“I need to talk to Lynsey about my idea, and I can’t drop everything and follow you.”
“Drop what? Your business?” I know that’s a low-blow, but I’m mad. He’s dismissing my concerns. “But you expect me to drop everything to be where you are, by your side. It’s a two-way street.”
“I get that.” It hits me; he never acknowledged he trusts me. This is the whole issue.
“You don’t trust me?”
His silence speaks volumes. It hurts, and I can’t change his mind . . . only time can. “I trust you, but I don’t trust your heart.”
“It belongs to you. What’s not to trust?”
“There was a piece reserved for someone else. I’m scared he’s going to waltz back in town and take up residence again.”
“That’s why you’re so adamant about me moving here?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know how to ease your doubt.”
“I don’t either.”
“Please don’t let me destroy this. I love you, but the fear of losing you sometimes outweighs that.” His gaze was etched in pain, my heart squeezing like a vice in my chest.
“Never fear losing me.”
“I fell in love once. I thought it was strong enough to survive. I gave everything to him. Blindly. My happiness was taken from me in one weak moment, and I never want to be that weak moment for us. Just help me. Guide me when I don’t know my way. Forgive me when I lose it.”
“You use your past as a shield. I get it; I told you from the beginning I understood it. Now I need you to understand that what you felt for him may have been love, but it isn’t our love. Our love will grow, our love will strain. But one thing is . . . our love won’t end.” He was on a one-man mission to show me our love was worth everything. But he was also on a one-man mission to doubt me.
“I’m not the same. I’ve tried to show you that the past two weeks, but you’re not allowing yourself to see, to listen.”
“So you’re just going to leave?”
“NO! I was going to go home and see my family and my therapist to evaluate what I wanted to do with my career. Now, I guess I stay here, prove to you what you don’t believe. I’ll call in for a therapy session, I’ll do whatever you want.”
“Oh, God.” His face crumbles, shoulders slouch, and he hides himself from me.
“What?”
“I’ve done what I swore I wouldn’t. I promised you, declared to myself I wouldn’t play you like he did. I wouldn’t make you sacrifice yourself, I’d put your needs ahead of my own, and I didn’t. I just destroyed the foundation of us by turning it into what you had with him. Doubt, sacrifice, choosing someone over yourself. All this is on me.”
“I don’t see it like that. We have some kinks to work through, and I can’t be so set on living where I want to without taking your feelings into consideration.”
“Damn it, Bianca. Stop. Don’t make excuses for my behavior. Don’t turn us in to that. Fight with me. Demand from me. Work for us.”
“I’m trying, but nothing seems to please you. What’s the biggest reason for staying here?”
He stares at me, his stoic expression and hard jaw telling me everything.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Him? Dakota?”
“Yes.”
“That’s fucking ridiculous. You say I use my past as a shield well you yield it like a sword . . . against me. I fucked up. I own that. Let me give you reasons to move. Our family’s history is all around us. The stares, the whispers, the hatred. My home is in Miami, my best friend, my family, my therapist. So much has gone wrong here, and whether we are in the same zip code or not with Dakota, until you get him out of your mind, we could be in Timbuktu and he’d be an issue for you.”
“Can you postpone going home?”
“For how long?”
“Long enough for me to kick my own ass, talk to Lynsey, and book a flight.”
“So another day?”
“I’m not Superman.”
“I beg to differ. You are for me. My righter of wrong. My protector from dark. You. Are. It. For. Me.”
“I’m sorry, Bianca.”
“I’m sorry, too. So sorry to ever have made you doubt me, doubt us. Destino. Remember?”
“Me. You. Us.”
“That’s a threesome I’m down for.”
“Yeah?”
Definitely.” He picks me up and carries me to the couch. I guess all the other stuff will have to wait.
Bronson has something stuck up his ass. We’ve been home three days, and he’s barely said two words to Heath and is avoiding me. I listen for the shower to start in my bathroom. I need to make sure Heath is busy because he’s told me not to confront my brother.
I walk over to their apartment and bang on the door. Callie rushes to answer; she’s panting and wearing a murderous look. “What the hell, Binks. Angelo is down for a nap.”
“And by the way, your shirt’s inside out and your pants unbuttoned. Were you getting a little action?” Her cheeks redden, and I regret this choice. I stopped them mid-lay which means Bronson will be a bigger dick. Bring it, asshole.
“Can this wait?”
“Nope. Start doing some jaw exercises because by the time I’m done with my brother, you will have to use every sexual act you know to soothe him.”
“What did he do?”
“I want to know what his issue is with Heath and me.”
“Me too. He was pissed off when I finally told him where you went, and I already worked my jaw muscles trying to appease him then.”
“Hope you’re up to date on kegels. And go Google some new sex positions.”
