Something Better

by Gail R Delaney

  Because Andi wasn't the only one with everything at stake today.

  She hadn't said it, maybe because she didn't even realize it herself, but if Andrea Parker lost her son then David lost them both.

  He rubbed his fingers across his forehead and flicked at the moisture on his cheek. When he was sixteen, he had to prepare for one of the biggest roles of his young career. Before then he'd done bubble gum flicks where everything ended with ice cream sundaes and smiles all around. At sixteen, he took on his first emotionally-intense roll and he couldn't do it. His acting coach, a brilliant man named Ian Randall, told him that in order to be truly convincing in any roll he had to make himself part of every character he played. It wasn't about finding himself in the character, but finding the character in him. Which meant that he had to let go of some of his own emotions, memories and passions -- let go and let them breathe through him.

  It had worked. He had the statuettes to prove it.

  The problem with breaking down the walls between himself and the characters he played was that once down, the walls were hard to build again. Right now, he wished for some of that restraint. Because right now it hurt.

  He wanted to hit something. Namely Lawrence Bonherre.

  David shoved back from the desk with such force the chair shot backwards and bounced off a display shelf. A photo of Caroline and Sarah toppled over and hit the floor, the glass breaking. With a howl of frustration that came from his soul, David picked up the phone and hurled it across the room. It hit the brick face of the fireplace with a crack, falling in five pieces on the hardwood floor. He threw his head back and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes until spots danced behind his closed lids. Another gutteral moan tore its way out of his throat.

  The doorbell startled him, and he jerked around, sucking in several sharp breaths. David cleared his throat and scrubbed his hands over his face before heading for the door. He glanced quickly at the broken frame and phone, a surge of self-anger hitting him.

  The doorbell rang again. "Davey, it's your mother," came his mother's voice through the thick wood.

  An instant sense of relief slammed into him, battling for dominance over the frustration that his request to be left alone today had clearly been ignored. David rested his head on the door for a moment, his hand on the knob, and huffed several breaths to rein in whatever emotion would still be clearly and blatantly obvious to his mother.

  Because she was Mom, simple as that.

  "Hey, Mom," he managed as he opened the door. Of course, she wasn't alone. If one person in your family can help you even a little to fix a problem, just imagine what an entire family could do? That was his mother's theory anyway. Her husband and David's second stepfather, Joseph Masters, stood behind his wife with a slightly sheepish grin that said 'You know your mother once she's got an idea in her head'. Caroline stood behind him, little Katherine at her side and baby Abigail in her arms. Sarah appeared, two bags of groceries in her arms, followed by Caroline's husband Aaron with another two bags.

  Dolly Masters held out her arms and pulled David into a hard hug. He had to bend down to return it, but he pressed his face into her shoulder and inhaled the aroma of fruit-scented hairspray, Avon Skin So Soft and baking bread that always engulfed his mother. David pressed his eyes shut, refusing to lose the tenable grip he had on his raw emotions.

  "What are you doing here?" he asked, pulling back to hug Caroline -- taking a quick peek at the pink bundle in her arms -- and kissed Sarah's cheek.

  "On a day like today, you need family." Dolly brushed past him into the house. "And chicken soup. I didn't have time to make kugel so I bought some at the deli, but I thought we'd have challah with the soup."

  David chuckled, shaking Aaron's hand. Katherine tugged at his shirt, and he picked her up so she could smack a loud kiss on his cheek. "You look sad, Uncle Davey."

  He smiled. The innocent observations of children would be the death of him. "I am, alittle, darlin'. But, I'm better now."

  He put Katherine down in time for Sarah to shove the groceries at him. "We've got the makings for a three course meal. Better hope your kitchen is clean."

  By the time he reached the kitchen, his mother had his largest pot on the stove and had an open box of broth in each hand, dumping them in the pot. David set the bags on the counter and removed the ingredients inside. In an hour, the house would smell of simmering chicken soup with matzo balls and fresh challah bread. David broke down the paper bags, put them in his recycling bin, and leaned his hip against the counter as he watched his mother cut vegetables.

