I looked out toward the vast ocean. “Yeah, okay, guess it won’t hurt to dip my toes in.”
I followed Diesel up to the water’s edge and walked out onto the chilled wet sand. The ocean moved in breaths as the waves ran up the bank and swallowed my feet underneath. It was very cold, so cold that I cringed as soon as it touched me.
Diesel yanked me forward by my elbow. “Come on. I’ll race you out there.”
“Race? You’re joking right?” I quickly pulled back.
“Don’t worry. Your clothes will dry-”
“It’s not that. I can’t swim.”
“Really?” He stopped pulling, looked at me though surprised before bursting out into laughter.
“What’s so funny?”
He turned away to cover his snickering. “What type of grown woman doesn’t know how to swim?”
“It’s not my fault I was never taught. There was just never a reason.”
“Wow… how sad.”
“Don’t mock me!” Angered, I turned away just as Diesel grabbed my wrist and pulled me into him. He hugged me tight enough that I felt trapped. “What are you doing?”
“Don’t worry. I won’t let you drown.”
“No! No, stop! Stop!” I dug my heels into the slushy sand but it was no use. Diesel marched us both forward as the water quickly climbed my calves, saturating my jeans. He was a lot stronger than I was as he used his broad chest to barricade my escape. A mixture of panic and exhilaration fired into my body. The freezing water hit my knees and quickly rose to my thighs. Diesel laughed as he hoisted me up, preparing to dunk my head under. I kicked and thrashed until the excitement rapidly and erratically was replaced with fear.
White terror rushed me and before I could stop, I found myself screaming, “No! No! Stop it! Stop it! Put me down!” He dropped me and I quickly scampered back to shore, my heart racing as though I had been held under the water.
“What? What’s wrong with you?” Diesel called.
“I’m afraid of dying, Diesel.” At his approach, I slumped onto the ground exhausted. The wet sand clung to me like grainy paste as the water ran through my jeans and along my thighs. “You’re so certain of your immortality but I’m not. I haven’t had any reincarnated memories so I don’t know what it’s like to fall in love or have kids and grow old. I don’t even know how to swim, Diesel. Everyone acts like it’s some sort of curse. That life is something they can just take and throw away, but to me it’s a fragile tiny, glass egg I’m trying not to drop. That’s why I am the way I am. I have to act tough and be mean because living in this world, I’m so afraid.”
Before I even had the chance to live, I was already picturing my death. To me it felt final; it felt like if I were to die, I would never return. I could not and would not come back, and I had never felt fear like that before.
“I didn’t mean to scare you.” He crouched down to my level while balancing on his toes. My heart slowed as Diesel clasped his hands together, looking patiently at me. I hadn’t noticed it, but his face had gone pale as his shoulders slouched forward with unease. He really was worried, wasn’t he? “Has something happened? You can tell me.” Even to hear such a gentle tone was unnerving.
If I really was the Soulless, what would he do?
After everything I’ve been through, I didn’t know if it was okay to depend on someone else. Even if that person was Diesel. Since I could remember, my life had revolved around only myself. My survival. My happiness. My interests. I never really had any friends and my parents were always distant and cold. Then, Annie appeared and my world had split in two. She became important to me. I wanted to protect her; I wanted to make sure she was safe and happy. It didn’t matter what she did to me, even if she turned a knife on me or we fought over stupid things; I would always want to protect her. Was it too much to think that Diesel could feel that way about me too? Could anyone feel that way about me?
“Am I … important to you?” I asked before I could catch myself. I just needed to know. I just needed some sort of security that I wasn’t going into a war by myself.
“What do you mean?” Diesel’s smile dropped.
“Am I more than just some girl you can use? Do you feel scared for me? Worried for me? Compassion for me?”
“Where is all this coming from?”
“You must feel something right? Even you said before, that you were drawn to me. Why did you tell me that? Why did you kiss me? Why are you comforting me now?”
“This is ridiculous.” He pushed off the ground into a stand. Like a nervous tick, he ruffled the back of his hair. “Why does it matter?”
