White Girl Problems

by Tara Brown

  They both waved. “Welcome to the family.”

  Aiden laughed and opened the door. When it was closed, he paused, tilting his head to the side. “They meant the family here, who work here.”

  I nodded. “I have to go.” I walked down the hall and tried to figure out what the hell had just happened. It was all weird on like an Alice in Wonderland level of weird. Thank God Johnny Depp had been in that movie or I never would have made it through.

  “Did you like it?”

  I didn't turn back. I just smiled and said, “It was all right. I mean, since you show it to all the pretty girls.”

  The day went fast and when I finally made it home to bed, I didn’t care that my bed felt wet from the humidity or that my heart was broken. I was so tired that I didn’t care that I’d been betrayed by everyone I knew, including my own father.

  I thought about the people I had met and the weird-ass situation I had been plunged into. Peaches rolled over on the bed and groaned.

  Aiden was going to be the thing that got me through the summer. I liked him at least a little and that would have to be enough to get me through.

  If a white girl makes a duck face and doesn’t Instagram it, did it happen?

  Chapter Five

  Peggy on the Cove

  July

  I had spent three weeks there, learning who liked cranberry juice and who liked tea and who liked their coffee Boston style. And what the hell Boston style was. It meant you put the cream and sugar in before you poured the coffee. I called it too lazy to stir, but the old man didn’t think that was funny.

  Aiden had vanished the day after he’d been so sweet to me and showed me it. I had thought about him and the picture a lot. I started to think he was a figment of my imagination. Well, until Mae made fun of me, saying that seeing me in my bra had chased him off.

  After three weeks, I was starting to believe it.

  Why had he even bothered to be nice to me if he was just going to leave?

  I carried a tray of drinks to the ladies playing cards at the table. Marbles smiled. “Did you make the refreshers again?”

  I nodded. “I did. Lime today.” I placed one in front of each of them and sat in the chair that was there for me. Sarah dealt me into the card game. Who knew bridge could be fun? Or that this table of sarcastic, mean-spirited, and sour-faced old women were my soul mates?

  I sipped the drink they had made me Google from the Starbucks menu. Who knew Canadians liked Starbucks too?

  I wondered if the English did as well, but then I forced the thoughts away and thought about the weird facts I’d learned about Canadians.

  I learned almost right away they were exactly like us. I had partied in Vancouver and done a bit of shopping, but it was a major city. I figured rural Canadians were more arctic and shit—not true. It was hot as hell, or hot as sin as they always said, and muggy. We wore shorts all the time and tank tops. I’d even swam in the salty lake; it was weird. I found a starfish, in a lake.

  Andrew jogged by in his short red shorts. They all sighed, watching him. I felt like I was perving on an old man, but he was a Robert Redford, so it was sort of okay.

  Hanna nodded at me. “Have you heard from Aiden?”

  I shook my head. “No. Not since he left a few weeks ago. Mae said he had to go home for something, but she didn't know what. Jack and Millie said it was a family thing.”

  Hanna smiled. “His grandpa died. Millie got an email yesterday. He’s coming back tomorrow.”

  The news made my stomach tingle. I smiled. “Cool.”

  Sarah rolled her eyes. “Don’t try to act like he isn’t the cutest thing you ever saw. We all know he is. You had a moment when you saw him. Your eyes went all weird.”

  I cocked an eyebrow and tried to pretend I didn’t know of the exact moment she was referring to. “What? No, they didn't.”

  She laughed. “He is the cutest thing any of us ever saw. He’s a good guy. Comes from good stock.” They all laughed about it.

  I folded my arms. “Good guys aren’t really my thing.”

  Marbles laughed. “We know. You think we don’t know why you’re here? Psh, you can’t trust old Hattie with a secret. We know you’re a modern-day Bonnie and Clyde from the West Coast.”

  My stomach tingled again, but not the same way. “What? I’m not from the West Coast.”

  They all nodded. “Hattie told us your father couldn’t handle you—you were such a renegade. Girl after my own heart, if you ask me. Had to send you here to straighten you out.” Sarah winked at me.