  The house was filled with noise, shoving out the smothering silence that had devoured him all morning. He'd become so used to the sounds of life in a house, even if just the sound of Jake's video games or the click of a keyboard while Andi worked on her book. Sometimes it was as loud and boisterous as the four of them playing a game, or as simple as their laughter while they watched a movie. Right now, it felt like Thanksgiving or Chanukah with all his closest family in one place while his mother cooked.

  Dolly looked his way as she dumped the carrots in the pot. "You're smiling. That's nice to see."

  He inhaled the smell of broth and chicken and spices. "I was just thinking."

  "About Andi?"

  "Yeah. And how I like the sound of people in the house."

  His mother wiped her hands on a towel and stepped closer, looking up at him. "I haven't met her--"

  "I know, Ma. But, with everything going on--"

  "I wasn't trying to chastise you, Davey," she said more gently. "I just wanted to say that even though I haven't met her, I can see in your eyes how wonderful she is, and I can't wait to meet her and her son." She laid her hand on his cheek. "I also see the pain in your eyes at the thought this all might end badly."

  David blinked and looked away, drawing in a sharp breath. Her gentle hand brought his attention back to her, and she smiled. "God is closest to those with a broken heart."

  "Thanks, Ma."

  "Now, you go on and see that new niece of yours and let me get the bread in the oven, otherwise it won't be ready with the soup."

  David kissed his mother's cheek and wandered back to the living room. Aaron and Joe were camped out in front of the television watching a football game. Sarah sat on the floor with Katherine, an array of coloring books and crayons spread out between them. His sister looked up and gave him a wink before going back to giving Barbie a dark purple dress with black skulls. Caroline stood from the couch when he came in, the baby bundled in her arms.

  "How are you doing?" she asked softly, her eyes shifting to study him.

  He drew in a slow breath through his nose, the scent of baby lotion and powder tingling his senses, and released it as he looked down at Abigail. She was awake, her wide and aware eyes taking in everything. She'd found her fist and sucked noisily on her fingers as she looked from her mother to her uncle.

  "She's beautiful," David said, skirting her question.

  Caroline shifted the baby and slid her into David's arms. He'd held Katherine plenty of times when she was a baby, yet he always felt a small rush of panic when he held something so tiny and fragile. So delicate. Her focus shifted solely to him, her tiny brow pulling together as she seemed to wonder who this stranger might be, and probably deciding whether the whole situation was worth crying over or not. David bounced his knees, smiling when she sighed heavily.

  "You're a natural," Caroline told him, leaning her cheek against his arm so she could watch her daughter. "You need to be a father, David."

  He swallowed hard at the immediate and intense tightening of his throat. Would he be tempting fate if he told Caroline -- or anyone -- that he felt like a father already? Maybe not completely, but the idea of not seeing Jacob again tore at him as fiercely as it would for any parent, he thought.

  "It's going to be okay." Caroline rubbed her hand up and down his back. "I believe that, David. We all believe it. We're here to celebrate with you when you find that out, no
t to mourn with you."

  He felt the tremble of his chin and bit down, blinking to keep Abigail's face in focus. He couldn't look at his sister, because he couldn't see their face when they saw the doubt in his eyes. He swore to Andi that he wouldn't be the reason she lost her son... and if she lost today... it would be because of him. Because he convinced her to talk to Theresa. Because she chose him and a fight over the sure path.

  Caroline whispered his name and curled her hand behind his neck, drawing him down to her. With the baby held between them, David rested his weary head on her shoulder and just for a moment indulged in the raw emotions ripping their way out of him. Caroline smoothed his hair and kissed his temple and he sucked in several sharp breaths. When he straightened again, his sister held his face in her hands and smiled a watery smile.

  "Andrea Parker is one lucky woman to have a man like you love her so much."

  David shook his head and shifted Abigail in his arms to free a hand, wiping his cheeks. "No, Caroline. You're wrong. I'm a damn lucky man that a woman like Andi would love me."

