Her Heart's Bargain

by Cheryl Harper

  Ash’s rough laugh made it easier to relax. “You should have ridden with Winter. I bet she has plenty to say. Questions, anyway.”

  “I didn’t have to ride with either of you, but you insisted.” And she was still irritated about it.

  Ash held up a hand. “I don’t like the idea of you driving after dark.”

  Since the comment echoed her own thoughts about him a short while ago, Macy took a deep breath and tried to understand. “Except my car is still at the ranger station. You’ll drive me back to it and I’ll... What? Sleep in the station until the sun comes up?” Macy crossed her arms over her chest, still irritated but curious to see how this played out.

  If she’d been able to see his face, Macy was certain she’d see the expression he always wore when he was corralling his patience to answer calmly. Even in the dark, she could almost hear his thinking.

  “I’ll follow you back home to make sure you’re safe.”

  Macy pursed her lips as she considered pointing out the poor logic behind his plan. He could have done that with this trip. Instead, he was going to make two trips, one with her and one following her. Did he not see that?

  “I wanted to talk to you. Just you,” Ash said quietly. “This was the best way to have some time, just the two of us.”

  The heated wave started somewhere in her midsection and landed in her cheeks. Pleased that he thought of her as...

  Unsure how to fill in the blank, Macy bit back a smile and tried to wait patiently for him to continue.

  But silence filled the space again. Macy wasn’t sure how long she could give him to get on with the show.

  Finally, exasperated, she asked, “Well, then please talk already.”

  If she’d been thankful for the dark before, now she wanted bright sunlight. Most of what Ash said had to be deciphered through the emotions that showed on his face. By the light of the dashboard, Macy thought the muscle in his jaw was twitching. Twitching, that couldn’t be good.

  “Leland won’t be the guy taking photos with kids at our open house, that’s for sure.” Ash’s voice was tight. Macy wasn’t sure she’d ever heard that before. His answer also had nothing to do with what she’d asked. Did it? “I have the okay to hire a new educational director. I never got a chance to get the okay to find the fire chief an administrator, but I’m going to do that, too. What can the guy do if he doesn’t agree? Fire me?”

  Was that squeak the leather of the steering wheel creaking? Macy pinched pleats in her pants as she decoded his answer. “That’s what you were hoping for. Both things are good news, right?”

  Ash’s grunt was not an answer. He usually did that when he didn’t want to reply.

  “I’m guessing you approved what McKesson and the firefighters have put together for the photo booth at the open house. I knew it would be good.” When Ash didn’t say anything, Macy added, “No, don’t tell me about it. I want to be surprised.” Rolling her eyes helped nothing but it made her marginally happier. Macy wasn’t concerned at all about whatever the fire house came up with, but she wanted to keep the conversation going. Anything would be better than letting the question she most wanted to ask escape.

  So, what do you think about all this relationship speculation? You and me? The two of us? She’d try a carefree laugh which would strangle her and he’d have to perform CPR.

  It would be one way of breaking the ice.

  “They suggested the chief ranger take center stage, but I made that decision for him. Never asked. We only talked about the education program.” Ash’s voice was rough when he added, “And the lodge project some more.”

  “How did that go?” Macy asked as she leaned closer. This was the source of the whole change of atmosphere between them. She was certain of it.

  “Let’s talk about the chief ranger with Winter. I need everyone on board, but we’re going to have to...possibly...”

  Macy inched closer to him, one arm on the console between them, ready for whatever he was struggling with.

  “Either way this turns out, I’m probably going to lose my job.” Ash glanced at her before returning his eyes to the twisting road ahead of them. “Since that’s the case, I’ve got nothing to lose. I might as well try to save The Aerie. Stopping the Callaways from building there is the only thing that would make all this worthwhile.”

  Caught off guard at how certain Ash seemed that he was on the way out, Macy had to catch her breath. All week, she’d tried to convince herself that this was going to blow over.