  I rolled my eyes. “My father doesn’t handle anything. His evil wife does. She won this round, but I will be winning the next one.” I looked out at the sunny day. “I just didn’t know how dirty she was willing to play.”

  “So you didn’t steal and get alcohol poisoning and not come home and lie to your parents and spend horrid amounts of money on drugs and booze?”

  I choked on my refresher and gave Hanna a look. “What?”

  She folded her arms. “Well? We know all your dirty little secrets. Now give us the dirt.”

  I looked at them all. “I mean, I guess. But it was just fun. You know? Just regular teen shit. I didn’t… like… kill anyone. I wasn’t drinking and driving. I wasn’t risking anyone else… And I never did drugs.”

  Sarah reached forward, gripping my hand where the scar was. “You got that out of your system now, didn't you? You don't seem so bad now.”

  I didn’t know what to say. If given the chance, I would have already painted Halifax, the local city, red. I would have my name all over that city.

  I froze, waiting for someone else to say something, but they didn’t. They sat there giving me a grandmotherly stare. I got up quickly. ”It wasn’t a big deal.”

  I turned and walked out of the dining room. I didn’t stop until I was in the office again. I went to Twitter and read Linna’s feed. There was a party at Aaron’s house. Her picture, that had once been her and me, was now her and Aaron kissing. He called her babe in his tweets. I signed off and went to Instagram. The millions of selfies on her blog had become millions of kisses. She and Aaron kissing at the park, kissing on the dock, kissing at a restaurant, kissing in a cab, kissing in front of my house. “What the fu—”

  “Indeed. What are you doing in here? You know the rule about Internet with you.”

  I looked up to see the moody face of Hattie. I snarled. “How could you tell them all I was some kind of evil delinquent? I never did anything beyond steal a friggin’ lip-gloss, Hattie. You’ve got me snorting lines and selling my dad’s shit. I never did anything.” I shot up out of the chair and raced from the office, hurrying out the front door and into the hot weather. I didn’t stop there. I ran like I was Forest friggin’ Gump, all the way to the lake. I got to a huge rock on the side of the water and climbed up on top of it. The breeze was blowing hard from the direction of the ocean.

  There was something wrong with me. My case of the badassness I had rocked so easily before was gone. It was deflated and beaten down by the fact I had been caught doing something actually wrong.

  It was as if there were an angel sitting on my shoulder, an annoying one who spouted shit like, “You are a delinquent,” and, “She never told them anything you haven’t done,” and, “Your father hates you for a reason,” and, “Why do you think Aiden really left without even saying good-bye?” He probably heard all the bad things and ran for his life. His grandpa probably didn't really die.

  What did I care? I knew him for a day once. I wasn't that lame. I needed to forget about Aiden and focus on the fact my life was in ruins.

  I watched the water and came to the realization that I was a bit of a delinquent. Hattie hadn’t said anything that I hadn’t done, and even my friends were ashamed of me. Had I really done drugs at the party? Who knew?

  All I remembered was the rum I’d gotten from Linna. I ran my thumb down the scar that stretched from my other thumb up my wrist. Could the rose bush have done it? Wo
uld Linna lie about it?

  Screw Linna. She was the devil in disguise. She wasn’t a true friend. I never would have cut myself like that—ever—and even if I had, she should have known better than to tell Sheila. I couldn’t even dig out a sliver. It had to have been the rose bushes, when I was throwing up.

  “Finley Roze!”

  I turned around to see him. It was like a cosmic joke. He was standing with the sun glinting off of him, like it had been that first day. Aiden nodded at his car. “Come, get in.”

  I scowled. “No. I don’t even know you! Leave me alone.”

  He winked one of his blue eyes at me. “But you want to, come on. I wanna show you something. I missed you.”

  “I don’t think so, and I definitely don't think so.”

  “I did miss you and it’s about to rain.”

  I looked up at the blue sky. “It’s sunny—nice try.” I needed to focus on the fact I didn't like him. I couldn't like him. I didn't even know him, not really. He had made me smile and then vanished without even saying good-bye. He had me all tied up.