“Will you at least bitch him out in English? If I have to be Polly-Porn-Star later I want some enjoyment from this argument.”
“No promises. I’m so fucking pissed off at him. How dare he make me feel bad for chasing my happiness!”
“Calm down. He’s your brother.”
I glare at her. “BRONSON!”
“Shhhh, Binks. Angelo is asleep.”
“If I cuss in Italian, do I still have to make a deposit for his car fund?”
“Yes.”
“Whatever, you won’t have a clue what I’m saying.”
“Drop twenty in the jar and call it a day.”
“Only if you make Bronson pay fifty.”
She giggles. “Deal.”
I hear the bedroom door shut and see the object of my ire strolling down the hallway. I want to jump on him like a bat shit crazy lunatic and claw his eyes out. “Calm,” Callie whispers.
There is no calm in this situation. “What is all the racket?”
“I came over to talk to you.” In through the nose, out through the mouth.
“Why are you doing Lamaze breathing?”
“It is a calming technique because right now I want to rip your dick off,” I look at Callie. “Sorry.”
His face becomes hard, and he’s trying not to react to me, afraid I’ll break with confrontation. “What did I do?”
“This is how you want to play it? Cazzo.” He rolls his eyes at me.
“That means dick,” Callie excitedly says.
“I’ve been home a week. You treat Heath like he has leprosy, avoid me, and I want to know why.”
“I’ve avoided you, so we don’t have this fight.”
“Oh, we’re having it.”
“Are you strong enough, Binks? Where the hell was he the past seven months? I’ll tell you, NOT HERE!”
“Mangia merda. He was waiting for me to heal. To come to him IF it’s what I wanted. He tried his hardest to be the opposite of Dakota, not push me when I wasn’t ready. He loves me, and if you don’t like it then you can vaffanculo.”
“What words were those?” Callie stares at me.
“Go buy a dictionary, take some classes. It’s not easy for me to stop in the middle of an argument to translate.” She smirks at me, knowing I am not serious.
“I’ll translate for her. Carry on, this i
s interesting.” Heath’s voice behind me startles us all. “Callie, she told him to fuck off and eat shit. She’s rather colorful this morning . . . must be before her coffee.”
“I had my coffee, otherwise there would be bloodshed.” I stare at my brother, trying to comprehend where this is coming from.
“Bianca, I just don’t think you’re ready.”
“Well, it’s a good thing I don’t pay you to analyze me. That’s the problem . . . you, mom, Callie, Dakota, and even me. I put so much into what you all thought was best, took your feelings into consideration, and it destroyed me. Y’all didn’t destroy me, but I let myself become second rate. So pardon me, I don’t give a flying fuck if you think I’m ready or not; I am, and I’m doing this.”
“Did he tell you about the Costa family?” I look to Heath and see him flinch. Low-blow, brother dear.
“So that’s the issue? Yes, he told me everything before I committed. He was honest, wanted me to make decisions on my own. Was I happy? No. Is he regretful? You know the answer. It was a dumb mistake and one he wanted no part in.”
“That mistake could have cost you your life.”
“No.” Heath steps forward. “It couldn’t have because I wouldn’t have allowed her back in my life if I wasn’t clear from it. I love your sister; you know that, so if this is the issue between us, it shouldn’t be. We used to be friends, and I know you all have gone through hell this past year, but it isn’t about you, man. It’s about her.” He points to me. “Her successes in pulling herself up, her continuous fight, and her admitting what was wrong. She did that for her, but also for all of us.”
Bronson looks sheepish, but I see he wants to continue, wants his word to be the final say. “Bronson, this conversation is over. You have qualms; deal with them without being an asshole. Otherwise, I’ll tell Mom.”
His head snaps up, “Real mature, Bianca.”
“Culo del cavallo.” Before Heath can tell Callie, I turn to her. “Horse’s ass.”
“I agree.” She stares at her husband.
I stick my tongue out at him as I grab Heath’s hand to leave. He goes to say something, and Callie’s hard tone cuts him off. “Stop while you’re ahead, Bronson.”
I hold up my hand to high-five Heath. “In trouble with the wife, sister, and maybe mother if he doesn’t straighten up. All in a day’s work, my man.” He refuses to high-five me just shaking his head at me. I turn to Callie. “Don’t leave me hanging.”
She high-fives me, giggles, and whispers in Heath’s ear. He does the same, minus the giggle. I’m leaving the apartment when I hear her say, “Tagliare.”
Damn. She’s serious. “Oh brother dear, get used to rosy palm and her five sisters, because your wife just denied you. See, it never pays to be a dick.” I skip the rest of the way to the apartment while my exasperated man follows.
He shuts the door louder than normal. “Didn’t I tell you to leave it alone?”
