As he walked, Kyle tucked his chin deeper into the scarf he’d wound around his neck. The snow that had buried the city the week before had been cleared away and the weather had been mild since. However, temperatures were dropping now that the sun hung low in the sky and another chilly blast sent him searching for additional warmth. By the time Kyle approached the busy station house on Lafayette Street, he had a bright orange paper bag hanging over one arm and a steaming cup in each hand. Luka emerged a minute later, and just seeing him made Kyle’s heart flip.
“Hey, Luka.”
“Hey, yourself.”
Luka’s answering grin made Kyle feel ten feet tall. Kyle smiled back but didn’t move otherwise because even here, in a gay-friendly neighborhood he knew well, he was very aware of the people on the sidewalks around them.
Luka stopped in front of Kyle and glanced at the cups in his hands. “What’s this?”
“Spiced apple cider.” Kyle handed one over. “I thought it’d be nice to have a warm drink while we walk.”
Luka’s expression softened. He popped the plastic lid on his to-go cup and sniffed. “Mmm, smells fantastic. Thank you. And the bag?”
“Also for you.” Kyle moved his arm, so the bag rattled. “Although, I have a couple of items for me, too. There’re croissants and pastries and you and Matías can fight over them at breakfast. I know your vacation started when you clocked out today.” Luka’s eager expression made him smirk. “They can’t compete with the stuff your cousin makes, but—”
“Don’t ever apologize for buying me baked goods, Kyle,” Luka said. “Thank you, again.” He frowned. “Wait, do you still want to have dinner?”
“Yes. What do you feel like eating?”
“Well, you’re working tonight, right?” He waited for Kyle’s nod, then glanced back the way Kyle had come. “Let’s head back toward the station on Houston so we can ride uptown afterward. I know there’s a tapas place that way, and a couple of bistros, so we should be able to find a place we can both agree on.”
Fifteen minutes later, they were seated in the tapas restaurant with a pitcher of sangria and Kyle was savoring the flavors of cranberry, pomegranate and hibiscus-soaked strawberries. His happy hum brought a smile to Luka’s face.
“The drink meets with your approval, I take it?”
“It’s delicious. I like the substitution of tequila for brandy, but I don’t know if this glassware is working for me.” Kyle set the highball glass down with a chuckle. “Sorry. I’ll stop now.”
“I don’t mind. You agreed to eat tapas even though they’re not your favorite.”
“I like tapas! I find all those teeny plates ridiculous, that’s all. Anyway, you can listen to me geek out any old time. How did your appointment go?” Kyle paused. “Wait, am I allowed to ask you that? Like, with your department rules and everything?”
“Of course, yes.” Luka folded his hands on the tabletop. “The appointment went well, I think. I got a referral to talk to a counselor next week and we’ll go from there.”
Luka fell silent and Kyle guessed he was trying to organize his thoughts. Talking about what they’d been through wasn’t easy, even several weeks later.
“The person I spoke with was so angry about what happened to me. To us,” Luka said at last. “I mean, she stayed professional and helpful and all that, but I saw how upset my words made her. It helps knowing I’m not overreacting, you know? That I’m still thrown by the whole thing. It’s been a while since it happened and I guess I thought I’d be over it by now.”
Kyle nodded. “I don’t think you get over it so much as past it. That night in the ED, your mom told me it’d be normal to feel off-balance, and I got what she meant immediately. It was like everything I knew had shifted and I couldn’t get back on track. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, it does.” Luka sipped his drink.
“The weirdest thing was feeling that way after we were sent home. That’s why I made an appointment with Dr. Okafor in the first place. I knew something was wrong. I just couldn’t figure out what.” Kyle frowned again.
“You were smart about it.” Luka blew a noisy breath out through his nose. “I got busy trying to act fine instead of looking at what was going on.”
“I hid my problems, too, Luka. And you weren’t fine.”
“Not even close, though I fooled a lot of people. You said something to me about that on the ferry last week. That I seemed to bounce back okay and that was one reason you didn’t want to admit you were having a hard time. That you didn’t want to mess me up.”