“It matters a lot. I need to know. What are you afraid of?”
“Don’t get the wrong idea about us. I only kissed you because I thought it would’ve been fun. And last night … nothing even happened, you’re over thinking things.” His answer was like a slamming door, abrupt, loud and final.
A nerve ticked off inside me, unaccepting his reason. “No, I’m not over thinking things. The moment things get too real, you just back off. Has this got something to do with Katie?”
His black eyes snapped toward me. “You don’t know what you’re talking about! This has nothing—”
“I know you cared for her!”
“You know nothing about me!” he roared.
“Bullshit! I do know you, I know you dream of her every night. You’re always muttering about how you need to find her. Tell me what happened?”
Diesel gripped his hair. “Shut up! I don’t want to talk about it!”
“Why? Why not? Why can’t we talk about it?”
“Stop it! Please? I can’t…” He turned away but I chased him, constantly pressing myself up into his face as I pushed him around.
“Stop running from me! I’m not Katie, Diesel! I’m not her! You can care about me, I’m not going-”
“Nadia- stop! Just -shut up!” He lurched forward and grabbed me by the collar with both hands. I was yanked upwards, pulled up to his chest as his knuckles skimmed my throat. Diesel’s face bloomed red. I tried to kick out of his grasp but struggled in the sloppy sand. “You’re right, you’re not Katie! But just because you’re born different don’t think you won’t fade too, don’t think you won’t vanish and fade away from me.”
I snapped my hands up to his and pulled to loosen his grip. “Diesel! Diesel stop!”
“Why you? What’s so goddamn special about you? You are just some freak I picked up in a jail cell.” Just as fast as his rage peaked, it then suddenly subsided. He wobbled off balance and dropped his hold.
“I just… ” He looked at his hands, alarmed by them. “I’m sorry.”
My breath trembled out. I knew I had pushed him too far but I couldn’t find the strength in me to tell him to stay. Diesel turned and walked back toward the cliff. Suddenly, he was gone and the open sea returned in front of me.
My eyes fell onto the kicked-up sand where my feet had scrambled backward. With the tide, the sand smoothed out and the imprint vanished. In my pocket, I felt the handle from Justin’s knife. I reached in and took the blade out.
I didn’t know what I was expecting with Diesel. Honesty, I felt as though I had just been torn apart and gutted from the inside. In the end, I wanted Diesel to pick me. I wanted Diesel to be my friend, to be on my side. Was it too much to ask for someone to call my own? Was it too much for me to think that someone could possibly care for me, as well?
If I really was the Soulless…
The burning question left me restless. I had to know. I had to see for myself. I turned the slim blade around in my fingers before pressing the point to my palm. I didn’t hesitate as I ran the knife over my skin and watched the blood swell upwards. I didn’t know what I expected; I didn’t know what I was doing. Bright red collected in the dip of my palm. I clasped my hand closed as the blood seeped between my fingers. There’s no such thing as the Soulless. That was what I wanted to believe. So it can’t be me.
The water rushed up my
legs as the white foam dragged across the wet sand. What am I doing? This is stupid… As the water moved, I lowered my open hand into the stream to wash it. Pain hit me fast like a bite over the cut, the salt burned and I immediately pulled my hand out. Within seconds, the ache suddenly vanished and my palm swam in foreign tingles. The sensation moved up my wrist and into my elbow, travelling swiftly to my shoulders and back toward my chest. My head swayed. My heart thumped harder. It felt as though air pockets were escaping through the cut as my blood bubbled beneath my clenched fist.
I kept my hand firmly closed and held out away from me. Like bugs trying to wiggle out of my grip, the tingling grew more intense and expanded. Slowly, I started to uncurl my fingers but they were stiff and cold.
My palm faced down but no blood dropped. Instead, the red trail wedged itself in between the gaps of my fingers and rose from my skin. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was impossible! As if gravity had reversed, the blood pulled upwards and floated up away from my hand in thick, heavy bubbles.
Among the souls of man, a Soulless will be born of inhuman blood—
You have no idea what you are. Do you?
