No Biz Like Showbiz

by Julie Moffett

  “Bought the farm?”

  “Died.”

  He chuckled. “No. I said it because I meant it. I am in love with you. Quite desperately, actually.”

  I searched his face for signs that he was teasing. But he met my eyes with a calm, even gaze. “Define what you mean by love.”

  He touched my hair. “Italians do not define love. We show it. It became clear to me in Rome—actually, you became clear to me. I realized that you had become the most important thing in my life.”

  “I had? How?”

  He sighed. “Where to begin? I think you’ve surprised me in ways I never expected. In addition to your intelligence, you are one of the most genuine, open and courageous people I’ve ever met. There is no pretense with you. No hidden agenda in the relationship.”

  “Why would anyone have a hidden agenda?”

  “Why, indeed?” He fell silent.

  I hesitated and then plunged on. “Well, I feel it’s important to point out that you’ve omitted any mention of my lack of social graces.”

  He shrugged. “They are overrated. I haven’t always got it figured out either.”

  I blinked. “You haven’t?”

  He chuckled. “I haven’t. Cara, I’ve faced my share of social bullying, even as an adult.”

  Slash, bullied? The man who seemed to handle people and complex situations with effortless grace? The same man who attracted women like electrons attracted protons?

  “You, Slash? That’s...impossible.”

  “Why? I was overweight and oversmart when I was young, and kids can be quite cruel.”

  “I’m sorry. I understand the trauma of bullying quite well. But you seem so confident now.”

  “At some point, I lost the baby fat and eventually figured how to use my intelligence to my advantage in social situations. But I was still more comfortable with computers than with most people, even girls.”

  “Wait. You had problems with girls, too? Really?”

  He laughed. “Il mio Dio, I adore you even more. Si, really.”

  I held up my hand. “Well, at least you’ve had relationships. I can count the number of friends I have on one hand, and I’ve never been in an, um, romantic relationship with anyone on a boyfriend-girlfriend level.”

  He took my hand. “Good.”

  “Why is that good?”

  “Because I like the idea of being your first significant other.”

  “You want to be my significant other?”

  He raised an eyebrow. “Would you like me to be?”

  I considered his words. “I...I don’t know. What about Finn?”

  Slash sighed, dropped my hand, then crossed his arms against his chest. “What about him?”

  Finn Shaughnessy is my boss and a guy who still wants to have a talk with me about a relationship that we may or may not be having. I’m having mixed feelings about Finn. I’m physically attracted to him, but I’ve been slowly coming the conclusion that I am not going to be able to date him—if that’s even what he wants—mostly because I don’t think I can handle the complexity of dating my boss.

  “I’m not certain of my relationship status with him.”

  Slash’s voice hardened. “Finn is not my concern. How you feel is what matters to me.”

  “Fair enough. But how do you sort it all out? How do you ascertain you’ve accumulated enough information to decide whether or not you’re going to enter into a romantic relationship with someone?”

  “When you want to be with someone, you’ll know.”

  I’d know? Who was he kidding? I never knew about stuff like that. Never.

  “We’re talking beyond just the physical attraction, right, Slash?”

  “Si, that’s right.”

  I paused, thinking about what it would be like to have sex with Slash. Okay, I’ll admit I’d thought about it before, but now his declaration of love had really put it on the table. No question I was attracted to him and, based on the number of intimate touches and kisses he’d given me in the past, it seemed clear I appealed to him. I still couldn’t fathom why. A guy as hot and accomplished as Slash could easily have his pick of any woman on Earth. So, why he liked me remained a bit of mystery. For me, the easy part was my attraction to him—both physically and intellectually. The hard part was the emotional attraction and how to define or even sustain that so that it equaled love or at the very least, an intimate relationship on more levels than just the physical.

  “It just doesn’t seem logical to rely on what might be the heat of the moment or an intangible concept like love to enter into something as important as a relationship.”

  Slash’s jaw tightened. “You’ll figure out what you want from Finn. I cannot do that for you. All the same, I want you to know I’m here and I’m not holding back any more. You opened the door to me in Rome and I stepped through. I’m not going to back off, Finn or any other man notwithstanding. But you should know, if I enter the game, I play to win, especially if the reward is something particularly valuable to me.”

  This statement seemed significant. I remembered something my best friend Basia had told me once about Slash being a player. She said guys like him enjoyed the thrill of the chase, but lost interest after the win.

  “Is love a game to you?”

  Slash linked fingers with me again. “I admit that it has been for me in the past. But with you, no.” He pressed his lips to my palm. “Never. Believe me, if it was just a game, I would have had you in my bed long ago.”

  I didn’t want to ask, but I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t. “So, is that the end game? You know, sex?”

  He looked surprised at the question and then chuckled. “Sex is not the end, cara. It can be the beginning of an intimate connection. But in our situation, there are so many aspects that are completely out of my control. Sex isn’t going to resolve those. Only you can, when you’re ready.”

  “Wait. We have a situation?”

  “I’m afraid we do.”

  I studied him. “You’re actually worried. What could you possibly be worried about?”

  “Tu mi hai rapito il cuore.”

  “What did you say?”