  She smiled and took back Abigail. "I'm going to feed her and lay her down. Can I use your bedroom?"

  "Yeah, sure."

  Two hours later, David loaded dirty dishes into his dishwasher as his mother ladled the remaining soup into storage containers. There was enough left to feed him for a week, and he hoped the smell of baked bread would last at least until the next day.

  "Your father called me," his mother said, her tone so nonchalant, he had to stop and process her words to make sure he'd heard her right. "Last night."

  He put the last bowl on the top rack and closed the washer door, pressing the start button. She just kept going with her chore, pouring the last of the soup into a plastic container. David dried his hands and leaned against the edge of the counter.

  "He's seen... well, everything," she explained, glancing only briefly at him. "We know the truth, your sisters and I and Joe, but how can he?" Before David could offer the old argument of 'If he were around...' she waved it off and continued. "The point is he wanted to make sure you were okay. And he wanted to know if there was anything he could do."

  "What did you tell him?"

  "I told him the truth. About Andrea and Jake and how much you love them both. And I told him she's a good woman and she makes you happy." She took the pot to the sink and filled it with water, adding a squirt of detergent. "And I told him you were okay."

  David nodded. His relationship with his father was best described as strained. They'd only spoken a dozen or so times since his father left twenty years earlier, and once David got past his early adolescent anger, they'd tried to find some kind of balance. By then, the relationship had been too damaged to be anything more than two people with an undeniable link to each other but would never be a part of each other's lives. He had fond memories of his father from when he was little, but Dan Bishop had been opposed to his son's venture into acting, and when David's career took off, his father chose to leave and not witness it rather than stay and encourage his son's success.

  "I just thought you should know."

  David nodded and tossed the towel on the counter. He left the kitchen and skirted the living room where Joe and Aaron had found an old World War II movie. Caroline sat in a chair by the patio windows reading a book, Abigail asleep in her carrier on the floor. He didn't know where Sarah was exactly, but he heard somewhere in the distance the sound of music. David went to the back patio door that looked out over the Hollywood Hills. The day had slipped away, the sun heading for the horizon. The sky was already gray and daylight had dimmed. He'd been able to forget the passage of time and Andi's absence for a while.

  All it took was a heartbeat for all of it to come slamming back into his chest. The broken photograph had been picked up, and Aaron had declared the cell phone unsalvageable. He fought the urge to pick up the house line and call her, just to know. But, his gut told him if he did he'd hear the worst. She would have called him otherwise. If she didn't call, if she didn't come to him, it was because he didn't want to hear what she had to say.

  The rat-a-tat-tat of machine guns echoed through the sound system, a strange contrast to Katherine's giggles and Mom's puttering in the kitchen. Abigail made a small mewling sound and Katherine's running footsteps echoed off the hardwood. The front door opened. David closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest, letting it all soak in. Letting it soothe the sharp edges as much as it could.

  Joe said something, but all David registered was the aged deepness of his voice, not the words.

  "Where is David?"

  He spun around, the trembling lilt of Andi's voice stealing the air right from his lungs. She stood in front of the open door, scanning the room, and all attention focused on her. Even from where he watched, he saw the color bloom in her damp, streaked cheeks.

  She'd been crying.

  "Andi..."

  Her eyes snapped to him when he said her name. She took a step and stopped, a good twenty feet still between them. Joe muted the television and except for the sounds of the children, everything stopped. David swallowed hard and took another step toward her. He looked to the open door.

  He didn't need to ask if it was over.

  "Where's Maggie?" He couldn't bring himself to ask where Jake was, and why he wasn't with her. If he didn't ask, he didn't have to hear the answer.

  She took another step. "She followed in her car." Andi's voice cracked, losing strength with every word. "We took separate cars. I needed the time to..." She stuttered, choking on the words, sucking in a sharp breath to counteract the sob that seemed to tear her apart. "I can't--" She sucked in another breath, flittering her hand near her face. "I can't stop crying."

