Something Better

by Gail R Delaney

  The tears didn't hit until she reached the driver's door and realized she'd left her purse inside. All she carried was her phone, clutched in her fist like a grenade minus the pin. If she let go, she'd be blown away. The first tears were slow, slipping from her eyes to blur her vision. She stared at the display on the phone, the screen blurring more with each blink.

  That bastard.

  Andi choked around the sobs that lodged in her chest, threatening to rip their way out of her. She closed her eyes and slammed her forehead against the door, pressing her palms to the warm glass, forcing down the sounds of her weeping. She couldn't do this. Not here. Not here.

  "Andi..."

  She spun away, giving Maggie her back, and wrapped her arms across her hurting stomach. The sobs were more like heaves because she refused to let them free. Until Maggie's hands smoothed over her back to squeeze her shoulders. Andi folded like a crushed cardboard box, and Maggie dropped with her, not letting her hit the ground. The cries escaped, but were lost -- muffled -- by her knees as she curled in on herself.

  Maggie said nothing, just crouched beside her with her arms around Andi's shaking frame.

  She wasn't supposed to cry over Lawrence Bonherre ever again. She'd sworn more than once that she'd never let another tear fall over him.

  "This isn't over Larry, my dear," Maggie said softly, and Andi realized she'd said the self-condemning statements aloud. "This is because of Larry. Because he's a self-righteous bastard who believes the world revolves around his pimply, pasty white ass."

  Andi raised her head and took off her glasses, the lenses now spotted by her tears, to wipe her fingers across her cheeks. "I don't know what's worse, Mags. I'm so angry with him right now for believing for one millisecond that he has any say in my life. I'm angry because the truth of it is that he does have a say in my life as long as Jake is a minor. He can pull this power trip whenever he wants his way, and I have to bend or face his wrath in court. I'm angry that he reduces me to this!" She slammed the palm of her hand against her chest, shaking her head. "And I'm angry because every time, every time something good happens in my life, he has the uncanny ability to suck all the joy right out of it!"

  She shouted now, but she didn't really care anymore. What other humiliation could be worse than sitting in a restaurant with her -- her -- whatever David was -- and his sisters, and have her ex-husband call her a whoring slut? Even if they didn't hear, how could she just sit there unaffected?

  Andi was on a tangent now.

  "I had a baby... he had his secretary. I get an agent and a book deal... he tells me his affairs are my fault because I'm as attractive and sexy to him as a dead fish. I get a movie deal... he marries the woman I caught him having his last affair with, and tells me now that he has a 'family' atmosphere perhaps Jake should spend more time with him in Chicago. He lorded that over me for a good year. And now..."

  She dropped her head forward, unable to finish the rant. To finish would be to admit that David Bishop might be a good and permanent thing in her life... or could be... and to say it was to doom it.

  "Larry is all bull and no crap, if you know what I mean," Maggie stated, sitting on the cement beside her so they were hip to hip, facing each other. "Larry likes to throw his weight around when it comes to Jake, but he never follows through. He demands a visit, and then you don't hear from him for a year or so. He's huffing and puffing, that's all."

  Andi shook her head, sniffing loudly. "I don't know, Maggie. He's furious. And when Lawrence is angry..." She shook her head again.

  Maggie tipped sideways, bumping Andi's knees with her shoulder. She grinned. "Good thing you're not alone then, yeah? You got me. You got Jake. You got David--"

  Andi snorted.

  "Which one are you snorting at?"

  "Which do you think," Andi answered, swiping viciously at her cheeks.

  "You've been trying to rule that boy out since the first time he kissed you. Cut it out."

  Andi snuffed her nose and leaned against the side of her truck. Her mind kept flipping back and forth between the embarrassed, humiliated girlfriend -- even mentally, Andi cringed at the word -- who wondered just how much her sexy new boyfriend would take before he ran for the Hollywood Hills... and the romance novelist who looked at everything as a plot and refused to be the TSTL heroine who wallows in self-pity rather than just talking to the man she loves.

