Soulless (The Immortal Gene Trilogy Book 1)

by Jacinta Maree

  With gentle confidence, he eased my hands down. “It’s fine.”

  I didn’t believe him. Diesel dunked his shirt into the water and wringed it out. I watched in my silent protest before I turned away, unable to watch anymore.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN:

  To fight off the deep chill coming in with the night I went around collecting sticks for a fire. I sat with my hands out over the dying ambers, trying to rub some warmth back into my fingers while Diesel sat on the other side of me, watching the red cool down to black. Despite our best efforts, our camp consisted of some pulled over branches for shelter and rope for a clothesline. Even in the warmth of the fire, Diesel’s body trembled. Sweat coated him; the pink that marked his cheeks had gone pale and withered. Silently, I watched him suffer. Even when he tried to sleep and curled into a ball, his body jerked and shook with restless shivers.

  I felt sick being unable to help him as the shallow rasp of his panting dragged nails down my skin. Nights were cruel out here. The hours tipped over and the deep set of southern winds frosted the grass blades around our feet. When I did manage to doze off, it came in short episodes like I was micro sleeping. After a few hours, I woke to the sounds of footsteps heading down the hillside.

  It was still considerably dark as I turned myself around, eyes wide, to find Diesel was sitting up with his back turned to me. He had collected more sticks, but the fire wouldn’t start with so much dampness in the air.

  He rocked back and forth and muttered under his breath. “What do you mean you lost her?” He scratched and ruffled the back of his hair again. “Then where the hell is she?”

  “Diesel?” I called up as I eased myself into a sit.

  He didn’t turn around to acknowledge me, “I gave you one simple job, Jacob, just one-”

  “Diesel?” I said again more sternly as I reached over and shook his shoulder. He spun and grabbed my wrist and shoved me back.

  “How many times do I have to tell you? Go get her! Now!” he suddenly yelled. I shuffled backward quickly out of his reach. Diesel dropped his chin, talking to someone over his shoulder. “Can you do me a favour and just listen to me for once?” Before I could say anything, his posture and tone suddenly changed. “What are you doing here?”

  “Err… are you talking to me?”

  “Who the hell are you?” he snapped as rage tightened his voice. “Are you one of them? Are you spying on us?” He shoved me against the tree truck again.

  “Stop it! I’m not spying on you, you’re hallucinating!”

  “No, of course not.” He turned back around. “I’ll look for more firewood.” He wandered back off into the wet forest, unbeknownst of the all the sticks he had just collected piled near his feet.

  Oh my God, this is getting out of control. For an hour I sat waiting for him to return. I heard him moving around the banks of the creek, muttering non-stop. I couldn’t sleep despite the persistent itch that burned my eyes. I couldn’t get Diesel out of my head even as I laid myself back down. Eventually, I no longer heard his mad mutterings above the native birds. Morning rose and pulled back the night and its icy embrace. Diesel hadn’t returned. As I stood, I balanced myself on one leg and leaned against the tree trunk. My entire body ached. My leg shuddered with a constant beat and my muscles tightened to my bones, shrunk from the cold. By the time I found Diesel, he had been hacking into a tree log for hours. He was craving into the bark repeatedly until the wood was tiny, splintered chunks.

  “Diesel?”

  He turned and looked at me over his shoulder. His hands were raw with blisters, his face sunk from exhaustion and insomnia. He was sick. Really sick. He lowered his hand with the blade and looked at me suspiciously.

  “Are you okay?” I asked. His eyes darted from left to right, chasing down a thought when he then dropped his head and ruffled the back of his hair roughly like a dog again. “Diesel? Talk to me. Do you know who I am?”

  Dark brown pupils dilated as his face slackened with surprise. As though looking at me for the first time, his brows scrunched and his eyes scanned up and down my body trying to pinpoint my face. “Nadia? This is real, isn’t it?”

  I took a slow step forward. “Yes, yes this is real. Diesel, you’re hallucinating we have-”

  He turned to me as though I had just slapped him. “What the hell do you know, freak?”