  I narrowed my gaze, realizing he was like me but a dude. I didn't need two game players in my life.

  “It’s going to rain.” He pointed. “This is coastal. Sunny means nothing when clouds like those are coming at you.” I followed his fingers to the black clouds racing across the lake.

  “Great.” I hopped off the rock and walked to the road, walking past him and his fancy car.

  “Finley, get in the car.” His tone changed.

  I turned back. “No!” I walked toward the rain clouds. They were where home was.

  “Fine, but I’m walking with you.”

  I gave him a deadly glare when he was next to me. He looked innocent. “What did I do?”

  I sighed. “Nothing.” What had he done? Why was I hating on him? His grandfather had died and I was being a bitch? What was my deal? Something about him had stolen my thunder. I wasn't flirty and fun Fin. I was anxious and obsessed with him.

  He nudged me as we walked. “You ready for the wet tee shirt contest?”

  I looked down at my white tee and then over at the rain that was coming for us like a wall. “Shit!” I turned and ran for his car. “You did this on purpose.”

  He laughed. “I told you to get in, and I may be a magical sort of man, but I can’t make it rain.” He ran harder for the car; he had the door opened for me when I got there. I jumped in and he closed it, just as the rain hit. It was a downpour like I’d seen sometimes back home. We always pulled over and waited for it to pass. He got in and was already wet. He laughed. “Love that you got in unscathed from the rain and I’m soaked.”

  I laughed at him. He growled. “Had you just listened to me instead of thinking I was some nutter, I would still be dry.”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “My third-grade teacher taught me about stranger danger.”

  He rolled his bright-blue eyes. “I’m not a stranger.”

  “You are strange.”

  “Says the girl crying on the rock like Peggy of the Cove.”

  I folded my arms across my chest. “What?”

  He winked. “I told you, I have something you have to see.” He started the car and drove into the rain like it was nothing.

  I gripped my seat. “Can you even see the road?”

  “Yeah! It rains harder in England.” He chuckled at me and turned on his Sirius radio, putting the volume up too high to talk. He didn’t want to talk. It was like winning the lottery, like Marbles always said. I didn’t want to talk either. I still felt sick, and I wasn’t sure if it was ‘cause they had confronted me on being a bad kid, or because I was a bad kid, or because I was riding in a car with Aiden and I couldn't stop staring at him.

  He turned down the music and gave me a look. “Do you really do drugs?”

  I shook my head. Even weeks after the offense, I still couldn’t believe I’d done drugs. I had always stayed away from them.

  “Never?”

  “No. Never. One time I’d contemplated doing ecstasy cut with speed, but a friend walked up as I was about to snort. She looked like death. Her eyes were fluttering and her face was grey and she glanced at my drugs and said, ‘Ohhh, I need some more.’ She looked like hell. I let her have mine and went into the rave with just some Crown Royal.”

  He looked astonished. “You let her have yours? Was she okay?”

  I shrugged. “I don't know.”

  “That's some story.”

  “It’s nothing compared to the one time I watched a lady shoot heroin in Seattle. It was downtown and she was leaned against a building. I watched her tie her arm, stick the dirty old needle into her arm, pull back some blood, and then push everything into her vein. It haunted me for weeks, maybe years. Maybe it still haunts me. It was nasty.”

  “You saw that? As a small child, you saw that?”

  I laughed. “Yeah, drugs have never appealed to me. I was terrified of becoming addicted and looking like a meth head. They always look like shit and they always have bad teeth, like the Eng—”

  He laughed. “Were you going to say the English? You think I have bad teeth?”

  My face was burning. “No. I was going to say Englemont. It’s a suburb of Los Angeles.”

  “You are a big fat liar. I’ll have you know, I had braces when I was a boy. I got them in America. My father is a kin… kind of liaison in New York. We spent a spring there once and I got braces then.”

  I laughed. “You sound so old. The way you say liaison is weird—intense. Now tell me where we’re going.”