  But she was also a realist. That was part of being a writer, knowing what was fantasy and what would and could really happen. Romance readers always love to say they want stories that 'could' happen, but they don't. They want the fantasy with just enough reality to let them believe it could really happen. The man always sees the beauty in the woman she can't see in herself. She always gets him at the end of the book, no matter how many stupid mistakes she makes. It doesn't matter how many women he's been with, or how many men she hasn't been with, he only wants her for the rest of his life.

  If she looked at her life -- as it currently seemed to be unfolding -- like a romance novel, she'd see all fantasy. Gorgeous, sexy movie star falls for older divorcee with son. All is beautiful and wonderful until... enter the dastardly, bastardly ex husband designed to add conflict. But handsome hero and his ladylove prevail over all the hardships to live happily ever after. After all, a book has to have a happily ever after, no matter how ridiculous and unlikely it seemed.

  Reality didn't come with a Happily Ever After guarantee. If it did, the mystical 'they' wouldn't have coined the phrase 'Life isn't fair'.

  At that moment, she felt as far from fair as one could get.

  "So, are you going to sit here all night and hide from him? Or are you going to get yourself up, dust yourself off--"

  "And start all over again?" Andi finished with a thick, wet sigh. "I don't have the energy quite yet. Just give me a few minutes to put on my game face again, okay?"

  Maggie patted her shoulder and gave a short nod, gaining her feet with a moan and grumble about being 'too old to be sitting on the ground'. Andi listened as Maggie's footsteps moved away and faded, and waited another ten-count before pulling her knees to her chest again and dropping her head to her folded arms. The tears were done, but the choking, smothering weight in her chest hadn't eased. It didn't matter that Lawrence's opinion of her meant nothing to her, his words had cut deep and bled hard.

  Andi jumped when the phone she still gripped in her hand rang again. It was Jake's ring, and for a split second she considered not answering. What if it was Lawrence again?

  But, it would more likely be Jake. Andi refused to ignore her son to spite his father.

  Andi swallowed and flipped the phone open, bringing it to her ear with a shaking hand. "Hello."

  "Mom..."

  Jake spoke so low and soft that she had to strain to hear him, and probably wouldn't have been able to hear him at all inside the restaurant with all the ambient sound. "Yes, honey. Are you okay?"

  "Yeah. He's back downstairs, told me to stay in my room like it was some kind of punishment. I don't want to be around him anyway."

  "He didn't hurt you, did he? He didn't say anything?"

  "Not about me, no. But, Mom, he said a lot of really awful things about you. I know you don't think I know stuff yet, but I know what he called you." His young voice took on a sharp, rough edge and Andi easily pictured her son with tight lips and clenched fists. "I wanted to hit him, Mom."

  "No, honey," she said quickly. "Don't do that. It's okay."

  "No, it's not," he nearly shouted, but his voice dropped again. She assumed he didn't want his father to know he was on the phone with her again. "It's not, Mom. Because he's wrong."

  Andi sucked in a sharp breath, trying to quell the tears that returned with a vicious vengeance. She blinked and looked up at the cloudless sky. "I'm sorry, Jake. I'm so sorry."

  "Mom, where are you?"

  She blinked at his question, releasing more tears, and rubbed her nose. "I'm in Valencia. I had a book signing today."

  "
Is Maggie with you?"

  "She's here, yes. Just not right here."

  Andi dropped her glasses on the cement beside her, covering her eyes with her shaking hand. It took her several deep breaths and the sheer power of will to speak again. "Are you okay? Do you want me to come get you?"

  "No. He leaves me alone pretty much. I don't want you to see him."

  The sob in her chest burned like a ball of acid, and she pushed her curled hand against her sternum, willing back the overflow. What kind of mother was she that her eleven-year-old son had to worry about her like this? What had she exposed him to that he couldn't just be a kid

  "Is David there?"

  Andi swallowed, forcing down the lump. "I-I'm not sure. He was, but he might have left."

  "Was he there when I called?"

  She nodded, then realized she was being stupid. "Yes. Why?"

