“Come with me,” she had said. Abuelita took Val’s five-year-old hand and brought her into her bedroom, to the little table that held her shrine to the Virgin Mary. On the edge of the table were what looked like several little lumps of wood.
“Look closely, my granddaughter. What do you see?”
Val picked up a piece of wood and studied it, then laughed in delight. “It’s a tiny burro, Abuelita.” She looked at the others—people in robes, other animals, an angel, and a baby. “Where did they come from?”
“My papa, he made them for me long ago. It is the nativity, the birth of Jesus. This, Valerie, this is Navidad. No toys or presents, but this. It is love that makes us happy, not the things. Remember.”
And Val had remembered, during the years that her mother gave them a used toy from Goodwill, or shot up their Christmas money, or told them that Santa wasn’t coming because they’d been bad. Christmas had been sitting with Abuelita and feeling her love.
Val looked in her cart, at the soccer ball and toy truck, the doll and art set, the new clothes and books, and she stepped out of line. Pushing her cart back to the seasonal section of the store, she searched the holiday decorations until she found what she was looking for. The little white ceramic nativity set was perfect. She would set it up in the kids’ bedroom, and tell them all about the first Christmas…and what was truly important.
* * *
Today would be Val’s first time going to court, and she was nervous. The kids’ mom had been sentenced to three years in state prison, so today’s permanency hearing was going to be critical. Paige had already told her that the biological fathers were not being considered as guardians, as one was in jail and the other had signed away his rights years before. But there was the matter of another relative that was still up in the air.
Val’s stomach was in knots. Just this morning, Lily had told Val she loved her as she headed off to school, and Ian’s sweet hugs made her day. She wanted these kids, and the uncertainty was eating her up.
“Where are you headed?” the deputy asked as Val put her keys and wallet in the bin at the security checkpoint.
“Family court.” Val walked through the scanner, retrieved her items, and headed up the stairs of the old courthouse.
Paige was in the hallway outside the courtroom, talking to an older man in a suit. Val checked in with another deputy at the desk, then walked toward them.
Paige saw her and waved her over with a smile.
“Hi, Val. This is Jim McCrea, our attorney. Jim, meet Valerie Cruz, the foster parent in the case we were discussing.”
“Ms. Cruz,” he said, shaking her hand. Just then, the courtroom door opened, and the bailiff called them in.
The butterflies in Val’s stomach flew around faster when she saw the bio mom, Kayla, sitting at a table wearing the county jail’s orange and white striped jumpsuit. She turned around as Val was taking a seat and stared at her. Val could see the exact moment that recognition dawned, when Kayla’s expression changed from disinterest to something so venomous that Val felt the chill. She looked away, shaken, wishing the floor would swallow her up. Anxiety was joined by irritation when she looked to her right and saw Lisa the Lawyer. Val’s hands and teeth clenched in tandem—she had to close her eyes and will herself to breathe.
“All rise,” the bailiff intoned. “The Honorable Judge Roy Foster presiding.”
* * *
Paige hadn’t prepped Val ahead of time about today’s hearing, and the look of trepidation on Val’s face made Paige want to kick herself. She tried to focus as Jim McCrea outlined the case for the judge.
“Your Honor, Ms. Smith has been sentenced to three years on her DUI charge and violation of Leandra’s Law, due to prior convictions for drug possession and prostitution. Due to the length of her sentence, custody of the minor children will need to be transferred. Ms. Smith informed the county that her aunt, Mrs. Sheryl Watkins of Rochester, New York, could be a potential placement for the children. We received word just this morning that Mrs. Watkins is willing to assume guardianship.”
Paige heard an audible gasp behind her and turned. A succession of emotions, from shock to despair, showed on Val’s face, and Paige felt a stab of guilt. She had told Val that she was required to seek out any known relatives, who would have rights of custody until and unless the children were in foster care for a year. They had only been with Val four months—she was going to lose the kids, and Paige felt responsible.
“Ms. Wellington,” Judge Foster said, pulling Paige’s attention back where it belonged, “what is the county’s plan?”
“Your Honor, we will be conducting a background check and home study on Mrs. Watkins. If all is in order, transfer of the children will take place in approximately two to three weeks, and the county will close the case.”
“Very well. Ms. Webster, do you have anything further?”
“Yes, Judge. As the children are unfamiliar with Mrs. Watkins, I am asking that visitation begin immediately.”
Paige glanced back at Val and watched helplessly as she wiped away tear after tear. She looked heartbroken, and Paige knew exactly how she felt. Her own eyes began to burn, and she looked away.
“Ms. Smith, upon the county’s approval, you will hereby relinquish custody of your children to Mrs. Watkins. Do you understand these terms?”
“Yes, sir,” Kayla croaked out, head hanging.
“All right, then. This hearing is adjourned.”
Chapter Seventeen
Val walked quickly out of the courtroom, and Paige followed, desperate to know how Val was doing emotionally. She waited until they were outside before calling out.
“Val, wait.”
Val stopped but didn’t turn. Paige caught up and put her hand on Val’s arm. “Are you okay?”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I thought I could handle this, but…” Val stifled a sob with her hand.