  I took a breath in but kept my mouth shut. I was no stranger to the madness and Diesel was drowning in it. Silently, we packed up camp and kept moving. In one day, we managed to walk about eight hours. The next day, we only managed to walk five. Every night was a struggle. As the cold set in, I believed the next morning Diesel wasn’t going to wake. Each breath trembled, struggling up from his chest with a throaty cough. When he was too quiet I would check to see if he was still even breathing. My nerves were shot, every waking moment I was frantic with concern and every time I slept I dreamt of him disappearing forever. I couldn’t let the possibility slip in that Diesel was going to die, only inches from me.

  As the ambers faded and the moonlight dulled against the thick shadows, I heard his voice croak, “It would’ve been nice.”

  I jerked my head up. He flicked his blackened eyes up at me, each blink was slow and heavy as exhaustion bore into his gaze. “It’s definitely a better alternative to this. To start your life again with the I.O.S...”

  His top lip curled, as it always did in his half smile. “I can’t stop thinking about it….”

  “About what?”

  In his hands, he fiddled with the hunting knife. “You.” He twisted the blade and flicked out, clearing the dirt under his nails. “You were going to leave me. You said it was better this way, for the both of us.” The rasp of his accusing voice felt like a guillotine above my neck.

  I uncomfortably shuffled back but didn’t speak.

  “You were right. Your life without me would be better. Easier. Safer.” Every word strained from his lips as though he was pushing air from the pit of his stomach. My eyes widened and my heart picked up speed. Diesel lightly shook his head. “But this isn’t about making things easier. You’re with me now and you won’t leave no matter how hard it gets.”

  “That’s not for you to decide,” I cringed.

  “Because if you leave me-”

  With an anguished scoff, I turned my head away. “Let me guess, you’ll always find me? And if I try to run you will break my legs and chop off my fingers and remove my eyes-”

  “No. If you leave me, I will vanish… and I don’t want to vanish, Nadia.”

  Surprised, my jaw went slack. Without even blinking, Diesel stilled his fumbling and tightened his stare, looking at me in a way I felt penetrated to my very core.

  “You don’t know what it’s like living in this hell. I’m drowning under black water and I can never surface. You remember what it feels like to have your body shut down only to wake up not knowing which reality is real. It would’ve been easier to fade into a drifter, to stop the fight all together and just crumple into the purest of insanities. In my darkest moments I almost allowed it to happen, but then I met you. The girl with no reincarnated memories. The one without a soul imprint. It’s you, and only you, who can save me. But then you came into my room with that bullshit story about how everything would be better if we were separated. You left me tied to a bed, and for hours I thought I had lost you. Do you know how that feels? To have everything you’ve ever wanted just walk out? I came to realise just how dangerous you are to me. Just how easily you can break me in half. That’s why I can’t let you leave.”

  I didn’t know what to say, or if I could say anything to make sense of Diesel’s reasoning. Originally, when Diesel saw me as a master key, I could understand his motive. I could understand why he would cling me to his side like a gun in a sword fight. But what he said left a stone in my stomach. Suddenly, it wasn’t a ‘for now’ plan; it was an eternal one. My heart spiked in a manner I wasn’t used to. Diesel looked at me, really looked at me like I was a perso
n he would do anything to keep. The notion was foreign and it terrified me.

  He didn’t say anything for a couple seconds as the crackle of the fire filled the silence between us. The struggle to remain awake pulled on his eyes and skin as every blink slowed.

  “I won’t harm you, Nadia. You have nothing to fear from me, even if Frankie and Vance tried to convince you otherwise. I won’t try to trick you, or sell you to the highest bidder or harvest your eyeballs. I sure as hell won’t send you into the Mad Dogs if I thought for a second that they would try to hurt you. All I can ask, in return, is that you don’t leave me behind. Don’t leave me in this hellhole alone. ”

  Internally I was screaming. I squirmed, my heart racing faster, my cheeks burning with a confusing mixture of anxiety and delight. This was the most sentimental thing anyone has ever said to me and it left a sickening unease in my stomach. Unable to understand my own feelings toward him, or how I was meant to react, I forced my face and voice to drop all emotion.