  Ash had just calmly stated that nothing was going to return to normal. Ever.

  “I want to talk to Winter about it first,” Ash said, “but Hall still believes I’ve stirred up the bad press. He won’t be able to save me, anyway, not if the Callaways want me out.”

  Macy licked her lips, desperate to find some positive encouragement that might convince Ash there was another choice. “What if we could find the person who did talk to the governor? The Callaways would be forced to leave you alone if you were cleared of suspicion.” But how?

  “For a time, maybe.” Ash was so quiet in the close quarters of the front seat. “I don’t think they’ll forget this. Publicly challenging the Callaways is going to mean damage to careers. Mine. Winter’s.” He cleared his throat. “That’s why I need Winter in this discussion.”

  Macy cleared her throat. “She’s pretty amazing. Scary, but amazing.”

  The Kingfishers were both impressive. No matter what happened around him, Ash was the same. Steady. Solid. She respected that.

  “Do you have a plan?” Macy asked. Day to day, she was the plotter; he was more about direction.

  “Nope,” Ash said with a sigh, “but I’ve gathered the greatest minds I know. You, Winter, my parents. We’ll come up with one and then...we’ll see.”

  “It figures that the first time you acknowledge my superior planning skills could be what leads to my swan song, Ash Kingfisher,” Macy said, determined to set them both on the right foot and reassure herself that she did have something to contribute, “but you’ve come to the right place. I managed to get elected homecoming queen of my high school by polling groups and negotiating concessions from the administration. If I can unite Myrtle Bend High School in the pursuit of a second soda machine and chocolate chip cookies in the cafeteria—things that cost a pretty penny, I tell you—in order to subvert a popularity contest, I can manage bad press, greedy politicians and a bad-tempered boss.”

  When he didn’t laugh, Macy wondered if she’d gone too far in the pursuit of tough-minded talk like her grandmother would have used on Macy.

  Then Ash offered her his right hand.

  Half a second after she slipped her left hand in and gave it a squeeze, Macy realized he’d meant it as a handshake and she’d turned it into something else, something more.

  First, she froze; then she tried to yank her hand back, but Ash tightened his grip and then rested his arm on the console between them, their fingers tangled together in a connection that shifted her whole world sideways.

  “Homecoming queen? I never would have guessed. You’re so...” Ash trailed off but there was no way Macy was going to let him leave that sentence unfinished. “Practical.”

  Macy stared hard at their hands for a second, the green light from the dashboard doing very little to clarify what it was about. “What if I told you that both my grandmother and the meanest girl in Myrtle Bend High School told me I couldn’t do it?” She memorized how her fingers were linked with his, determined to analyze it. Later. When she was alone again. This connection was rare. Special. “That’s all it takes, one person to say I can’t.”

  His soft exhalation was some version of a laugh. Macy squeezed his hand. They could be the only two people in the world.

  How sweet would that be, the two of them to... Do what exactly? Everyone else seemed to think they had couple potential. Ash was holdi
ng her hand. Did he think so, too?

  “Macy,” Ash said as he turned his head, “stop thinking so hard. This is enough for right now.” His fingers tightened on hers and it was impossible to imagine pulling away from him at that point. “For ten minutes, hold my hand and be with me.”

  Getting her tongue to make conversation was nearly as difficult, so she shifted in her seat and did her best to remember how the butterflies in her stomach had transformed into something else, something more like the connection she’d always wanted and never found. Ash was one of the few people she trusted and even fewer that she depended on.

  If their relationship changed, what would happen to that? What she loved was the safety she’d found in Ash’s friendship.

  When his fingers shifted and the warmth spread, Macy realized it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. The future would be what it would be. Her grandmother had told her that a thousand times whenever she’d fretted over this thing or that. The future would take care of itself, and no matter what happened, worrying over it wouldn’t change a thing.

  Besides all that, Ash Kingfisher was the kind of man that a woman took risks for. She’d never have to worry about him changing his mind or losing his way. Ash was kind, strong; a smart woman wouldn’t toss away a chance for a relationship with him. The future would be whatever it would be.