If such a person exists, they must be taken apart. I would tie them up and drain every last droplet of their inhuman blood.
You have such an incredible burden.
Wouldn’t you want to hunt down this person too?
I am the Soulless.
The world around me crumpled. I snapped my hand back to my chest and tightly squeezed my fingers. The floating blood dropped and disappeared into the backwash of the ocean. All around me a ringing pounded against my eardrums. I scrambled upward but couldn’t stand long enough to walk before dropping back down. Oh, God, why? Why me? What am I to do? What am I going to do? All at once, my thoughts crashed together as the ringing turned into a pounding headache.
“Nadia?”
I jerked around at Diesel’s voice to find him standing behind me. His eyes were wide and his lower lip had dropped. How long had he been standing there? My eyes snapped back down onto my white, clenched fist. Did he see? Did he see it?
Diesel’s eyes didn’t move from me. He didn’t even blink. I scrambled into a stand. “It’s… it’s not what you think-”
“It’s you?”
“It’s not what it looks like. This doesn’t mean anything!”
“The writing on the script…was about you?”
His eyes hardened and as he stepped forward, his knuckles bunched warningly. He’s going to kill me. He’s going to kill me! I moved first and quickly swung my fist at him. “Get away from me!”
I connected my punch, throwing Diesel off balance as I dashed past. My feet slipped in the sand as I ran and snatched my boots, making my way up the cliff side. I didn’t slow to check to see if he was chasing me, nor did I slow when I caught my shin on a sharp rock and split the skin open.
As I hopped into my shoes, I ran at the car and yanked the driver’s door open. I went to start the ignition but couldn’t. Shit! Of course, he has the car keys. I slipped back out and instead took the backpack from the backseat. I took the pistol from the front pocket, knowing I had no other choice but to run.
I turned back just as Diesel appeared on the cliff side. I swung the gun around and fired a warning shot over his head. He immediately ducked down. “Don’t come any closer,” I barked. He slowly lifted his hands in his show of surrender. My fingers squeezed around the handle. “T-The car keys. Throw the car keys to me.”
While still crouched, Diesel shook his head. “I can’t let you leave.”
“Do it or I will shoot you.”
He carefully reached into his pockets and fished out the car keys. As he weighed them in his palm, he suddenly swivelled and threw them over the cliff’s edge.
NO! I lurched forward with my hand trembling. “You idiot! Damn it!” I fired again as the pistol kicked back, throwing my arm backward. Diesel didn’t flinch as the bullet shot past him. Just kill him, Nadia. He has to die; he knows too much. It’s you or him.
My finger hovered over the trigger. He was close enough that I could smell the salt on his clothes.
The barrel was inches from contact; I wouldn’t miss again. “Damn it, Diesel. I didn’t want this...”
His black eyes pulled me into him. The strength in my arm faded as I dropped my aim slightly to the side. Not once did he look away from me, and despite the tightened muscles of his scowl, his voice softly croaked.
He carefully eased his hands back to the ground. “Are you scared of me?”
“Shut up!”
“You sound scared.”
“And whose fault is that?” I shouted. “After everything that you said, how could I possibly feel safe around you?”
“Then why did you show it to me?” he demanded. I stalled on the question. “Why did you tell me about the Soulless? Were you testing me?”
“I don’t know why I showed you. I just wanted to know how you’d react if it was me.”
“And?” he urged without stepping out of his crouch. “What did you expect me to do?”
I drew my lips in tightly. “I don’t know.”
Diesel slowly rose into a stand as he kept one hand out facing me, and the other behind his back. “You wanted me to choose you. Isn’t that it?” My heart hammered. I couldn’t look away from his fierce stare. My lips opened to speak but no words came out. “Is that why you asked if you were important? You want me to choose you? You want me to feel something for you? Right?”
I trembled as I spoke. “Y-Yes, but you don’t, do you?”
Diesel’s eyes hooked into mine in a long, unnerved stare. His expression was unreadable, even within such close proximity I couldn’t feel any sort of emotion bounce off his chest.