  “I… I umm… I’m going to get some sleep now.”

  I turned over, tucked my hand underneath my cheek and pretended to sleep. My heart hammered and my eyes darted from left to right, able to feel Diesel’s attention burn against my back. What did he want from me? Did he want me to promise we would never be separated? Behind me, Diesel could only sigh.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT:

  The forming storm clouds held the morning sun back. As the rain started to spit down on us, I didn’t have the energy to lift myself up. I turned my head to face Diesel. He was slumped awkwardly against the tree trunk. His neck was tilted too far back to be considered comfortable, and his mouth was lightly propped open. I caught my breath and bolted up.

  I had seen death enough times to recognise it in all its forms. The pale complexion. The relaxed muscles. The awkward slouch. I crawled closer. Is he? I hesitated within an inch from reaching him. I heaved a deep gasp in, but I could barely breathe. No… No he can’t be! After that speech he spewed at me last night, anger raised to the back of my throat. I fumbled as I reached forward.

  “Diesel? Hey, Diesel?” I shook his arm as his shoulders flopped. “Diesel? Di-Diesel…” Denial flared within me. He couldn’t have… it’s impossible. A loud sob erupted from my chest. “Diesel? Wait… no! Diesel? Diesel?!” Tears sprung to the surface, pinching the corner of my eyes as rain wept down my cheeks. “Wake up! Wake up, now!” Tension sat on my lungs like a boulder. He can’t be…. I slapped him hard across the face. “WAKE UP!”

  I then pressed my ear to his chest, straining to hear a heartbeat or to feel his lungs rise with a breath. But there was nothing. The rain fell harder, turning spit into bullets. Please, wake up! Don’t leave me, oh please don’t leave me! I fell back off him and cupped my hand to my mouth.

  I started crying hard, sobbing into my palms that I could barely make a sound. “B-But you said…. Y-You said…” I pulled away, sharking uncontrollably, “Don’t. Don’t! Please, don’t! You can’t leave me here. Please, oh please just wake up.”

  I spun around looking for help. The creek trailed off into the forest like an endless giant snake but with no town in sight. The trees were so high up that I couldn’t see beyond the leaves and their thick bodies bunked together, making it impossible to see clearly ahead. I scooped Diesel up and pulled his arm over my shoulders. He flopped lifelessly in my arms and I nearly fell beneath his weight. My stomach curled in hunger. Whatever was left of me was fading into bones and rags.

  I walked with Diesel on my back and his legs dragging along the ground for hours. The dirt turned to mud, slapping up my calves with every foot I heaved forward. I staggered off balance a few times, barely catching myself on the nearby trees. The rain was relentless. It hounded on top of us, drenching my clothes, pulling on my hair so it plastered across my face as it freckled with mud and dirt. The silver lining was of course we could drink fresh rain water, and not the parasite infested water from the creek. I tipped Diesel’s head back, forcing his mouth open so the water could get into his throat. Miraculously, he choked and spluttered. A wave of relief hit me harder than the pelting rain.

  “You’re alive?” I choked on my tears. “Oh, my God, you’re alive!” I almost threw myself to the ground with relief. He remained unresponsive and I knew I was running out of time. The sheet of water blanketed the haze of forest in front. The creek rose as it over flooded and I had to shuffle away from the banks so I didn’t slip in.

  Above the crashing of water, a voice called up behind us. At first, there was just one voice but soon there was another and another. I slowed and stiffly looked over my shoulder. Among the downpour, a band of four blurred figures walked toward me. In their arms, they held rifles.

  Shock buckled my knees as I collapsed, accidently dropping Diesel onto his stomach. I pulled him with me as I quickly took cover behind a tree. The rebels. They scoured the forest floor, kicking at bushes, checking behind and up the trees. There were about eight of them lining up the hillside incline. I shoved Diesel into the shrubs and covered him up with thin sticks. They would find him, easily. His legs stuck out like slim logs with boots attached. I couldn’t run but my leg could carry enough weight to let me skip.