  David crossed the space in three long strides and pulled her hard against him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face against his shoulder, body-shaking sobs making her tremble in his embrace. He held on as tight as he dared, curling his hands into fists against her back. If he squeezed any tighter, he'd break a rib, but if this was the last time he ever had her in his arms... he couldn't even finish the thought.

  "I tried to call," she wept into his shoulder. "I tried all the way here, but you didn't answer. I couldn't remember the house number--"

  "I broke my phone." David reluctantly pulled back to look into her face. His eyes burned and his throat tightened until he could barely swallow. "I'm sorry, Andi. I'm so sorry."

  She touched his face and stroked his cheek, the touch painfully tender, and a tiny smile bowed her lips. David's chest hurt, and he wondered if this was what a broken heart actually felt like. Like he was dying. He moved his hands up her back to her shoulders, unable to fight the tremors that tightened his muscles, and matched her touch with his hands on her tear-slicked cheeks. David pressed a kiss to her forehead and she curled her fingers around his wrists.

  "I don't know if I could have told you on the phone anyway," she said roughly, the crying jag scraping her voice. "I just couldn't stop. I think I frightened Jake, but I just couldn't stop--"

  He wrapped her in his arms again, her tears soaking his shirt. He didn't care.

  "It's funny... you would think tears of joy wouldn't be as hard to stop..."

  David jerked back, not daring to believe what he thought he'd heard. "What?"

  Tears still ran down her cheeks, but they disappeared into her wide smile. Her eyes shined, not with unshed tears of sorrow, but with joy. Not just happiness... joy. She nodded within his hold. Outside, he heard the crunch of another car pulling into his driveway.

  "That's Maggie," Andi whispered between them. "Jake waited outside for her. He likes putting in the code for your gate," she explained with the special 'proud mom' smile he loved so much.

  The flash of elation that hit him nearly bowled him over and he staggered. "Jake..." he repeated.

  She nodded again. "Jake."

  He whooped and swept her in his arms again, spinning her around as he laughed hysterically. He coul
dn't help it, and wouldn't deny it. Somewhere, little Katherine laughed. "Mommy, look. Uncle Davey is dancing."

  He set Andi on her feet again, taking her face in his hands. Her lips tasted of salt and the remains of long gone gloss. No kiss had ever tasted so wonderful

  "Did I miss the invitation to the party?"

  David twisted around to face the door again. Maggie stood near the door, and David realized his entire family had formed a large circle around them. Behind him, he heard his mother's soft sniffle and he caught Sarah wiping a tear from her cheek. Joe just watched, smiling his silent smile.

  Jake stepped into the doorway, apparently much calmer than anyone else, although his smile was just as wide. He paused, scanning the crowd of people he didn't know, settling on David and Andi. With a widening of his grin, he bolted for them and nearly bowled them both over when he hit them straight on. David laughed and hugged the boy against him. He kissed Andi again, and planned on doing that as often as possible... for the rest of his life.

  "I'd say the party is just beginning," his mother said, coming from the kitchen. "I'll make a grocery list. Aaron, you and Caroline can go and get food."

  "We just finished lunch," Sarah mumbled.

  "But now we celebrate," Dolly declared. "We have been blessed."

  David released some of his hold on Andi, but she stayed close to his side, her arms wrapped around his waist. "Ma, I am--" He huffed a sharp breath, trying to catalog and tame the erratic emotions slamming into him. There were too many: relief, joy, peace, elation... He smiled down at Andi, unable to shift his attention enough to look at his mother. She was beautiful, she was here... and she was still his. "I am so happy to introduce you to Andrea Parker... my everything."

  Andi smiled at him and touched his cheek before taking his mother's hand. "I'm so glad to finally meet you. I'm sorry it's taken so long."

  His mother skipped the hand, pulling Andi away from him to embrace her. And so the introductions began. Andi gave him a brief glance over her shoulder as his mother led her away, then waved her fingers and went along, Jake following.