“I’m sorry.” I never wanted to hurt you. Can you ever forgive me?
“Visitation? They don’t even know this woman. What about Christmas? Will they be with me?”
“I’m sure we could arrange that.”
Val wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “This sucks.”
“I know,” Paige replied. “Will you be all right? I have to get back for a meeting, but…”
“I’m fine.” Val looked anything but.
Paige squeezed her arm. “I’ll call you later, okay?” She turned to go.
“Paige?”
“Yes?”
“How do I tell them?” Val’s entire body telegraphed such pain, Paige nearly embraced her right in the middle of the sidewalk. “They’re going to think I’m giving them up.”
“I’ll help, okay? We’ll explain everything so they understand.” Paige gave Val what she hoped was a reassuring smile.
Val nodded. “Okay.” Paige pressed an arm to her roiling stomach as she watched Val slowly walk up the block to her car. She was sick over the whole damn situation, and she figured Val was feeling ten times worse.
And she’d thought this job would be easier to take than child protective. That would be a big fat negative.
* * *
When Paige stepped off the elevator, she nearly ran into Connie.
“Hey, there. How did court go?”
Paige shook her head. “Val didn’t take it well. I’m a little worried about her, actually.”
Connie sighed. “Val is a passionate person. Whatever she feels, she feels deeply. Maybe I’ll go check in on her after work.”
“Would you? I don’t know if she really wants to talk about it with me. I mean, it’s my fault this happened,” Paige said miserably.
“You’ve got to snap out of that mindset right now, Paige. You are doing your job. All we can do is our due diligence to make sure the children will be okay. You’ll never please everybody, so quit blaming yourself. Got it?”
Paige smiled despite herself. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Good. There’s homemade cookies in
the break room. Go eat one—you’ll feel better.”
“Thanks, Connie.”
“You got it, kiddo.”
Paige grabbed a cookie as ordered and went to her desk. She had plenty to do, but she couldn’t get the image of Val’s sad eyes out of her mind. With a sigh, she picked up the phone to call Sheryl Watkins about visitation.
“Mrs. Watkins? This is Paige Wellington from the foster care unit—we spoke this morning…Yes, the hearing is over, and I’ll need to come out soon to conduct your home study. The law guardian for the children would like visitations to begin as soon as you are approved…No, I would transport them to you…Okay, you two discuss it, and I’ll talk to you Monday?…Great, thanks. Good-bye.”
Paige hung up the phone and put her head in her hands as a tear escaped down her cheek. She remembered how gut-wrenching it had been to send Emma off to visitations with strangers. She knew Val loved Lily and Ian and vowed to support her as much as she could. If Val would let her.
* * *
Val jumped at the knock on her door. Her nerves had been shot all day, and she’d even snapped at Ian for forgetting his mittens at school. Now she felt even more terrible, if that was possible. When she opened the door, she was surprised to see her visitor.
“Connie. What are you doing here?”
“Great to see you, too, kiddo. Mind if I come in?”
“Of course not. Sorry.” Val stepped aside, and Connie swept in, bringing a wave of cold air with her. The kids were on the couch watching TV, and they looked up to see who was here.
“Hi, kids,” Connie said as she removed her coat. “What are you watching?”
“The Adventures of Puss in Boots,” Lily announced.
“That’s one crazy cat,” Connie said, and the kids giggled.
Val took Connie’s coat and motioned toward the kitchen. “Let’s go sit in there. Want some tea?”
“I’d love some. It’s freezing outside.”
Val microwaved two mugs of water and set an assortment of tea bags on the table, along with sugar and honey. “So, what’s up?” she said as she sat.
“I heard court was a little rough this morning,” Connie said.
“Paige told you. Yeah, I was upset. Please don’t say I told you so, because I really can’t hear that right now.” Val glanced over at the kids, but they seemed engrossed in their show. “I’m not telling them until after Christmas, okay? It’s only a week away—Paige can wait that long before scheduling visitation, can’t she?”
“Absolutely. Background checks and a home study need to be done first. Val,” Connie said, reaching for her hand, “tell me how you’re feeling about all this.”
“I’m feeling like getting into foster parenting was stupid,” Val replied, her voice low. “I didn’t think about how I’d feel if they…you know,” she said, glancing again at the kids. She pulled her hand away and stirred her tea a little too aggressively.
“You’ve been terrific with these kids, so it was not a stupid choice. Think of how far they’ve come because of you. That little lady didn’t make things easy at first,” Connie said, nodding in Lily’s direction, “but you handled her like a pro.”
“That’s because she reminds me of myself. Our stories are so similar, it’s scary.”
“Then you were exactly what she needed.”
Val swiped at her eyes as Lily came into the kitchen, and she tried to muster a smile. “Is your show over?”
“Yep. Can we get juice boxes?” Lily asked. Then she looked harder at Val, tilting her head. “Why are you crying?”
“Oh, we were just talking about something sad. It’s okay,” Val deflected. “How about you guys go play in your room now, so we can have our grown-up time to talk.”