  “I said you have stolen my heart.”

  “I did?”

  He pressed my palm against his chest. “Si, you have. As a result, the power of this relationship belongs to you. Perhaps it has from the first moment I saw you in your bedroom in that ridiculous T-shirt, boldly testing my hacking skills. Then, when you kissed me in Rome, I knew for certain.”

  “How?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. I just did. Because of that, I’m not going to make you, trick you, or even seduce you into choosing me, as much as I’m tempted. And you should know I’m tempted very much. I want you to come to me willingly, with an open heart, because then it will matter. Not only to me, but to you and your heart.”

  My pulse quickened. “Define willingly.”

  He laughed and kissed the top of my head. “See, that is exactly why my heart is yours. I’ll define nothing more. You’ll know when you know. Just inform me, at some point, if you consider Finn, or anyone else, your boyfriend so I can figure out how to manage that. Deal?”

  “You could manage that?”

  “I could. Just promise me you’ll keep me informed.”

  He made it sound easy, like I could figure things out just like that. But he was Slash and things like that always seemed to come easy for him, despite what he’d said about his past.

  I sighed and put my head on his shoulder. “Okay, I promise.”

  Chapter Two

  I got into work early the next day after my routine swing through Dunkin’ Donuts for two chocolate glazed, a large coffee and a large Diet Coke. There was no one in the reception area when I came
in, so I strolled into my office and set my laptop on the desk. I took a sip of my coffee and sat down in my chair, enjoying the quiet. I would’ve been more excited to be back in the office if I wasn’t so worried about talking to Finn.

  I like working at X-Corp. I enjoy the challenge, the work and even the people, which surprised me. It used to be that all social interactions made me nervous. I think I’m improving, though. Now I get anxious primarily when something happens that involves potential romantic interaction, or when I’ve injured or maimed someone, which seems to happen on a regular basis.

  I haven’t had to worry much about romantic interaction until recently. At age twenty-five, I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’ve had sex exactly one time. The encounter took place with a fellow geek after we both imbibed too much mystery punch at a nanotronics lecture at the university. After our liaison, he realized he liked men. I try not to be too worried about that, but it lingers in the back of my mind.

  Basia had convinced me that I needed to expand my really, really small horizon and explore the possibility of romance. She’s been guiding me with mixed results, but at least I’m trying.

  The problem is that my love life is now a royal mess. I may, or may not, be dating my boss, and Slash just said he loves me. Somehow I’ve gone from the Sahara Desert of dating to the revolving door of men. It was not at all the slow, modest exposure to dating and interaction with the opposite sex that I’d hoped for.

  I was pondering that peculiarity when Basia bounded into the office with her usual enthusiasm and perkiness. It never ceases to amaze me that we managed to share a college dorm room, let alone become best friends.

  “Hey, Lexi. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to see you behind your desk again. I’ve missed having you here.” She planted herself in my visitor chair and crossed her legs, flipping her fingers through her dark bob. “You’re here early this morning. How are you feeling?”

  I dug the small therapy ball out of my purse and began squeezing it. “I have to do this for at least thirty minutes a day. But it doesn’t hurt too much anymore.”

  “I’m glad. What about your back?”

  “Better. The stitches itch a lot.”

  “That’s okay. It means it’s healing.”

  “I know. The doctor said the scar would barely show.”

  She grinned. “I bet it’s sexy. Think of the stories you can tell your grandchildren.” Then her smile faded and I knew she was remembering how close I had come to dying.

  “Why did you come back to work so soon? Finn told everyone you’d be out for two weeks.”

  I sighed. “My mom.”

  My mother, well-known model and former beauty queen Clarissa Carmichael, had visited me every day since I had returned from Rome. In addition to fussing over me like a baby, she kept offering to set me up with her best friend’s son who was doing his medical internship at a nearby hospital. Her goal in life is to see me married off to a rich, preferably politically connected husband, who can provide for my every need. She consistently ignores the fact that I already have two degrees, a decent paying job, and the ability to support myself just fine. Instead she likes to pretend I’m a bubbly young woman who loves clothes, make-up and talking about boys. I love my mom, but she exhausts me more than most people.

  “Well, that explains it. Anyway, I’m glad you’re back and feeling better. Have you heard about the client meeting today?”

  “No. I haven’t seen Finn yet. Do we have a new client?”

  “Potentially. It’s a Hollywood production company—SWM. I totally love their new cable show, Milkmaids and Models. They take rural, farm-raised girls to Hollywood and turn them into models.”

  I stared at her.

  “It’s a great show. Really. It’s on tomorrow. I’ll come over and introduce it to you, if you’ll promise to make some popcorn.”

  “I’d rather have twenty-six pap smears than watch that. Give me Doctor Who, Repercussions or Star Trek any day of the week.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You don’t know what you’re missing.”

  “Thank goodness.”

  She laughed and came behind the desk, perching on the edge. “This is exactly why I’ve missed you.”

  “At least someone missed me. So, are you going to the meeting?”

  “Not unless they need X-Corp’s translator there. Are you?”

  I hadn’t seen anything from Finn about a meeting in my email. “I’m not sure.”