“Yes, but I was mad.”
“Every time you get mad, you can’t go have a tantrum.”
“Um, actually yes I can. It’s worked well for me up until now.”
“Bianca,” he warns.
“Heath.”
“I look like a pussy. You fighting my battles for me.”
“You’re worried about your man card? You lost that a long time ago when I made you paint my toenails and recite poetry in bed.”
“I never did that.”
“It’s not about truth, it’s about who will believe it when I tell them.”
“You’re incorrigible.”
‘You’re hot when you’re mad. Your face gets all stone-like. Chiseled. Your dimple shows, and the veins in your neck become thick.”
His eyes search my body, landing on my lips. “Not gonna work.”
“Oh, I bet it would. If it didn’t, then you’d lose your man card, for sure.”
He grunts as he stalks towards me, throws me over his shoulder, smacks my ass, and proves to me just how well it works.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Dakota
My case is coming to an end here in New Orleans, and the decision to return to Miami or stay here is weighing heavily on me. I don’t want to go back without Lisa, but it isn’t fair to drag her into the mess I left there.
The last few months seem to have gone by at warp speed. We’ve had our speed bumps . . . mainly her lying to me. That party pissed me off. I never gave her the impression she couldn’t open up to me. I sip my beer and think about how far we’ve come.
Leaving that night I was pissed. Part of me wanted to say fuck it, and the other part wanted her to have a reason. A valid one. I waited at my apartment until I heard her coming and threw the door open, ready for a confrontation.
“Dakota, do you want me to explain or do you just want an excuse?”
“An excuse for what?”
“To end this . . . whatever it is.”
I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Hearing the words and realizing she believed them shocked me. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, but since those words were spoken out loud, I knew it wasn’t that. I didn’t want an ending with Lisa. We sure have muddled things up. “No,” I manage on exhale.
“Then we can talk. You can listen to my excuse and voice your opinion. We can be grown up and build a foundation, or we can throw in the towel now.”
My body immediately relaxed, wanting to welcome her. I opened my door wider, and my eyes tracked every movement she made into my apartment. She had a death grip on her purse, clutching it to her like a shield. She scanned every nook and cranny of my apartment, even though she’s been in here plenty of times. “Relax, Lisa. I’m sorry for coming off like a jackass.” Her anxiety was washing off her in spades. I mentally berated myself for scaring her.
“I don’t know where to start.”
“Why’d you lie?”
She opened her mouth, closed it, and opened it again. She tossed her head back and exhaled. “When I met you in the lobby that day, I had no clue who you were. I didn’t for a few weeks until our first official date. By then you had seen me at my worst, and I wanted to show you my best.”
“Worst?”
“Clumsy, mortified, mute, mouthy, rude . . .”
“I saw all those things and still wanted more. Why couldn’t you tell me?”
“I was afraid if you found out who my father was, you’d end this before it started. I was selfish. I was drawn to you and wanted a chance. I didn’t understand what you saw in me, I’d made a fool of myself more times than I could count, but you still were interested.”
“You should have told me. Given me the choice.”
“I know that. I just wanted to be your choice.”
“You are.”
“But would I have been then?” I mull it over. There isn’t a rule saying I couldn’t date her, it just makes it awkward. I think of never experiencing her quirks, laughing with her, holding her, falling for her.
“I can say you would have been. These months have meant more than you know. I can’t deal with lies, and I don’t like you just running from me when things aren’t what you like. You never gave me the chance to discuss the Bianca situation, you didn’t listen to what I was saying, drew your own conclusions, and left. Taking my choice from me again.”
Her eyes are downcast, shame tinting her cheeks. “This is new for me. I’m second guessing everything I do and say.”
“Don’t. Just be you. I fell for the goofy, clumsy girl I knocked over in the lobby. She’s what I dream of, she’s what I want after a long day . . . she may be my future.”
Tears brim her eyes, and a few fall over. I reach and pull her to me, comforting her, allowing her to sink in and absorb my strength. “I’m sorry, Dakota.”
“I know. You don’t have a malicious bone in your body, but you have to work with me if you want us to have that future.” Her nod against my chest is the only reassurance I need.
She pulls back and goes to the couch. “Can we have
a do-over of the other night?"
“No.”
“Well obviously I want to be mature enough to stay . . .create a different ending.”
“Are you sure you want to do this tonight?”
“I think we have to.” I settle next to her. “Now, I know what you did, and I don’t agree with any of it, but it’s not up to me to forgive you. I wasn’t involved in that. Like I said the other night, love can be powerful, overcome things you wouldn’t imagine. If you had her in front of you, what would happen?”
Bellissimo Rilascio (Beautiful Release): The Family Series #3 Page 13