  “Tell me about your parents.” Macy heard the roughness in her voice and knew she had to get herself back under control. Ash needed that control. “If I’d known I was meeting them, I might have...” What? Dressed differently? Like a woman Ash would date? How did she dress, that saint Macy hadn’t even been able to imagine?

  “I can’t explain my parents.” Ash squeezed her hand. “They’ll love you. They love everyone. I’ve been thinking about introducing you to my mother all day long, just to watch your reaction. I doubt you’ve ever met anyone like her, but she’s going to love you. That I’m sure of. You can’t prepare in advance. Just be with me right now. I know that doesn’t work for you because you organize your shoes by mileage or whatever, but I like this.” He squeezed her hand.

  Macy absorbed the shock that he’d considered introducing her to his parents as a good thing, something to look forward to. It was sweet, a compliment like she’d never received before, and the little girl who’d been abandoned by her own parents had spent some time imagining what it might be like to find a new, loving family.

  Ash and his sister were tight.

  At the first sign of trouble, Ash called on his family for help. And he wanted to bring her into that circle.

  Macy struggled to regulate her racing heart.

  Say something funny. Don’t make this bigger than it is.

  “I only organize shoes by color. Now, my sock drawer is arranged by age and I rotate them exactly through the laundry to make sure they all wear evenly. Anything else is ludicrous.” Macy sighed. “I’m nervous. I don’t like change, Ash. That’s what makes me, me.”

  “No, what makes you, you is so much more than that. I need you to be planning, but right now, I need this.” He shifted their hands. “Except...” He started untangling their fingers, but Macy refused to let go. “I realize how that sounds. I’m sorry. You’re an employee of the Reserve. I would never want to make you uncomfortable by making advances that you could feel you have no power to reject or to make you fear for your job. You don’t have to help me. You don’t have to hold my hand.” He blew out a frustrated breath. “I’m so focused on what I need. I’m sorry, Macy. Let me call Winter and tell her I’ll be late. I’ll take you back to your car. You deserve time to think about this, whether you want to get any more involved. We’re alike in that way. I should know better. What is wrong with me?”

  Macy knew her mouth was hanging open. When he applied the brakes to slow the SUV down and put on his turn signal, she snapped out of it. “Ash, do not stop or turn around. I want to go to dinner. I want to meet your mother. I want to be included. You know I can’t stand to be left out of things.” She giggled. For the first time in a week, it was impossible to contain the laughter and it felt good. “That’s the longest string of words I’ve ever heard you put together. All of it nonsense, but it was truly amazing to see that you can speak in paragraphs. I mean, long sentences are rare enough but that was a full paragraph.”

  When he didn’t answer, Macy squeezed his fingers. Holding Ash Kingfisher’s hand in the dark night could become a habit if she let it.

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to take you back to your car?” Ash asked quietly. “There’s a good spot to pull off coming up.”

  Thankful for the darkness now, Macy said, “Of course not.” She stared straight ahead. “You don’t scare me, Ash Kingfisher, not that you’d ever try. We both know I could find another job. If there was something—” she motioned between them because she couldn’t put it into words “—between us, I’d only be worried about what happened if it didn’t work, not that you coerced me into anything. You’re awesome, Ash. I am, too. Maybe...” She drew the word out as she tried to decide how brave she was. “I don’t know how to fill that in. I want to work at the ranger station. If something between us makes that too weird...” Macy shrugged. I want to hold your hand, too.

  After a long beat, Ash grunted. “Maybe we leave the question hanging for now.” It was hard to read how he felt about his suggestion, but he didn’t sound content. That was nice. She wasn’t content with it, either.

  “Otter Lake is my home, too. And I need it. Let’s settle this lodge question first. Then we can talk about what happens next. For now, I need the ranger station.” And you. The words were right there, trembling to escape but she bit them back. “I can’t imagine the place without you, so I’ll do whatever you need. You might not know it, but that’s the kind of friend I can be.”