  “No.” He drummed his fingers along the steering wheel. “So you don't do drugs at all?”

  I scoffed. “No. What’s your obsession? If you wanna get high, just get high. It doesn't offend me. I can drive, dude.”

  He looked as offended as I did. “I don't do drugs.”

  I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. “Whatever.” He was making me feel weird.

  We drove for like an hour in silence. I was antsy and bored by the time he turned the car into something I assumed was a joke. It was a village, maybe a fishing village. He drove to a huge lighthouse and parked the car. There were only a couple cars in the parking lot, probably because the rain was brutal. He got out without saying anything. I watched him, confused, as he went to the trunk. He came back a second later with raincoats. The one he passed me was yellow like the fishermen in the pictures of Newfoundland.

  “Here, let me help you.” He pulled his on and ran around the car to my door. He opened it. I scowled as the cold rain dumped on my legs and he held out a hand. “Come on.”

  “What are you doing? We’re going to drown out there.”

  He rolled his eyes and grabbed the coat, shoving my arm into it. I jerked back. “What are you doing?”

  He shook his head. “I’m not taking no for an answer. So you can put the coat on, or I can carry you out there without it. Either way, you’re coming.” His eyes were lit up, but my indignant and stubborn side kicked in, and I pulled back more. “No! I hate rain!”

  He chuckled again, running his hands over his soaked head. “Can you not make this painful? Please?” The rain was pouring down on him. He reached in and dragged me from the car. I kicked and screamed, but he tossed me over his shoulder and closed the car door.

  “I HATE THE RAIN!”

  He ignored me and walked along the parking lot. I wiggled and flailed, but it wasn’t doing any good. After a minute, I hung there limp, soaked and breathing heavily. He carried me under a shelter and placed me on the ground. “Put your coat on.” He handed it to me, giving me a smirk. “Trust me, you’re going to like it.”

  “You sound like a pervert.”

  He sighed. “I think I’ve proven I am not a pervert. I’m a nice person.”

  I was shivering and angry, but I put it on. My fingers struggled with the buttons. He pushed my hands out of the way and did them up for me. “You are a pain in the ass. I knew you would be the minute I met you.” He lifte
d my chin. “I also knew you weren’t what you pretend to be.” He was fumbling with the buttons.

  “JUST STOP!” I fixed the buttons. He threw his hands in the air and walked off. I looked back at the car and then him. He had the keys. I sighed and trekked behind him.

  He looked back at me, cocking a dark eyebrow. “Just trust me. I realize this is hard for you, but come on.”

  “Why do you think it’s hard for me?”

  “You’re making it hard and I can tell you don't trust easily.”

  “Whatever.” I looked around at the lighthouse and pissing rain.

  “What is your problem?”

  My eyes widened. “Are you kidding me right now? You walk in on me changing, drag me to an old guy’s room, and show me the sweetest thing I have ever seen. Then you vanish for three weeks. You come back and make me get in the car and then don’t talk to me except to ask about my crack addiction. Meanwhile, you’re dragging me out into the middle of nowhere, in the worst rainstorm I’ve ever seen, and holding me hostage on a big rock. What is your problem? What did I ever do to you?”

  He smiled and looked like the boy he was in the dining hall with the ladies. “I knew you’d say no if I asked. I called Hattie while I was away to ask for your email address, but she said no email. She told me everything you’d done. She said you can’t get out of your own way and that you sabotage all the good things in your life. I figured this was the best way to get you here. I figured you needed a friend who would help you get out of your own way.”

  I wiped the rain from my face. “I hate that you told me that you know all the bad stuff about me. I hate Hattie right now, and I hate the goddamned rain. So screw you and Hattie. Take me home, NOW!”

  He laughed harder and grabbed my hand. “She told me you would say that.”

  I hated that too. I turned to walk back to the car, but I looked back at him and groaned. He still had the keys. He had started walking down the rocky pathway. I kicked a rock and followed him until we got closer to the lighthouse. We climbed up a staircase and when we got to the top, I stopped fighting him on the whole thing.