Burning Violet

by Watson, A. P.

  “You’re headed out for your date with Joel?”

  “Yeah. He’s taking me to an Italian restaurant.”

  “That’s nice.”

  I walked all the way into his office and perched on the end of his desk. “Promise me you’ll go home and get some rest tonight.”

  “I’m leaving in a few minutes, but I doubt I’ll be able to rest.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Why do you think?” he asked in exasperation. He spoke in a harsh tone, almost bordering on the edge of annoyance.

  He’d never spoken to me like that before, and I was a bit stunned. Especially since the only reason I was going on a date with Joel was to help him.

  “I’m doing this for you, by the way.” I jumped off his desk and headed for the door.

  “Vi, wait.”

  At the sound of my name, I stopped. “I don’t want to be late.”

  He exhaled loudly, his hands scrubbing over his beard. “I’m sorry. I know I have no reason to be jealous, but fuck, I am. You’re way out of Joel’s league, and the fact he gets to take you to dinner is driving me insane.” The depths of his eyes shone with honesty and so many other things he longed to say.

  “It’s one date.”

  “That’s one too many.”

  I stood on the tips of my toes and pressed my lips to his cheek. “I’ll call you as soon as we’re done.”

  “Okay. I hope you have a good time.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “I don’t.” Hunter smiled slightly. “But I want to be the kind of person who deserves you.”

  His admission rendered me speechless. I racked my brain for something to say in return, but all the things I wanted to say to him fell away. Lifting my hand to his cheek, I rubbed my fingers along the side of his face. As the minutes passed, we stood there facing one another, gazes locked, mouths closed. Another word was never uttered, but I knew as soon as my date with Joel was over, I’d run to Hunter.

  Chapter Sixteen

  When I got back to my apartment, I stood beneath the scalding stream of water in my shower until it turned cold. After staying up last night, I was spent. But just as I confessed to Vi, rest wouldn’t come—not while she was out with someone else. Throwing on a pair of track pants, I collapsed on the couch and flipped on the television. Today had been an absolute mind fuck. My morning began with Vi accidentally touching my cock and ended with me acting like a jealous asshole because she was leaving to go on a date with another man. She was going to dinner with Joel for me. I should be thanking her on my hands and knees, not behaving like a jackass.

  Grabbing my phone, I decided to send her a quick apology text.

  Me: Hey, I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted this evening. I’m sorry for being a complete jackass. Next time I’m at Vito’s, I’ll buy stock in their cupcakes.

  Violet: We just got to the restaurant and are now waiting on a table. Did you know Joel likes to floss at least six times a day? He flosses before and after each meal. So, I had to wait around the office while he made a beeline for the bathroom with his floss in hand. The things I’m discovering are truly fascinating. And buying stock in Vito’s cupcakes is a wonderful idea. I can’t believe you haven’t done it before now.

  I smirked at her revelation about Joel. Obviously, the date wasn’t off to a spectacular start.

  Me: I’d buy the whole damn bakery if it would make you happy.

  Violet: It would. So, what the hell is stopping you?

  Me: I promise to look into it.

  Violet: Please, see that you do.

  Me: Any other requests you need me to fulfill?

  Violet: Oh, I can think of one.

  Me: And what might that be?

  Violet: It concerns something that happened this morning in your office.

  Squeezing my phone, I groaned loudly. In a fraction of a second, all my blood coursed to the one part of my anatomy I was trying to forget I owned. Every single day we tried to keep our relationship purely professional, and every day we failed miserably. The internal battles we continually waged were exhausting. Eventually, something would have to give.

  And despite wanting to preserve Vi’s reputation, part of me wanted to taste her so bad I couldn’t fucking stand it anymore.

  Me: Do you enjoy torturing me?

  Violet: Stop whining. You know you love it when I flirt with you.

  Me: I also love it when you get drunk and take off your shirt, but I digress.

  Violet: I have never gotten drunk and taken off my shirt in front of you!

  Me: Technically, you got drunk and took off both of our shirts.

  Violet: Please, Hunter. Tell me I didn’t.

  Me: Do you want me to lie to you?

  Violet: What else did I do?

  Me: Nothing much.

  Violet: TELL ME.

  A smile covered my face as I stared at her text. Violet had the uncanny ability to put me in a good mood no matter how I felt.

  Me: You told me to kiss you, among other things.

  Violet: Oh. My. God.

  Me: Nothing happened, so don’t worry about it.

  Violet: Did I ask you to sleep with me?

  Me: Just a couple of times, but you did consume a bottle of wine, so you were clearly under the influence.

  Violet: We’re not doing so great at this whole friends thing, are we?

  Me: I think we’re doing okay. I mean, we haven’t done anything.

  We hadn’t fucked. That’s what I really wanted to say, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The connection we had was more than that. Much more.

  Violet: Oh, please. Any time we’re around one another, we’re a heartbeat away from ripping off our clothes.

  As soon as her text came in, I began laughing.

  Violet: Also, remind me to stop hanging out with Nadine. My filter goes to shit every time I’m around her, and it’s not good for my mental health.

  Me: I’ll be sure to remind you. How’s the date going?