  Macy let go of his hand to tangle her fingers together in her lap and ignored the fact that it was a lot less satisfying than Ash’s warmth.

  “Friends.” Ash was silent long enough that she was almost sure that it was his last word on the subject. “That’s what we are.”

  Macy couldn’t tell if he meant it as a question or something else.

  “Friends,” she said, “who snap at each other over empty coffeepots and late reports. I mean, those exist, right?” Ash had been the fourth ranger she’d worked for and the only one that stuck. Not that he needed to know that. If he understood how rare it was for her to get along with a boss, he might be harder to handle. Right now, he thought he needed her and she wanted to keep it that way.

  The lights of Sweetwater were at first a faint glow, but Macy was glad to see the town in the distance. As soon as she knew Ash’s plan, she could figure out how to improve it, ensure its success.

  Then life would go back to being comfortable, with nothing out of the ordinary.

  No one asking her whether she and Ash were dating.

  Winter would return to a mysterious godlike creature on stilettos instead of a woman on the verge of a nervous breakdown, thanks to work and a man who might be a ruthless politician but was certainly a bad fiancé.

  And there would be no more holding Ash’s hand.

  It would be up to her to ask the questions and to reach across the space between them.

  Could she do that?

  The click of the turn signal drew Macy’s attention back to the road in front of her. She wasn’t certain what she’d expected of Ash Kingfisher’s mother and father, but this fairy-tale older suburban street filled with holiday inflatables and a million lights in all the colors wasn’t it.

  “Whoa,” Macy whispered, already in love with the Kingfishers because they lived on the prettiest street in the world.

  “Yeah, the neighbors take their decorating seriously.” Ash parked behind Winter in a long, narrow driveway. It was lit on both sides by lampposts wrapped in twinkling white lights. “And my father can’t stand to lose a competition. Any
competition.” Ash wrapped his hand over her arm to stop her from throwing open the door. “If he sees me let you open your own door, we’ll waste the first fifteen minutes of the meal on a lecture about the proper way to treat a lady.” As he opened the door, the interior light showed his completely serious expression. “Just let me open your door.”

  Macy squirmed in the seat, uncomfortable with the experience. It made no sense. It was the kind of gesture a man might make to a woman he was dating. Maybe. Did any men do that anymore? Before she could decide, Ash had her door open. Macy wasn’t sure what kind of expression was on her face, but it was enough to provoke a genuine laugh.

  “Sometimes, you have to go along to get along, Macy.” Ash closed the door and met Winter on the driveway.

  “I’ll follow your lead, big brother,” Winter said and motioned him forward. She fell into step behind Macy, but it was easy to hear her say, “Meeting the parents. That’s a big step, Macy.”

  Amazed to hear such a bratty, little-sister tone from cool Winter, Macy turned her head to glare over her shoulder. She didn’t want to be teased about this—the one thing she’d discovered she wanted and couldn’t have. Macy missed Ash’s sudden stop. They made a three-person pileup, Macy grunting as she smooshed her face against Ash’s back and again when Winter did the same to her, just as Ash’s father opened the door. He was as tall as Ash, but salt-and-pepper hair was cut into a neat style. He wore a plaid button-down, making Macy wonder how Ash dressed in his off-hours. He’d helped her move once. After work. So he’d still been wearing his uniform.

  “Well, now...” Ash’s father frowned down at them. “I don’t recall ordering any stooges. Donna, did you order holiday stooges?” Then his wide grin lit his whole face and he yanked Ash into his arms. “Never mind. A good stooge is something a man never turns down.”

  Macy was rubbing her chin, when Ash’s father wrapped his arms tightly around her. “We’ve not been introduced. Martin Kingfisher. Father of these two, proudest father you ever met. And you are Macy Gentry, the woman who runs the Otter Lake Ranger Station.”