“How could you ask that of me? Have I not proven myself to you? Out of everybody, you are the one person I trust…” He centred his shoulders, facing me. “But I could never choose you.”
He swung outwards and threw a handful of dirt into my eyes. My finger clenched the trigger as the gun went off in a series of panicked bangs. Shit! Shit! Within seconds, Diesel ripped the gun out of my hand and shoved me to the ground. My breath shot out as pain swarmed my ribs. I scrambled backward and tensed, waiting for his strike but there was only silence.
I scrubbed my face clear and peered up. Diesel had the gun in his hand. The black hole of the barrel was within kissing distance to my forehead. His grip trembled but his face was as cold and calm as stone.
This was it.
I didn’t think to brace myself, or close my eyes from the incoming bullet. In the moment I expected his finger to squeeze, throwing my head back into death, he instead suddenly dropped to his knees.
“Damn it! You can cure it, can’t you? You can stop all of this, so why am I hesitating? This is more important than just you. This is… but still… I can’t. Shit!” He bared his teeth as the muscles in his jaw jumped in his bite. In the next moment, he opened his eyes and allowed his body to soften. I flinched as he reached out and rested his forehead against the curve of my shoulder.
“I’m such a idiot,” he mumbled against my skin, his voice quivering from the base of his throat. “I thought that if I said it out loud, that I could do it but I can’t. Not if it’s you…”
The words he had said last night bounced back and forth around my head. None of this felt real. He sat back and gripped his forehead, pushing back the headache.
In his dark earth brown eyes, I could sense his thoughts spinning. The words were heavy on his tongue, as though he wished he didn’t have to speak them.
Diesel’s shoulders dropped, “I won’t let you become my biggest regret. I won’t let this feeling go. Do you understand me? You win, Nadia. For whatever twisted and insane reason, I am choosing you, so please… don’t run from me.”
I inhaled a soft gasp. The possibility of him choosing me over a possible cure only crossed my mind as a distant hope. I reached forward to pull him into me when a sudden bang so
unded from the distance. Heat whizzed past me as Diesel was suddenly jerked forward. I blinked dumbly at the expanding patch of blood circling a bullet size hole on Diesel’s shirt.
“Diesel?” I screeched as Diesel tipped over, grabbing his shoulder where the bullet had skewered through. I glanced back to where the gunshot came from as a woman approached out from the shrubs. I recognised the large broach on her collar immediately but couldn’t believe what I was seeing. She had her gun lifted as small wisps of smoke sizzled out of the barrel.
“I thought it was impossible…” Her voice muffled through her veil as her eyes widen. “You’re a Soulless.”
I scrambled back into a stand. Diesel groaned as his body trembled with shock. “What’s wrong with you? Why did you shoot him?” I screamed.
“He’s erratic. I couldn’t risk him hurting you.” The woman’s eyes squinted as she smiled. She continued to approach as I unsheathed the knife and held it out at arm’s length. “Now, now Nadia, I’ve been watching you for a while now. Since our encounter at the black market in fact, but I had to be sure it was possible.”
I edged backward until my backpack hit the wooden fence lining the cliff lip. I glanced over my shoulder at the drop behind me and into the crash of blue water. “You were following me?”
“Yes, my boss is very interested in you.” My fingers pressed into the wood as she stepped up and over Diesel’s body. He remained conscious, but hugged his injured shoulder to his chest. “You are going to be coming with me now-”
“There’s no way you’re taking her- ARGH!” Diesel yelped as he attempted to stand but crashed beneath his own weight. “Fuck! My arm feels like it’s on fire!” His entire body trembled as his shoulder and arm flopped beneath him.
“Relax, you’re not going to die. You’ve been poisoned, each bullet is laced with a paralysing agent. The more you struggle, the faster the drug will spread,” She explained while taking another step toward me, the gun now held up. “It’s your choice Nadia. You may be special, but I will shoot you if you try to run.” I gulped as she held her free hand up to her earpiece. “Sir, this is Quinn, you’re not going to believe what I found. Send a pick up to my location immediately.”
Soulless (The Immortal Gene Trilogy Book 1) Page 28