  "I don't want you to be alone." The conviction in his voice broke her heart into a thousand shards that jabbed at her chest when she took a breath.

  "I'm not alone, honey."

  "But is David there?"

  Andi sighed. "Here? Right now? No, honey. I don't know where David--"

  She stopped short when a shadow fell over her and a familiar pair of brown Doc Martens stepped beside her. Andi couldn't say anything as he crouched beside her, his blue-gray eyes focused on her face -- which had to be a wreck since she'd been crying.

  "Mom? Where's David?"

  David took the phone from her with one hand, and laid the other against her cheek, his thumb smoothing over her skin. In a beat, Andi was so tired she could barely move. She let her head settle against the vehicle door, watching him.

  "Jake..." he said into the phone.

  "David, you're with Mom, right?"

  With a flash of heat to her cheeks that made her eyes water, Andi realized just how easily and clearly she heard every word her son said. And if she could hear him that easily, there was no doubt in her mind that not only had David heard every vicious word Lawrence had said, but mostly likely Caroline and Sarah as well. She closed her eyes, taking the coward's way out, unable to look him in the eye now that she knew for certain that he'd heard.

  "Yeah, I'm here."

  "Don't leave her, okay? My father said some stuff--"

  "I heard him. And I won't."

  There was silence for a moment when she didn't hear either one speak, but she couldn't open her eyes yet to see why. Then she heard Jake again.

  "I saw... I saw the picture he was mad about."

  "Not the best thing to see, I guess."

  "I don't care. I mean... I don't mind. Just -- can you tell her that?"

  "I'll tell her, Jake."

  "Tell her I love her, okay? She's really upset, David. Just... take care of her, okay?"

  "I will. I promise."

  Jake said good-bye, and Andi heard the distinct click of her phone snapping shut. She wanted to run again, but figured she wouldn't get any further than last time, and she didn't like the whole idea of running to begin with. Never helped. The knot in her stomach made her feel ill, and the sun had shifted enough to take away the shade, and the heat made her skin crawl even worse than before. But she couldn't open her eyes.

  ...whoring around... slutting around...

  Only Lawrence had the ability to take something that made her feel so good and make it ugly and vile. The man had slept with more women than he could truthfully admit to -- had come home to their bed and tainted her with his cheating body -- and had the nerve so say what she had shared with David was something dirty and wrong.

  "Andi, open your eyes, sweetheart."

  She swallowed hard and blinked several times before she could bring him into focus. He took her hand and rose, helping her to her feet so she stood between him and the driver's door. He retrieved her glasses from the ground and folded them, putting them in his shirt pocket. David stroked her cheeks with his thumbs, his gaze following his own touch, skimming over her features. Andi curled her shaking fingers around his hands and looked down, focusing on one of the buttons on his shirt.

  "Let's go home," he said softly and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.

  Andi tucked herself against his chest, her hair brushing the underside of his chin, and absorbed the feeling of his arms wrapped around her. She didn't want to think or believe the worst, but she wanted to enjoy his embrace as long as possible. He rubbed her back and shoulders and kissed her brow, and Andi slowly felt some of the knot ease and the sick feeling of humiliation abated enough that she could think and speak with coherency.

  As her thoughts cleared, she remembered the promise she'd made him just the week before -- had they really gone from acquaintances to this in less than two weeks? -- in her trailer at the set. And she ran through all the arguments and rationalizations she'd made sitting on the pavement, wishing for the world it would open up and swallow her.

  She could wonder and doubt and wait for the end... or she could just find out now.

  Andi pulled away from his embrace, stepping back until her hips bumped the driver door. "Are you leaving?" she asked before she lost her nerve.

  He smiled. "Not on my own. You're my ride, remember? I left my car at your--" He paused, and the smile slipped away. "You don't mean right now... leaving here."

  Andi shook her head, managing only a sharp jerk. She crossed her arms over her body to disguise the shaking that worked through her so hard that it made her insides hurt.