“I’m sorry. There were lots of reasons I didn’t say anything about feeling off. In my defense, you seemed okay a lot of the time.” Except for when Kyle had tried to get closer. However, Luka had explained that behavior, and Kyle was feeling better about what had happened. Mostly. Kyle tapped his scar with his fingertips. “Did the ED doc refer you to Dr. Okafor, too?”
“She might have. The referral went right in the trash as soon as she left the room though.” The tips of Luka’s ears turned red. “Wade was with me and you know he wasn’t going to rat me out.”
“Your mom was with me,” Kyle said.
Luka grimaced. “Oh, man.”
“She was great. Super calming, which helped because I was wrecked.” Kyle inhaled deeply and dropped his gaze to his sangria. “She didn’t make me feel bad about any of it, and I could tell she just wanted to help us both.”
“My mom’s been through a lot,” Luka said. “What with my dad dying, then raising us kids on her own while trying to hold down a job—I don’t know how she did it. I should talk to her more about what happened to us. I hate the idea of upsetting her though.”
Kyle picked up his glass. “I feel like that about talking to Ollie. Most of my friends, too. Carter’s the only one who doesn’t get this look on his face like he can’t handle hearing the words. Everyone says they’re ready to listen if I want to talk, but it’s hard to watch their reactions.” He sipped while Luka’s eyes got big.
“Right? Wade’s the only person I know who doesn’t get that look.” Another sheepish expression crossed Luka’s face. “All the more reason we should be talking to each other instead, huh?”
Kyle swallowed. He wanted to be there for Luka, but part of him shied away from it. It was all too easy to imagine a distant, cool look falling over Luka’s face, the way it had so often in previous weeks. That expression haunted Kyle. Now that he understood the reasons behind it though, he thought he could get past it, given time and patience.
“Let’s work on getting there,” Kyle said, and when Luka laid a hand over his, he didn’t feel the need to pull away.
They ate an excellent meal, dozens of miniature plates notwithstanding, and Kyle enjoyed himself thoroughly. They linked fingers on their way out of the restaurant and he only forced himself to let go of Luka once they hit the sidewalk and started for the subway station on Houston. For the first time in a long while, being around Luka felt easy despite Kyle’s occasional flashes of insecurity.
“Do you still worry?” Luka asked him. “About being out here with me and what people might think or say? I know I do.”
“Yes.” Kyle cocked his head. “It’s not like I didn’t think about that before. I grew up queer in a small town and learned to be aware of my surroundings. I feel less stressed out than I did a couple of weeks ago though.” They crossed 6th Avenue and Kyle let out a laugh. “Of course, I got stuck inside during the blizzard for a couple of days, and that definitely helped my stress. I can’t remember the last time I had an excuse to do so much nothing!”
Luka laughed, too. “Where were you during the storm? Obviously, you didn’t go to work.”
“Were you working?”
“You know it,” Luka said. “We got called out a few times in the middle of it, of course. I don’t like to drive the rig in snow, but Luis loves it.”
Kyle chuckled. “Figures. Under was open for a while on Saturday but only because Masen and Jeff bo
th live in Morningside Heights. They covered on Sunday, too. I had that time planned off anyway. I was with the crew at Carter and Riley’s where we camped out and ate all the food in the house.”
“Sounds like a grown-up version of a slumber party.”
“That was the vibe! It wasn’t to plan, though. We were supposed to be in Southampton for the weekend, but after watching the forecast, we decided staying in the city would be a wiser choice.” Luka held the station door for Kyle, and they stepped inside. Kyle scanned his MTA card and walked through the turnstiles. “Ollie came down, and Will and David were already in town for the party at Under, which made things even easier.”
“I see. Was there a lot of debauchery?”
“A fair amount. Jesse, Will and my brother know a shocking number of drinking games, I’ll say that much.” They shared a laugh. “We also ended up on the balcony without our coats at one point because…I don’t know why. It must have seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Luka laughed harder, and Kyle waited until they had come to a stop on the platform before he went on. “We were celebrating my birthday.”
Luka’s expression fell. “Shit. That’s why you asked me to come to Under last Thursday.”