  I scrambled out as they neared and ran down the muddy hillside away from Diesel. Mud pulled heavily down on my sleeves as I waved my arms above my head.

  “Hey!” My voice barely scratched above the loud thumping of the rain. I swallowed and tried again. “Hey! Over here!” They turned to me, rifles lifted.

  “There! She’s there! Stop her! Shoot her down!” Among the hammering rain, I heard them scrambling over the roots and bushes behind me. Wild bullets whizzed by my head and I cowered, trying not to slow down despite the exhaustion tearing through my calves.

  Every breath wheezed. My chest tightened as though clamps squeezed around my ribs and lungs. I ran as fast as I could, pushing off my bad leg despite the intense ache. My body screamed in pain and my legs buckled, slamming me into the ground. I couldn’t do it. Exhaustion was my final downfall, and despite my internal screaming to run, everything inside my body went into shut down.

  On all fours, I crawled forward, knowing how pathetic I must looked when a sniper rifle fired above me. A bullet skimmed my face, cutting the side of my cheek. I dropped immediately to my stomach. The shot didn’t come from behind me; the bang came from in front. Five more shots went off, two around my head and I immediately rolled out of the open and behind a tree.

  Suddenly, I was surrounded by dogs, signalling to their masters that they found me. Before I could speak, I was struck hard across the head, spinning my vision into darkness. I gasped and tipped over, sprawling out across the forest floor.

  When I woke, the pain throbbed from the points of my temples and across the centre of my skull. I looked up blurry eyed, and the dark sky had lightened to softer grey. The rain had stopped and dried mud crusted over my face and hair.

  I turned to see three men carrying a rebel’s body and toss it down a hillside. I groaned and turned over, catching one of the men’s attention. He knelt beside me and tapped my cheeks to wake me up.

  “Oi, Barney, come ‘ere,” he called to the other, as an older man in a farm shirt and cap walked over, stroking his bread.

  “They’re recruiting women now? Tsk, best to just put her with the others,” he instructed as the younger man lifted his gun.

  “No,” I croaked. They both stilled. “Please. Help me!”

  “Wait. She’s not one of them.” A woman from the back stepped forward with a distinct scar marred down her neck. “She can’t be. I saw them trying to shoot her.”

  The young men knelt down and lifted my head up, offering me water from his water bottle. I drank it greedily and coughed. He then reached over and helped hoist me up so I was on my knees. I held my hands up above my head, showing my sign of surrender.

  “Come with us. We’ll clean you up,” he beckoned but I refused to budge.

  “My friend.” I motioned back to t
he forest. “Please, my friend is still out there.”

  “Come inside quickly. There could be more,” he ordered again, and again I refused. Slowly, I eased my hands down and placed them on my knees. My head felt like a rock, my shoulders, chest and hands were so heavy I could barely lift them.

  My voice softened. “He’s going to die if you don’t help him.” My vision cleared enough to make out the sharp angle of the young farmer’s face. He looked toward whom I assumed to be his father with his brows raised. His father gave him a brisk nod and the young man pushed off the ground into a stand. I sighed with noticeable relief and hung my head.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE:

  When they found Diesel, I thought for sure they’d be bringing him in a body bag. I could barely remember the rest of the walk as they took me into town. My first few hours were lost in a numbing haze. The exhaustion felt so heavy I almost fainted every time I attempted to stand. They took us in, healed my wound and set me up in a bed to recover. I couldn’t sleep thanks to my restless anxiety, and every time I woke, I would ask to see Diesel. They told me he was in critical condition, being treated in their ICU. Thanks to some drugs they offered, I managed to sleep for sixteen hours straight.

  Once I was able, I left the hospital after three days and moved in to stay with the scarred woman while Diesel recovered. The gated community had enough people to fill a city as crowds of families, children and elderly walked the streets unarmed and unafraid. To see so many people gathered in one spot made me nervous. We were a race of ticking time bombs, but here people pulled each other into welcoming arms and not into fistfights. It was weird.