in hand.

  “How are we doing, Kyle?” Dr. Murray used the hand sanitizer by the door before she crossed the small room to his bed.

  “I’m okay,” he said. “My head hurts, but it’s better than before.”

  “How’s his scan?” Lydia asked. Concern marked her face, Kyle noticed, just like it had everyone else’s when they’d talked about the X-rays that had been taken of the insides of his skull.

  “Scan looks good.” Dr. Murray flicked her gaze over the tablet. “No detectable skull fractures or bleeding, and no clots, either.”

  Okay, that explained everyone’s concern.

  Dr. Murray met Kyle’s gaze again. “No more vomiting, right? And you’re feeling less dizzy?”

  “Yes, to both.”

  “Good. We’re going to keep you here to make sure that trend continues. If it does, I don’t see why you can’t go home in the morning.” The doctor eyed the blanket on Kyle’s shoulders and lowered the tablet. “Outside of the obvious injuries, how do you feel?”

  Kyle licked his lips. He didn’t know how to articulate what he’d been feeling. He’d had a great day with Luka, but they’d been jumped, and Kyle had woken up on the sidewalk, his memory jumbled and with a face full of blood. He had no idea how to process any of it.

  “I feel fucked-up,” he murmured and grimaced. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

  Sympathy softened Lydia’s face. “It’s okay. I imagine you’re feeling off-balance.”

  Off-balance. Yes. That was what Kyle had been feeling, like the earth beneath him was uneven and full of holes he couldn’t even see.

  “I don’t know. It’s like this is happening to someone else, even though I know it’s not. Like…like I’m not here, even though I know I am.” He paused, aware just how out of it he sounded. Jesus, Kyle was scared. His voice came out thick when he spoke again. “That sounds bad, huh?”

  “Not at all.” Dr. Murray patted his shoulder gently. “Generalized anxiety is common in victims of violent crime, Kyle, and your head injury isn’t helping. I’m going to refer you to a colleague of mine. He specializes in counseling people who have been through experiences like yours.”

  “Counseling?” Kyle blinked. The comment threw whatever composure he had left right out the window and, to his horror, his eyes filled. “Um. I live in Manhattan.”

  “Yes, I know. Dr. Okafor’s office is in Tribeca.” Dr. Murray nodded. “You and your boyfriend went through something traumatic tonight, and you may find it hard to move forward without talking about it. If you want to do that with someone outside of your friends and family, I’d like you to consider speaking with Dr. Okafor. Okay?”

  “Okay.”

  The word slipped out of Kyle’s mouth without his thinking about it, and once it had, he tuned out a little. He wiped his eyes, aware of Dr. Murray checking his vitals and of her speaking in soft tones with Lydia, but not until she said Kyle would be moved into Luka’s room did his focus snap back into place. Despite the fatigue sliding over him, slow and thick as molasses, Kyle managed a small, genuine smile.

  “Thanks, Doc.”

  Dr. Murray squeezed his shoulder again. “Hang in there, Kyle. You’re going to be okay.”

  After she’d gone, he glanced at Lydia, who still watched him like a hawk. “You don’t need to stay, ma’am. They’ll be moving me down the hall soon.”

  Lydia nodded. “Were the desk staff able to get in touch with your family?”

  “They called my brother.” Kyle said. “Ollie’s taking the train down from Boston. He should be here in a couple of hours.”

  “What about your mom?” Lydia asked. “Luka told me your dad passed on a while back but that she still lives in your hometown.”

  “Oh… Yes, ma’am, my mother still live
s in Swanton. Ollie and I haven’t seen her for some years now though.” Kyle ran a hand over his hair and fought back another wave of emotion. The idea of someone calling Joanna McKee and telling her Kyle was hurt… His skin crawled to even think of her response. “She’s not close to us the way you and Tomas are with your kids. I don’t know her phone number now anyway.”

  “I see.”

  Lydia drew her eyebrows together, and Kyle knew she didn’t see at all. A familiar hot shame flashed over him. No one truly understood the disregard his mother showed her children, and that included Kyle and Oliver. They’d never known anything different, though, and chose not to dwell on it unless they had to.

  “There’s no one else you want to call?” Lydia’s expression was kind, as if she’d guessed at Kyle’s feelings. She stood. “What about your friends from the bar?”