“No, that’s not why.” Kyle stepped closer. “I couldn’t have cared less about my birthday. I asked you to come last Thursday because I wanted to spend time with you. I’m telling you now so you don’t hear about it from one of the guys.”
“Still, I missed it. Ugh, and you and I are the same age, which means you turned thirty.” Luka grimaced. “I suck.”
Kyle dropped a hand so his knuckles brushed against Luka’s. “You do not. I told you I don’t care about my birthday. I let the guys throw a mini-party because I knew they wouldn’t shut up about it if I didn’t.”
Luka sighed. “How much shit am I in with the crew?”
“You’re not. I told them we were taking time apart because I needed it.” Kyle wet his lips with his tongue. “Ollie knows we’ve been having problems. He encouraged me to reach out to you. He knows it wasn’t just on you.”
“Mmm, okay.” Luka looked at Kyle askance. “Why didn’t you tell me it was your birthday?”
Kyle shrugged. “Birthdays were never a big deal in my family so I don’t think about mine much. It’s just a day.”
“It wouldn’t be just a day with my family,” Luka said. “It’s not with your crew either.”
“Those guys will take any excuse to gather. We’ve been known to throw down over the start of Daylight Saving Time.”
Luka barked out a laugh. “You’re all so weird.”
“Out and proud.” Kyle smirked. “You know, I don’t know your birthdate either.”
“It’s September 16th.”
“Got it.” Kyle slipped his hands in his coat pockets. “Technically, my birthday hasn’t happened yet, by the way. We did it last weekend because Carter and Riley didn’t have the kids and that was a better time for them.”
A gleam lit Luka’s eye. “I see. So when is Kyle McKee’s actual birthdate?”
“Tomorrow. January thirtieth.” The delight in Luka’s face made Kyle feel light.
“I haven’t missed it.”
“Nope. And you have”—Kyle checked his watch—“twenty-four hours to redeem yourself with a cheesy greeting card.”
“I can handle that. In fact, I can do better. How about you come to my place for dinner tomorrow? I’ll pick up dessert from Sugar Street and cook up some steaks.”
“I like the way you think. Can it be the cake with the guava?” Kyle had fallen in love with the Sugar Street confection, a buttery yellow sponge sweetened with guava juice and topped with cream cheese frosting, and he felt no qualms asking for it now.
“I don’t see why not. I’ll ask Daniela on the ride uptown. Hey, what’s your middle name?”
“Umm, why?”
“Call it research.” Luka waggled his eyebrows and the sheer silliness made Kyle snort. “You know, so I don’t get caught off guard again.”
“I see. My middle name is Daegan. It means ‘black-haired’ in Gaelic.”
The heat in Luka’s eyes distracted Kyle so he hardly heard the low, echoing roar of the arriving train.
“That’s kind of perfect.” Luka raised his voice over the noise. “Now I can ask Daniela to write your full name on the cake instead of ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OLD MAN MCKEE.’”
Kyle tipped his head back and really laughed. “Don’t you dare. My birthday may be before yours, Clarke, but know that any abuse you heap on me now you’ll get back double.”
“Okay, okay. Such a tough guy!”
Luka held on to Kyle’s elbow as they boarded the train, and even though he let go almost immediately, the touch warmed Kyle through and through.
* * * *
Kyle’s good feelings about where he and Luka stood increased over the next twenty-four hours. Did he still harbor some misgivings? Yes. He and Luka had work to do. Kyle had work to do on himself. He wanted to do it though. Wanted to get past his doubts and put himself back together because seeing Luka over the past several days had been wonderful. He wanted more of those times and was incredibly happy to understand Luka wanted that, too.
Butterflies bounced around Kyle’s stomach when he arrived at the Sugar Hill apartment just after six, but the gleam in Matías’ eyes when he answered the door soothed some of those nerves.
“Thank God, you’re here,” Matías said. “Luka’s been making me bananas all afternoon. He cleaned where it was already clean, Kyle, and no one needs that in their life!”
“Yikes, sorry. I’m not late, am I? Luka told me to come after five.” Kyle set his bag on the bench by the door and started to remove his coat, but he went still when Matías drew him into a hug.