  “Okay. Anything else going on in your life that I should know about?”

  I considered a moment. “No. All’s well.”

  “Cool. Let me know how it goes if you’re in on the SWM meeting.”

  “Will do.”

  She bounced out of my office.

  I watched her go, wondering why I hadn’t told her about Slash. I told Basia everything. I had to. She was my social navigator.

  Except this morning, I’d hesitated. She’d warned me away from Slash more than once. I knew she’d disapprove of whatever I said about him, even if I wasn’t doing anything about it. She’d almost had a heart attack when I’d mentioned that Slash had given me a bottle of wine a few months ago and told me we’d open it on the day we first made love. Now he’d said he loved me...as more than a friend. I wasn’t sure Basia’s heart would survive a development like that. Especially since I wasn’t sure how my own heart was handling it.

  It wasn’t that Basia didn’t like Slash—she did. She just thought Finn was a safer bet for me. It’s hard not to agree. Finn never shows up unannounced at my apartment, doesn’t carry a gun, and isn’t followed around by the FBI. Finn and I have had a couple of dinners and shared a few passionate kisses. I stopped as far as taking a shower with him, but I’m not exactly sure why. It just didn’t feel right. I think that having worked for Finn these past couple of months has somehow changed the dynamic between us. I’m having an increasingly hard time thinking romantically about the man who signs my paycheck.

  I started to get a headache just thinking about it, so I pushed aside my anxiety and shot Finn an e-mail asking if he wanted me in on the morning meeting with SWM. He shot me one back telling me he’d prefer me to go home and rest. When I threatened to fill his inbox with spam, he relented.

  Conference room two in ten minutes.

  That gave me time to refill my coffee cup, grab my laptop and make my way to the conference room. When I got there, Finn was standing with his hands on the back of a chair, talking to two men. The middle-aged man closest to me wore a Dodgers baseball cap and had a bulging stomach hanging over his belted jeans. He glanced at me when I walked in, and I almost recoiled. He had the hairiest eyebrows I’d ever seen. They formed a black caterpillar bridge over his blue eyes. I tried not to stare.

  Finn smiled when he saw me. “Hello, Lexi.” He motioned for me to come over. “This is John Cartwright from SWM Productions and his PA, Tony Rabbin.”

  Tony was blond and my age, dressed in a pressed pair of khakis and a button-down pink shirt. He was really, really tan.

  I looked at Finn blankly. “PA?”

  “Personal assistant.”

  I wasn’t sure what exactly a personal assistant did, but Tony stuck out his hand, so I shook it. Eyebrow Guy passed up my offer of a handshake and waved at me instead. “Sorry. I have a thing about handshakes. Never know where someone else’s hands may have been. And please, call me Cartwright.”

  I looked down at my hand, thinking he had a pretty good point. “Okay, Cartwright.”

  “Lexi is our Director of Information Security.” Finn pulled out a chair for me. “She’s solved most of our most difficult cases.”

  Since we’d technically only had a few real cases, it wasn’t a big vote of confidence. But Cartwright didn’t have to know that.

  I sat and the men followed suit. I opened my laptop
as Finn asked, “So, gentlemen, what can X-Corp do for you?”

  Cartwright leaned forward, putting his elbows on the table. “We’ve got a computer issue on one of our most popular shows.”

  Finn nodded. “Okay. What kind of computer issue?”

  “A bad one. Someone is hacking into our system and skewing our results show.”

  I peered around the laptop lid, my interest piqued. “Hacking?”

  Cartwright shrugged. “Hacking, smacking. I don’t know what the hell it’s called. All I know is some yo-yo is messing with my show. It’s got to stop before we end up down the entertainment toilet.”

  Finn leaned back in his chair. “Can you give us some background on the show and a bit more detail on what’s happening?”

  Cartwright removed his ball cap and set it on the table. He was balding on top and what stringy hair he had left was plastered against his scalp. He rubbed at the bald spot. “You’ve heard of SWM Productions, right?”

  Unlike me, Finn apparently had done his homework, so he got to answer. “Of course. You produce mostly game shows.”

  “No, not games shows. Reality television. There is a big difference, you know.”

  “I stand corrected.”

  “Yeah, well, we’re running a half dozen shows right now, with our most popular one being at risk because someone is screwing up the voting.”

  Finn nodded as he jotted something down on a pad of paper. “Okay. Tell us more about the show.”

  “It’s one of those reality dating shows. You know, people seeking their soul mates. This show features nerd kids, the ones who couldn’t figure out how to French kiss if a pair of lips hit them in the pie hole.”

  I erupted in a fit of coughing and everyone looked my way.

  Finn asked, “You okay, Lexi? Need some water?”

  I thumped my chest and shook my head, trying to clear my throat. “No, sorry. I’m good.”

  Cartwright cracked one of his knuckles and I flinched. “Anyway, geek is the new chic, so we were among the first to jump on that bandwagon. Fifteen geek guys vie for the attention of one geek girl. People enjoy watching these smart kids trying to figure out how the hell to get some. It’s been our most popular show for two years running. The revenue it generates is more than double our other shows combined.”