  “Mmm, no, thank you.” Kyle blinked heavy lids. “I don’t want to drag anyone else away from their weekend.”

  “Too late.”

  Kyle’s drowsiness fell away at those words spoken in a dear, familiar voice. The next thing he knew, Jesse stood by the bed with Carter, Malcolm and Will, all four of them eating up the space with their wide shoulders.

  “Hey,” Kyle said, his voice almost a whisper. He knew he must look dumbfounded, but Lydia chuckled.

  “Looks like your friends don’t pay much attention to that stubborn streak of yours either.” She shook the hand Jesse held out and he flashed his megawatt smile.

  “Mrs. Padilla, hello. I’m Jesse Murtagh.”

  “How are you guys here?” Kyle asked after the hubbub of introductions began to die down.

  “Oliver called,” Carter said, his expression more somber. “Said you and Luka got into a jam tonight, so we figured we’d come out and check on you.”

  “I had a meeting with my editor and Ri and Car are putting me up for the night, so I tagged along,” Will said. He didn’t bother hiding his frown. “We stopped by Luka’s room on our way in,” he added and shifted his focus to Lydia. “He’s awake and looking for you both.”

  “Oh, Lord. He probably thinks we’ve been gossiping about him this whole time.” Lydia patted Kyle’s foot through the blanket. “I’ll go back and tell him you’re being moved soon.”

  Kyle swallowed. “Thank you.”

  Silence fell over the room after Lydia slipped out, and Kyle fixed his eyes on his lap. He’d never felt so exposed around his friends, like every inch of him had been put on display. The bandage on his face…there might as well have been a spotlight aimed directly on it. He was still trying to figure out what to say when Carter seated himself on the mattress and Jesse plunked Kyle’s green duffel onto the foot of the bed. Just looking at it made Kyle’s eyes smart once more.

  “What’s that for?” he asked.

  “We brought you a change of clothes ’cause you might not get a chance to go home for a bit,” Jesse replied. “Oliver asked us to pick up some stuff on our way over, and we packed extra for him, in case he didn’t have time to run home for his things. He said the nurses put your stuff in a bag, by the way, and according to them, your shirt and coat looked like a crime scene.”

  Kyle frowned. “He did not.” He’d bet his clothes were indeed wrecked though. Kyle had a vague recollection of the nurses cutting off his scarf then and his breath hitched. Luka had given Kyle the soft gray infinity loop scarf for Christmas and he’d loved it.

  “Okay, true.” Jesse smirked. “The nurses told Ollie you had stitches in your face though, and he figured you’d need a change for the trip home. Not even you are cute enough to pull off a hospital gown in December.”

  Carter ran his knuckles along Kyle’s upper arm, and the touch raised goosebumps along Kyle’s skin. “Doin’ okay, babe?”

  “Nope.” Kyle tried to clear the boulder out of his throat, and oh, fuck, his eyes were wet again. “I wanna get out of here.”

  “Hmm, I can’t imagine why,” Jesse said, his tone light. “Luka’s mom seems a lot more fun than I expected though. Did you two make nice with each other?”

  “Yeah. She apologized for giving me a hard time. Got me into Luka’s room tonight, too.” Kyle swiped at his eyes and moved his shoulders up and down. “My doc said I can probably leave in the morning.”

  “That’s good,” Malcolm said. “Luka thought they’d be ready to release him in a couple of hours, but it’s pretty clear he’s not leaving until you do.”

  Carter reached up and smoothed Kyle’s hair back from his forehead. “Ollie’s been messaging. He’s worried because he can’t reach you or Luka. I told him we’d find you.”

  Hell.

  “The nurses had my phone. I was too out of it to dial. I’m not sure where it is now.” Kyle sniffled.

  “We’ll find it. You can use mine for now.” Carter pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it to Kyle, but Kyle just stared at it until Carter spoke again, his voice very gentle. “You need to call Ollie, Kyle.”

  “I dunno if I can,” Kyle whispered.

  “The poor guy’s stuck on a train and about to climb the walls,” Malcolm said. He’d stepped closer to the bed and stood between Jesse and Carter. “I feel bad for his seatmate.”

  Kyle choked on a laugh. A hiccup escaped him when one of the guys handed him a tissue, and he rubbed his eyes hard. “Oh. I almost lost it telling the cops what happened. Talking to Ollie…not sure I can handle that.”