“No, you’re not late. Who cares if you are anyway? We missed your face around here! Where have you been?”
Kyle hugged Matías back, surprised by the lump in his throat. “Eh, around. You know how it is.” He smiled at the tugging sensation by his left ankle, a sign Robbie had arrived to say hello, too.
Matías drew back and peered at Kyle. Matías was dressed for a night out, all long fluttering false lashes and pouty crimson lips, and his black clothes were tailored so close they appeared almost painted onto his lean form. But for all his sharp glamour, Matías’ pretty eyes held genuine warmth.
“You look good, white boy. You could use some sun, but that’s probably always the case, hm? I can tell you’ve been taking better care of your skin, too, so you’re welcome for the advice.”
He raised a hand and stroked Kyle’s cheek with the backs of his fingers. “I am all about a hairy face, you know.” Matías looked very smug. “Especially when a man takes care of it the way you have been. Look at this sexy-ass growth!” He leaned in again and rubbed his cheek against Kyle’s. “Ohh, and you smell good, too. I swear I could eat you!”
Kyle laughed and glanced down at Robbie, who was busy scaling his right leg. “Thank you, I think. You both sure know how to make a guy feel welcome.”
Matías started to reply, but whatever he’d meant to say got lost in a yip because Luka emerged from the kitchen and swatted his roommate on the ass with a dishtowel.
“Down, boy,” Luka ordered, his voice lowered in a playful growl that made Kyle’s insides go all gooey.
“Oh, fine.” Matías sniffed and turned Kyle loose. “No need to go all alpha male on me, baby. I know this one belongs to you. I suppose that’s my cue to make myself scarce.”
“Stay for dinner if you like,” Luka said, his tone mild. “I told you already there’s plenty for three.”
“Girl, do I look like a third wheel to you?”
Their playful bickering washed over Kyle, and he took the opportunity to pry Robbie loose from his jeans. He stroked the ferret’s sleek head a few times with his fingers while it chirped at him, and he held still as Robbie scrambled up his arm and onto his shoulder. Several moments passed before Kyle noticed the room
had grown silent around him, and he looked up to find Luka and Matías watching him, amusement plain on their faces while Robbie curled his tail around Kyle’s neck.
“Sorry,” Kyle said. “What were you saying?”
“Nothing.” Luka grinned so wide his eyes crinkled. “Looks like Robbie’s a better host than his humans, though, because we haven’t even asked you to take off your coat.”
Matías scoffed. “You’re the shitty host, bicho. I’m just the roommate who’s on his way out.” He held his hands out to Kyle. “You want me to take the beast?”
“No, I’m good.” Kyle chuckled. “I guess I could use a hand with my coat though, and there’s booze in my bag—”
“I’ve got it,” Luka said, and he was there in Kyle’s space, big and gorgeous, and holy hell, Kyle wanted to touch him.
Luka peeled Kyle’s coat away while Matías carried the bag into the kitchen, and the next thing Kyle knew, Luka was guiding him into the living space while Robbie climbed atop Kyle’s head.
“He’s not going to pee on me, right?” Kyle asked over their laughter.
“No, he wouldn’t do that.” Matías came back out of the kitchen. “Clearly, Robbie missed you just as much as we did. Don’t get too comfortable with him though, or Luka will be jealous. He thinks he’s Robbie’s favorite, and I haven’t had the heart to tell him he’s full of shit.”
Luka gestured to himself. “I’m right here, you know.”
“Psshh.” Matías moved toward the closet and pulled out a black wool coat, then slid it on. He laid his hand on the doorknob and aimed a look Kyle’s way. “I’d be real pleased if you saved me some cake, okay? It looks just as yummy as the box of goodies you sent home with your man last night.”
“How was your breakfast?” Kyle asked once Matías had flounced out the door. “Did you have to arm-wrestle to get a share?”
“I’m not sure you could qualify what happened as wrestling because Matías just grabbed as much from the box as he could and ran back to his room.” Luka stepped closer and took one of Kyle’s hands in his own.
Behind the Stick Page 29