  "I'm not demanding you stay, or asking you to go," she forced herself to say with a relatively level tone. "I just want to know."

  David stepped to her again, setting his feet on either side of hers so he stood as close as possible, and laid his palms against her cheeks, tipping her head enough that she had to either close her eyes or meet his stare. His brow pulled down over his eyes, creating a small line of furrows above his nose and any hint of a smile was gone.

  "I'm not leaving."

  "I mean it, David. You can do whatever you want, no guilt. No pressure. No--"

  His mouth pressed to hers, stopping her argument. Andi tried not to breathe, tried not to melt into him, tried to brace herself against the glorious feeling of David. Still holding his lips to hers, he tugged her arms free from across her body and shifted closer, urging her to wrap her arms around his neck. When his hands moved over her sides to her back and pulled her closer, she whimpered and lost the battle. His lips parted, and she matched him, pushing her fingers into his hair. His teeth grazed her lower lip before his tongue slowly and thorough filled her mouth, drawing another small sound from the back of her throat. By the time his lips moved from her mouth, and he pressed his face into the side of her throat, tears ran down her cheeks again and she clung to him.

  David hugged her hard, pulling her so firmly against him that she had to toe up to keep her feet on the ground. He kissed her throat -- short quick kisses that curled warmth inside her with each peck -- to her cheeks and finally her mouth again.

  When he pulled back, he was smiling again, and the spark had come back to his eyes.

  "I'm not leaving." He kissed one cheek, then the other. "I'm not leaving."

  Andi nodded.

  "Say it."

  "You're not leaving," she whispered.

  He kissed her. "That's right."

  David wrapped her in another breath-stealing hug, and she sank into it.

  *****

  "I need you at the studio no later than six."

  David groaned into his phone, offering Andi his hand to help her from the SUV. "Avi, I'm supposed to be resting, remember?"

  "Yeah? Is that why you were spotted at your girlfriend's book signing today?"

  David smiled, looking at Andi, but the smile quickly fell away. Her eyes were cast down and her lip was a fine, straight line. Not a frown, but far from a smile. She took his hand as they walked to the house, but her fingers were loose and limp in his hold.

  "I'm not doing a circuit. One. That's it."

  "David--"
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  "One. That's all they need. Everyone will see I'm alive, I'm not scarred for life, and we move on. I don't want to tie up my whole morning with this."

  Andi pulled free of his hand as soon as they stepped inside the house, heading for the staircase leading upstairs. "I'll be back in a few minutes," she said quickly over her shoulder before she disappeared up the stairs.

  "Three."

  "One," David said firmly, and snapped the phone shut.

  He watched Andi go and shoved his hands into his pants pockets to hide his clenched fists. Touching Andi -- holding her hand -- was the only thing that kept him from curling his hands up into tight balls... or worse yet... punching a wall. Lawrence Bonherre was a lucky bastard that he wasn't anywhere around, or David wouldn't work so hard at restraining himself.

  Maggie dropped her purse and bag on the kitchen counter, heading directly to the refrigerator. "Can I get you something? Water? Soda? Juice? I might even have a beer in here somewhere.

  "Whatever you've got. No beer."

  Maggie slid him a quick glance over the top edge of the open refrigerator door before disappearing behind it. She came out with a glass pitcher of juice and took two tumblers from an upper cupboard, coming back to him. David did his best to divert his attention from the stairs, but knew he failed miserably... and found he really didn't care.

  Andi hadn't said a word all the way back to the house. David had left the driving to Maggie, and sat in the back seat beside Andi, holding her hand on the seat between them. Her fingers laced through his, but her attention remained out the window.

  Maggie slid the glass toward him, and he swallowed three-quarters of the contents before setting it down on the counter a little too hard.

  "Don't let her fool you," Maggie said after several minutes of silence.

  David pulled his gaze from the stairs. "How's that?"

  "She's going to come down with a big smile on her face, a spring in her step, and acting for all the world like she hasn't got a care. She needs these few minutes to get on her game face. Andrea Parker is one hell of an actress when she needs to be."