  “We’ll stay with you,” Jesse said. He curled his fingers around Kyle’s wrist and guided the hand away from his face. He stayed silent until Kyle met his gaze. “Call him. I know you want to.”

  Kyle hauled in a deep breath. His eyes were watering freely now, and his friends’ faces were somber. They were all touching him somehow though, anchoring him in a way he hadn’t known he’d needed. Kyle knew they’d stay for as long as he needed them.

  “Don’t tell Luka about this, okay?” Kyle waved at his face. His breath hitched when Carter drew his eyebrows together. Carter hated lying, even by omission, and asking him to do so was a big deal. He simply rubbed Kyle’s arm again.

  “Why don’t you want Luka to know?”

  “He’ll blame himself. He already does, and it’s not his fault.” Kyle’s voice broke on the last word.

  Jesse sighed. “It’s not your fault either, buttercup. Luka’s mom already told you that, right?”

  Kyle wiped his nose, then frowned. “Um…yeah. You weren’t here for that though.”

  Malcolm shared a grin with their friends. “We kind of were,” he said. “We stood in the hallway and eavesdropped without shame.”

  A strangled laugh bubbled out of Kyle, along with a fresh wave of tears. It was okay, though, even if the tears made him even more of a mess. “I really hate you guys.”

  “Yeah, we know.” Jesse poked Kyle in the shoulder with his finger. “Now call your brother. We need to get you cleaned up before the nurses move you into Luka’s room.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  “Hey.”

  Matías tapped Luka’s thigh with his toes. They’d been hanging out on the couch all evening, watching TV. Well, Luka had been at a loss as to how to focus on the show—one he normally enjoyed—and Matías had been staring at him out of the corner of his eye the whole time.

  “What are you and Kyle doing tomorrow night?” Matías asked.

  “Hmm?” Luka met his roommate’s gaze.

  “New Year’s Eve,” Matías said. “What are you and your boyfriend up to? I’m going to a party at Bethany and Diego’s house and you guys are invited if you don’t already have stuff at the speakeasy planned. Is Kyle working?”

  Luka shook his head. “No. Jesse forbade him from coming in for at least a week. Kyle didn’t argue, so I can tell he’s still not feeling great. We’re staying in.”

  “That’ll be good.”

  “Neither of us has been in the mood to go out.” Truthfully, Luka’s nerves skittered every time he left the house and he spent a lot more time looking over his shoulde
r than he ever had before. He assumed that feeling would fade eventually, but it was unpleasant, to say the least.

  “How are you doing?”

  “Me?” Luka shrugged. “I’m cleared for duty, but the chief suggested I take a few more days off. I’ll probably be glad to get back to work on Monday, but for now, I’m fine relaxing. I knew Kyle wouldn’t fight the idea of staying home if I did, too.”

  “I’m surprised you guys have been apart at all after what happened.”

  “Kyle’s brother has been visiting. I’m giving them some time.”

  Oliver had been a mess when he’d arrived at the hospital in Brooklyn and Kyle only just holding it together. Giving them space had been the least Luka could do. Besides, Luka had needed time with his family, too.

  After Luka had been discharged, he’d gone home, and the Clarke-Padillas had descended on his apartment en mass. He’d been hugged and fussed over by the entire clan, which left him both overwhelmed and grateful. He’d had a long, private talk with Wade, too, about what would likely happen with the investigation. Wade was confident that the detectives assigned to Luka and Kyle’s case were good people with the drive to do everything they could, and that gave Luka a bit of comfort.

  The family had also filled Luka’s and Matías’ kitchen with food. Tomas had cooked Luka’s favorite dishes, and Daniela had brought over half of the bakery. Luka felt very full and much loved, but now he really wanted this peaceful evening in with Matías and Robbie, who was currently snoozing between the couch armrest and Luka’s thigh.

  What Luka didn’t know was how to tell Matías that he felt almost relieved Kyle wasn’t there with them, too. Even thinking that made Luka feel like a shitty boyfriend. But seeing the bandage on Kyle’s chin and knowing he was taking medication for his headaches made guilt churn in Luka’s stomach.

  Kyle had convinced Oliver to go out for New Year’s Eve in Manhattan however, which meant Luka and Kyle would be alone the next night. Unfortunately, Luka had no idea how to tell his boyfriend that his guilt over what happened made it almost impossible for Luka to stand being in the same room together.