  Violet: We just sat at our table and now I’m trying to decide what to order.

  Me: That’s good.

  Violet: I’m actually really liking the restaurant so far. The bread practically melts in your mouth!

  Me: Sounds delicious.

  Violet: Have you eaten?

  Me: I’m not particularly hungry this evening.

  Violet: I’ll bring you my leftovers.

  Me: I’m a grown man. You don’t have to feed me all the time.

  Violet: I know I have a tendency of being a food pusher, but you also haven’t been eating as much lately.

  Me: Well, we’ve been really busy at the office and I’ve been forgetting to eat I guess.

  Violet: I don’t like it.

  Me: I’ll try to eat something in a few.

  Violet: Good. I’m still bringing you my leftovers too.

  Me: Thanks. How is everything with Joel? You’ve been texting me a lot, not that I’m complaining.

  Violet: He had to read over the menu five times before ordering. It was rather ridiculous, and now, he’s spent the past ten minutes talking to my tits.

  My fists clenched in response to her text. I needed to calm down. I wasn’t attached to Vi, but God, I didn’t want to hear about another man ogling her either. I typed out a few angry replies and quickly erased every letter. I needed to focus on the positives. Vi was coming over after her date. I’d see her in a few hours. Patience was the key to surviving this night.

  Me: I can break his nose or his hand if you want. I’ve been known to do that before.

  Violet: We still need his help! Hands off the tech guy!

  Me: Personally, I’d rather punch him.

  Violet: Stop being such a guy.

  Me: Can’t help it. Especially when I know the nature of the thoughts running through his mind right now. He may be acting like a gentleman, but he sure as hell isn’t thinking like one.

  What would I actually do when she found someone worth her time? I
couldn’t expect her not to date for the entire time we worked together. She was smart, sweet, and drop-dead gorgeous. Vi deserved to be with someone who truly cared about her. Was spending time with me holding her back? Because she should be happy no matter what it cost me.

  It took thirty minutes for her next reply to come in. Even though I was vaguely watching something on ESPN, I couldn’t stop myself from checking the phone every thirty seconds.

  Fuck, I was a lost cause.

  Violet: Well, aren’t you guilty of having the same kind of thoughts?

  Damn, she had me there. And we both knew she wasn’t only talking about the first time we met. I’d had those kinds of thoughts about her at least a dozen times a day.

  Me: Aren’t you just as guilty as I am?

  Violet: I guess we’ll go down together.

  Me: Not really the best thing to say right now.

  Violet: You’re impossible.

  Me: It’s like I can sense you rolling your eyes as I send this message.

  Violet: You deserve every eyeroll you receive.

  Me: What’s happening now?

  Violet: Someone’s anxious.

  Me: Of course I am. You’re on a date with a guy who’s probably been obsessed with you from the day you started working at the firm.

  Violet: Well, he’s in the restroom if it makes you feel any better.

  Me: I’ll feel better when the date is over.

  Violet: So, why aren’t you out on a hot date right now?

  Me: Who would I go on a date with, Vi?

  Violet: Any woman you wanted, I’m sure.

  Me: Not possible.

  Violet: And why is that?

  Me: Because the only woman I want is busy right now.

  As soon as my finger pressed send, I began mentally cursing myself. I was her boss. I didn’t have any right to say those kinds of things to her. And yet, if given the chance, I’d send that message again in a heartbeat. I was sick of pretending like I didn’t feel anything for Violet. When I first moved back to Boston, part of me was still pissed. Sure, I was beyond grateful to have a job at all, but anger simmered just beneath the surface. I went to bars because I was desperate for any kind of distraction from my problems, but now, I realized a distraction isn’t what I wanted. What I’d been in search of all along was a solution to my problems, and Vi was it.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Despite being unable to tear myself away from my phone, my date with Joel went well. I smiled, laughed at his jokes, and seemed legitimately interested when he proceeded to give me an in-depth explanation of how search engine optimization works. I kept most of my texting to times when Joel was staring at the menu, drooling over my breasts, or using the restroom. I didn’t want to seem rude or ungrateful, because I truly needed his help, but I knew before ever agreeing to dinner that Joel and I would never be a match.

  Swallowing thickly, I knocked on Hunter’s door. I promised him I would come, but the thoughts swirling inside my mind compelled me here despite my wishes. It was as if I were being torn in two directions, never to be whole again.

  Within seconds, I could hear his lock turning. “Hey,” he said, gesturing for me to step inside. “I wasn’t sure if you would stop by or not.”

  “I told you I’d be here as soon as my date was over.”

  “I know, but . . .”

  “But you thought there was a possibility I was saying that to make you feel better?”

  “Yeah.”

  A bead of sweat trickled down the back of my neck. I removed my coat and laid it on his dining table along with the leftovers I had promised. “Tonight was, for the most part, exactly what I expected.”

  “And what does that mean?”

  “It was awful.”

  Hunter tried to hide his elation at my reply, but I still caught a quick glimpse of a smile as he placed his hand over his mouth. “What happened?”