“Okay,” Lily replied. She turned to leave, then came back and gave Val a hug. “Emma always gives me a hug when I’m sad, to make me feel better.” Then off she went to the fridge to get juice boxes. “Come on, Ian. Let’s go play.”
Val barely held it together until the kids were out of earshot, but then her tears flowed freely. “How the hell am I going to tell them that they have to go live with strangers?”
“You just have to be honest. You tell them that their mom has to go to jail for a while because she made some bad decisions. You reassure them that they’ll be okay, and that the people they’re going to live with are part of their family. It won’t be easy, Val, but you know how resilient kids are. They’ll get through it.”
“Yeah, but will I?” That sense of trepidation she’d always felt when she moved to a new place came rushing back, and Val felt like she was going to be sick. She stared into her tea.
“Yes, because you’ll always know you gave them your best, and that it made them stronger.” Connie tapped her finger firmly on the table. “Valerie, look at me.” After a moment, Val complied and Connie continued, “You have had a huge impact on these children, and they on you. But your job is to help them through this, to be strong for them. You don’t get to fall apart right now.”
Val sat back in her chair and took a deep breath. “I know, Connie. I know.”
Chapter Eighteen
Val trudged through the next day at work like a zombie. She’d barely slept the night before as every what-if imaginable ran through her worried mind. She’d put the kids to bed with two stories and extra hugs and kisses, trying not to let on that a big change was coming for them. When she was alone, though, the reality of the situation was eating her up inside.
Val and the kids had only been home for a few minutes when her phone beeped.
Have you guys eaten yet? read the text from Sasha.
Nope. Why? Val replied.
Bringing pizza. Be there in twenty.
Soon, Sasha and Jen came in bearing hot pizza and some cookies for the kids. Val gave them each a huge hug.
“I love you guys. I can’t believe you drove all the way down here.”
“It’s only an hour. Besides, you never call me at work, so when you did, I figured you were due for some emergency pizza therapy.”
Val laughed. “You are so right.”
“Hey there, kiddos,” Sasha said, giving Lily a hug and Ian an exploding fist bump. The kids had been around Sasha a couple of times before, and they loved her. The thought made Val want to cry. Lately, everything did.
They attacked the food until everyone was stuffed, then Jen took the kids to their room to play Uno so Val and Sasha could talk.
“So,” Sasha said, plopping down on the couch, “fill me in.”
Val sat on the other end of the couch, tucking her legs up underneath her. “I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Tell me about court.”
Val related everything that had happened, including the fact that visitation would start in just a few days, right after Christmas. “I’m running out of time to figure out how to tell them. It’s tearing me up, Sash.”
“Man, this sucks. I don’t know if it’s better to be a little kid or an older one when they move you, but either way, all you can do is tell them the truth.”
“I know. It’s just that I’m worried about their reaction. Ian has finally started talking, even if it’s just a few words here and there, and Lily has been so happy. She loves school and even has a best friend.” Val felt a pang in her chest when she thought of Emma, which of course led to thoughts of Paige. “I’m afraid that this move will set them back.”
“I know these guys are very special to you, Val. Maybe being a foster parent is like dating. The first breakup always seems to hurt the worst, right?”
Val snorted. “Maybe. Connie kept telling us in MAPP class that foster care was usually temporary and not to let ourselves think long term, but it is so hard when you really have a bond with the kids. I’m not gonna lie, Sasha—I love those two, and I want to protect them from the kinds of things you and I went through.”
“You’ve always been very protective of kids, Val, and you’re great with them. But in this situation, you’ve got
to let go, or you’ll drive yourself crazy. I guess you have to trust that the county is doing what’s best.”
“Yeah, well, trust and I haven’t had the best relationship, and you know damn well the county doesn’t always make the right call.”
Sasha nodded, her usual smile gone. “I know that’s true. But God, Val, what choice do you have?”
“None. I get that the goal is to keep families together, but why don’t they realize that blood means nothing if there’s no relationship there? I mean, this Sheryl woman is just as much a stranger to them as some random person on the street. But the kids haven’t been here long enough to give me the right to petition for custody. I can’t do a damn thing about any of this.” Val felt her eyes burn with tears, and she dropped her head into her hands.
“Do you remember Mrs. Daley?” Sasha asked quietly.
Val looked up. “Yeah. Why?”
“We were only with her for five months before we moved to the farm, and I never saw her again. Did you?”
“No.”
“But you know what? I still think about how kind she was, how she used to tell us that we could do and be anything in this life if we just believed in ourselves. In five months, she had a lifelong impact. You get me?”
Val couldn’t hold back her tears. Moments later, she felt Sasha’s arm around her shoulders. She tried to take a deep breath, but to her embarrassment, it came out as a sob.
“Listen to me, chica. What you’ve done for Lily and Ian has made a huge difference. You matter to them, and I bet you always will.”
Val allowed herself to be held while she cried, but after a bit she pulled herself together. “I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea, being a foster parent. Having the kids here, especially Lily, has brought up a lot of stuff that I thought I’d already dealt with.”
Taking Chances Page 10