  “He’s the most boring person on the planet. That’s what fucking happened.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  He walked over to his fridge and removed two beers. “You’re right. I’m not.”

  I leaned against the countertop and chugged my beer. I was strong enough to go through with this. Nadine had been pushing me to tell Hunter about my past since Thanksgiving. He made me feel safe, and she believed sharing my troubles with him would alleviate the darkness clinging to my soul. But every time I opened my mouth to speak, the confession I needed to share never came. “That’s not why I’m here now though.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  “I’ve been thinking about something you told me a while ago, about carrying my burden for me, and—”

  As I expected, the words caught in my throat when I tried to utter them. It was as if my past were suffocating the very life out of me. I hadn’t told anyone my secret in years, and part of me believed I’d never be able to tell it again.

  “And?” he asked.

  I set down my beer and grabbed my coat. His door was just within my grasp. “It doesn’t matter.”

  Hunter slammed the door shut as I tried to escape. “Yes, it does.”

  A strangled gasp escaped my lips. “I thought I was strong enough to do this, but I’m not.”

  “There’s nothing you could say that would change how I feel about you.”

  I wanted to believe him, but I’d seen how Nadine’s face distorted in agony when I revealed my darkest secret. “You say that now, but if you knew what happened, it would change everything.”

  “You can trust me.”

  I shook my head. “Not with this.”

  Hunter sighed and began rubbing the back of his neck. “When I was still in law school, I volunteered at the district attorney’s office one summer. Back then, I had a keen interest in criminal law. I still do, but the things you see and the types of people you encounter are, for lack of a better word . . . horrifying.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “One day, I’d like to go back to it, but there was one case I helped with that kind of stayed with me. It concerned a young woman who had been raped and subsequently murdered. It was brutal, and the things she suffered gave me nightmares for weeks.”

  “Did you find the guy who did it?”

  “Yeah. Eventually, he confessed. But his account of everything he did to her . . .” He shook his head and broke our gaze. “And not every case was like that. We worked a couple of sexual assault cases too. And with every case, we tried to help the victims to the best of our abilities.”

  “I’m sure they appreciated your efforts.” I know I would’ve appreciated someone, anyone, standing up for me.

  “Working with those types of people is how I know you went through something horrible, something you couldn’t control.”

  His admission hit me right in the chest, sucking the very breath from my lungs. I wanted him to know, but I also didn’t want to lose him. Because, despite his words, everything between us would change.

  “All of those victims admitted that once they told their story, it helped,” he added softly. He stepped in my direction, his hands reaching for me.

  I pushed away from him, hoping to create some space between us. He wanted to help me, but I needed to remember what I was. What did I have to offer him? Years may have passed, but deep down, I was still the fucked up girl living in that trailer. My soul was dirty, tainted by years of abuse, and I didn’t want my stain to pass to him. “You should keep your distance,” I warned.

  “Vi, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You will once I tell you what he did to me.” Tears trailed down my cheeks and pooled at the corners of my mouth. “This secret, this burden I’ve been carrying around with me, will eat away at your soul. And that is a fate I would rather not force on you.”

  “I want to know,” he pleaded. “If you’re scared, I’ll protect you. If you’re sad, then let me ease your pain.”

  I shook my head violently. The man standing in front of me had a good h
eart. He confessed earlier tonight that he wanted to be the kind of man who deserved me, but he had our roles reversed. I wasn’t even close to being the kind of woman who deserved him. He was generous and compassionate and he didn’t need my past dragging him down. My secret wasn’t something that was easily forgotten.

  “I can’t do that to you.”

  He approached me slowly. His hand barely grazed my arm, but I jumped as if his touch was scalding water. “I’m sorry.”

  “Please, don’t touch me right now.”

  “Vi . . .”

  “You have to know what you’re asking of me,” I shouted. My hands trembled as I wiped the tears from my face. “Once you know, you’ll never look at me the same again.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes, I do.” I dropped to my knees, unable to stand any longer. “The few people who know my secret . . . it’s the only thing they see whenever they look at me, even Nadine.” I tried to stand, but the effort it took was more than I could handle. “Fuck,” I screamed. Tears spilled from my eyes, dripping to the floor.

  Instantly, his hands were on my back, gently rubbing my skin. And this time, I didn’t pull away. “Please,” he begged, “trust me.”

  “I . . .”

  “Nothing you say will ever change my opinion of you. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met.”

  I shook my head. “I’m broken—just scattered, fragmented pieces of the girl I used to be, and no one will ever be able to put me back together again.”

  “At least let me try.” He placed his forehead against mine, those green eyes intently staring into me. “I promise I will never let you down like your family did.”

  “You swear?” I nearly choked on my reply, my voice breaking on the last word. I wanted to hold his gaze, but my courage failed, and I looked away.

  “On my life.”

  I nodded and grabbed onto his arms, my fingers slightly digging into his skin. “Do you remember how I told you I look exactly like my mom?”

  “Yes.”

  “As I got older, it confused my father. Whenever he was drinking, he would mistake me for her. Part of it was that he was always drunk and his judgment was impaired, but at the same time, he also didn’t want to cope or deal with the fact his wife was gone.”